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Horrible Bosses (2011)
Jason Sudeikis: Kurt Buckman
Photos
Quotes
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Kurt Buckman : Are you a businessman?
Dean 'MF' Jones : Yeah. Motherfucker Jones.
Kurt Buckman , Dean 'MF' Jones : [they shake hands] What's that?
Dean 'MF' Jones : Motherfucker Jones.
Dale Arbus : Your first name is... Motherfucker?
Dean 'MF' Jones : Not "motherfucker". "Motherfuckah". White people say "-er", Negroes say "fuck-ah". You say "er", I say "ah".
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Kurt Buckman : C'mon! Let's do this! Think about Gam-Gam! Wouldn't she want her favorite grandson to be happy?
Nick Hendricks : She wouldn't want me to kill him.
Kurt Buckman : You gotta forget about Gam-Gam. She's dead. Move on.
-
Kurt Buckman : [last lines - out-take] Wouldn't mind bending her over a barrel and showing her the 50 states, right?
Nick Hendricks : I don't know what that means.
Kurt Buckman : It's a phrase.
Nick Hendricks : I don't think so.
Kurt Buckman : Yeah, it is. Certainly it is. Definitely it is.
Nick Hendricks : Really?
Kurt Buckman : Yeah, it's from a movie.
Nick Hendricks : [negative head shake] uh-uh.
Kurt Buckman : It is now.
[looking into camera]
Nick Hendricks : Beautiful.
[winks at the camera]
-
Kurt Buckman : [after seeing a picture of Harken's wife] I'd like to bend her over a barrel and show her the fifty states.
-
Bobby Pellitt : You're three hours late. What's the deal?
Kurt Buckman : I was at your father's funeral.
Bobby Pellitt : Uh-huh. Well, maybe that excuse would have flown when my dad was here, but I'm in charge now.
-
Dale Arbus : [about Bobby Pellit] Why would you put his whole bathroom in your ass?
Kurt Buckman : I didn't know I had DNA in my butt!
Dale Arbus : You're lying! You *know* there's DNA in your butt! You just like shoving shit in your ass, you fucking pervert!
Nick Hendricks : We are lawyering up, man. That's it.
Dale Arbus : I don't have money for a lawyer, okay! I bought a very expensive ring that I can't afford, then I gave the rest of my motherfucking money to Motherfucker Jones!
Kurt Buckman : That's who we should talk to.
Nick Hendricks : Sure. Why not? He's covered us this far, right? Five grand?
Dale Arbus : Five thousand... forty, with the briefcase.
Kurt Buckman , Nick Hendricks : Shut the fuck up about that case!
-
Dean 'MF' Jones : First thing first: we gotta handle business.
Kurt Buckman : Mm-hmm.
Dean 'MF' Jones : I need $5000.
Kurt Buckman : No!
Dale Arbus : No!
Nick Hendricks : There's gonna be no more money.
Dale Arbus : No!
Dean 'MF' Jones : $2000?
Dale Arbus : No.
Nick Hendricks : Absolutely not.
Kurt Buckman : No way, Motherfucker. No.
Dean 'MF' Jones : [sighs in defeat] All right, look... pay for my drinks.
Dale Arbus : Pay for his drinks? Yeah.
[to Nick]
Dale Arbus : Pay for his drinks.
Nick Hendricks : I'll do that.
Dale Arbus : Not a very good negotiator.
-
Kurt Buckman : Your father told me very clearly that he would rather die than save money and hurt people.
Bobby Pellitt : Well, guess what? Looks like we're right on schedule then.
-
Nick Hendricks : Where were you during the murder?
Kurt Buckman : I was making love. I was making love to a woman. You know... murdering some ass.
-
Dale Arbus : [Talking to man on NavGuide] Hey, I always wondered these kinds of things, but is your real name Gregory?
Atmanand : [in Indian accent] Um, no, sir. Standard NavGuide protocol is to use names American people find easy to pronounce. My real name is Atmanand.
Kurt Buckman : You know what, buddy, I'm not gonna play by the rules. I'm gonna call you Akmantad.
Nick Hendricks : Atmonent.
Atmanand : [slowly pronouncing] At-man-and.
Kurt Buckman : I'm just gonna call you Gregory cuz that name is a fuckin' nightmare, buddy, let me tell you.
-
Nick Hendricks : I'm such a sucker! Harken was never gonna promote me...
Kurt Buckman : That coked-up prick is gonna ruin Pellit Chemicals. He's just gonna fire everybody!
Dale Arbus : She stood there with her breasts, right in my face!
Kurt Buckman : ...Y'know, yours doesn't sound that bad.
-
Kurt Buckman : You don't fucking punch the driver!
Nick Hendricks : Yeah, you don't punch the driver, man.
Dale Arbus : I'm coked out of my fucking head, I can punch whoever I want to!
-
Kurt Buckman : Technically, I think it's immoral not to kill him.
-
Bobby Pellitt : You know what, I don't hear you giving... dickskin any shit.
Kurt Buckman : Dickskin? Nice.
Bobby Pellitt : Kiss ass.
Jack Pellit : Come on, come on.
Bobby Pellitt : Yeah, go on, in you go. Go on, gay boy!
Kurt Buckman : I'm not gay!
Bobby Pellitt : Please. I've seen gay boys. You're one of them.
Kurt Buckman : Yeah, where'd you see them?
Bobby Pellitt : In your house! Get in! I'm a green belt, motherfucker!
-
Dale Arbus : Your ad said you do wetwork.
Wetwork Man : That is correct. I urinate on other men for money. Why else do you think my ad was in the "Men seeking Men" section?
Kurt Buckman : [to Dale] You fucking idiot!
Dale Arbus : We are MEN looking for another man!
-
Kurt Buckman : Oh shit! I broke a rock!
-
Bobby Pellitt : [after tricking Kurt into firing Hank] This is an Accounting Department decision, my hands are tied. I'm sorry.
Kurt Buckman : [to Hank] This wasn't my idea.
Hank Preston : [dubious] Fuck... you... Kurt.
-
Dale Arbus : At least you boss isn't sexually harassing you.
Kurt Buckman : Oh my god, here we go again.
Dale Arbus : Don't give me that.
Nick Hendricks : You'll never get any sympathy out of us for this.
-
Nick Hendricks : Dean Jones, that's the same name as the actor in "Herbie, the Love Bug".
Kurt Buckman : Yeah, he's not gonna know who that is.
Dean 'MF' Jones : I know who he is, bitch.
Kurt Buckman : Sorry.
Dean 'MF' Jones : I can't walk around this freakin' neighborhood with that Disney-ass name.
-
Nick Hendricks : How's it going over there? What do you know about Julia?
Kurt Buckman : I've learned that I gotta switch dentists 'cause this woman is unbelievably hot.
-
[out-take]
Kurt Buckman : [in reference to Bobby's house] This place is awful. It's like The Sharper Image took a shit in here.
-
Dale Arbus : [after forced and badly improvised phone sex with Julia] Nice job fucking the crazy out of her, Kurt!
Kurt Buckman : Oh I'm sorry, maybe I should've tried dancing on her boobies!
-
Kurt Buckman : [after seeing a picture of Harken's Wife] I'd like to bend her over a barrel and show her the fifty states
-
Nick Hendricks : Where are you two gonna find a hit man?
Dale Arbus : Why don't you guys leave that up to me, okay? I got this whole thing figured out. I'm gonna give you a call tomorrow and tell you where to meet me.
Kurt Buckman : Why don't you just tell us now?
Dale Arbus : 'Cause... I don't have it figured out.
-
Wetwork Man : Oh, and by the way, I still will want my $200.
Nick Hendricks : Understandable.
Kurt Buckman : We insist.
Nick Hendricks : Two hundred, huh? A bargain.
Kurt Buckman : To kill three people?
Dale Arbus : I thought it was such a good deal.
Kurt Buckman : Dipshit. Unbelievable.
-
Nick Hendricks : [seeing Rhonda coming out of the same bathroom where Kurt went] Kurt, what happened there?
Kurt Buckman : Oh, uh she was giving me a tour of the mouth -- House.
-
Kurt Buckman : Okay. All right. I'm gonna go home too.
Nick Hendricks : Well, you are. This is your house here.
Kurt Buckman : Oh. I couldn't tell that by the way you go in and out of my fridge drinking all my fucking beer.