Do Say Gay on Father’s Day

Father's Day honors fathers and father figures, and holds special significance for families across America. For gay men who are also parents, this day is a celebration of love, resilience, and how fortunate we are to be fathers. The fact that it falls right in the middle of Pride month adds an additional layer of meaning and significance.   

I’m best known as the Chief Executive Officer of Grindr, the LGBTQ social media platform and dating app, but more importantly, I’m the proud gay father of two children, and the timing of Father’s Day could not be more intertwined with the identity of my family.  

My husband and I were fortunate enough to have our children through surrogacy nearly four years ago, and since the day of their birth we have used books to help them see themselves and our family represented in the world.

Among them, children’s books that help them understand how they came to be or that focus on dads as primary caregivers have been instrumental in helping our children understand and relish the fact that they have two dads.

So I thought I’d take some time to celebrate Pride Month and Father’s Day by sharing some of the children’s books that have been most meaningful to my family:

• And Tango Makes Three, which is facing bans by Florida school districts, is a true story about two penguins dads at the Central Park Zoo. This was the first book we ever read to our children that touched upon gay parents. What I especially liked was its gentle introduction to the topic. 
• Mister Seahorse follows the life of a father seahorse caring for eggs Mrs. Seahorse has just laid and observing other undersea fathers minding their babies. This book is a simple way to break the stereotype of mothers being primary caregivers with the dads taking care of the eggs and children. 
• The Family Book celebrates families in all their different forms, whether it be size or parents’ genders. We love this book because it tells the stories of all kinds of families in a funny, engaging, and memorable way. 
• Happy Together, a two-dad egg donation and surrogacy story, introduces children to a non-traditional family-building story. There’s a lot of research showing that telling kids early on about their origin stories, especially if they are not the result of typical mom/dad biological births, is highly beneficial for them in the long term. Thanks to books like this, before our children were four, they understood surrogacy, egg donation, and what embryos are. 
• Harriet Gets Carried Away describes the adventures of a girl who dons a penguin costume, ends up in Antarctica and must find her way home. I love this book because it’s a conventional children’s book–not one that sets out to explain a gay family. Out of nowhere, you learn that Harriet has two dads, which is both awesome and courageous on the parts of the author and publisher. 

These books all celebrate family and that concept continues to evolve and look different for all. The education we provide to our children should, too.  

In some states today, teachers would not be allowed to read books like these to children. So to me, shining light on them and explaining how valuable they have been to the development of our family is particularly important. Attempts to suppress ideas and knowledge are obviously not new - book bans and burnings have been going on for centuries, and these types of efforts to suppress freedom of expression have usually ended badly. I am hopeful and confident that the same will be true with what is currently going on in parts of our country. 

On Father’s Day, we honor all fathers, among them countless gay fathers who navigate their unique journeys with strength, grace, and an unwavering commitment to love. Let’s also continue to advocate for our children as they establish their own identities and grow up to understand the beauty of diverse families.