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Double Monarchy of Urk and Volendam

Double Monarchy of Urk and Volendam Dubbelmonarchie van Urk en Volendam (Dutch)
1955–1960
Flag
Motto: Inteelt is Winteelt (Incest is Wincest)
Capital	Urk
Common languages	Urkers Volendams
Religion	Protestantism
Demonym(s)	Urker Volendammer
Regierung	de jure: dual monarchy de facto: fish council republic
Admiral-General-High-Chairman
• 1955 - 1960	Jan Smit
Historical era	Cold War
• Established	5 September 1955
• Disestablished	10 May 1960
Today part of	Niederlande

The Double Monarchy of Urk and Volendam, often shortened to Urk and Volendam, was a short-lived monarchy that was centered around the Dutch villages of Urk and Volendam that existed from its establishment in 1955 until its collapse in early 1960. It was renowned for the high export of fish, especially cod and herring, and incestuous diseases, and it involvement in the Cold War, siding with the Warsaw Pact. Urk and Volendam was a monarchy in name only, in reality the country was led by a fish council, under command of Admiral-Generel-High-Chairman Jan Smit. Its collapse in May 1955 followed a drastic increase in incest, likely caused by a attack using nerve gas by the AIVD as a response to an increase in the price of cod.

Etymology

The Double Monarchy was named after the two towns it comprised. Urk was first mentioned as Urch in 966, the meaning of its name remains unclear, but it is possibly related to Old High German uruh, which is a onomatopoeic word meaning incest or bestiality. The second town, Volendam, was first mentioned as Voelendam in 1331. It is likely comprised of veulen, meaning foal, and the common toponymic element -dam.

History

Early years (1955-1957)

Establishment

The establishment of Urk and Volendam followed shortly after the establishment of the Warsaw Pact in 1955. Altough the detailed files were destroyed shortly after the Double Monarchy's collapse in 1960, it is widely theorised that the Soviet Union sent a large number of infiltrants and demagogues to put the Urker and Volendammer population up against the anti-incest policies of government of the Netherlands. Shortly afterwards, on the fifth of September 1955, the general population declared Jan Smit as the supreme leader, to lead the fundamentalist protestant communist fish council republic. Urk and Volendam was quickly accepted into the Warsaw Pact, in order to deter the Dutch government from taking further action. In later statements, the Dutch government explained that they never had plans to retake Urk and Volendam in the first place; then Prime Minister of the Netherlands Willem Drees said the following during a press conference: "We have no goals to retake [...] those inbred and utterly useless people into our country."

Failed invasion of Emmeloord

Operating from the communist thought, the Urker government deemed it necessary to invade the Dutch town of Emmeloord to spread the socialist thought. Immediately after the establishment of the state, plans were made and an army was gathered for an invasion of Emmeloord. After a few months, the government gathered about 3.000 men and women, armed with various weapons, including axes, braindead throwing babies and a few firearms. A few fishing boats were armed with sprouts cannons, but the plans for their involvement was quickly scrapped after the Urker military realized that Emmeloord was not close enough to any navigable water.

In the early morning of the 6th of December the first troops entered the Noordoostpolder from Urk. Initially, they faced little resistance, limited to farmers armed with pitchforks and tractors. Within a few hours, they reached the outskirts of Emmeloord. The Dutch army was quickly alerted and had already taken up positions in and around Emmeloord. The troops from Urk proved unable to overcome the Dutch military, and after a few skirmishes, retreated back to Urk. Around 60 Urker forces and 0 functioning brains were lost during the short campaign, whereas the Dutch forces only lost one soldier. No civilians were killed, altough some were believed to have been infected with incestuous diseases when they first came into contact with the native inhabitants of Urk. They were quickly treated in the hospital of Lelystad.

The Dutch government responded by increasing the border forces around Urk and Volendam, but did not bother taking Urk. Urk and Volendam did however have to pay back using fresh herring for the following two years.

"Urker Dark Ages"

The invasion was followed by two years of economic decline, striking mostly Urk, whereas the effects on Volendam were mostly limited. These years were later called the Urker Dark Ages by several scholars. The economic decline was caused mostly by the reparations of war. Since all the herring from Urk was shipped to the Netherlands, the government was unable to export large amounts of fish, the main means of production on Urk, which caused an enormous economic decline. During these years, the Urker population was impoverished and criminality and corruption were rampant. The Monarch Gradus Visser, the de-jure head of Urk, was deposed when failing to reorganize the crumbling economy, and replaced by Francis Muuren, the cousin-uncle of Commander of the Fishing Fleet Herman Muuren and close friend of Jan Smit.

The replacement of the Monarch proved ineffective, and the economy was unable to improve any further. This was caused mostly because the Monarch of Urk didn't hold any power, except as a permanent member of the Fish Council, where he acted mostly as a puppet of the Admiral-General-High-Chairman. Even though he wasn't able to restore the economy, Francis Muuren was able to calm the Urker population, because he was previously a locally famed champion for the cause of the fishermen, which formed the majority of the Urker population. Calming the Urker population would later prove crucial to ending the economic despair, as the population was quick to their social positions after the war reparations were payed off.