Change Your Image
Hey_Sweden
Birthdate: September 25
I bid you...velcome.
I'm a shameless movie fanatic who especially favours the following genres:
Exploitation
Horror
Action
Comedy
Favourite directors include:
John Carpenter
Larry Cohen
George A. Romero
David Cronenberg
Ratings
Most Recently Rated
Lists
An error has ocurred. Please try againReviews
Cattle Annie and Little Britches (1980)
"Child, life's not like a dime novel."
An adorable Diane Lane ("Unfaithful") and a wonderfully spunky Amanda Plummer ("Pulp Fiction"), the latter making her film debut, play the title roles in this highly engaging Western. Cattle Annie (Plummer) and Jenny a.k.a. Little Britches (Lane) are two young orphan girls who hook up with the remnants of the Doolin (Burt Lancaster, "Gunfight at the O. K. Corral") / Dalton (Scott Glenn, "The Silence of the Lambs") gang. Bill Doolin decides that the old gang still has some life left in it, and the girls inspire them to pull a few more jobs.
Overall, the film is good enough to make you think that it in no way deserved its fate. (It was "thrown away" by Universal, who distributed it in 1980.). Only in more recent years did it get released to Blu-ray & DVD, so people can now take pleasure in a slightly adult (there is some profanity, and some male nudity, albeit shot from behind) but still largely harmless bit of entertainment. Just like the Cattle Annie of the title, it has a lot of spirit, and a charismatic Lancaster and a low-key Glenn are just two top players in a cast that also includes Rod Steiger ("In the Heat of the Night") as lawman Bill Tilghman, John Savage ("The Deer Hunter"), William Russ ('Boy Meets World'), Redmond Gleeson ("Dreamscape"), Buck Taylor ("Tombstone"), Michael Conrad ('Hill Street Blues'), John Quade ("Every Which Way But Loose"), and Perry Lang ("Alligator").
The story, based on a novel and screen story by Robert Ward, has a great theme about idolization of outlaw characters and the need to see the reality behind the legend. It's a solid, entertaining tale with some choice bits of dialogue, and a rousing finale guaranteed to have viewers cheering.
The fact that this got such a limited release 44 years ago is in no way indicative of quality (or lack thereof), so give this one a look whenever you can.
Seven out of 10.
Weird: The Al Yankovic Story (2022)
Now you know!
Finally, the "true" story of music / comedy icon "Weird Al" Yankovic can be told, as we see Al (played as an adult by Daniel Radcliffe) grow up in a household where his father (Toby Huss) won't let him be himself, and who considers the accordion to be the "devils' instrument". But Al perseveres, with his parodies of popular rock and pop songs becoming phenomenons. Of course, it all goes to Als' head, and he becomes a real jerk while embarking on a torrid affair with pop music legend Madonna (Evan Rachel Wood).
You always know what you're getting with Weird Al. True to his warped & wacky nature, this is hardly a serious or factual musical biopic, instead playing like a parody of that genre. While I didn't find it to be *as* funny as "Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story", it's still quite endearing in its own way as it skewers the various cliches of this genre. Commendably, the cast plays everything straight-faced, which is usually the correct way to play this sort of material; it helps to sell the absurdity of the jokes.
Both Radcliffe and Wood are fantastic, and they receive strong support from an able cast full of familiar faces, especially Rainn Wilson as Dr. Demento, the man who basically gave Weird Al his start. You can tell the filmmakers were really having fun with the stunt casting (Conan O'Brien as Andy Warhol, Emo Philips as Salvador Dali, Demetri Martin as Tiny Tim, etc.).
Overall, this is a pretty bright comedy with some of the best moments revolving around Als' inspiration for his song parodies: "Like a Surgeon", "Fat", "Amish Paradise", and the like. If you're a Weird Al fan and enjoyed his cult favorite "UHF", you're sure to get a kick out of it. The closing credits song is HILARIOUS.
Al himself appears on screen as record company executive Tony Scotti.
Seven out of 10.
Las viboras cambian de piel (1974)
Nothing special here, but still a pretty good time at the movies.
Two bearded men, played by Pedro Armendariz Jr. And Rogelio Guerra, learn that they are both targeting the same man for revenge, so they team up. They then convert a hired killer turned gambler / womanizer (Jorge Rivero) to their cause, and they travel to Santa Fe to eliminate their quarry (Quintin Bulnes), who's become the local sheriff!
Complete with double crosses, sexy and scantily clad ladies (including Zulma Faiad as the pistoleros' prostitute girlfriend), decent widescreen photography, some hearty laughs, and a final Peckinpah-inspired bloodbath, "Guns and Guts" is generally quite fun. It *does* start out as awfully tongue-in-cheek and goofy, beginning with a series of beatings (!), then changes tone to become more serious. But it remains quite watchable for the duration.
A Mexican answer to the popular "Spaghetti Western" genre, this was a credit for the prolific Mexican cult-favorite filmmaker Rene Cardona Jr., who also gave us things such as "Tintorera!", "The Bermuda Triangle", and "Treasure of the Amazon". While it's no great shakes, really, in terms of either script or direction, I did find it to be pretty entertaining, with amusing performances by all cast members concerned.
Seven out of 10.
Schlock (1973)
I'm just bananas about this movie.
In a movie that very much lives up to its title, the missing link (played by John Landis, wearing a solid ape suit devised by Rick Baker) runs amok in a small town. Fortunately for Schlock, the cops are all Keystone types who literally trip over dead bodies. Eventually, Schlock falls in love with a girl (Eliza Roberts) who's just had her sight restored.
A very young Landis (20 going on 21 at the time) wrote and directed this minor cult favorite, his first attempt at film-making. While undeniably very crude, and amateurishly acted, the laughs *are* there. The pacing does lag at times, as if Landis was struggling to get this to feature length, but the good news is that he often comes up with some truly inspired sight gags and farcical moments. Landis is quite funny as the beast, and the supporting cast is sincere if not exactly polished. Saul Kahan (also the still photographer) is a hoot as the unlikely detective in charge of tracking down Schlock.
Given that Hollywood producer Jack H. Harris got involved, there are some funny moments where Schlock & others watch the Harris-produced "The Blob" and "Dinosaurus!" in a theater.
It's no surprise that Landis would hook up with the ZAZ comedy team for his next effort, "The Kentucky Fried Movie"; there's even a surely / Shirley joke in here! And Landis works in plenty of references to his classic phrase "See You Next Wednesday". He famously worked with Baker again a decade later for the landmark werewolf film "An American Werewolf in London". John Chambers, the man who designed that great ape makeup for the "Planet of the Apes" series, appears on screen here as the National Guard captain.
Seven out of 10.
El Topo (1970)
Like nothing else I've ever seen.
This allegorical, heavily episodic "midnight movie" combines tropes of the American Western with a European sensibility and a strong accent on spiritualism. Writer / director Alejandro Jodorowsky plays the title character, a man in black on an odyssey of self-discovery and self-reflection. This he will do partly by doing battle with a quartet of gun-fighting "masters".
Just to give you an idea of how irreverent this movie is, El Topo begins the film by traveling with his son (played by the filmmakers' son Brontis), who wears nothing but a hat; the boy begins his own journey to manhood by burying icons of his childhood.
A favorite of entertainers as diverse as John Lennon, Dennis Hopper, and Marilyn Manson, Jodorowsky has told a highly memorable story here. It is by turns graphically violent, surreal, provocative, and in its own way lyrical. It's exceptionally well shot and deliberately paced, with chapter titles such as "Prophets" and "Psalms". It's obviously NOT for all tastes, but if what you've read here has intrigued you, then by all means check this out and then the rest of the filmmakers' resume. Jodorowsky is clearly a talent who should be celebrated more often.
Yes, this head trip of a movie could be seen as pretentious by some, but for me it was a true original.
Seven out of 10.
Breaking Bad: Breakage (2009)
"It's the cost of business, yo."
Faced with enormous medical bills, Walter reluctantly decides to go back into business with Jesse, who's trying to get his life back in order. Of course, they don't want to have to deal with another person like Tuco, so Jesse proposes that they go into business for themselves. His idea is that they do this with the help of Jesses' associates Badger (Matt Jones), Skinny Pete (Charles Baker), and Combo (Rodney Rush). And while this goes on, Hank is clearly feeling the effects of his deadly encounter with Tuco.
Expertly shot, edited, designed, and scored, this is truly top entertainment, with some very effective scenes between Walter & Jesse as the latter tries to convince the former that there *can* be certain inherent risks involved in the operation. When Skinny Pete is ripped off by a pair of junkies (David Ury, Dale Dickey), Jesse tries to convince Walter of the nature of "breakage". But as we will ultimately see, Walter just can't accept the way things are. We can also see just how on edge Hank is, even though he's just gotten a promotion and should be content with how things are going. Walter confronts Skyler with his knowledge that she's been smoking while pregnant, leading to more hostility between the two of them.
'Breaking Bad' has so far proven to me to be one of the most purely entertaining TV series of the past two decades or so.
The trivia points out something interesting, by the way: Jesse addresses Walter as "Walt" at one point, something he would only do one more time during the series; every other time it was always "Mr. White".
Eight out of 10.
Star Trek: The Enterprise Incident (1968)
Lots of fun.
Kirk has been behaving out-of-character lately, berating his crew and generally being irritable. He even orders the Enterprise straight into Romulan territory, with the obvious end result of being surrounded by the enemy. Soon, they are interrogated by the Romulan commander (Joanne Linville, a veteran of episodic TV), who is naturally suspicious of their behavior.
As it turns out, there is a method to Kirks' "madness", and the plot involves a great mix of subterfuge and con jobs, making this episode something akin to a spy movie. While I'll refrain from revealing more details of the story, I was more than happy with the way that it played out and resolved itself. All in all, 'The Enterprise Incident' marked a good return to form after the goofiness of 'Spocks' Brain'.
The lovely Linville is a major point of interest as the antagonist, and the celebrated writer D. C. Fontana & Ms. Linville make her far more than just some one-dimensional thug. She has especially great scenes with Nimoy because the Commander is very intrigued with Spock, and would actually love to help Spock obtain command that we know the character does not really desire. Their scenes have an overt seductive quality that's quite potent, and we can see Spock react to her, if subtly.
'The Enterprise Incident' just builds in intensity as it goes along, leading to an effectively tense finale, and ends on a humorous note as so many of the episodes do. In fact, it's quite a funny final moment.
Eight out of 10.
Split (2016)
A so-so thriller elevated by its acting.
Kevin Wendell Crumb (James McAvoy), a zoo employee, suffered enough trauma as a child that he ended up with Dissociative Identity Disorder, or DID for short. His mind harbors 23 distinct personalities, with a 24th yet to emerge and dominate all the others. While Kevin has frequent appointments with a psychiatrist (Betty Buckley), he abducts three young women for a purpose that is eventually made clear.
While not exactly truthful in terms of portrayal of the disorder, "Split" is a decent thriller from M. Night Shyamalan, who's been hit or miss with much of his output. "Split" tries to have it both ways, trying to be an intelligent examination of this mans' mental problems while also aiming to be a rather conventional abduction / imprisonment thriller. While I didn't find it to be that successful on either count, the film does at least have good atmosphere. It also has intended victims who do make the attempt to not just lie back and accept their fate; they do their best to remain feisty.
Anya Taylor-Joy, who'd made such a splash in "The Witch", follows up that project with a very fine performance here as Casey, who has her own ****ed up back story that makes *her* a more interesting protagonist. But it's McAvoy who is the main reason to watch, delivering a compelling series of distinctive performances and commanding ones' attention for the duration of the story. There is a quick, unbilled cameo before the end credits linking "Split" to Nights' earlier film "Unbreakable"; this was subsequently followed by the film "Glass", bringing together characters from both films.
Six out of 10.
Banlieue 13 (2004)
Solid entertainment.
The setting is France in the "future" year of 2010. District B13 is just one of many communities that have had "isolation walls" built to surround them. Inside, the criminal element reigns supreme. A top undercover cop (Cyril Raffaelli) teams up with a scrappy young punk (David Belle) to infiltrate the district, after a bomb has ended up in the possession of a gang. Raffaelli has scant time in which to defuse the bomb.
Co-written by Luc Besson (with Bibi Naceri, who plays crime kingpin Taha), this is simply quite a bit of fun. It benefits from a blazing pace (and resulting brief run time), colorful characters (protagonists & antagonists alike), a groovy hip hop score by Da Octopuss, lively camerawork, a potent social subtext, and excellent action scenes. The "Parkour" stunts, devised by Belle, supposedly utilize VERY little in terms of cinematic enhancement: Belle & Raffaelli are apparently *really* doing most of this crazy stuff themselves.
Raffaelli is effective as the cop, expert in martial arts and devoted to values & laws, while Belle is more personally motivated: Taha abducted his younger sister Lola (Dany Verissimo-Petit) and turned her into a junkie. The two of them have great odd-couple chemistry, and are well-served by Naceri (and Tony D'Amario as his henchman K2); he's a total hoot as the ultra-slimy bad guy.
Overall, an invigorating action film highly recommended to fans of the genre.
Seven out of 10.
Three's Company: Jack on the Lam (1979)
"Does anybody really know where anybody lives?"
Two FBI agents, Banning (James Staley, "Protocol") and Roth (Rudolph Willrich, "Communion") come looking for Jack, and he naturally, in the tradition of 'Three's Company', assumes the worst. So he attempts to masquerade as "Chrissy", dressing in drag and going on a "business" date with a man named Walter Nessle (Dick O'Neill, "The Taking of Pelham One Two Three").
A new era was underway during this series' run, and it starts with a new credits sequence on the Santa Monica pier, and Richard Kline (a.k.a. Larry) included along with John, Joyce, and Suzanne. It also saw Joyce debut her cute "pixie"-ish hairdo. Unfortunately, as we can see, the Chrissy character was starting to get done dirty, and made to be pretty dumb rather than just naive.
But 'Jack on the Lam' is still a very bright opening to the fourth season, with some absolutely hysterical moments, not the least is the sight of Ritter in drag. In real life, he wouldn't fool anybody. Which makes it all the more hilarious that a drunken Larry proceeds to hit on Jack!
In the end, I have to give Staley and Willrich credit for taking their characters seriously and maintaining their poker faces, which can't have been easy considering the comic hijinks on display.
Nine out of 10.
Breaking Bad: Down (2009)
An absolutely riveting episode.
Walter is forced to deal with more of the aftermath from his disappearance. As it stands, Skylar is not talking to him, and disappearing for hours at a time without saying where she's going. Jesse, on the other hand, sinks as low as he can possibly sink. His parents kick him out of his house - having discovered the remains of his lab - and he has virtually nowhere to go, no "friends" who can put him up for at least a brief time.
Episodes such as this have really sold me on Aaron Paul as an actor. He truly sells Jesses' dejection & desperation, and I could definitely feel bad for him despite the direction in which his life took him. His absolute lowest point? An incident involving an outhouse, which is both hilarious and utterly sad.
When Walter rails at Jesse for coming to his house, still driving THAT damnable mobile home, and yells about the younger mans' ineptitude and stupidity, it's no surprise when they actually come to blows. But the title of the episode is apt: Jesse is a character who's truly DOWN in the dumps, and he's ready to do ANYTHING to remedy his situation.
Meanwhile, Walter tries to bond with Walter, Jr., who's also distanced himself from his dad, and they have a pleasant, mildly funny sequence where the father tries to teach the son how to drive.
At the end, when we see what Skylar has been doing during her time away, it's truly disconcerting.
Eight out of 10.
Spider-Man: Fountain of Terror/Fiddler on the Loose (1968)
"You and your rock 'n' roll rabble!"
'Fountain of Terror'. Scientist Curtis Connor (voice of Gillie Fenwick) once again goes missing, only this time he has been captured by a 15th century Conquistador (possibly THE Ponce de Leon) desperate to keep his knowledge of The Fountain of Youth a secret. Spidey has his hands full not only dealing with returning villain Harley Clivendon (voice of Chris Wiggins), but Connors' annoying son Billy (voice of Billie Mae Richards), who insists on tagging along on Spidey's mission. Good fun overall for Spidey fans, with the web-head facing quicksand and making a speedboat (!) out of his webbing.
'Fiddler on the Loose'. A demented violinist with a German accent wants to restore the beauty of classical music to the world, so he sets out to destroy the efforts of ageing swinger Cyrus Flintridge (J. Frank Willis), a man with a fondness for "mod" rock. The villain is priceless, what with his deadly violin that creates sonic blasts. What's also funny is seeing how much of a swinger Jameson is NOT.
Eight out of 10.
Mardi Gras Massacre (1978)
Are you sure you're REALLY evil?
A well-dressed sicko (William Metzo) is hard at work sacrificing prostitutes to his "god". A vice cop who's transferred to homicide (Curt Dawson), who's absolutely no rose himself, picks up his trail, but never seems THAT concerned with whether or not he solves the case.
The fifth and final film for New Orleans-based exploitation filmmaker Jack Weis, this isn't as much as fun as if, say, Herschell Gordon Lewis had handled it. Sure, "Mardi Gras Massacre" hits the expected beats sufficiently: it's got some amusing gore, and the female cast members frequently get nude. The problem is, HGL probably would have at least made this a bit livelier. This flick is too slow and too static and takes too long to play out its slim story.
Make no mistake, it's as inept as much of what you'll see in the HGL filmography, with blatantly cheesy & amateurish acting, and it features a steady parade of genuinely bad music. That said, Metzo amuses in the psycho role, and that's Playboy Playmate Laura Misch Owens as his initial victim.
I *did* enjoy this to an extent as a piece of cinematic trash, and as a so-bad-it's-good type of movie, but I can't say that I really *laughed* as often as I do when watching most films from HGL.
At the very least, the location manager did *their* job: there are some pleasing N. O. sights & sounds to take in, and the climax *does* feature some good Mardi Gras celebration footage.
Five out of 10.
Get Mean (1975)
"You're worse than trash. You're GARBAGE!"
Story author / producer / star Tony Anthony ("Blindman") came up with the idea of this certifiably wacky, late-in-the-game Spaghetti Western that really is like nothing else I've seen. Anthony plays The Stranger (a character he's played before), mystery man who is dragged by a horse into a wind-swept ghost town. There, gypsies offer him a sizable sum to transport a Royal (Diana Lorys, "The Awful Dr. Orlof") to Spain so she can lead an army.
The Stranger proceeds to get caught up in a war between "barbarians" and Moors, and frequently takes his lumps (he is hung by his feet, fired at by a cannon, chased by a bull, and roasted over a fire as if he were a pig) before rising up righteous and decimating the bad guys.
"Get Mean" is definitely goofy stuff, and I can understand why some people would not care for it. But I enjoy its eccentric spirit, as it alternates between violent action and a heavy tongue-in-cheek attitude.
Anthony is no Clint Eastwood, but he does amuse as this initially comedic mercenary who finds his inner badass when it really matters. The rest of the cast is a hoot: co-writer Lloyd Battista ("Last Plane Out") as Shakespeare-loving hunchback Sombra, Raf Baldassarre ("The Great Silence") as thuggish barbarian villain Diego, David Dreyer ("Fuzz") as the effeminate Alfonso, and Mirta Miller ("Eyeball") as gypsy girl Morelia.
Seeing that the whole Spaghetti Western genre was on its way out by this point, you can't blame people like Anthony and director Ferdinando Baldi ("Treasure of the Four Crowns") for trying anything to give it some spark. Again, this offbeat approach may not suit some people, but I found this quite watchable if not completely successful.
Seven out of 10.
Emperor of the North Pole (1973)
A man and a train.
Although it is not credited as such, this is an excellent screen version of the Jack London story The Road. The setting is the Pacific Northwest, at the height of the Great Depression. There are hard times for everybody, but hobos can still use the trains to their advantage. A legendary bum named A No. 1 (Lee Marvin) is touted as being the most likely challenger to take on sadistic conductor "Shack" (Ernest Borgnine), and ride Shacks' train, the No. 19, all the way to Portland. While many people wager on the outcome, A No. 1 is forced to deal with a brash young loudmouth / tag-along named Cigaret (Keith Carradine), who'd like very much to reach the heights of fame that A No. 1 has obtained.
"Emperor of the North" is directed with great intelligence and force by Robert Aldrich, who guided so many great films that this one sometimes flies under some viewers' radar. But it's a potent, rousing period action flick in which communities of hobos greatly admire A No. 1, in a time when hobos could actually take pride in how well they handled their situation. By riding No. 19 the distance, A No. 1 can ultimately thumb his nose at swaggering, domineering authority figures such as Shack.
Marvin and Borgnine play these roles to the hit, and make for fantastic adversaries. Carradine gives a showy performance as the young punk in dire need of some life lessons. And the almost exclusively male cast features such top character actors as Charles Tyner, Harry Caesar, Malcolm Atterbury, Simon Oakland, Hal Baylor, Matt Clark, Elisha Cook Jr., Liam Dunn, Sid Haig, John Steadman, and Vic Tayback.
The beautiful scenery is extremely well photographed by Joseph Biroc; the score is by Frank DeVol, who also wrote the music for the "A Man and a Train" theme song (sung by Marty Robbins). The action really is first-rate, and the donnybrook promised by the film, which plays out during the final 10 minutes, is well worth the wait.
Highly recommended to fans of the cast, Aldrich, and train-themed films in general.
A young Lance Henriksen has an uncredited bit as a railroad worker.
Nine out of 10.
The Office: Pilot (2005)
A decent beginning.
This Americanization of the UK sitcom centers around Dunder-Mifflin, a paper supply company. Amid discussions of impending layoffs, regional manager Michael Scott (Steve Carell), who's the working definition of clueless, tries his best to maintain morale among his employees. He sure has a funny way of going about it, though, especially in a scene with Pam the receptionist (Jenna Fischer).
This version of 'The Office' gets off to a pleasant if not hilarious start. I can believe that the writing will get stronger as the series went on, but overall this made for good if not inspired entertainment. (I have not seen the debut episode of the UK version, but apparently this American pilot follows it pretty closely.) Certainly there are some good laughs: encasing Dwights' (Rainn Wilson) office supplies in Jello, Michael receiving an *extremely* inappropriate call during a meeting with Jan (Melora Hardin) from Corporate, Michael referring to the garbage can as the place to file memos from Corporate, etc.
At least I could see there was potential here. As a man who himself has had an office job for almost 25 years, it has enough of a feeling of familiarity to make it relatable, even if characters & situations will undoubtedly be exaggerated for comedic effect.
In conclusion, I will say that I do like Carell as the dopey boss who *thinks* he's much cooler and hipper than he actually is. Awkward silences really speak volumes about how the employees actually feel about him.
Seven out of 10.
Romeo Is Bleeding (1993)
"Hell is when you should've walked away, but you didn't."
Jack Grimaldi (Gary Oldman) is an NYC police detective who's an all-around shady type: crooked in terms of his job, and unfaithful to his wife (Annabella Sciorra). Then, he is tasked by mob boss Don Falcone (Roy Scheider) to bump off Russian hitwoman Mona Demarkov (Swedish beauty Lena Olin). As the viewer may expect, she proves to be one very crafty individual who's very hard to take down.
Well-directed by Peter Medak ("The Ruling Class", "The Changeling", "The Krays") and exceptionally cut by ace editor Walter Murch, "Romeo Is Bleeding" is good fun for fans of twisty crime thrillers. Darkly comic and full of amusing turns in the story, it's very much character-driven, with a true force-of-nature character at its core. Mona is the most colorful role in which I've seen Olin, and she truly makes the most of the situation. Oldman is solid as usual, of course, but her character is the one that really *drives* the story. A lot of the time, he's *reacting* to what *she* does. They receive able support from a bunch of familiar faces: Michael Wincott, James Cromwell, Paul Butler, Will Patton, Larry Joshua, David Proval, Tony Sirico, and Ron Perlman.
Given a jazzy score by Mark Isham, "Romeo Is Bleeding" is a good deal of fun, offering up quite a bit of sex appeal as well as some potent violence. The title comes from a lyric by Tom Waits, who receives a special "thank you" credit. And the screenplay by Hilary Henkin (also a co-producer) was considered one of the "10 best unproduced screenplays in Hollywood" until it was filmed by this cast & crew.
I wouldn't be surprised if this has attained a cult following by this point.
Seven out of 10.
Hill Street Blues: The Russians Are Coming (1983)
A solid episode.
A trio of Russian journalists are currently visiting the Hill, to study the American system of law & order. Then, one of them locks himself in a cell, demanding asylum, although his motives are far from political. Belker goes undercover as an ambulance attendant. J. D.s' brother in law Rob (Louis Giambalvo) is arrested for soliciting officer Marty Nichols (Lynne Moody), who's working undercover as a prostitute. And Fay is intent on keeping her romance with Henry a secret for the moment, although he would have no problem with it being out in the open.
The most potent subplot has to do with a disturbed young man, Tyrone Crane (Richard Brooks, 'Law & Order'), who everyone believes is no real danger, but sadly this turns out not to be the case, resulting in a tragic ending, for more than one character. The story thread with the Russians is actually rather lightweight in comparison. J. D., ever the opportunist, sees a chance to finagle a nice new automobile out of Rob given the latters' situation. The nice thing about the story thread with Belker is that it allows him to make a connection with a new set of characters, in particular ambulance driver Louis (the late Bruno Kirby, "Donnie Brasco"). It's a good moment when Belker sees that Louis favors sardines & onions sandwiches, just as Belker does. Joyce has a moment of self-reflection when Tyrone, this young man whom everybody had shown a break, proved not to be reliable in the end. That was also powerful.
This Christmas-set episode also guest stars Allan Kolman ("Shivers"), Stanley Kamel ('Monk'), Bill Henderson ("Clue"), Janet Carroll ("Risky Business"), Martin West ("Assault on Precinct 13"), and Richard Chaves ("Predator").
Sadly, this marked the last series appearance for father-figure cast member Michael Conrad (the inimitable Sgt. Esterhaus), who'd passed away from urethral cancer during the shooting.
Eight out of 10.
Canvas of Blood (1997)
Entertaining junk.
Young Julia (Jennifer Hutt) is a promising prodigy on the violin, but a cyst on her hand is causing her pain. The moronic doctor (Michael Mann) who operates on her botches the procedure, and leaves her with a paralyzed hand. He then conspires with a sleazy ambulance-chasing lawyer (Andy Colvin) and a pompous judge (J. Michael Lawlor) to screw over the poor girl and her dad. Now, the dad (Jack McClernan) is a Vietnam vet with a disabled hand who knows how to affix prosthetic devices to this hand to dispense some brutal justice.
"Canvas of Blood" is very typical for this kind of micro-budget, regional film-making. The acting is cheesy, the dialogue hilariously dumb, the bargain basement gore is fun, and the music ranges from being not TOO bad to being excessively awful. And the music is pretty constant, too....
Although a terrible film objectively speaking, it is at least VERY amusing in its ineptitude and tackiness. It's too hard not to laugh at this nonsense. Everything about it stinks, but at least I can say that the victims ultimately get exactly what they deserve - ESPECIALLY Julia's scuzzy ex-fiancee (Mark Frear). And the steady supply of T & A should satisfy some viewers.
One clue to how inane this whole thing is: there is actually a character named Dick Noggin.
Five out of 10.
Xiangang xiao jiao fu (1974)
"It just sort of took off."
Drug-running mobsters are busy assassinating Interpol agents in the opening minutes. Then, Chinese kung fu expert / film star Wang Liu (Siu-Lung Leung) interferes with one of the assassination attempts, and thus earns himself a big target on his own back. The mob hires a supposedly professional hit squad to eliminate Wang Liu, and then, for good measure, stage the filming of a phony martial arts flick in order to lure Wang Liu close to them.
My rating applies obviously not to any aspect of "quality", but to pure entertainment value. This is a true howler of martial arts pulp mayhem, and it delivers plenty of laughs as well as opportunities for the star to strut his stuff. For one thing, this hit squad is so bloody incompetent, they rarely get anything right. Yet, give them credit: they NEVER stop trying! Of course, they're such rotten, evil cretins that they know just how to get our hero hopping mad.
Complete with truly wretched dubbing, an INCREDIBLY annoying kid character (Yu Fan as the heros' young brother), a HILARIOUSLY cheesy music score, and excellent location shooting in Rome, "The Godfather Squad" is highly agreeable nonsense, combining the sensibilities of Italian crime fiction and Asian "chop socky" cinema.
Co-starring lovely ladies Maria D'Incoranato and Shirley Corrigan, and Mario Cutini, Yasuaki Kurata, Gordon Mitchell, and Consalvo Dell'Arti as the hysterically unsubtle bad guys, this actually also features archive footage of Italian TV personality Antonino Fava and Pope Paul VI!
It's patently ridiculous, of course, and is obviously not something anybody should take seriously.
Eight out of 10.
Star Trek: Spock's Brain (1968)
"I knew I shouldn't have reconnected his mouth."
A strange but beautiful alien woman, Kara (Marj Dusay, "Breezy", 'The Guiding Light') appears on board the Enterprise bridge, immobilizes everyone, and makes off with Spocks' brain, doing a very neat surgical job. Since the science officer, as a half-Vulcan, can hang on for another 24 hours without a brain, Kirk and his comrades spend the time feverishly pursuing a hunch - and discovering a glacial planet, primitive men, and subservient women who obey the word of a "controller".
While I don't dislike this episode as strongly as some Trek fans, I *will* say that it *is* pretty goofy stuff, not to be taken too seriously. It's telling that both Shatner and Nimoy were pretty embarrassed by it. In addition to being a lesser script - and not an ideal starting point for the third and final season - people could easily see it as being rather misogynistic. It does feature a typically hilarious Trek fight scene, as Kirk, Scotty, and Bones tussle with some henchmen, and the finale is fairly decent as we see Bones risk his own life by temporarily vastly increasing his knowledge so he can perform brain-restoring surgery. There is some real tension as Kelley looks convincingly edgy and nervous. In the end, 'Spocks' Brain does work pretty well as a showcase for him. And its echoing of a device in "Forbidden Planet" was a good hook.
And it does wrap up with a light-hearted, priceless moment calling to mind all of the previous antagonism between Spock & Bones.
Six out of 10.
Three's Company: Triangle Troubles (1979)
"Reverend...it's an ANGEL food cake."
Jack starts dating Debbie (Barrie Youngfellow, "Nightmare in Blood"), a fellow student at his cooking school. He mistakenly thinks that she's an old-fashioned type of girl, and doesn't want to tell her that he lives with two women. Meanwhile, she's in the same boat: she lives with two MEN, and thinks that HE'S too old-fashioned to accept such an arrangement! Wouldn't you know it: Chrissy's father Reverend Snow (Peter Mark Richman) stops by for an unexpected visit!
This often VERY funny closer to the third season allows some of the guest stars to join in on the farcical fun; the sexy Youngfellow is certainly up to the task. One highlight is Jack deciding to wipe off his tomato sauce-covered hands on one of Debbies' roommates' shirts! Even the good Reverend gets in on the act, when he and the girls huddle behind the couch. He does seem pretty understanding about the whole thing, although when Jack keeps habitually coming up with lies, he does tell Debbie that Jacks' being struck by lightning is probably imminent. However, I think the other characters are awfully rude to the holy man when he tries to rehearse a sermon in front of them.
There are plenty of good laughs & sight gags in another highlight episode of this season.
Nine out of 10.
X-15 (1961)
A decent but largely forgotten Bronson film.
Based on the real-life development of the title aircraft, this dramatization shows us what happens as various civilian and military personnel test their rocket-powered aircraft that, it is hoped, can reach the outer edge of our atmosphere and then make it into space. In the process, the planes will set records in terms of altitude & speed.
Given a documentary-style approach at first (including narration spoken by Jimmy Stewart), this is certainly quite interesting to watch, but it takes a while for the picture to start injecting more heart & humanity into the story, by including moments from the test pilots' private lives. The civilian overseer of the project (James Gregory, "The Manchurian Candidate") and an Air Force colonel (Kenneth Tobey, "The Thing from Another World") have their concerns as to whether these men will be truly mentally & emotionally stable for their mission.
Charles Bronson, playing one of the test pilots, is his usual stoic self, but he does have some good scenes with young Stanley Livingston ('My Three Sons'), who plays Bronsons' son. It's also a treat to see a very young Mary Tyler Moore, who is cast as the worried girlfriend of Matt Powell (David McLean, "Kingdom of the Spiders"). Other familiar faces include Ralph Taeger (the 'Hondo' TV series), Brad Dexter ("The Magnificent Seven"), and Patricia Owens ("The Fly").
Also giving "X-15" curiosity value is that it was the theatrical debut for budding young director Richard Donner ("Superman", "Lethal Weapon", etc.), although he would continue to work in TV until the 70s, when his feature film career really took off.
Unlike some features that sort of rest on the edge of the science-fiction genre, this has a real feel of authenticity, seeing that it was based in fact and because NASA and the Air Force did extend their co-operation in the making of this movie.
Nowadays, even fans of the cast & director might draw a blank if you bring this one up. I won't try to tell you that it's some lost classic, but it's still entertaining enough to warrant a viewing for curious individuals.
Seven out of 10.
Underneath (1995)
There's something very powerful about being absent.
"Sex, Lies and Videotape" director Steven Soderbergh and star Peter Gallagher re-team for this decent stab at neo-noir, the second film version of a novel previously filmed as the classic noir "Criss Cross". Gallagher plays Michael, a shameless gambler & drifter who returns to his Texas hometown for the marriage of his mother (Anjanette Comer). In no time, he's worming his way back into the life of fed-up ex-girlfriend Rachel (Alison Elliott), and becoming a nuisance to her current beau, nightclub owner & local crime figure Tommy (William Fichtner).
"Underneath" does miss its chances for greatness due to an overall air of predictability. It's too easy to see where it's going from scene to scene. A critical heist that figures into the plot does go awry, and the script (co-written by Soderbergh, who uses a pseudonym) throws in a couple of twists near the end, to no real avail. (Although that last twist right before the end credits did amuse me.). Soderbergh spices up the material as much as he can with his color tinting (he also shot the film himself, using a different pseudonym), his story that moves backwards and forwards in time, some Dutch angles, and the device of having characters address the camera (although, in this instance, the camera represents Michaels' p.o.v.).
The cast is the principal value. Gallagher is okay, but is outshone by Elliott (playing a classic femme fatale to the hilt), Fichtner, Joe Don Baker, a wonderfully effervescent Elisabeth Shue, Adam Trese as the creepy brother, and Paul Dooley. Fichtner, in his breakthrough performance, does well in a stereotyped role, although Shelley Duvall, playing a nurse, is utterly wasted in a role that could have been played by just about any actress.
Overall, "Underneath" is certainly watchable, if not inspired. Soderbergh scored more strongly in another film in a similar vein, 1999s' "The Limey".
Seven out of 10.
Primer (2004)
"I haven't eaten since later this afternoon."
Shane Carruth, almost a one-man show behind the camera (including writing, directing, and composing), came up with this provocative head trip of a film. An obviously VERY low budget but intriguing indie, it shows what happens as Aaron (Carruth) and Abe (David Sullivan), a pair of young engineers, spend their free time inventing a device originally intended to reduce mass. They find that it is capable of so much more - leading to far-reaching consequences.
The kind of story that requires you to pay attention, and watch again (if you're so inclined) to pick up on what you might have missed, "Primer" is a small-scale sci-fi film made with conviction and intelligence. Carruth made every dime of his approximately $7,000 budget count, and ultimately ended up with about 80 minutes of usable footage. (The films' run time is just over 77 minutes.). "Primer" will definitely NOT be for people who crave action set pieces & spectacle; they are likely to simply find this boring. But people who prefer their genre films to be about *ideas* should be reasonably impressed. Without my revealing too much, the story has our two main characters endlessly caught up in attempts to rethink their plan of action.
Much like Robert Rodriguez' "El Mariachi" of a dozen years previous, this proves that mega-budgets are absolutely not necessary to create something truly interesting.
Seven out of 10.