- "The Babe": Remember kid, there's heroes and there's legends. Heroes get remembered but legends never die, follow your heart kid, and you'll never go wrong.
- [the Sandlot Kids and their arch-rivals come face-to-face]
- Phillips: It's easy when you play with rejects and a fat kid, Rodriguez.
- Benny Rodriguez: Shut your mouth, Phillips!
- Ham Porter: What'd you say, crap face?
- Phillips: You shouldn't be allowed to touch a baseball. Except for Rodriguez, you're all an insult to the game.
- Ham Porter: Come on! We'll take you on, right here! Right now! Come on!
- Sandlot Kids: Yeah!
- Phillips: We play on a real diamond, Porter. You ain't good enough to lick the dirt off our cleats.
- Ham Porter: Watch it, jerk!
- Phillips: Shut up, idiot!
- Ham Porter: Moron!
- Phillips: Scab eater!
- Ham Porter: Butt sniffer!
- Phillips: Pus licker!
- Ham Porter: Fart smeller!
- Bertram: [sniffs] Ahh.
- Phillips: You eat dog crap for breakfast, geek!
- Ham Porter: You mix your Wheaties with your mama's toe jam!
- Sandlot Kids: Yeah!
- Phillips: You bob for apples in the toilet! And you like it!
- Ham Porter: You play ball like a giiirrrrrrrrl!
- [entire group stands in shocked silence and Tommy Timmons' smile turns to shock]
- Phillips: [Shocked] What did you say?
- Ham Porter: You heard me.
- Phillips: Tomorrow. Noon, at our field. Be there, buffalo-butt breath.
- Ham Porter: Count on it, pee-drinking crap-face!
- Ham Porter: Hey, you wanna s'more?
- Smalls: Some more of what?
- Ham Porter: No, do you wanna s'more?
- Smalls: I haven't had anything yet, so how can I have some more of nothing?
- Ham Porter: You're killin' me Smalls! These are s'more's stuff! Ok, pay attention. First you take the graham, you stick the chocolate on the graham. Then you roast the 'mallow. When the 'mallows flaming... you stick it on the chocolate. Then cover with the other end. Then you scarf. Kind of messy, but good! Try some!
- Smalls: Yeah, yeah but I was gonna bring it back.
- Squints: But it was signed by Babe Ruth!
- Smalls: Yeah, you keep telling me that! Who is she?
- Ham Porter: WHAT? WHAT?
- Kenny: The sultan of swat!
- Bertram: The king of crash!
- Timmy: The colossus of clout!
- Tommy: The colossus of clout!
- All: BABE RUTH!
- Ham Porter: THE GREAT BAMBINO!
- Smalls: [Panicked] Oh my god! You mean that's the same guy?
- All: YES!
- Benny Rodriguez: Smalls, Babe Ruth is the greatest baseball player that ever lived. People say he was less than a god but more than a man. You know, like Hercules or something. That ball you just aced to The Beast is worth, well, more than your whole life.
- Smalls: [Falls to the ground and clutches his stomach, groaning]
- [Nauseated]
- Smalls: I don't feel so good.
- [Smalls is almost about to vomit]
- All: [They grow concern seeing Smalls almost about to vomit, so everyone except for Squints who uses his glasses Yeah Yeah who uses his glove and Tommy who uses both his arms and Kenny who also uses his arms, fan him with their caps] Uh oh, fan him. Give him air, give him air.
- Smalls: [Feeling less nauseous] We have to get that ball back.
- Ham Porter: Play ball! Hurry up, batter. This better be a short game, I gotta get home for lunch.
- [Pitcher pitches and the batter fails to even swing]
- Ham Porter: Haha, that's one.
- [cuts to new pitch]
- Ham Porter: [to the batter] You know, if my dog was as ugly as you. I'd shave his butt and tell him to walk backwards.
- [cuts to new pitch]
- Ham Porter: Here it comes, it's coming, I tell ya. *Strike three*
- [Porter puts the batter off, he swings and misses]
- Ham Porter: *You're out!"
- [cuts to new pitch]
- Ham Porter: Hey, Is that your sister out there in left field, naked? She's naked?
- Phillips: [swings and misses again] Shut up, Porter!
- Ham Porter: Hey, hey, hey, I'm just trying to have a little friendly conversation, come on.
- [two seconds later]
- Ham Porter: Think she'll go out with me?
- Mr. Mertle: [Smalls has lost a baseball signed by Babe Ruth] I take it back. You're not in trouble, you're dead where you stand.
- Narrator: Michael Squints Palledorous walked a little taller that day. And we had to tip our hats to him. He was lucky she hadn't beat the *crap* out of him. We wouldn't have blamed her. What he'd done was sneaky, rotten, and low... and cool. Not another one among us would have ever in a million years even for a million dollars have the guts to put the move on the lifeguard. He did. He had kissed a woman. And he had kissed her long and good. We got banned from the pool forever that day. But every time we walked by after that, the lifeguard looked down from her tower, right over at Squints, and smiled.
- "The Babe": Let me tell you something kid; Everybody gets one chance to do something great. Most people never take the chance, either because they're too scared, or they don't recognize it when it spits on their shoes.
- Narrator: [at the end, telling what became of his friends] Bertram?... Bertram got really into the 60s, and no one ever saw him again.
- Ham Porter: Benny, why'd you bring that kid?
- Benny Rodriguez: Because he makes nine of us.
- Yeah Yeah: Yeah yeah, so does my sister, but I didn't bring her along!
- Ham Porter: [mimicking Babe Ruth with a cigar in his mouth; can't understand him] Check this out. I'm the Great Bambino.
- Sandlot Kids: What?
- Ham Porter: [still can't understand him] I'm the Great Bambino!
- Sandlot Kids: What?
- Ham Porter: [takes cigar out of mouth] I'm the Great Bambino.
- Sandlot Kids: Oh!
- Smalls: Who's that?
- Smalls: [narrating] I had no idea what they were talking about.
- Ham Porter: What did he say?
- Bertram: What? Were you born in a barn, man?
- Yeah Yeah: Yeah yeah, what planet are you from?
- Smalls: [narrating] But there was no *way* I could let them know.
- Squints: You've never heard of the sultan of swat?
- Kenny: The titan of terror.
- Timmy: The colossus of clout!
- Tommy: The colossus of clout!
- Benny Rodriguez: The king of crash, man.
- Smalls: [narrating] So, I lied.
- Smalls: Oh! The Great Bambino. Of course. I thought you said the great Bambi.
- Ham Porter: That wimpy deer?
- Ham Porter: [the kids are being chased away from the pool by the lifeguards after Squints kisses Wendy] Oh, here's your glasses. Did you plan that?
- Squints: [puts on his glasses] Of course I did. been planning it for years.
- Benny Rodriguez: [referring to the chewed-up baseball] That's really nice of you, but that ball really is signed by Babe Ruth.
- Mr. Mertle: So's this one... with the rest of the 1927 Yankees.
- Squints: I've been coming here every summer of my adult life, and every summer there she is oiling and lotioning, lotioning and oiling... smiling. I can't take this no more! Move!
- [Continues saying lotioning and oiling as he goes to the diving board]
- Benny Rodriguez: Man, you think too much! I bet you get straight A's and shit!
- Scotty Smalls: No, I got a B once. Well, actually it was an A minus but it should have been a B.
- Benny Rodriguez: Man, this is baseball, you gotta stop thinking! Just have fun. If you were having fun, you would have caught that ball!
- Sandlot Kids: [after Wendy Peffercorn pulls Squints from the pool] Squints! Come on Squints!
- Ham Porter: Come on Squints. Squints!
- Timmy: Come on, Squints, come on!
- Scotty Smalls: [shouts] Come on, Squints. You can do it! Pull through, bud!
- Benny Rodriguez: Come on, man, come on!
- Yeah Yeah: Yeah yeah, he looks pretty crappy.
- Tommy: Squints! Come on man!
- Bertram: My God, he looks like a dead fish.
- Sandlot Kids: [Squints opens his eyes and smiles] *What*?
- Wendy Peffercorn: [Squints kisses Wendy]
- [muffled scream]
- Wendy Peffercorn: *Ugh!* *Little pervert!*
- Timmy: Aww, man, he's in deep *shit!*
- Narrator: Even though Bill loved the Murderers' Row ball, he was still plenty mad about me having swiped his Babe Ruth autographed ball and ruining it. So, I didn't feel too bad when he grounded me for a week instead of the rest of my life.
- Bill: [Looking at the Murderers' Row ball] Wow.
- Narrator: Things worked out between me and him. And from then on, I didn't have any trouble just calling him, "Dad", all the time.
- [Scene cuts to Smalls and Bill playing catch, as the Narrator continues]
- Narrator: We all lived in the neighborhood for a couple of more years, mostly through Junior High School, and every Summer was great. But none of them ever came close to that first one. When one guy would move away, we never replaced him on the team with anyone else. We just kept the game going like he was still there.
- Bill: Wow! Starting to hurt my hand.
- Narrator: [Scene cuts to the team on the Sandlot as the Narrator continues] It was weird that Benny had said that Babe Ruth was like the Hercules of Baseball and the Beast's name ended up being Hercules. None of us could ever figure out what that meant, but we were all amazed by it. I kept in touch with those guys over the years and I found out that Yeah-Yeah's parents had shipped him off to Military School. After the Army, he became one of the pioneering developers of bungee jumping. Of course, we all know why. Bertram, well... Bertram got really into the '60s and no one ever saw him again. Timmy and Tommy became an architect and a contractor. They started out small, designing playground equipment and prefabricated tree houses. But they became multimillionaires when they invented... mini malls. Squints grew up and married Wendy Peffercorn. They have 9 kids. They bought Vincent's Drug Store and they still own it to this day. Hamilton Porter became a professional wrestler. You know him as "The Great Hambino". DeNunez played Triple A ball, but he never got to the majors. He owns he own business now and he coaches a little league team that his sons play on called, "The Heaters". Hercules lived to be 199 years old... uh, in doggie years. I was the last one to move away. But when I did, the Sandlot was still there. After Benny pickled the Beast, his reputation spread all over town. From then on, he was known as, "Benny 'The Jet' Rodriguez" and the nickname stuck with him for the rest of his life.
- Benny Rodriguez: Man, this is baseball. You gotta stop thinking. Just have fun. I mean, if you were having fun you would've caught that ball. You ever have a paper route?
- Smalls: I helped a guy once.
- Benny Rodriguez: Okay, well chuck it like you throw paper. When your arm gets here, just let go. Just let go, it's that easy.
- [starts to jog away]
- Smalls: How do I catch it?
- Benny Rodriguez: Just stand out there and stick your glove out in the air. I'll take care of it.
- Smalls: Oh yeah, the Great Bambino. Of course! I thought you said the Great Bambi.
- Ham Porter: That wimpy deer?
- Smalls: Yeah, I guess. Sorry.
- Benny Rodriguez: Vote then! Anybody who wants to be a can't-hack-it pantywaist who wears their mama's bra, raise your hand.
- [the boys raise their hands in agreement]
- Benny Rodriguez: Ok fine fine! Be like that! So what do you want to do?
- Yeah Yeah: [laughs] Oh! Oh!
- Sandlot Kids: [Except for Smalls and Benny] Scam pool honeys!
- Squints: [In the tree house, telling the story of the mutant dog who lives next door] ... after a while the cops started getting calls from people reporting all the missing thieves...
- Benny Rodriguez: Where you guys been? We've been waiting here forever, already!
- Yeah Yeah: Ah, Squints was pervin' a dish.
- Squints: Shut up! I wasn't.
- Yeah Yeah: Yeah, yeah, you were! Your tongue was hanging out of your head! And you were swooning!
- [Mocking what Squints was doing]
- Yeah Yeah: Oh Wendy Peffercorn, my darling lover girl!
- [laughs]
- Squints: I said shut up! I got a lot of things on my mind!
- Narrator: You see, for us, baseball was a game. But, for Benjamin Franklin Rodriguez, baseball was life.
- Smalls: [voiceover] We all lived in the neighborhood for a couple of more years - mostly through junior high school - and every summer was great. But none of them ever came close to that first one. When one guy would move away, we never replaced him on the team with anyone else. We just kept the game going like he was still there.
- Squints: The kid is a L7 weenie.
- Yeah Yeah: Yeah, yeah - Oscar Meyer even. Footlong, dodger dog, a weenie!
- All: Ohhh haha
- Benny Rodriguez: What are you laughing at Yeah Yeah? You run like a duck!
- Yeah Yeah: 'Kay 'kay, but I'm... I'm...
- Benny Rodriguez: Part of the game right?
- Yeah Yeah: Mmm... Yeah?
- Benny Rodriguez: Now how come he don't get to be?
- Bertram: He's a geek, man
- All: He can't catch.
- Benny Rodriguez: [looks back at Smalls]
- [Angrily to the others]
- Benny Rodriguez: Man, base up you blockheads.
- Benny Rodriguez: [about Smalls' hat] Got a fireplace?
- Scotty Smalls: Yeah.
- Benny Rodriguez: Throw that in there, man.
- Ham Porter: Hamilton "the Babe" Porter. "Long Ball" Porter. Come on DeNunez.
- [Points to center field like Babe Ruth. Everyone laughs]
- Benny Rodriguez: [watching Wendy Peffercorn on the lifeguard chair putting on suntan lotion] Oh, man!
- Yeah Yeah: Yeah, yeah. Too cruel.
- Timmy: She don't know what she's doin'.
- Tommy: She don't know what she's doin'.
- Benny Rodriguez: Yeah, she does. She knows exactly what she's doin'.
- Squints: I've swum here every summer in my adult life. And every summer, there she is. Lotion. Oilin'. Oilin'! Lotion. Smiling. Smiling! I can't take this no more! Move!
- Narrator: It wasn't really the pool honeys, like we said; because, if any one of them had come up to any one of us, we'd have just pee'd our pants. We all went because, well, because Wendy Peffercorn - was the lifeguard.
- Ham Porter: Hey, you wanna S'More?
- Smalls: Some more what?
- Ham Porter: No, no. You wanna S'More?
- Smalls: I haven't had anything yet, so how can I have some more of nothing?
- Ham Porter: You're killing me, Smalls.
- Narrator: Even though none of us had ever seen a Playboy magazine, which we constantly lied about, we figured going to the pool was the next best thing to being there.