I'm gonna go out on a limb and say: you can't do everything. I also recognize that there's a very good chance you are a modern-day superhero and can in fact do everything. If that latter statement is true, this is not the article for you. If, however, you're wondering how the hell to get a little help around the holidays, I think I can be of assistance. The trick is to figure out which tasks you can assign to your family and friends, whether or not they are willing and/or talented.
Here are some suggestions:
1. Give Them an Easy Kitchen Task
There's no reason you should be standing there alone all morning, snapping the ends off green beans. Similarly, peeling potatoes, tearing bread to pieces for stuffing, and rinsing and drying salad greens are all tasks you can dole out to almost anyone, no matter their age or skill level. Except for brief moments in the sink, these assistants don't even need to be in the kitchen while they work (which is great if you have limited kitchen space). If necessary, establish a second prep station on a sideboard or set up a card table in the children's play area—once the mise en place is done, they can get back to whatever it is children do these days.
2. Assign Someone to Be the Runner
When you're figuring out who'll bring wine, Grandma's jello salad, and the sacrificial pie, make sure to establish who will be "the runner." This person needs to have a car that isn't stuck at the top of the driveway, blocked by everyone else's car. They need to have easy access to grocery funds and an understanding of where the nearest convenience stores and grocery stores are. When you find that you've forgotten the canned cranberry sauce, you've run out of ice for the cocktails, or you need more butter, the runner is your person. And, if you find that you have handled everything and the runner has no last-minute errands to make, send them out to buy lottery tickets for everyone—if you're lucky, you can get this whole shebang catered next year.
3. Let Go of Your Tablescape Dreams
Assign someone else to decorate and set the table every year and they will be inspired to grander designs with each passing Thanksgiving. You could be the spark that ignites their passion for napkin folding or collecting antique oyster forks. Sure, they may not start out putting the appropriate silverware in the technically correct place, but that's no reason to rob someone of their future in interior design and home staging.
4. Make Someone Else Monitor the Beverage Station
Need another bottle of red opened? Water pitcher is empty again? Ice all melted in the beer cooler? Keeping tabs on these very important hydration points is essential for a flawless party. Assign someone else the task of bar-cart manager and get back to turkey temping.
5. Get Them to Watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade
If one of your guests truly is useless in the kitchen (and they're no good with napkins, either), have them take a seat and watch the parade. This isn't a mere ploy to get this person out of the way. Instead, ask them to let you know the minute Debbie Gibson hits the stage. (Yep, she's there this year!) Don't care to get lost in Debbie's eyes? Maybe you're dying to see what Billy Porter's wearing? Or you can't wait to bask in the glory of the new Astronaut Snoopy balloon? Give your parade-watcher a list of important-to-you parade moments and tell them to shout whenever whatever it is happens on the screen.
6. Consider It a Teachable Moment
It really is fun to cook with other people. If one of your guests is hesitant but willing, tell them you'll show them how to do some simple kitchen tasks, like making a food processor cranberry relish that's basically dump-and-pulse. Walk them through the salad dressing or demonstrate how they can make whipped cream by hand. (And then hand it off to them.) With any luck, they'll learn more about cooking just by watching you, and will be all the more ready to help out next year.
