Talking to Vidya Balan has always been a delight. You feel like you are chatting with a real woman, who has lived and observed life closely. She wants to get to know you, would enquire about your family, would ask you about your take on a show or a film and would make sure you’re comfortable before starting the interview. There is an old-world charm to her that’s disarming, to say the least. And her frankness, her candour, too is refreshing. She doesn’t have all the answers prepared down pat. She isn’t reading from a script but is analysing your queries and answering them as truthfully as she can. Her observations are taken from life and not books and she candidly admits not knowing all the answers, hinting that we should celebrate mysteries too. Excerpts from an engaging tete-a-tete with the ace actress:
What attracted you to Do Aur Do Pyaar?
Primarily, the idea sounded attractive. It’s a bizarre situation for anyone to be in. I’ve always wondered how people manage extra-marital affairs. It must be so confusing. Don’t you fear getting caught? Then I heard this story, and I was like… “Iss tarah ka extra-marital affair toh maine kabhi suna hi nahi hai, na filmon mein dekha hai.” So I thought it was very unique, which also makes it funny. I love the romantic comedy space and after 10 years, I am doing a romantic comedy. Because aaj kal love stories aur comedies dono hi tarah ki filmen zyada nahi ban rahi hain. (Nowadays, rom coms or comedies aren’t that much in vogue).
What’s your take on infidelity?
No, I don’t have a take on infidelity because I would find it very difficult to judge anyone in that situation. To each his own. It just happens;. The characters in Do Aur Do Pyaar, for instance, are caught in a situation not of their own making. When you watch the film, you don’t feel judgemental about them. You feel equally for all characters.
How difficult is it to forgive the partner in such a situation?
It will be very difficult. But I guess, some people are able to forgive and forget and move beyond. I don’t know how many people will be able to do that.
So what is a deal-breaker for you, in a relationship?
Disrespect and infidelity are deal-breakers for me.
What is more dangerous – a one-night stand or a serious relationship?
Both. A serious relationship is worse. But even a one-night stand is… it’s scary. I don’t think that I will be okay with it.
Sometimes, an extramarital affair breaks the monotony in a marriage... Agree or disagree?
Maybe it’s so but I don’t subscribe to that view. I think I am being childish. But I feel that we should maintain the excitement. You don’t need a third wheel. But everybody is different.
Why is a forbidden fruit always enticing?
Like so many yummy foods. I think it is reverse psychology. Only if there are rules can you break them. And I feel we want to rebel but I am unable to do so many times. And that spills out in many ways like this. For example, if somebody has a problem with their parents. If anyone’s father or mother is very controlling, and they are unable to break free from that control but somewhere else if they are taking charge, like in their marriage, if they are maybe doing something that is forbidden and it is giving them great pleasure like an extramarital affair. They are not weak. But actually they want to rebel against their parents. They are rebelling in an area when the parents can’t even interfere. Maybe I’m complicating it too much…
Is it possible to have an affair and still love your spouse?
I think it is absolutely possible. I know of this couple who has never consummated their marriage and so she had affairs outside. But they stayed together. Unke beech sex ho hi nahi raha tha (they weren’t able to have sex).
So he was okay that she went outside but still they love each other and they are together. She was fulfilling her physical needs outside, I guess. I don’t know how it works.
And sex is a very important part in a relationship.
Yeah, sex is very important in a relationship and it’s also emotional for me. That’s what I am saying, it’s different strokes for different folks. No two relationships are similar.
What’s important to maintain a relationship?
Trust, respect, honesty, integrity. But more than anything else, the intention to stay together. I think that you should feel the need to be together. That’s very important. I am not a love guru, but this is my understanding about a relationship, that if you want to live together, stay together then make it work and you will be able to make it work. But both have to want to make it work.
What are the things that women shouldn’t tolerate in a relationship?
One is disrespect in any way which should not be tolerated. And another thing is to express… what you feel to your partner. If he is not understanding then seek help. And if he still doesn’t understand then I guess, the only way is out.
Relationships are breaking a lot nowadays. What do you feel, is there a change in mindset of today’s generation or do they not have patience like our parents?
Basically, we get everything sitting at home. If we order a phone and don’t like it, then we can return it and order another one. Then you will have the same mentality. We cannot blame anybody. The time is such that people feel that why cannot I have a perfect person? If I feel that you are not perfect, then I will replace you with somebody else. Till the time I think that you are perfect then after that… but they need to understand that they are not things, they are relationships. And they are humans. And that there’s no such thing called perfection in this world. When you’re in love, everything sounds perfect but that’s not the case. So don’t lose the love.
What is the secret of your own successful marriage?
Siddharth and I share everything. Whatever we are feeling, we share with each other. Not only about others, but also about each other. If you felt bad about something, if you got angry, express it and then remove it from your system. I know it’s not easy, but now we’ve been together for a while and we know that the more we hide things from each other, the more harmful it would be in the long run. So we nip the problem in the bud and not let it become a thorn.
You have been in the industry for 19 years. At this stage of your career, what do you look at while choosing a film? Has your criteria for choosing a film changed?
I just want to keep working. I’m someone who is very impatient, gets restless and I feel like I need something new to keep me challenged and motivated. Right now my mood is that I should be part of happy, entertaining films. I feel that I want to smile and make people smile, entertain them. I want to do out-an-out comedy, then a negative role…actually, I’m happy to do anything. But I think that there are hazaar tensions in the lives of the people. Why offer them dark, intense stories and add to the tension. Or maybe at a personal level I’m tired of doing intense films and want to do happy stuff. I want to feel happy on the sets. I want to laugh...
How important is it for an actor to stay relevant?
Being relevant is important for everyone. I think one just has to adapt to the changing times. Look at Mr. Bachchan. He has always been relevant and he inspires younger generations to do the same. God bless him.
So how do you reinvent yourself with each character, each film project?
It really depends… I think it’s in the choice of the stories. So many stories are offered to select from them what I like, where I feel happy, at least as a story. And to choose to work with people who you will vibe with. That’s very important. Because if you choose to work with people who you don’t get along with…if the vibe is not good – because of that at times I have backed off from a project. Because to be on the same set with those people for three months and more and if you are unhappy then that reflects in the film
as well.
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