Keir Starmer's one big blunder has left Labour looking like hopeless bullies

What do you think of it so far? Even 40 years after his death, the response that became a catchphrase for Eric Morecambe echoes down the decades. Candidly, the election to date has largely been “rubbish”.

But as we seem to live in an age where personalities are hounded out of politics in favour of identikit politicians on all sides, it’s not earth shatteringly surprising.

Was a nation ever in more need of someone such as Boris Johnson, John Prescott or even Michael Portillo?

Although an honourable mention must be given to the Lib Dems’ Sir Ed Davey, who clearly needs to try the decaf in the morning, as his antics get ever nuttier.

The dearth of stories has achieved one thing: It has served to turn a blazing spotlight on the bafflingly inept fashion in which Sir Keir Starmer and Labour have dealt with the “Diane Abbott crisis”.

I interviewed David Cameron a few years back, after he had just published his autobiography.

As he’d spent a fair amount of time in opposition I asked him what the biggest change had been in stepping up to be Prime Minister.

His reply was illuminating.

“It’s the sheer scale and speed at which everything comes at you and how rapidly decisions sometimes have to be made. Nothing quite prepares you for it,” he said.

In under five weeks, if the polls are to be believed, and they are proving increasingly stubborn to shift despite all the Tories’ efforts, it will be Sir Keir who will have to deal with that ceaseless blizzard of decisions. Do you really think he’s up to it? The day after the general election was called he told me the inquiry into Abbott, who was suspended last year for claiming in a newspaper that Jewish people do not experience racism like black people, and even suggested it was more akin to having ginger hair, was still in progress. Now it appears it was concluded last December.

And last week the situation became even more farcical after Abbott, who has been an MP for 37 years and has a majority of more than 30,000 in Hackney North and Stoke Newington, claimed she had been barred from standing this year. Later that day Sir Keir maintained that was not the case, but that rang pretty hollow when Abbott was cheered on at an impromptu rally outside Hackney Town Hall.

Subsequently, Abbott claimed she was a victim of a “Left wing cull” and Sir Keir and Labour faced heavy criticism from other Labour MPs, including tellingly his own deputy leader Angela Rayner, who agreed Abbott had not been treated “fairly or appropriately”.

Former frontbencher Jess Phillips said it was “a fight not worth having” and Dawn Butler suggested it was down to people “who have watched a little too much
West Wing”.

By Thursday night, a growing number of trade unions were adding their powerful voices to the demand to let her stand.

By Friday she was “free” to stand for Labour, Starmer said. But if Labour had felt it was time for Abbott, 70, to move aside, it should have been handled with due respect and professionalism.

Instead this gang that can’t shoot straight have created a martyr and left Labour, led by Sir Keir, looking like ineffective bullies.

■ For reasons known only to himself, Sir Ed Davey has chosen to play the fool in this election. His allies say it is to ensure he gets noticed, but if that is the questionable logic involved here, he might as well dress as Coco the Clown and cartwheel down Whitehall while whistling Roll Over Beethoven.

It’s a great shame he has fallen prey to this misjudged nonsense as the Lib Dems had done admirable work in highlighting the appalling state of our water, both in its (lack of) quality and the woeful companies which supply it. Last week it emerged these incompetent outfits could benefit from a highly dubious “recovery regime.”

Water regulator Ofwat would levy fewer or no penalties if firms invest in infrastructure improvements.

They could also be hugely helped with new targets for reducing sewage spills and water leaks which are described as “realistic”. Utterly absurd. These water bosses should not be let off the hook.

■ Rishi Sunak has said he will clamp down on “rip-off degrees” that “don’t deliver the outcomes that people deserve”. Sounds similar to what he said last July when he hit out at “rip-off degrees” that were “unfair to students”. So what’s he done about it in the last 10 months?

■ The BBC has announced it wants to discover if it has a culture of “groupthink” and has appointed two media experts. Let me save them the time and effort.

From so-called comedies that are achingly politically correct and as funny as piles, to quiz shows that are more Left wing than Momentum, and to news coverage which results in Nigel Farage being unjustly criticised for accurately quoting a European politician over migration, it is riddled with Left-leaning bias.

■ Under Labour we are told there will be more police on the streets, NHS waiting lists will become a distant memory, illegal migrant crossings will stop, taxes will not be raised and there’ll be breakfast clubs for school pupils. All that remains is what day is our delivery of free apple pie and cream?

■ Whilewe prize our superb junior doctors who do so much of the “heavy lifting” in our hospitals, the BMA’s claim that the timing of the strike is “not political” is beyond insulting. I suggest they get a second opinion...