Reviews

Thoughts after first two episodes:

I'm the guy who's been defending the MCU from all the hate. I'm the one amongst my group of (former MCU fan) friends who keeps telling them they're being unreasonable. That not everything has to be amazing. That it's okay to have a few misses here and there. That they still regularly put out high quality content. That even the bad ones aren't horrible.

And then there's Agatha All Along. A show I was immediately interested in because of my high view of Kathryn Hahn as an actress and my like for the character from Wandavision. But wow. Not only is it bad, I have literally zero interest in continuing. All I kept thinking is, "Who in their right mind thought people would want to watch this? Who thought this was good enough?"

I need to reiterate, this is coming from someone who automatically watches everything the MCU puts out. If you've lost me, you have a problem.

Thoughts after episodes 3 and 4:

I am in complete shock and awe at how terrible this is. I never imagined how much worse it could get. This is objectively bad. It's so predictable. The jokes make me cringe. And I spend large portions of the episodes with my jaw dropped and eyes wide. I honestly can't believe it.

Even worse, every problem introduced and every solution to those problems is simply "magic." It's zero clever and feels made up on the spot. Makes it impossible to get even a tiny bit invested.

I thought about cancelling my tickets for this, the day after watching what turned out to be one of my all-time favorite movies in The Substance (10 stars). I'm still reeling from that experience and figured I'd need a few days to cleanse my pallet back to average movie expectations. But it turns out this is pretty awesome too.

I went in knowing zero about the movie and was treated to a pretty interesting premise and execution. Halle Berry gives a great performance, as do both of the child actors, especially the one playing Nolan.

I spent most of the runtime feeling so conflicted about each of the three characters. The movie toys with you, keeping you guessing and wondering. There are some good horror moments and effective jump scares. And every time I felt like, "It's good, not great," it would hit me with a powerful scene that made me think, "No, it's great."

Overall I think most horror fans will have a good time with this one.

(1 viewing, opening Thursday 9/19/2024)

And I've seen thousands. I estimate about 5k movies in my 39 years on this earth. I can't remember one ever hitting me this hard. I was sweating when it finished, even in a cool auditorium. Words to describe how I feel (until now, a full hour after): shocked, floored, stuck, traumatized (in a good way?). This movie affected me. It destroyed me.

As soon as the credits rolled, everyone in the theater started talking to each other, saying things like wow, omg, wth, BRO, while laughing in shock. These are random people I don't know. We continued to discuss it afterwards. That's never happened to me before.

Don't watch this movie if the following apply to you: You are squeamish, sensitive, or easily triggered. You don't know what body horror is. You're not familiar with dark comedies. You close your eyes at scary parts. You are looking for a date movie.

If the following apply to you, go see this now, without watching a trailer or reading what it's about: You are fully desensitized. You're annoyed with all the neutered PG-13 movies. You even think modern R-rated movies are too mild and don't go all out. You feel like movies are all the same or fail to stand out.

The acting is great, with Demi Moore possibly giving her best performance. All technical aspects are pristine, with the sound design/mixing standing out the most. If the director wants you to hear someone chewing obnoxiously, it will sound like the mic is in his mouth. Like the rest of the movie, everything is in your face in an intentionally off-putting way.

About halfway through, I was really enjoying it, but I was worried that it would go the way of many other style-over-substance movies. They rarely land for me because I need more than metaphors and deeper meanings. The Substance has those things, but still comes through with one of the most satisfying third acts I can think of.

I rarely ever give 10 star ratings (excluding comedies, 13 ever). And rewatchability plays a big factor. I don't care. Even if I only watch this a couple more times, I will NEVER forget this experience, or the images that are seared into my brain forever.

(1 viewing, early access screening 9/18/2024)

For reference, I love the original Transformers movie trilogy and dislike everything after. Until Rise of the Beasts, which is beastly. I was fully receptive to the idea of an animated Transformers movie, especially after the successes of Spider-verse and Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem.

The best aspect of Transformers One is the visuals. Everything is beautiful. I was in awe of the artwork in some of these scenes. I think every Transformers fan will find enjoyment from this aspect.

The action is solid but doesn't elevate the movie. None stand out or gave me goosebumps. And at times it's messy and choppy.

But by far the worst aspect of this movie for me is the comedy. Comedy is fully subjective, so this likely won't apply to everyone. But I laughed zero times. Zero. In many moments, it's so bad it made me cringe. Dad jokes and stuff that children would find funny.

You could say this movie is not for me as an adult. But the examples I mentioned above clearly show that I can enjoy a PG animated movie. It just has to be better. My hopes now shift back to the Rise of the Beasts sequel.

(1 viewing, early access screening UltraScreen 9/18/2024)

No I'm not talking about McAvoy, but we'll get to that.

First act: The setup is masterful. Nothing big happens this entire act, yet I found myself smiling and intrigued. It's a perfect example of how you can still create intrigue without needing action, or even worse, without having an opening scene that spoils what happens later in the movie.

Second act: Okay, now the lack of anything big happening is becoming a detriment. We should be seeing some escalation, but it just feels like a lot more setup.

Third act: Escalation finally arrives, but not enough. The potential doesn't reach the heights to make it memorable. And there are a couple of idiotic character decision. One almost made me facepalm in the theater.

As for the husband played by Scoot McNairy, I'm not sure if I've ever seen a lamer husband in my life. I know it was intentional and it didn't hurt my enjoyment, but all I kept thinking is, "Man up, you little...."

Overall, this was a mildly enjoyable, single-viewing type of movie. The reason I feel disappointed is because it could have been awesome if they "went for it" more. But McAvoy is a beast.

(1 viewing, opening night 9/12/2024)

I saw Slingshot early as part of AMC's Screen Unseen. As a self-proclaimed sci-fi junkie, I approved of the selection. Knowing zero about the movie beforehand made the experience even better. Everything was set up for success.

Yet success was not achieved. And it's pretty clear why. There isn't nearly enough substance for a full length movie. Very little happens, making the viewing experience fairly boring. I watched the trailer afterwards and it's more exciting than anything in the movie.

The best part is the cast with good performances all around. And there are some interesting story elements that come into play late. But by that point I was mostly checked out.

If you feel underwhelmed like I did, try Sunshine (2007) for a significantly better experience. More exciting and a cast that dwarfs that of Slingshot.

(1 viewing, early screening AMC Screen Unseen 8/26/2024)

I was excited to watch a new original movie I knew nothing about, going in without watching a trailer. Overall, it's a mostly a solid movie, but never reaches the highs it could have. It doesn't seem to maximize the potential created by the setup. This could be for a few reasons.

It starts with an interesting premise that had me mildly intrigued. We get to the island quickly, but we sort of meander in the island party life for far too long. We know something fishy is going on, but the plot does not progress. It's almost a full hour into the movie before anything big happens.

I found myself getting impatient, and that's without watching the trailer. Now after seeing the trailer (which gives away SO much), it was likely significantly worse for anyone who watched it beforehand. They already knew what was coming and had to wait the majority of the runtime for it to get to that point.

By comparison, Midsommar is a full hour longer (Director's cut is double the runtime of Blink Twice). And it also has a scene of them enjoying some drugs, which is much funnier. Yet it has several creepy scenes building tension, even in the first 30 minutes. That's how you keep your audience invested and in suspense, even for a 3-hour movie.

Another reason I feel like this misses is the dark comedy aspect. I LOVE dark comedies (Beau is Afraid omg). But I only laughed a few times in Blink Twice, and it wasn't for lack of trying. Several other attempts fall flat.

I think Zoe Kravitz is a highly talented actress. I'm also basically in love with her and watch most movies she's in. But directing is a vastly different skill set, as is writing. It probably wasn't wise to take on both in her directorial debut. It's solid for a first effort, and she may have a future in this field. But it does feel off in many ways, which made sense when I found out it was a directorial debut.

But why not focus on acting? She should be getting major lead roles in top-quality movies with elite directors. Very few actors stay relevant in their older years. That's when you can write and direct. And in the meantime, continue gaining valuable experience while maximizing your time as a star actress.

One other note that has zero bearing on my rating. Was anyone else distracted by the lead actress's teeth gap? I couldn't stop looking at it, lol.

I can see some people liking this. But I think most will find it underwhelming.

(1 viewing, opening Thursday 8/22/2024)

For reference, I have never seen any movie from The Crow franchise. I didn't watch the trailer for this new one, and didn't know what it's about. This is the opinion of a movie fiend with a fresh set of eyes.

The movie takes a while to get going. I didn't mind at first because of the sweet love story on display. I don't normally go for romance but it had me invested. But even when the story gets going, it still feels fairly slow. I was still enjoying it, but hoped there would be more.

Luckily the payoff is... what word should I use... yummy. The last third of the movie is awesome and absolutely worth the wait if you are patient. I also enjoyed the music, the dark aesthetics, and the good performances.

I thought of the headline "Goth Deadpool" partway through the movie when I noticed multiple similarities. And as the movie went on, there were several more. I'm not saying this as a negative. I found it amusing.

I had a fun time with this movie. I have no idea if fans of the original will like it. But I think the rest will find it at least mildly enjoyable. And it may not be a bad choice for date night if she doesn't mind darker movies.

(1 viewing, opening Thursday IMAX 8/22/2024)

Wow. What a memorable experience.

Wow. What superb storytelling.

Wow. What amazing performances.

I recommend going in knowing as little as possible, making the ride that much more enjoyable.

I normally roll my eyes when I see a movie uselessly split into chapters. In Strange Darling, the chapters actually serve a purpose. With this nonlinear storytelling, the movie leaves us constantly intrigued. The perfect order maximizes the impact. It gave me Christopher Nolan vibes.

I was already familiar with Kyle Gallner, whose career continues to ascend. He's always convincing and this might be his best performance yet. But Willa Fitzgerald... who is this?!?!? Best performance I've seen all year. She needs more leading roles ASAP. And with several long shots of these performances, it's a beautiful display of their talent levels.

I regularly watch blockbusters and frequently enjoy studio-manufactured movies. But something about Strange Darling is so refreshing. It feels like genuine art, crafted by artists, and unadulterated by studio contaminants.

And yet it doesn't devolve into the typical Oscar-bait, style-over-substance "high art" that critics love. It's highly entertaining and rewatchable with several jaw-dropping moments.

I had a blast with this movie. It's currently my favorite movie of the year and is significantly better than the overhyped Longlegs (a movie I still enjoyed), or the nonsensical Cuckoo.

(2 viewings, early access screening 8/14/2024, 9/4/2024)

Like with most Donnie Yen movies, the fight scenes are beastly. Like seriously awesome. But unfortunately, I could not get into the story even a tiny bit. After 34 minutes, I gave up and skipped around to the rest of the fight scenes.

I'm glad I did, because that final fight... wow. It's amazing. So damn cool. Before that scene, I was thinking 3 out of 10. That fight alone jumped my rating all the way to 5 out of 10!

It's epic without needing to be huge. Just two guys fighting, using various objects, changing their style and technique every few minutes, as if leveling up to the next round.

(1 viewing, 8/21/2024)

I went into Stream without knowing anything about it. Having seen it, I feel like it's a mixed bag, with its strengths being awesome and its weaknesses dragging it down.

Stream falls into a horror subgenre with which I don't have much experience. But it seems like this movie was made for one purpose: carnage candy. It will surely delight fans of exploitation films. My jaw dropped several times at these shocking scenes.

Everything else to do with the horror elements are done well. The masks look great and there are some good jump scares and suspenseful moments. And the music is beastly.

As for the negatives, the best kills happen in the first half. My jaw rarely dropped in the second half. And anything not to do with the horror elements is poor. I try to give a little leeway for such a low budget independent film, especially when it comes to the acting talent available to them. But every conversation is overly long and awkward.

It's like they should cut here, but they continue for an additional 10 or 15 seconds. And this happens 70-80 times, multiple times within the same scene. I was bored and distracted, waiting for something fun to happen.

If that was cleaned up, and a few unnecessary scenes were deleted, Stream could have been a breezy 90-100 minutes. Instead, it's 130 minutes without warranting that runtime.

I had a solid time with this movie, and any fans of this subgenre should check it out. Support independent films.

(1 viewing, opening Wednesday 8/21/2024)

With the latest entry in the Alien franchise, Romulus gives us a nice blend of horror and action. As with the previous two movies (Prometheus and Covenant), the sci-fi aspects are done beautifully. There are so many stunning shots and sci-fi candy. It's visually pleasing.

There are several intense scenes and jaw-dropping moments. It does a good job creatively using the premise to create unique horror/suspense scenarios. And there's a certain design in here that I will never forget. It's visually haunting.

The biggest flaw is the pacing. I also had trouble buying Cailee Spaeny as a leading lady. She looks like a child and doesn't seem to have the screen presence needed to command an audience. And like the previous two movies, the emotional investment is fairly weak. I didn't fully care what happens to the characters.

Even with these flaws, I still found Romulus to be an entertaining movie that scratches the itch of both sci-fi and horror.

P. S. This movie has an expanded aspect ratio for the entire runtime, which is only shown in IMAX.

(1 viewing, opening Thursday IMAX 8/15/2024)

I watched Skincare early as part of AMC's Screen Unseen. I personally have zero background knowledge or interest in skin care aside from moisturizer (with ceramides! Lol). But I was still planning on watching it because I like Elizabeth Banks and enjoy thrillers/mysteries.

Unfortunately, it's one of the most basic thrillers I've seen. And the mystery does not come close to being mysterious. I couldn't believe how predictable it was. Because of this, the movie overall does very little to entertain or intrigue you.

It feels more like a streaming movie than a theatrical one. It even does that thing where the opening shot is a scene from the end of the movie. It spoils where the movie leads without serving any kind of purpose. Movies need to stop with that nonsense.

If you are really into skin care and cosmetics, that might be enough to turn this bland story into something mildly entertaining. For anyone else, this is not worth your time.

(1 viewing, early screening AMC Screen Unseen 8/12/2024)

After a nice little streak with video game movies over the past few years (Mario Bros., Sonic 1/2, Gran Turismo, Twisted Metal), we're back to getting absolute garbage from this genre. I have no background with the Borderlands game, but I love movies, including dumb mindless fun ones.

Unfortunately, Borderlands the movie is devoid of anything of value. The action starts off looking like it might be decent but devolves into unclear action vomit. The numerous comedic attempts all fail miserably. I chuckled twice. A twelve-year-old may find it funny.

There are some really dumb moments, but the movie overall isn't actively terrible. I've seen worse movies, ones where I find entertainment from laughing at how bad they are. But with Borderlands, I was just extremely bored. Not because it's slow, I was bored during actions scenes.

I just didn't care. I found myself slouching in my seat, not wanting to be there at all. I checked the time, thinking it was almost over. But we weren't even an hour in. So I did something I almost never do. I walked out at the 1 hour mark.

This movie will fail. Hard. Do better. And please stop putting talentless Jamie Lee Curtis in movies.

(1 viewing, opening Thursday IMAX 8/8/2024)

Cuckoo is a movie in a genre I love, and in a subgenre I frequently enjoy. I also regularly love complex movies that keep you guessing. I also love really weird movies. To say "this movie is not for me" would be inaccurate. Yet I pretty much hated it.

As the movie went along, I understood less and less. I couldn't fully grasp what was happening. I kept telling myself to be patient, and maybe it will pay off. But nope. There is nothing satisfying if you wait it out. And there are tons of unanswered questions and things that make no sense.

But the biggest failure is the inability to make me care about the characters or story at all. During the climax, I repeatedly thought, "I don't care." I just wanted it to end so I could go home.

There are some creepy moments. I'm a fan of actors Dan Stevens and Jessica Henwick, but they aren't given much to do. And in the end, I had a terrible time with this movie.

(1 viewing, opening night 8/8/2024)

I saw The Instigators early as part of Cinemark's Secret Movie Series. I love the idea of watching a movie without knowing anything about it. Usually all four theater chains (Regal, AMC, Marcus) will play the same mystery movie on the same day. This time it was only showing at Cinemark so I drove 35 minutes to check it out.

I was duped. Instead of watching an upcoming theatrical release, I was given streaming movie. Instead of something like Gran Turismo or Kandahar, I get a movie that will immediately be lost in the vast abyss of streaming movie boredom. It's not in the least bit cinematic and doesn't belong in theaters.

The movie is barely funny. I chuckled a few times. It's not intriguing or investing. The action adds nothing. Most of it feels off. The cast is its best attribute, with the exception of terrible Jack Harlow. But that's the problem. Streaming platforms put most of the budget into the cast to get people to watch. PAY WRITERS!

(1 viewing, Cinemark Secret Movie Series 8/5/2024)

I wasn't feeling this movie early on. It seemed like a throwaway horror flick of streaming movie quality. I started to get impatient, started watching on 2x speed, and almost quit. Then there was some added intrigue so I kept watching, but still at 2x speed. It kept getting better. I finally slowed it down.

Sigh. I messed up big time. I consider this to be one of my biggest movie failures. I'll never get to watch this for the first time again. And I can't even fully rate it correctly. I can't tell if the early part was actually bad or I was just impatient. And the later events may have hit me even harder if I gave it a real chance.

This rating has an asterisk on it. I'll re-rate on rewatch.

(1 viewing, 8/2/2024)

Trap is easily the best M. Night Shyamalan movie in years. At least since Glass. He is back. So is Josh Hartnett. I've always liked him but haven't seen him much since he was a rising star in his younger days.

First off, try to go into this movie knowing as little as possible. I didn't watch any trailers or know what it's about. And it's the perfect kind of movie to experience this way. The level of intrigue was through the roof. And even just discovering the premise was so interesting.

The suspense and tension is turned up to the max. I was constantly at the edge of my seat. And it's surprisingly funny. It felt like a strong 8-star movie. But for me the third act is the weakest. It's not bad, but the suspense/tension level isn't as high.

Even so, I still had an awesome time with this movie and would recommend it to most people.

(1 viewing, opening Thursday 8/1/2024)

Deadpool & Wolverine is a mildly enjoyable mess. To try to understand why, this review will be a comparison between MCU Deadpool and the previous two amazing Fox Deadpool movies.

I expected the biggest difference to be with the violence and vulgarity. Even with an R-rating, I didn't expect Disney to allow it to go all out. Luckily that's not the case. We see violence in abundance, along with crass humor and dirty jokes. The comedy comes closest to its predecessors, cracking me up multiple times. But there are several comedic attempts that don't work.

The biggest difference is the story, or lack of one. It's a huge mess, more like a series of fun skits than a coherent narrative. There are a couple awesome action scenes that stand out amongst some bland ones. And while we do see some characters from the previous ones, they are barely in it, which contributes to it not feeling the same.

While the first two are primarily comedies, when they get serious, you feel it. When they get emotional, you cry. And then with tears still in your eyes, you laugh. The contrast between funny and emotional is masterful. I didn't feel the serious/emotional side nearly as much in this one.

Lastly, while the cameos are fun, they are not likely something that will stand the test of time. I enjoyed them, but they do feel a bit gimmicky. Also, the villain isn't as good.

As a long time MCU fan, I don't think Deadpool saved it.

(1 viewing, opening Thursday UltraScreen 7/25/2024)

Bad Boys: Ride or Die is another fun entry into the series. It's funny with some good action and lots of beautiful shots. Every transition shot is stunning. And it still has the feel of the original two movies.

While I did enjoy this, I think there are a bunch of reasons it doesn't reach the highs of Bad Boys for Life. Everything is a slight step down. The musical score is awesome but not as prominent. While there is one beastly action scene, the rest aren't nearly as memorable.

There are so many subplots with at least three of them being completely unnecessary. Certain story elements are predictable. The villain isn't nearly as good. There are a few dumb character decisions. I even noticed small things like continuity errors and bad ADR. And for the love of God, stop putting DJ Khaled in movies. He can't act.

Even with all those flaws, I still had a pretty good time with this movie and would love another sequel.

(1 viewing, 7/22/2024)

I watched Kneecap early as part of AMC's Screen Unseen. I had never heard of it so it was a fun experience going in completely blind.

Kneecap is a fun movie with likeable characters and some beastly music. As a rap fan, I was impressed with the rhyming as well as the HARD beats. And the movie overall is stylistic in a very cool way.

The themes of this movie stood out the most. It does a great job demonstrating subjects like cultural preservation, historical trauma being engrained in your DNA, and resisting against the control of your colonizer. As a Palestinian, all of these themes hit me hard.

The only downside I have is not being able to understand a lot of the dialogue. This is due to the accents and slang, as well as references to Ireland-specific terms. If you watch this in theaters, you may want to ask for a closed captioning device.

Erin go Bragh (Ireland Forever) and Free Palestine!

(1 viewing, early screening AMC Screen Unseen 7/22/2024)

Twisters is an okay movie. I doubt many people will hate it. Casuals might love it. It has good and bad that averages out to mediocre.

Things I liked: When things get serious, there are some intense action scenes. The CGI isn't noticeable. It has a few funny moments and fun characters.

Also, I heart Daisy Edgar-Jones. This is the third movie where I've loved her performance, along with Fresh and Where the Crawdads Sing. She's not just talented, she's endearing and likeable.

Things I disliked: This movie is highly predictable. They repeatedly telegraph what's to come. For example, someone will say, "See I told you......" It immediately tells us the opposite will happen.

There is frequently a lack of concern or stakes. The characters act like they're at a theme park rather than a highly dangerous situation. And there are a few cringe-y moments.

But the worst thing for me personally is something completely subjective. This movie is LACED with country music. Enough for an entire album. Every time I hear it, I make a face like I smelled bad cheese. And for me, music is so important to the success of a movie.

(1 viewing, early access screening UltraScreen 7/17/2024)

Mona Lisa and the Blood Moon is pretty cool and original movie. I love the premise and the setup. It has a distinct visual style and some interesting music to further differentiate itself.

I enjoyed all of the characters, even the bad ones. It has a good cast giving good performances. Kate Hudson is nearly unrecognizable. And the child actor does a great job playing endearing. I'm normally annoyed by child characters, but he made me root for him.

The reason I didn't rate this higher is because it doesn't seem like it has anywhere to go past the premise and setup. I liked the conclusion but it doesn't feel like it escalates enough through the middle part.

But I think I would watch this a second time and would definitely be interested in a sequel.

(1 viewing, 7/16/2024)

Longlegs is the latest movie in the resurgence of Nicolas Cage. I saw it on opening night without watching a trailer or knowing anything about it other than "new Cage flick." I love watching movies this way, I never know what to expect.

This might be the highest quality of all the recent Cage theatrical movies. The filmmaking is pristine. You can feel a distinct style that makes you feel uneasy throughout. It does a good job of building intrigue and the mystery had me hooked.

Overall, I found the movie to be good for a single viewing. I was a little disappointed there wasn't more, especially during the climax. And the reasoning behind the killings is something I'm generally not a fan of in movies.

I also see this being marketed as the scariest movie of the decade. Maybe for horror novices. There was a lady next to me covering her eyes at so many scenes. But it was just violence. It's not actually scary.

I still had a good time with this movie. I just wish it had a better payoff or better pacing. I enjoyed Massive Talent, Dream Scenario, and Arcadian more.

(1 viewing, opening Thursday 7/11/2024)