User:Valoem/Involuntary celibacy

"Incel" redirects here. For the medication used to treat cancer patients, see Biricodar. For the phenomenon of voluntary or semi-voluntary celibacy, see Celibacy.

Involuntary celibacy is the absence in human sexuality of intimate relationships or sexual intercourse for reasons other than voluntary celibacy or sexual abstinence. The term describes those who, despite wanting sexual intimacy and potential romance and making repeated efforts towards such an end, cannot cause any such end(s) to occur with any significant degree of regularity — or even at all.

As a concept, involuntary celibacy is distinguishable from other various celibacy types by two major overall characteristics: First, it is a pattern-like, semi-perpetual condition that cannot seem to improve despite concerted effort of the affected individual towards improving sex appeal and social skills to try to attract sexual partners. Second, involuntarily celibate individuals are at a complete or near-complete lack for intimate physical connection for very long spans of time — years and even sometimes decades, not merely weeks or months — and are also at a complete or near-complete lack of opportunities for sexual advancement in the first place, thereby making betterment of their own sexuality through accumulation of "sexual experience" impossible.

Many types of celibacy, including voluntary or semi-voluntary celibacy, exist throughout the spectrum of human sexuality; such instances of lack of sex are very common in the human experience. Involuntary celibacy is seen (chiefly by those who are affected by it) as a separate psychosocial issue to be taken seriously in its own right both because of the sheer extended lengths of time involved in incel "dry spells", and also because such extended lack can have actual discernible negative consequences on a person's sexual development. However, despite corollaries such as sleep-pattern clinics that study insomnia, sex research clinics do not seem to have much interest in studying incel.

What makes involuntary celibacy an especially difficult condition for its sufferers to deal with is the fact that most of the time the circumstance cannot be explained through external personal factors — most incels, based on inquests by researchers into the population, are not especially physically unattractive, and most resemble in an interpersonal sense their peers who are not involuntarily celibate. Although a few of the involuntarily celibate population may have discernible personality disorders that preclude current and future sexual opportunities, the small amount of research done on this subject indicates that the incel population are on the whole socially normal, healthy individuals whose frustration is merely a product of their lack of sex, and not vice versa. This makes an individual's involuntarily celibate situation extremely difficult to resolve through the standard psychological methods of pinpointing and "fixing" internal and external life circumstances.

Internet support groups for the involuntarily celibate population do exist, but because the causes of involuntary celibacy are so diverse and difficult to identify (as well as the fact that there may not be any particular individual "reason" at all), there are no universally accepted personal behavior or circumstantial alterations for overcoming the condition, like there usually are for other types of sexual dysfunction. Also, because involuntary celibacy tends to be perpetual, even the act of actively seeking out a guaranteed sexual encounter solely for the purpose of "breaking" the condition and gaining a sexual experience, cannot be considered on its own to be enough to ensure that the individual will not continue to be incel for the long-term.

Definition and psychological consequences

Involuntarily celibate people may suffer from unusually intense loneliness, frustration, and depression that often arises as a result of this condition lasting for the lengths of time it typically tends towards. Also, in most Westernized societies there is the additional social pressure for people in their mid-twenties to have experienced sexual interaction in some form of or another {{citation}}: Empty citation (help); thus, if the person has no such experience while all of his or her peers do, the condition more often than not results in a significant increase of depression, anxiety and sexual frustration.

Involuntary celibacy is not the same as love shyness, although some core characteristics of the two may appear to overlap. Love-shy people are said to have a fundamental fear of approaching a potential romantic partner and to spend a lot of time fantasizing about people they are attracted to, but cannot actualize any of it because their fear of doing so is too great; incels, in comparison, tend not to have such paralyzing fears, and often do approach people, only to be rejected, ignored, or spoken to in a merely friendly tone. Perhaps just as importantly, it also seems that incels are not approached by others for romantic and/or sexual reasons even in situations where s/he is putting him or her self explicitly in social circumstances meant to attract partners, such as bars or clubs or similar large-scale activities. It is said to be this conundrum — both the "cannot successfully approach" and the "never approached" ends of the problem — that causes incels their pain. In addition, the nature of this pain makes the incel population a prime market for the self-proclaimed self-help industry of "pick-up artistry", which presents a problem in and of itself, as PUA techniques have not themselves been demonstrably proven to alleviate incel (although there do exist a few individual incels who have personally indicated benefit from these techniques).

Not all involuntary celibates are sexual virgins, nor can incels be presumed to not have had at least a few—sometimes even moderately extensive—sexual experiences, including ones in the realms of outercourse, at various stages of life. It therefore cannot be assumed that involuntary celibates are by their nature sexual novices. But what separates the incel experience from people with the more typically inconsistent, but still occasional, intimacy opportunities is the fact that chances for sexual intercourse and "full on sexual relations" (including intimacy, cuddling, kissing, and connection) are perpetually rare-to-nil. As stated above, even a person who has successfully had sexual intercourse, for example, one or two times over the course of 50 or 60 years of life, may still be assessed as being involuntarily celibate. Because incel is mainly indicated by repeated tries, and repeated failures, at securing physical intimacy to any consistent degree, incels subsequently have very few if any opportunities over the course of their sexually-mature lives to 'learn' themselves and others sexually; what they are good at or not in the realm of sexual skills — and, by extension, also to 'learn' their own responses to and patterns in romantic relationships, since they may very well not be having any.

While it may at first appear that incel is a purely individual and personal issue, there are those who point out that it does have effects on a given society at-large. Involuntary celibates have higher mortality rates compared to the general population. Incels who do not choose suicide may instead turn to binge drinking or the use of psychoactive drugs, whether as a substitute for satisfying sexual relations, or to anesthetize themselves sexually. Finally, while sexual abstinence diminishes the risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases (STD) it may necessitate relinquishment of potential health benefits of sex. Somewhat relatedly, in any culture lacking liberal attitudes towards sexual expression and fulfillment, usually based upon religious principles (for example strict Sharia law societies, fundamentalist Christianity, hasidic Judaism and others), the effects of "enforced" lack of sex can have even worse general societal consequences. Numerous studies have indicated that excessive repression of the sexual instinct tends to increase the overall level of aggression, meaning when applied to whole populations, forbidding non-marital sex (while also not being married) tends to lead to higher rates of crime and violence. There may also be a link between sexual repression and random aggression, anger at and purposeful insensitivity towards others, and even criminal behavior and a greater likelihood of killing and torturing enemies.

Limitations and disappointment, the indefinite postponement of sexual and romantic gratification, delay even of dating (much less marriage), and in particular the total lack of sexual experiences at key transition-points during adolescence and young adulthood (things like one's first kiss, making out, "first base" etc.), all the types of lacks that seem to be the psychological cornerstones of the involuntarily celibate condition, are often ennobled on television programs, in movies and related media — for example, a sympathetic view of an incel male was made clear in The 40-Year-Old Virgin. But this does not tell the complete story of involuntary celibacy, which in everyday life can in fact be actively destructive to a person's emotional and interpersonal well-being, rather than just a periodic nuisance or inconvenience as is usually the case with relatively short-term "dry spells". Behaviors associated with involuntary celibacy can include self-absorption and an unhealthy preoccupation with sexual activities that can have an adverse effect on social interactions — including examples like the incel person mistaking every bit of social attention from the attracted-to gender as a sexual advance; being regarded by others as "obsessed with sex", "mind in the gutter" and/or having "creepy" behaviors; seeing sexual metaphors where no such metaphors are even remotely intended; a heterosexual incel man staring at or concentrating totally on a woman's breasts when speaking with her; and similar phenomena. Internal consequences that can have external manifestations usually follow the standard sexual frustration pattern of being or becoming tense, moody, irritable and belligerent, and to have trouble sleeping.

There is some controversy, both academic and amongst involuntary celibates themselves, concerning the duration of the celibacy needed to qualify for the label of involuntary celibacy. Someone who is "single" and without sex for several relatively short stretches at a time is usually not looked upon as being involuntarily celibate. Researchers Donnelly and Burgess used a floor figure of six months of involuntary celibacy in their study design, but others apply the term only to those who have never been involved in a sexual and/or romantic relationship, while other opinions extend the definition to include those who get sexual opportunities very rarely. A few researchers, although not many, also include medical celibates who are physically unable to engage in sexual activities due to disabilities, serious injuries and other health problems along with the side effects of chemotherapy and prescription drugs.

Early mentions of involuntary celibacy

Historian Elizabeth Abbott, in her book The History of Celibacy, devotes one chapter to involuntary celibates. She includes in this category a wide variety of people:

• Those in social circumstances that deny them access to potential partners (for example, being imprisoned, or living in a society with skewed sex ratios caused by the death of many men in a war, or preferential abandonment or abortion of females – the latter is particularly severe in China and India.
• Those without access to either birth control or the monetary resources to deal with a child.
• Those denied the right to marry by social norms (for example, widows in certain Hindu communities, or younger sisters in societies that call for the oldest to be married first).
• Women whose families lack money for the dowries required by their society.
• People who would lose their jobs if they were known to be sexually active (for example, apprentices and journeymen in certain trades in Medieval Europe, certain Western domestic servant or educator positions prior to the previous centuries, or clergy).
• Men castrated against their will.

However, in general, no aspect of this particular listing bears much relation to how those in current discourse tend to use the term.

Professional research, or lack thereof

There is very little sexological study regarding involuntary celibacy. Prior to a self-directed study on modern involuntary celibacy initiated in 1998 by researchers from Georgia State University, there were quite literally zero publicly-searchable research-based sources on the phenomenon. Even the 1998 study was only started once a member of an online discussion group for involuntary celibates inquired about current research on the subject. The study, Involuntary celibacy: A life course analysis, was published in 2001 in the Journal of Sex Research, produced by the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality. A news article reporting on the study indicated that involuntary celibacy can lead to anger and depression. Involuntary celibacy: A life course analysis has also been included in an anthology of scholarly literature.

Overall, it is still the case that very little research has been published on involuntary celibacy, and few statistics are available, although it is finding its way onto university syllabi. There has not been a more widespread study undertaken by sexologists or other sexuality scientists that could give rise to empirical data. Most of what is published scientifically and academically on the subject of celibacy focuses on voluntary and medical celibacy. Given this shortfall, incel does not appear to be a concept or a phenomenon taken seriously by those who do not experience it. It remains to be seen whether the lack of concentrated academic and scientific research into this subject will be corrected, and it also remains unclear why so few researchers in the fields of professional study of sexuality have directly addressed the condition thus far.

Possible contributing factors

Despite there being many theoretically plausible sources of involuntary celibacy, none can be demonstrably proven across any given sample of involuntary celibates, especially given the fact that many if not most of these theoretical reasons are hotly disputed by the vocally involuntary celibate themselves (see below).problems, avoidant personality disorder, body dysmorphic disorder, love-shyness, Asperger's syndrome or schizophrenia, and also socio-economic factors, such as homelessness, poverty, the lack of a higher education, and in some contexts,

• Lack of sexual attraction, social skills or charisma — most involuntary celibates counter that all three of these either mirror, or are not too far removed from, those in the world who successfully obtain sex on a regular or semi-regular basis.
• The presence of proven psychological disabilities such as social phobias, social anxiety unemployment, which often play a role in preventing courtship.
• The presence of physical disabilities; self-confident involuntary celibates with physical disabilities may counter that their social experiences teach them that they are seen by others as sexually attractive, but that nevertheless, sex does not result.
• An objective lack of suitable partners, for example an area of the world with a mostly heterosexual population but a low male-to-female ratio.
• Inability to perform sexual intercourse due to sexual dysfunction, like erectile dysfunction (E.D.).
• Self-sabotaging passive-aggressive patterns (involuntary celibates usually counter that any passive-aggressiveness in them is the result of involuntary celibacy rather than the cause).
• Self esteem issues affecting one's feeling of normal entitlement – again, most involuntary celibates argue that their self-esteem and self-confidence are just fine.
• Codependency issues that undermine one's ability to be sexually assertive, although similarly to many of the above, involuntary celibates once again argue that their sexual assertiveness is just fine — in direct and stark contrast to those with love-shyness.
• cognitive biases and/or negative explanatory styles such as learned helplessness or fundamental attribution error.

In many societies (such as in Western societies), heterosexual men are traditionally expected to assume the assertive role in pursuing the opposite sex, which includes risking rejection. Courtship is competitive among single, eligible men, who typically employ verbal and non-verbal strategies and tactics to seduce women. Proficiency at these tactics is frequently equated with a person's overall confidence, and women in such societies popularly value this trait in men, together with the assertiveness it often produces. Members of the seduction community commonly believe that confidence with women occurs independently of confidence, talent and success in other aspects of life. Therefore, it is common for a man of lower intelligence and status to be more successful with women than a man who ranks higher in intelligence, education, and achievement.

It has been argued on some blogs and by the members of some internet forums and other critics that involuntary celibacy is one of the consequences of the sexual revolution and was brought about through conditioning by society and the media. They argue that in a promiscuous culture, sex with women is monopolized by a small number of good looking, high-status men. They cite the lack of economic and social pressure to marry young as a contributing factor and favor a return to pre-sexual revolution standards of sexual morality in order to reduce competition and to level the playing field in the contest for desirable women. Other critics such as Henry Makow and psychologist Gary R. Brooks also believe that the sexual revolution has`socially conditioned men into believing that they need beautiful women for validation. Some social conservatives such as Dr. Judith Reisman claim that that pornography has increased internal anxiety and has made men and women feel generic and worthless possibly leading them to become incel.However, in the context of such commentaries, it is overlooked that some of the most desirable men and women are also among the involuntarily celibate.

Unmarried individual adults living in rural or suburban areas are often unable to find a suitable partner due to social and marriage patterns. Meanwhile, heterosexual men seen as "low-status" in a given society may become involuntarily celibate due to polygamy and serial monogamy by their "high-status" peers, leaving a shortage of attractive, eligible, fertile women. Also, physically attractive women may remain perpetually single and ultimately experience involuntary celibacy because of their tendencies not to take the assertive role in pursuing the opposite sex. Finally, many heterosexual men may disqualify these especially beautiful women as "[good] material" based on the stereotype that beautiful women are less likely to be faithful as girlfriends or wives, or to become good mothers and would be the most likely to seek divorce. A man may not even pursue a beautiful woman to begin with due to insecurity, his fear of rejection, and an assumption that she is already in a monogamous, long-term relationship. When such patterns become fixed and perpetual in a person's consciousness, involuntary celibacy is the usual result.

See also

• The 40 Year-Old Virgin
• Asexuality
• Attachment theory
• Average Frustrated Chump
• Love-shyness
• Marriage
• Nice guy
• Sexual frustration
• Unrequited love

External links

• Sexless in The City
• The Incel project Devoted to promoting awareness of involuntary celibacy