Professional phagocytes like neutrophils and macrophages tightly control what they eat, how much they eat, and when they move after eating. We show that plasma membrane abundance is a key arbiter of these cellular behaviors. Neutrophils and macrophages lacking the G-protein subunit Gb4 exhibit profound plasma membrane expansion due to enhanced production of sphingolipids. This increased membrane allocation dramatically enhances phagocytosis of bacteria, fungus, apoptotic corpses, and cancer cells. Gb4 deficient neutrophils are also defective in the normal inhibition of migration following cargo uptake. In Gb4 knockout mice, myeloid cells exhibit enhanced phagocytosis of inhaled fungal conidia in the lung but also increased trafficking of engulfed pathogens to other organs. These results reveal an unexpected, biophysical control mechanism lying at the heart of myeloid functional decision-making.