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Van Helsing (2004)
David Wenham: Carl
Photos
Quotes
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Carl : [while stocking Van Helsing's kit for the trip to Transylvania] I don't know. You could blind your enemies, char-broil a herd of chargind wildebeests - use your imagination.
Van Helsing : No, I'm going to use yours - you're coming with me.
Carl : Oh, to hell and be damned I am!
Van Helsing : Carl, you just cursed! Not well mind you but you're a monk. You shouldn't curse at all.
Carl : Actually I'm just a friar so I can curse all I want... dammit!
-
Carl : So you can remember everything about your life from the last seven years, but nothing before that?
Van Helsing : Not now, Carl.
Carl : There must be something?
Van Helsing : [dead serious] I remember fighting the Romans at Masada.
Carl : That was in 73 A.D.
Van Helsing : You asked.
-
Carl : Why does it smell like wet dog in here?
Van Helsing : [running past him] Werewolf!
Carl : Oh! You'll be needing silver bullets then.
[he produces a box of bullets and throws them to Van Helsing, rather deftly]
Van Helsing : Well done!
-
Carl : Now, you won't turn into a werewolf until your first full moon. That's two days from now. So we have 48 hours to find a solution. But you'll still be able to fight Dracula's hold over you until the final stroke of midnight.
Van Helsing : Sounds like I have nothing to worry about.
Carl : Oh, my God, you should be terrified!
Van Helsing : Thank you.
Carl : Sorry.
-
Van Helsing : Now, Carl, whatever you do, don't stare at him.
[he opens the coach door, revealing the Frankenstein Monster shackled into the seat, struggling and snarling]
Carl : I'm staring at him.
[quickly turns away]
Carl : Is that a man?
Van Helsing : Actually, it's seven men. Parts of them, anyway.
-
Carl : [after saving the woman from the vampire children] They've all died.
Barmaid : Oh, thank you! You saved me.
[kisses him on the cheek]
Barmaid : How can I repay you?
[Carl leans in and whispers something in her ear]
Barmaid : But you can't do that! You are a monk!
Carl : Actually, I'm a just a friar.
-
Carl : [translating language on a painting] Even a man who is pure in heart, and says his prayers by night, may become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms and the moon is full and bright. Or crave anothers blood when the sun goes down, and his body takes to flight.
-
Carl : Here, take this.
[he hands Van Helsing a bag, then begins to fill it]
Carl : Rings of garlic... holy water... silver stake... crucifix...
[they pass two monks test-firing a Gatling gun]
Van Helsing : Why can't I have one of those?
-
Frankenstein's Monster : [hanging from a rope] Help! Help me!
Carl : But you're supposed to die!
Frankenstein's Monster : I want to live!
Carl : ...All right.
-
Van Helsing : You're a genius!
Carl : A genius with access to unstable chemicals!
-
Carl : [about his invention] I know what it's for! I know what it's for!... Where are we going?
Van Helsing , Anna Valerious : Through that window!
-
[Van Helsing and Anna are both hanging off the sides of the carriage, hanging over the cliff. While the Monster is chained in his seat, Carl starts to pull Anna in, but Van Helsing's grip starts to fail]
Frankenstein's Monster : I can help!
Carl : You won't kill me?
Frankenstein's Monster : Only if you don't hurry!
-
[approaching the entrance to Castle Dracula]
Carl : Do we have a plan? I mean, it doesn't have to be Wellington's at Waterloo, but some kind of plan would be nice.
Van Helsing : We're going to go in there and stop Dracula.
Anna Valerious : And kill anyone who gets in our way.
Carl : [quickly turns around] Well, you let me know how that goes...
-
[Dracula's minions have taken all of Frankenstein's equipment to castle Dracula]
Anna Valerious : Then we've lost.
Carl : Dracula can't bring them to life until the sun sets. We still have time.
Anna Valerious : "Time"? The sun sets in two hours, and we've been searching for his lair for over 400 years!
Carl : I wasn't around for those 400 years, was I?
-
[Van Helsing and Carl break into a mausoleum to hide the unconscious Monster]
Carl : I'm sure this is some kind of sin.
Van Helsing : Don't worry, God will forgive us.
-
Carl : What are we doing here? Why is it so important to kill this Dracula anyway?
Van Helsing : Because he's the son of the devil.
Carl : I mean besides that.
Van Helsing : Because if we kill him, anything bitten by him or created will also die.
Carl : I mean besides that.
-
Carl : Viscous material, what did I tell you!
-
Carl : How many commandments can we break in one day?
-
Frankenstein's Monster : Let me go!
Carl : Where are you going to go? I don't know if you've looked in the mirror lately, but you kind of stick out in a crowd.
-
Van Helsing : That's why you're coming with me.
Carl : The hell be damned that I am.
Van Helsing : You cursed. Not very well, mind you, but you're a monk. You shouldn't curse at all.
Carl : Actually, I'm still just a friar. I can curse all I want, dammit.
-
Carl : You've never gone after vampires before, have you?
Van Helsing : Vampires, gargoyles, warlocks, they're all the same - best when cooked well.
-
Anna Valerious : [while looking at the cure for the werewolf curse] Go ahead, grab it.
Carl : Why don't you go ahead and grab it? If there's one thing I've learned, it's never to stick your hand into a viscous material.
-
Carl : Ah! Here's something new!
[pumps a drop of the yellow liquid onto his pinky finger]
Carl : Glycerine-48.
[snaps his wrist, causing a large explosion after the Glycerine-48 hits the floor. The workers shout and gasp in anger and shock]
Carl : Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!
Carl : [turns to Van Helsing, his magnifying glasses over his eyes] Sorry!
Monk : [offscreen in the background] What in the name of Allah is wrong with you?
Carl : [to Van Helsing] The air around here is thick with envy...
-
[last lines]
Carl : She's dead.
-
Van Helsing : The Cardinal has ordered you to keep me alive.
[he throws the bag back to Carl, then walks past him]
Van Helsing : For as long as possible.
Carl : But I'm not a field man! Van Helsing, I don't want to go to Transylvania!
-
[Carl hands Van Helsing his latest invention, an automatic crossbow]
Carl : A work of certifiable genius.
Van Helsing : If you don't say so yourself.
Carl : Well, I did say so myself.
-
Carl : Are you always this popular?
Van Helsing : Pretty much.
-
Van Helsing : Carl, I need you to do something
Carl : I'm not gonna like this am I?
-
Van Helsing : [Bangs on the canal gate feverishly while staying afloat; he looks on as the Frankenstein monster drifts away with the enemy] I must save him!
Carl : [Holding his head down] No, you can't.
Van Helsing : [Surprised] Why?
Carl : [Lamentingly] I cabled Rome earlier to apprise them of our situation.
Van Helsing : And what did they say?
Carl : [Speaks with sadness in his voice] Even if you somehow kill Dracula, Rome orders you to destroy Frankenstein as well.
Van Helsing : But he isn't evil!
Carl : Yes, but they say he isn't human either.
Van Helsing : Do they know him? Have they talked with him? Who are they to judge?
Carl : They want you to destroy him so he can never be used to harm humanity.
Van Helsing : And what of *me?* Did you tell them what *I'm* to become?
[Swiftly grabs hold of Carl's throat]
Van Helsing : Did they tell you how to *kill* me?
[He lifts him up with one arm, pinning him to the gate; the more he speaks, the tighter his grip gets around Carl's throat, while he struggles vainly to free himself]
Van Helsing : The correct *angle* of the stake as it enters my heart?
Anna Valerious : [Anna, terrified of his outburst tries to grab hold of Van Helsing to get him to release Carl] No! Stop!
Van Helsing : [His hand still tightening, his iris dilate and begin to glow an eerie, pale yellow as he yells] The exact measure of *silver* in each *bullet*? Huh?
Carl : [Croaks pitifully in Van Helsing's grip, and speaks pleadingly] No, I-I left you out!
Van Helsing : [Van Helsing's eyes look more and more savage. He grimaces and doubles over, releasing Carl from his grasp. Then he clutches himself, as a vicious roar bellows though his lips; he snarls and sneers while clenching his fists trying to fight away the curse. Anna and Carl look at him with both fear of and for him; as his eyes return to that of human, he realizes he has little time left and that he has hurt his best friend. He looks at Carl with regret] I'm sorry... It is starting...