Breadcrumbing

Breadcrumbing, also called Hansel and Grettelling, is a colloquial term used to characterize the practice of sporadically feigning interest in another person in order to keep them interested, despite a true lack of investment in the relationship. It is regarded as a type of manipulation and can be either deliberate or unintentional. Breadcrumbing can occur in familial relationships, friendships, and the workplace, but it is more prevalent in romantic contexts, particularly with the surge of online dating.

In this context, breadcrumbing is an antisocial dating behaviour, similar to ghosting. The term refers to when you give a romantic interest a trail of breadcrumbs, small bits of intermittent communication, to keep them interested but without committing to a proper relationship. This sends mixed signals and gives the breadcrumbie (the receiver) false hope. Breadcrumbs might include randomly liking posts or sending flirtatious messages, can come from current or former romantic interests and require little effort from the breadcrumber (the sender).

Breadcrumbers start a relationship showing interest in their partner by flirting and demonstrating pretentious behaviour, for example by saying ‘I love you’ too soon but then suddenly change – spending less time with their partner and avoiding talking about their relationship status indicating a withdrawal of interest.

Whereas with ghosting the aim is to end the relationship, breadcrumbing’s goal is to stop a relationship from progressing by not committing to it and according to Stanley’s theory of commitment these are not the same. This theory splits commitment into two different constructs: personal dedication and constraint commitment. Personal dedication encompasses an individuals drive to progress a relationship, something that may be lacking for breadcrumbers, and commitment constraint involves the potential consequences of ending the relationship, such as financial repercussions, that force a relationship to be maintained which are also not present in breadcrumbing. However, Johnson’s model of commitment does also include the idea of moral commitment, unlike Stanley’s theory, where individuals feel morally obliged to maintain and commit to a relationship, something that has yet to be applied to breadcrumbing.

Why do people breadcrumb?

Personality

Research has found that some of the main reasons people breadcrumb are because they want attention, do not want to be alone and have low self-esteem.

Willis and colleagues found that these reasons are linked to personality traits with certain types of people being more likely to breadcrumb, including those who score highly on vulnerable narcissism and hold Machiavellian views. It is suggested that as vulnerable narcissists want attention and approval from others, in order to increase their self-esteem, breadcrumbing instead of committing to or ending the relationship is a way for them to fulfil these needs. Those with Machiavellian views see other people as dishonest and gullible which to them justifies the idea that they can manipulate and take advantage of them, for example through breadcrumbing.

Attachment Style

Breadcrumbing and avoidant or anxious attachment styles are linked. One characteristic of someone with avoidant attachment is keeping a distance from romantic interests to avoid intimacy and breadcrumbing is a way to do this. Those with anxious attachment seek validation and by breadcrumbing and leaving gaps between communication they may hope their partner will pursue them, trying to get their attention, hence giving them that validation. They also demonstrate push and pull behaviours in relationships; they want intimacy but at the same time are scared of being rejected so push their partner away, similar to the process of breadcrumbing.

However, vulnerable narcissism and Machiavellianism are also linked to insecure attachment styles which suggests these Dark Triad traits and participating in breadcrumbing may all be consequences of having an insecure attachment.

These insecure attachment styles in adults are suggested to be influenced by negative caregiving experiences during childhood such as having a parent with depression. However, there is only a small correlation between these, and many exceptions have been discovered so, other factors such as genetics are also suggested to play a part. Although insecure attachment styles are linked to mental health problems and negative behaviours such as breadcrumbing it is suggested that they had evolutionary benefits. For example, Social Defense Theory suggests that by having a range of attachment styles it meant individuals in a group would react to danger in different ways, increasing the likeliness of the group overcoming and surviving those threats. However, this theory has been subjected to criticisms such as that it lacks evidence and does not take into account all aspects of insecure attachments. It also contradicts previous theories that suggest insecure attachments benefit individuals themselves rather than groups, but does offer an explanation as to why insecure attachments are so prevalent which in turn might explain why the occurrence of breadcrumbing is not uncommon with 35.6% of people being found to have experienced it.

Psychological consequences

As breadcrumbing is persistent and communication does not just end, unlike with ghosting, it can be more painful for breadcrumbies and increase their healing process. Subsequently, those who experience breadcrumbing have lower life satisfaction and feel lonelier. Breadcrumbies go on to have trust issues, reduced self-esteem and feel insecure, jealous and angry. This can have severe consequences for their mental and physical health with some breadcrumbies facing depression, exhaustion and skin problems. Breadcrumbing has also been found to sometimes occur simultaneously with gaslighting, for example, if the breadcrumber implies the breadcrumbie is at fault, which in turn has its own lasting emotional consequences.

Coping strategies

Research has shown that there are effective ways to deal with being breadcrumbed that may help people avoid any psychosocial consequences. These include, working on yourself and redirecting your focus away from the relationship. One particularly common approach is reaching out to others. Social support has been shown to reduce the effects of stress on depression and anxiety and has been associated with increased happiness as having other people who care about you stops you feeling isolated.

Culture

As breadcrumbing is a relatively new concept there is not extensive research into its causes and consequences. Most studies looking into these have taken place in Spain, although Khattar and colleagues did find that India had higher breadcrumbing rates than Spain. This may be because a collectivist, tighter culture like India places higher importance on interdependence and has a stronger adherence to norms and the relative anonymity that comes with online interactions may allow people to follow these norms less. They also found that the relationship between insecure attachment and breadcrumbing differs across countries with there being a stronger link with anxious attachment in India compared to avoidant attachment in Spain. Although, this does contradict the finding that avoidant attachment is more strongly linked to relationship problems in collectivist countries, so further research is needed to clarify these cross-cultural differences in relationship behaviours, particularly breadcrumbing and why they exist.