The middle of July may seem a little too early to start obsessing over college football, but the season opener between Navy and Notre Dame in Dublin, Ireland, is about a month away, on Aug. 26. That’s less than 40 days away from the kickoff of the 2023 football season!
You’ll have to go to other publications for predictions on who will make the college football playoffs or win the national championship. This column is going to be a little different. Instead of looking on the field to name a preseason All-American football team based on talent, podcast producer Jim Weber annually compiles a list of the best names in college football.
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Again, these aren’t the best players at each position, just the players with the oddest, or most fitting, names that bring a smile to our faces as we read a roster. Some players, such as Alabama’s Kool-Aid McKinstry, are not only expected to play on Sundays but could be taken in the first round of the NFL draft. Most of the others will not be so lucky.
Offense
QB - General Booty (Oklahoma)
RB - Kavosiey Smoke (Colorado)
WR - Squirrel White (Tennessee)
WR - Phat Watts (Tulane)
TE - Rocky Beers (Air Force)
TE - Rowdy Beers (Florida International)
OL - Panda Askew (Charlotte)
OL - Tater Reid (Birmingham)
OL - Dodge Sauser (Iowa St)
OL - Tiger Shanks (UNLV)
Defense
DL - Tonka Hemingway (South Carolina)
DL - Meatball Smith (Sam Houston)
DL - Fish McWilliams (Birmingham)
DL - Demon Clowney (Charlotte)
LB - Memorable Factor (Duke)
LB - New Zealand Williams (San Diego St)
LB - Chief Borders (Florida)
DB - Kool-Aid McKinstry (Alabama)
DB - Buck Coors (Wyoming)
DB - Storm Duck (Louisville)
DB - Major Burns (LSU)
Special Teams
K - Colton Boomer (Central Florida)
P - Maximilian Von Marburg (Syracuse)
Hopefully, when they all turn 21, Buck Coors can get together with the Beers brothers for a Banquet Beer commercial.