Jennifer Love Hewitt faces Stupid Questions

If Jennifer Love Hewitt looks like she just saw a ghost, please forgive her: It’s her job. But when she’s not communing with spirits as the star of the CBS Friday-night drama Ghost Whisperer — which has just kicked off its third season — she enjoys conjuring up answers to Stupid Questions. At least, we hope so.

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: If a ghost whisperer faced off against a horse whisperer, would it be the most kick-ass showdown ever, or just the quietest?
JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT: Just the quietest. I don’t know how to speak to horses, and the horse couldn’t speak to me, so it’d be a lot of standing around, tight shots of us looking scared.

Do you ever wish you didn’t have the ability to see dead people in real life, too?
It is a bit taxing. Elvis is constantly asking me questions. Make him a peanut-butter-and-banana sandwich. Play his record louder in my house. I’m like, ”Elvis, I don’t have time right now!”

I’d like to whisper stuff to a ghost. Any tips?
Wear tiny tops. They listen better with cleavage.

When people look up at your face, are your breasts like, ”Hey! Eyes down here, buddy!”
My boobs talk to people a lot: ”Mine are bigger than yours.” They say that when they’re in the mall and they see other ones. And, ”Do these make my butt look big?” By the way, I’m doing this interview in the makeup trailer, and someone just walked in and heard me say, ”My boobs talk a lot.” Everyone here is very concerned for my well-being.

NEXT PAGE: ”My body is far from a wonderland. My body is more like a pawnshop.”

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: This is a little awkward, but I actually don’t know what you did last summer.
JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT: I rested. There were no fishermen. But I did eat fish sticks, which was exciting.

John Mayer reportedly wrote a hit song about you. To save time for our fact-checkers, will you confirm that your body is a wonderland, or at least possesses characteristics similar to one?
My body is far from a wonderland. My body is more like a pawnshop. There’s a lot of interesting things put together, and if you look closely you’d probably be excited, but at first glance, not so much.

Bailey is drinking again! What do we do???
Find him a new actress to throw through the windshield. I’ve moved on.

You released a song called ”Let’s Go Bang.” I’m pretty sure I get the sexual reference, but what’s the nonsexual side of this double entendre?
The bang was supposed to be a big dance in clubs. Like the macarena, but slightly cooler. But nobody was even interested in listening to ”Let’s Go Bang,” let alone doing the dance.

Shall we ask Jennifer Lopez if you can borrow the J. Lo moniker for a weekend and take it clubbing, or at least make a Spanish-language album with it?
No, but I feel like I was J. Lo first. But it suits her, so I’m fine with her taking it…. There will be no feud.

You, Diddy, Elle Macpherson, and Jessica Simpson pitch Proactiv. Rank the four in order of zittiness.
Most zitty to least? I’m going to say maybe Diddy, then Jessica, then Elle, and then I’ll put myself last.

How are they going to feel about that?
I’m a little nervous. But you’re the one who asked me to do it!

Relax, I’ll take the heat.
This will haunt me for the next year of my life…. Diddy, you’re the best…. But I’m not going to put myself up there as the zittiest.