My husband is convinced I’m cheating and I’m even starting to question myself
DEAR DEIDRE: EVER since I moved away temporarily for work I’ve grown close to a male colleague but our friendship is driving my husband mad with jealousy.
He’s convinced that there’s something more between us and while I’ve done my best to deny it, I’m starting to question if he’s right.
I’m 43, my husband is 45 and we’ve been married for seventeen years. We share two teenage daughters together.
I work in sustainability consulting and a couple of months ago I was offered a secondment with a reputable company in the north.
After a few long chats with my husband, we decided I should take it. I would only be away for nine months and could still travel home every other week.
Initially, I found it really hard but then a lovely colleague sat with me at lunch. He worked in the same department and we hit it off instantly.
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After that, he invited me for a drink after work and it’s safe to say that we’ve been firm friends ever since.
We both love the theatre and have been to see quite a few shows on standby together. I absolutely love my fun nights out with him.
He's made being away from home a lot easier.
My husband on the other hand is behaving like a petulant child. Every time I speak to him he snipes about my friend.
No matter how many times I’ve tried to reassure him it’s platonic, he keeps insisting there’s something fishy going on.
Now when I go home there’s a disconnect between us and I can tell he doesn’t fully trust me anymore.
Now he even has me questioning myself. What if I’m in denial and I do like this man? He is making me happier than my husband has in years.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
Deidre says: While it’s possible that you may have feelings for this new man, you owe it to your family to work on your marriage.
The distance between you has understandably put a strain on your relationship, and unless you work on it together, things will only get worse.
Your husband is likely missing you and seeing that you’re having fun away with your male colleague is making him feel insecure.
Tell your husband you are not happy as things are and that you need to start talking through.
Consider some couples counselling. You can find support through Tavistock Relationships, (tavistockrelationships.org, 020 7380 1975).
I’m also sending you my support pack Relationship MOT to help.