Films that never should have been made.
Mostly sequels, adaptations and plain disasters of movies that put shame to either the original movies, series, material it was based on, the studio or generally the audiences.
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- DirectorAnnabel JankelRocky MortonStarsBob HoskinsJohn LeguizamoDennis HopperTwo Brooklyn plumbers, Mario and Luigi, must travel to another dimension to rescue a princess from the evil dictator King Koopa and stop him from taking over the world.So horribly bad, the Nintendo company only had this to say about the movie: "Yes, it happened. Let us speak no more about it."
- DirectorMichael MannStarsColin FarrellJamie FoxxGong LiBased on the 1980s TV action/drama, this update focuses on vice detectives Crockett and Tubbs as their respective personal and professional lives become dangerously intertwined.The two leads have absolutely no connection between them, moving around like robots. And the film has nothing between the opening and the ending. It just felt really empty.
- DirectorMichael CiminoStarsKris KristoffersonChristopher WalkenJohn HurtDuring the Johnson County War in 1890 Wyoming, a sheriff born into wealth does his best to protect immigrant farmers from rich cattle interests.Notorious for almost sinking a studio after director Michael Cimino spent (a then whopping) 44 million dollars on a film due to his extreme attention to detail and his huge spending on shots and locations. And the film wasn't even that good.
- DirectorJan de BontStarsLiam NeesonCatherine Zeta-JonesOwen WilsonDr Marrow enlists Theo, Luke and Nell for a study of sleep disorders at the Hill House. As soon as the terrifying truth about the mansion is revealed, everyone is found fighting for their lives.An annoying, clichéd, far-fetched and all round terrible re-telling of the Shirley Jackson novel. The only slightly good thing about the film are the Dudleys.
- DirectorLarry LekerPaul SabellaStarsCharlie SheenSheena EastonDom DeLuiseCharlie and Itchy return to Earth to find Gabriel's Horn, but along the way meet up with a young boy named David, who ran away from home.The film makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. There are so many things that contrast what the first movie was about, that it may as well be a different movie. And still, its not a good one.
- DirectorDick SebastStarsPeter MacNicolAndrew DucotePhillip Van DykeThe rats and mice return to Thorn Valley to groom their destined leader, young Timmy Brisby.Probably one of the worst sequels ever made, it turned into a jolly musical with mediocre animation and storytelling, something the original, darker film didn't have.
- DirectorRoger ChristianStarsJohn TravoltaForest WhitakerBarry PepperIt's the year 3000 A.D., and the Earth is lost to the alien race of Psychlos. Humanity is enslaved by these gold-thirsty tyrants, who are unaware that their 'man-animals' are about to ignite the rebellion of a lifetime.This seriously looks like a joke, but it isn't. It's the real thing. A real mess up.
- DirectorRod DanielStarsFrench StewartErick AvariBarbara BabcockAmidst his parents' impending divorce, Kevin McCallister must foil his old nemesis Marv and his wife Vera's plot to kidnap a Crown Prince.The original actor who played Marv, Daniel Stern, passed on the role in this film, calling it an insult and total garbage.
How did this film even come to light anyway? I have seriously never disliked a kid so much. - DirectorHenry SelickStarsBrendan FraserBridget FondaJohn TurturroIn a coma, a cartoonist finds himself trapped within his own underground creation and must find a way to get back, while racing against his popular but treacherous character, Monkeybone.Quirky, weird, and just not really very well made.
- DirectorVondie Curtis-HallStarsMariah CareyEric BenétMax BeesleyA young singer dates a disc jockey who helps her get into the music business, but their relationship become complicated as she ascends to super stardom.It probably came out at the worst time possible, with Carey falling ill due to exhaustion. Even if an unknown actress/singer was on board for the lead, it still wouldn't have been that good.
- DirectorMartin BrestStarsBen AffleckJennifer LopezJustin BarthaLarry Gigli is assigned by a crime boss to kidnap the brother of a prominent district attorney, and a beautiful woman known only as Ricki is sent to stay with him to make sure he doesn't mess up the job.A lot of great actors, a good director, TERRIBLE film. It was so painful to watch, I felt like getting drilled from the inside.
- DirectorPeter HewittStarsBreckin MeyerJennifer Love HewittStephen TobolowskyJon Arbuckle buys a second pet, a dog named Odie. However, Odie is then abducted and it is up to Jon's cat, Garfield, to find and rescue the canine.Garfield talks WAY too much in this movie. If only it had been done another way, it would have been great.
- DirectorJim GoddardStarsSean PennMadonnaPaul FreemanShanghai, 1938: A missionary woman hires a fortune hunter to help her find 1100 lbs. opium lost, as wounded need the morphine. Adventure and romance follows.In short, a total disaster and a good example of one of the many poisons that Madonna and Sean Penn had together as a couple.
- DirectorSean WeathersThree black street thugs sexually assault and torture a white woman who moves into their neighborhood.What the hell is this? A nasty exploitation movie attempting to be a remake of I Spit On Your Grave? A obscenely misogynistic and racist propaganda film? Or just a pile of sh-t? All three and worse I would imagine.
- DirectorRod WeberStarsRobert LoggiaLindsey HaunMartin KoveThree pregnant women are kidnapped by a mysterious figure and imprisoned in an abandoned hospital.A definite propaganda film that's anti women, anti choice, politically incorrect and with religiously fuelled hatred and bleakness. I cannot BELIEVE Robert Loggia and Charles Durning were a part of this.
- DirectorCamillo TetiStarsLisa RussoMark Thompson-AshworthGisella MathewsA Cinderella meets her Prince Charming on the ill-fated Titanic. Along for the ride are a rapping dog, other talking animals, and an assortment of wacky humans.Ok you just have to read the reviews to get the picture.
If someone had played a drinking game by taking a drink whenever they found something wrong with the film, they would be passed out after the first 5 minutes. - DirectorRichard BenjaminStarsLisa KudrowDamon WayansRichard BenjaminA Jewish-American Princess is forced to take control of a hard-core hip-hop record label and tries to rein the one of the label's most controversial rappers.Defo one of the worst screenplays ever written. And such a grand waste of talent.
- DirectorWill GluckStarsJames CordenFayssal BazziDomhnall GleesonA rabbit sneaks into a garden to steal food, and they get a new challenge with a new owner.Why would you even call this film Peter Rabbit? It takes all the charm, intelligence and beauty the orignal stories had and replaced it with annoying characters, Looney Toon violence and sexual innuendos. If Beatrix Potter could see this, she 'd be spinning in her grave.
- DirectorDan MazerStarsRobert De NiroZac EfronZoey DeutchRight before his wedding, an uptight corporate lawyer is tricked into driving his grandfather, a lecherous former Army Lieutenant Colonel, to Florida for Spring Break.Quite possibly one of the worst, most horrible things I've ever had the misfortune of witnessing. I could only make it for over 40 minutes and I had to switch off. It's made even worse by the fact that Robert De Niro is in it.
- DirectorRon UnderwoodStarsUsherChazz PalminteriEmmanuelle ChriquiA successful DJ manages to rescue a powerful mobster one night. In order to repay him, the mobster gives him the task of protecting his daughter.When the only slightly funniest thing in the movie is a fart joke, you know that it's a complete disaster.
- DirectorTom HooperStarsJames CordenJudi DenchJason DeruloA tribe of cats called the Jellicles must decide yearly which one will ascend to the Heaviside Layer and come back to a new Jellicle life.There could have been an animated movie, a live action film with people in leotards or better yet just left as the stage play in its truest form. But this version of the musical cats with the weird CGI fur on the actors was the worst idea ever.
- DirectorSiaStarsKate HudsonLeslie Odom Jr.Maddie ZieglerZu is newly sober when she receives news that she is to become the sole guardian of her half-sister named Music, a young girl on the autism spectrum. The film explores two of Sia's favorite themes: finding your voice and creating family.Someone actually made a Simple Jack movie - and it's an absolute cringe fest of the highest proportions.
- DirectorSteve BinderDavid AcombaStarsMickey MortonPatty MaloneyPaul GaleChewbacca and Han Solo try to get to the Wookiee homeworld of Kashyyyk to celebrate Life Day, but are impeded by an Imperial blockade. Chewie's family passes the time with various forms of entertainment.It's still a complete mystery as to why this film got made, what the hell people were thinking and why did the actors agree to star in this insane atrocity. So much so, that they made a documentary out of it. Baffling.
- DirectorAndrew DominikStarsAna de ArmasLily FisherJulianne NicholsonThe story of American actress Marilyn Monroe, covering her love and professional lives.This is an extremely flawed film based on an already flawed novel. I didn't think that such a misogynistic, exploitative film would ever get such high praise and be nominated at the academy awards. Although Ana De Armas is a really good actress, this version of Marilyn Monroe is grossly false in comparison to her real life counterpart and serves to only further portray the troubled starlet as nothing more than a shrieking victim.
- DirectorNiki CaroStarsLiu YifeiDonnie YenGong LiTo keep her ailing father from serving in the Imperial Army, a fearless young woman disguises herself as a man and battles northern invaders in China.Changed everything that was good about the original with bad writing, bland acting, questionable filming locations and no songs. This was probably the most disappointing Disney live action remake.