How can you avoid making difficult conversations worse?

In my experience, one needs to set priorities and know when it is necessary to go through a difficult conversation and when to just agree and let go. And when it’s necessary to go through a difficult conversation just choose the most important thing you need to win and the not so important things you can let the other person win. Just let the other person thinks that he also won something, that way you will both be happy and you will build a good relationship at the end.

Timing and environment are both critical to effectively navigating contentious conversations. I call this the "Fed Ex" model for conflict. We package our words and prepare to deliver those words to other people we may be in conflict with. Now, we can have the right packaged message for the right person, but if we deliver that package at the wrong time or to the wrong place, the other person may not be prepared to receive it. So it's critically important for the person delivering the message to choose the right time and place, or else they may find themselves circling back to attempt the delivery later.

Listening is a crucial key. Most importantly, do not multitask. Keep your phone on silent mode or put it away. Stay away from your PC or laptop. By doing so, you are respecting the person who is talking. Have a clear mind, show a calm tone, and expect for the expected. Listening actively is the key to building mutual understanding, trust, and collaboration.

Seeking solutions means remaining future focused instead of past oriented. Often, when navigating conflict, parties spend too much time reflecting on what went wrong while attempting to assign blame. This happens because, inevitably, parties begin the conflict resolution process before they've had time to vent or process fully. So instead of looking for solutions, they use the resolution process to find opportunities to be heard. Instead, parties in conflict are best served by making time for everyone to be heard, and then focusing their reaming time on discovering what progress looks like. And remember, progress that moves parties closer to a solution should still be celebrated. Resolution happens in steps, not leaps.

Many at times we avoid difficult conversations. However if its affecting performance level of an individual or the organization itself then you need to do it. Best way is to stay focused on why this conversation is taking place and be open to any arising thoughts from the other person. Its only difficult when you have made up the outcome of the conversation before starting it or when you have decided on the outcome. Difficult conversations will no longer be difficult over time as we keep ourselves open to understanding the issues and seek solutions. However if conversations are held with a expected outcome such as termination or etc then good listening and staying focused on the agenda should be adequate. Keep in short and simple.

Don’t do it over WhatsApp. Yes some people do that. Unbelievable. It shows immaturity and avoidance of having the difficult discussion. Must be done face to face. One of the most difficult task of being a manager. Find the right time and place, be clear, be assertive.