George Bush believes that he`s going to become the next Republican candidate for president, but I`ll be surprised if he gets the nomination. And amazed if he`s elected.
There was a time when I thought Bush had a fair chance. Although he sounds a little squeaky when making a speech, he has been vice president for two terms, and that ought to be worth something, although I`m not sure what.
Most of all, he looks so Republican. At least he looks like what I have always thought a prominent Republican should look like: all preppy and Ivy League. I have the feeling that if Bush removed his clothes, instead of underwear he`d be wearing perfectly creased tennis whites.
But something happened recently that is the beginning of the end of Bush`s presidential aspirations.
George Will, the widely syndicated columnist and TV pontificator, became disgusted at the way Bush has been currying the favor of conservatives, who have always suspected Bush of having closet liberal tendencies.
So Will wrote a column dripping with contempt for Bush. And he summed up his feelings when he described Bush as a ”lap dog.”
Now, you might ask: Who cares what some columnist says about Bush? And if you were talking about 99.9 percent of our capital`s syndicated pundits, you`d be right.
But George Will is more than a columnist. He is the chief egghead of conservatism. He not only writes and pontificates, he has helped craft some of President Reagan`s speeches and has helped coach him for debates. He doesn`t stand on the sidelines and watch. He bulls right into the middle of the cricket game.
So when George Will says George Bush is nothing more than a lap dog, many of the nation`s Republicans listen.
The impact of Will calling Bush a lap dog can be measured by the fact that the lap dog accusation was still page one news in the New York Times many days after Will wrote it.
And that means it isn`t going to go away. It will become an issue that will dog (no pun intended) Bush throughout the coming months and years.
When conservatives look at Bush, they`ll be thinking: ”Yes, he does have the look about him of someone who might sit up and yip for a Dog Yummie.”
If and when he debates his challengers, some of them are bound to say:
”What this party doesn`t need as its standard-bearer is an accused lap dog.”
At press conferences, he will be asked: ”Sir, do you feel you have been able to shed your lap dog image? And if so, do you now consider yourself a purebred show dog or a mixed breed?”
And the most terrible part of Bush`s problem is that he, in effect, admitted that Will`s description of him is accurate.
When he was asked about being called a lap dog, he meekly said: ”Nobody likes being attacked in a very personal way–especially by someone he respects.”
How embarrassing. There he is, being called a lap dog, and what does he say? He says he ”respects” the person who called him a lap dog.
In other words, even while Will is calling him a lap dog, Bush is trying to crawl up on Will`s lap.
And that will be the turning point of Bush`s aspirations. He had his chance and he blew it.
He could have said: ”Say, what do I care what some simp who looks like an old-maid schoolteacher says about me?”
Or: ”Let Georgie say that to my face. If he can do it without his lips trembling.”
Or even: ”Tell Will to meet me out back in the junkyard, and I`ll let him know what kind of ol` dog I am. There won`t be nothin` left of him but a tuft of hair.”
But no, he gives his tail a lap dog wag.
It reminds me of a story that I`ve told before, but it is worth repeating.
A boxer got in the ring with Archie Moore, a great fighter of a few decades ago.
In the first round, Moore hit him so hard that the guy was carried to his dressing room and didn`t regain consciousness for a half-hour.
When he finally came to, he staggered to his feet, made his way to Moore`s dressing room and asked for an autograph.
I think it would be nice if Will sent Bush an autographed copy of the lap dog column.
I`m sure Bush keeps a scrapbook.
