When politicians begin calling each other names, as our candidates for governor are doing, it`s the traditional role of the press to urge them to lower their voices, elevate the level of debate and discuss the great issues of the day.
I`ve never agreed with that view. In modern politics, so much of what candidates say is carefully prepared, weighed against polls, processed and sanitized. Slogans, buzzwords and commercials are shaped by professional strategists.
The modern campaign might be smooth, but it lacks sincerity and the human touch.
But what could be more sincere than when the candidates shriek at each other like a couple of angry fishwives? Or fishpersons, if feminists prefer.
There are those who call such exchanges ”mudslinging.” But I`ve always preferred to think of it as truthslinging. While the names candidates call each other might not always be accurate, the sincerity of their mutual hatred can`t be denied.
So I see nothing wrong with Gov. James Thompson saying that Adlai Stevenson is running a ”Chicken Little” campaign.
Or Stevenson responding that Thompson reminds him of a ”big, blubbering, harpooned whale.”
Both men are simply expressing their truthful, sincere, bone-deep loathing for the other.
And what`s wrong with that? For years, shrinks have been telling us not to suppress our hostilities and anger, that it`s bad for us, and eventually we`ll get red in the face and our eyes will bug out and we`ll explode and ruin the wallpaper.
Idealists have been saying that there`s too much mealy-mouthing, pussyfooting, back scratching and hypocrisy by candidates. Some have even been known to kiss babies that smell bad.
But here we have two candidates who are saying exactly what they think. Jim thinks Adlai is a Chicken Little. And Adlai thinks Jim is a big, blubbering whale. And there are probably millions of voters who agree with them.
The fact is, both men have been around Illinois politics for so long that most of us know where they stand. And when they start name calling, they`re both pretty accurate.
For example, Stevenson thinks that Thompson is nothing but a traditional, old-style politician. And there`s some truth in that. Thompson is a back-patter, hand-shaker, ego-stroker, who is not conservative enough to terrify liberals, but not liberal enough to enrage conservatives.
In response, Thompson says Stevenson is an elitist, which isn`t inaccurate. Stevenson`s family is dusty-money rich, and his father ran for president twice. Between campaigns, Stevenson joins the kind of private dining clubs that discriminate against as many groups as they can get away with. Not long ago, he referred to Bloomington as his ”ancestral home.” Most Americans might have old neighborhoods or hometowns. But Adlai likes to think of his as ”an ancestral home.” I guess that means somebody else raked the leaves and did the laundry.
With obvious disdain, the leaner Adlai describes the huskier Thompson as something of a glutton and is always bringing up the size of his food bill.
He is especially offended by Thompson`s alleged fondness for lobster. Listening to Adlai, one can get an image of Thompson sneaking into the kitchen at night and dropping whole Maine lobsters down his mouth.
To dramatize his own Spartan character, Adlai once vowed that if elected, he would never eat lobster in the governor`s mansion. But then, maybe shellfish give him hives.
And for contrast, Stevenson proudly referred to himself as a ”lean, mean, fighting machine.” Actually, he says somebody else referred to him that way. But he didn`t say who. My guess is that it wasn`t the linebacking coach of the Bears.
Thompson, of course, has been widely credited with referring to Stevenson as a ”wimp” when they ran against each other in 1982. But it wasn`t Thompson. Stevenson created the ”wimp” issue himself, when he mistakenly thought he had been called a wimp and publicly denied that he was a wimp.
The truth is, Thompson has never thought Stevenson was a wimp. In private conversations, he has said he thought Stevenson was more of a nerd.
And Stevenson has implied that Thompson was nothing but a big sissy for being deferred from military service, while he was a Marine officer in peacetime Korea.
Of course, Thompson has said Adlai is just a puffed-up . . . Ah, but space doesn`t permit me to review all the delightful things they`ve said about each other.
I just hope they don`t listen to the party poopers who want them to limit their utterances to the ponderous issues of the day.
Tell me more about those lobsters, Adlai. Do you think he bothers to peel off the shells?
