My genitals don't define my Gender
Celia Sandhya Daniels
Founder & CEO | Top 20 BioPharma LGBTQ+ Leaders | Top LinkedIn LGBTQ+ Voices | Humanizing Workplace and Communities
This random elderly gentleman at a business mixer comes up to me with a drink in his hand….
GM: Nice dress.
Me: Thanks (smile)
GM: So… have you done surgery?
Me: No. Not planning to. But why do you ask?
GM: You look like a woman, but you are trans, right? Just curious.
Me: Asking a trans person about their surgery can be very inappropriate.
GM: Look, I don’t see anything wrong in asking? I have asked other transgender women.
Me: Well, have you don’t vasectomy?
GM: (Serious face) What? Why would you ask such a stupid question?
Me: Just curious. What’s wrong with asking? (smile).
GM: (Laughs), hey you got me there….I see your point….that’s interesting. ( Slowly nods his head).
We chatted about our business and family.
Here are three tips based on the above situation.
TIP#1: Trans and gender non-binary individuals don’t like to talk about surgery –
Not all of them go through medical transition. Bringing up such a conversation can be insensitive and gender dysphoric. It also invalidates them from the cisgender lens. If you want to ask someone about their transition, first listen to them, get to know them, and then bring it up in a polite way. “Hey, I would like to educate myself as an ally. Would you mind if I ask something personal about your transition?
TIP#2: Don’t compare Trans and gender non-binary individuals with cisgender men or women
A woman once told me, that I look like any other Asian cisgender woman and I shouldn't be worried that I am trans. I said thank you and corrected her politely. Thought it seemed like a compliment. It is being dismissive of our existence and putting us into binary boxes.
TIP#3: If you make a mistake. Apologize and move on.
If you offend a trans or gender non-binary person because you asked a wrong question, just say, “I am sorry, this is a new area for me and I am learning”. And move on. They’ll be fine.
If you would like to know more, email me at [email protected]
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Driving DEI Transformation | Inclusion Diversity Equity Accessibility (IDEA) Specialist & Consultant | Speaker | Values-Driven Leadership & Change Management
1yWell said, well done! Thank you for the great lessons! They are invaluable!
President & CEO, Valley Pulmonary & Sleep Disorders Ctr., PA
2yThanks for the tips …. Certainly I learn something new, every time I m on LinkedIn 🤗
Data Scientist ▪ R Developer ▪ Amazon Dropshipper ▪ Tableau Developer ▪ Improving Business Operations using Business Data.
2yYou are so fiercely inspiring that you are contagious.
A leading expert in identity/gender in the field of psychotherapy. #LMFT118131 & #LPCC826
2yAsking us about our genitals, surgery, wjat we are assigned at birth is sexual violence because all these topics are about our genitals.
Master's Degree-Holding Anthropologist Now Seeking out Ph.D. Programs
2y100%. Not all trans individuals adhere to the medicalist philosophy of gender confirmation (in fact, fewer and fewer seem to), and I think that is frankly a beautiful thing - - genitalia does not define gender, genital preference in sexal partners doesn't define sexual orientation, and whether a trans person has "done your surgery yet" does *not* mark that person being "complete" or "finished" with realizing their true selves. Asking that question implies all of the above assumptions, and it's very hurtful and delegitimizing. Not to mention it simply being an inappropriate question on its face that no sane person would ever dream of asking a cis individual.