Serial (1980)
Bill Macy: Sam Stone
Photos
Quotes
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Martha : You-ness. Me-ness. Us-ness. We-ness.
Sam Stone : [snorts]
Martha : Your-ness. My-ness. Our-ness. Happiness.
Harvey Holroyd : [whispering] Sickness.
Kate Linville Holroyd : [whispering] Harvey!
Martha : And now, Bill, I'd like to hear where your head is at.
Bill : Thank you, Martha, for pushing my button.
Stokely : [shakes head in disbelief]
Bill : Thank you for inviting me to participate in your life, for I am an asshole. And being an asshole is neither good nor bad. It just is.
Reverend Spike : I think that says it all.
Harvey Holroyd : [whispering] These are exciting times, aren't they? Gas is over a dollar a gallon and it's okay to be an asshole.
Kate Linville Holroyd : [whispering] Shh!
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Harvey Holroyd : You know Kate, and the way she feels about polluting the atmosphere.
Sam Stone : What has the atmosphere ever done for you?
Harvey Holroyd : Not much lately.
Sam Stone : You know, Angela's on that ecology committee, too. Big deal. Last month they saved the condor. You ever see a condor?
Harvey Holroyd : Not up close.
Sam Stone : Scare the shit out of you!
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Sam Stone : Harvey, will you be good to yourself and use your car? Will you take a look at this? 6,000 pounds of solid comfort. It takes up space, it pollutes the atmosphere, it scares the birds, fuck 'em. I love it!
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Sam Stone : Did you see Carson last night?
Harvey Holroyd : No, I missed it.
Sam Stone : Johnny had this chick on with incredible jugs, and he turned to the audience and says "We'll be right back after a few tits from our sponsor."
Harvey Holroyd : Come on.
Sam Stone : I swear to god. I swear to god! I almost fell out of bed!
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Angela Stone : I think it's wonderful that Martha and Bill have a marriage contract that spells out everything. I wish we had a contract.
Sam Stone : You mean like who takes out the garbage? That kind of everything?
Bill : Every kind of everything. How often, who starts it, everything.
Sam Stone : You mean nookie?
Angela Stone : Sam.
Bill : Sexual responsibilities are covered, yes.
Sam Stone : He means Nookie!
Angela Stone : Oh, Sam, for god's sake.
Sam Stone : Where do I sign? It's gotta be better than my present deal.
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Harvey Holroyd : Sam, do you and Angela spend a lot of time having meaningful discussions about your marriage?
Sam Stone : You didn't get laid this morning either, huh?
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Sam Stone : Harvey, I figured it out once. From the first time you whack off to that final feeble fuck, a man has got maybe seven, eight thousand bullets in the old pistol. I got a thousand, fifteen hundred left. At the rate Angela and I are going, when I die, I'm gonna leave behind a major munitions dump.