o

t i

!If|

The Grey World

know

of

no other Gospel than the

to

liberty both of

body and mind

:

exercise the

Divine Arts of Imagination

Imagination, the real

this

and eternal World of which

verse
is

Vegetable Uni-

but a faint shadow, and in which

we

shall

live in

our Eternal or Imaginative Bodies when

these Vegetable Mortal Bodies are no more.'

William Blake.

'

Let us go forth, the

tellers of tales,
for,

and

seize

whatever prey the heart long

fear.

and have no
is true,

Everything
is

exists,
little

everything

and
'

the earth

only a

dust under our

feet.

W.

B. Yeats.

THE GREY WORLD

EVELYN UNDERHILL

LONDON

WILLIAM HEINEMANN
1904

This Edition enjoys copyright in ait countries signatory to the Berne Treaty, and is not to be imported
into the

United States of America

TO

ALICE HERBERT
A SMALL ACKNOWLEDGMENT OF A GREAT DEBT

Digitized by the Internet Archive

in

2010 with funding from

University of Toronto

http://www.archive.org/details/greyworldOOunde

CONTENTS
CHAPTER
I.

PAGE

OVER THE BORDER

II.

THE EXILE

7
1

III.

THE RETURN TO THE ROAD

A LITTLE

IV.

WAYFARER

IS

BEWILDERED
-

32

V.

A DOWN-HILL STRETCH

VI.
VII. VIII.

STAFF AND SCRIP

"45 "54
-

MARSHLAND AND WICKET THE FIRST SIGNPOST

A FELLOW-TRAVELLER
-

64 80

IX.

"95
-

X.

ROAD-MAKING

III

XI.
XII. XIII.

A BREEZY UPLAND

121

MAPS ARE CONSULTED

133

MR. WILLIE HOPKINSON TRIES A SHORT CUT

146 159
J

XIV.

BUT THE ROAD BECOMES MUDDY

XV. A

WAYSIDE SHRINE
PATHS

"

XVI. DIFFICULT
XVII.
XVIII.

A SHARP CORNER
INCIPIT VITA

....
-

75

88 gg

NOVA

2IO

vii

viii

CONTENTS
PAGE

CHAPTER

XIX.

THE DELECTABLE MOUNTAINS

-222

XX.

THE RIVER

-239
-

XXI. WILLIE TRIES TO

XXII.
XXIII.

CROSS-ROADS

----LEND A HAND
-

249

266

THE VALLEY OF HUMILIATION-

278
293

XXIV.

THE PATH RUNS TO THE WOODS

XXV. COMMENTARIES-

...
-

309

CHAPTER

OVER THE BORDER

'

Death

snatches us
child

As a cross nurse might do a wayward From all our toys and baubles.' Old Play.

children's hospital
It

is

not a bad place to die in

failing forest or hilltop, perhaps,

one

may

not easily

find a better.

is

clean and airy, and there are

few opportunities for the hysterical confusion of

leave-taking which
gives a

touch of horror and

bewilderment to the greater dignities of a private

The Author of the Human Comedy, one not pay much attention to our exits and our entrances. They seldom strike the imagidecease.
fancies, did

nation

yet,

from the spectator's point of view, they

are not the least strange or important details of

the play.

On October
boy lay
Infirmary,
in

the 15th in the year 1878, a small

Princess
of

the

Ward

of

S.

Nicholas'
a

dying

typhoid fever. frame

He was

crumpled-up

bit of slum-reared
;

humanity, a sharp

mind

set in a starved

and being but mildly

1

2
interested
in

THE GREY WORLD

his

own
its

sensations,

he found

the

proceeding
ness
of

infinitely

tiresome.

The bare white-

the place,

uncomfortable cleanliness,

and a certain martinet method of kindness, were not pleasing to a taste that had been formed amidst the homely squalor of Notting Dale. Being too weak to make noises for himself, he would have liked someone else to take on this agreeable duty but that never happened, and the silence and good
;

behaviour were harder to bear than

of his illness.

all

the pains

Happily, however, there were occasional oases

to

be

found

even

in

this

desert

of

f^gienic

decorum.
they
his

They were

called

visiting

days,

and

happened twice a week. At these times mother came to see him, bringing with her local perfumes and phrases which roused his dormant nostalgia to the pitch of acute desire. Her homely figure, formed of misplaced curves,

and the drooping assurance

manifest
disapproval
of

of her hat,

cheered

his spirits as they entered the ward, and, to the

the

nurses,

gravitated

to the side of his cot.

or sister

was with

beloved dialect of

Sometimes a sticky brother and spoke to him in the home, infinitely refreshing to the
her,
official

ear after the frosty

'

English of the hospital.

Jimmy Rogers 'as bin 'ad up agin,' his mother would say, or, Yer pa came 'ome tight larst night, Low brute !' and I 'it 'im. The child nodded approvingly, as well as his weak'

OVER THE BORDER

to those glorious spheres of action.

ness would let him, and longed for a quick return

In the hospital

no one was ever had up, or came home tight, and this extreme respectability depressed him. Some

temperaments can never be reconciled to a passive world, however virtuous its repose.
boredom, and have commenced a normal and satisfactory convalescence, his mother yielded to a maternal impulse, and involuntarily set going
after

But

some weeks

of luxurious

when he was supposed

to

the scene-shifting machinery of death.

The

special

lever which she selected took the form of a currant

bun,

secretly

administered

in

response

to

his

clamouring insistence on hunger.

to be foreseen

The

results

were

relapse, wrath of doctors and nurses,

fairly

the gradual sinking, and finally death, of the victim.

These are a
experience.

constant

feature

of

hospital

But

in

reason, these things

of the

this case, for some obscure composed not merely the finale

comedy, but rather the curtain-raiser of a drama of more than fashionable length. What
the apple eaten in the garden was to Eve, that

currant bun was to the small boy

hastily

who gulped

it

down under
between
but
it
;

the friendly cover of the sheet.

To

feel it

his teeth

was a wholly

satisfying

delight

shut him out from the paradise of

ignorance, and that, for so short an ecstasy,

was

a rather heavy price.

It

was on the next day that he

class in

from a

which funerals

Coming were the chief and

died.
1

THE GREY WORLD

festivities,

perhaps the only innocent

death
It

the idea of

to him, and not disturbing. was an ornamental and not always unfortunate incident which happened to the neighbours now and then. But his own extinction, his sudden departure familiar

was

from surroundings so
all

real, solid,

and inimical to
matter.
it

mystery, was a very

it

different

He
was

found

utterly

incredible,

even whilst

taking place.

He was

not more than ten years

old, and his natural wits had already been dimmed by the beginnings of a Board School education. His scepticism was foolish and unreasoning, but

he shared

it

with

many

reputable persons of mature

age and apparent intelligence.

if

That was

a.

truthful

unpopular prophet who

said, that the deaths of

many
own.

populations do nothing to prepare us for our

He was

distinctly conscious of the early stages

of his gradual

withdrawal from

life.

He

felt

pleased

when the professional annoyance of the nurses became tempered with pity at the sight of his growing weakness. Then came an hour of wild
struggles to retain consciousness of
all

that went

on round him, when he

felt

that this alone could

save him from the black and shapeless gulf which

become the primary A sense of hopeless battle and fact of existence. slow fatality sapped his courage. He was fighting He hard, but he knew that he should not win.
had suddenly and
silently

OVER THE BORDER

on
tears.

could have wept, but he had no strength to waste

Alle

was very misty round him

cot,

only

he had fixed his eyes on the bright brass knob

which finished one corner of his

to the

and he clung

knowledge of
if

its

existence with a desperate

cunning, as

that were the last bond that held

him

to

life.

Klein

street-boys

of

ten

are

not very easily

frightened as a rule, but so far as he was conscious

of anything, he felt

now

a cold terror of the grey

state on the verge of which he choked and trembled and whilst the rest of the ward grew dim and wavering, he lay staring with determination at the brass knob until its swollen and It grew shining form was burnt on to his brain.

unknown

very

difficult to

breathe after a time, but he did

much. People were round him, touching him and doing things, but he hardly noticed them. The sense of touch had gone to
not mind that
sleep

already

but in

the
still

midst of a creeping

somnolence his eyes were

'

awake, and his

ears.

He's going now, poor

little

chap,' said the house-

surgeon, and his voice sounded faint and distant.

'

No

better than murder,

I call it,'

answered the
over
the
:

nurse

who had been most

;

indignant

and another toneless echo It was hopeless from the first, of course.' The brass knob was getting very hazy it seemed to float uncertainly in the air. If only it would
catastrophe
'

replied

not go away

He knew

that as long as he saw that

THE GREY WORLD

alive
;

knob he was
in a

it

and he were
their own.

alive together

world that was

all

For one short

instant he had an awful unchildlike vision of his

loneliness, lying there

and struggling with his fancies amongst people who could not help, or enter in, or understand. He wanted to ask one of them to catch his knob for him before it was lost, but words had gone from him long ago. Then he saw
that
it

was very

close to him, after

all,

and shining

brightly.

seemed to smile at him, and though a thousand bells were ringing in his ears, he made an effort and
It

smiled too.

He

stretched out his

hand and grasped

it.

CHAPTER
THE EXILE
'

II

The
;

soul,

when

it

departs from the body, needeth not to go

dies,

far

for

where the body

there

is

heaven and

hell.'

Jacob Behmer.

A little ghost
all

adrift in a strange world,

colour had

been withdrawn.
it is

He

from which had never

heard of the Greek Hades, or

probable that he

would have thought himself there. So new and uncanny was the aspect of things that it was some
time before he realized
to

him

after

all.

how very little had happened He was still in the hospital ward

amongst the old surroundings, but he perceived them now with the vagueness of assent that we
accord to suggestions, not with the assured grasp
that one reserves for indubitable facts.
slipped into a

He had

the

world

in

new plane of existence, and saw a new perspective a thin, grey,

unsubstantial world, like a badly-focussed photograph.

Yet

it

was not a legendary land

life.

of shadows,

but the solid ordinary earth, on which he had passed

ten years of aggressively material
7

THE GREY WORLD

The
soul of a small boy,
it is

think,

is

always un-

comfortable unless
spirit

unconscious, for the

human
its

takes a long time to get accustomed to

queerness.

own

Consciousness seemed

now

to be

thrust

upon

this

one as greatness upon Malvolio

and, taking rapid stock of the situation, he found

himself deeply dissatisfied with the prospect.

learned spinster suddenly deposited in the midst

of

Cockney

beanfeast

could

not
this

thoroughly out of place than he in

sion.

feel more new dimen-

He was one

of

those

brisk,

sharp-witted

is an and whose world of joy and sorrow is bounded at either end by the Crystal Palace and

children of the streets, whose every interest

appetite,

Now, without understanding he was summarily divorced from the lean and active body which had
the
police
courts.

the

how

oder

why
all

of the matter,

interpreted

his

pleasures,
spirit to

and found himself

converted into a pure

universe was no

whom

the material

other invisible
that
it

more actual than the air and gases are to living men. He knew
but
it

was

there,

could no longer count for

It did

much

in the

scheme

of things.

not dominate

the landscape.

As he got more used

to the dimness

he saw his body lying in the cot where

and greyness, it had died,

and the nurses standing round it. He knew that it was going to be taken away to the mortuary, as had happened to other children who had died He felt horribly miserable whilst he was there.

THE EXILE
then, lost

and

chilly

and he

tried to get

back to

it,

but some strange repulsive force threw him back

every time that he drew near.

Then he

tried to

cry out, but a queer hoarse muttering was the only

sound that he made, and none of the grey people

in the

photograph-world took the slightest notice

of

it.

But

it

brought another unpleasant point

into prominence.
his

When

he heard this sound of

own

cry, he

suddenly realized

how very

quiet

everything else was.

In the ward there had always

been a certain clink and chatter, the hurry of

nurses and the play of convalescent children
nothing.
:

now,

The earthly ear had gone the way of the earthly eye and the pleasant noises, as well as the colour of life, had left him. The prospect was very dreary, but he was not disheartened yet. His spirit, after all, was only the essence of his boyhood he had taken nothing into death but those qualities which he had managed to elaborate during his little life. So it was that his natural endowment of irreverence and curiosity remained unimpaired and these spurred him to exploration, and encouraged him with cheerful thoughts. He had heard many ghost stories, some
;

and none without a certain fearful joy and now he perceived, with a sudden shock of excitement, that he too had become a ghost. Visions of haunted alleys, of carefully planned practical jokes which should make the
exceedingly horrid,
:

ward untenable by nervous nurses, came

to

him

io

THE GREY WORLD

felt

and he

greatly comforted as he sketched for

full

himself a career as

of

illicit

delight as

any and

embryo Hooligan could wish. But he had no idea how

moreover
his thoughts

to set about
all

it.

were

very confused and

and fro, unable Almost unconsciously he drifted out of the hospital, and got entangled in and amongst a whole network of houses, endless walls dividing up neat rooms all much the same, like mazes built out of mist. Nothing stopped his progress, for all the things that he was accustomed to call hard had lost their hardness and resistance, and he passed through them as easily as a bird might pass through clouds upon the hills. Often there were people in the rooms, and by fixing his attention very hard he found out that they were talking or eating or working, all in the same heavy
;

weak

so that he hovered vaguely to

to settle

upon anything.

silence.

Yet, though he was amongst them, touch-

ing them, passing through

them even,
it all.

there was a

sense of great remoteness about

to be looking at

He seemed
.

dim pictures of unfamiliar things As for haunting, if he was not doing it now, what was he doing ? Yet no one noticed his
presence
;

though

he

blundered

through

shut

doors they did not creak for him, and dogs lying

on the hearth-rugs refused to whine because he

was there. The solitude

of the

new-made

ghost, especially

the ghost of the child, or indeed of

any other being

THE EXILE
that has depended wholly on the
is

ii

body

for its joys,

perhaps the most terrible form of loneliness that

It is the real Hell,

exists.

any maker

of religions has dared to

and more dreadful than dream of. It

resembles the sick helplessness of a traveller

finds himself, tired

who

and

alone, in the streets of a

is

foreign city.

An

existence
it.

going on around him,

but he has no share in

it.

cannot even understand

He wanders
is

about,

matter where he wanders.

or feels
related to

and it does not at all Nothing that he sees

;

him

or to his desires
felt

nothing

needs him.

So

this

dead child
little

as he drifted
fires

through these comfortable

that did not

homes, past

warm
yet to

him, through people

who

did

not see him

whom

he longed to

talk, just

to escape from his terrifying loneliness.

left off

He had

trying to cry out to them, because the sound

of his

own

cry,

echoing in the silence which he

knew was not

than anything

really a silence, frightened

else.

him more

In some of the rooms were shadowy grey children,

playing with impalpable toys

or twice to grab their dolls

and he tried once and knock their soldiers down, before he remembered that it was useless.
;

And
fled

it

was with a

horrible ghostly hunger, which

hurt more than real hunger had ever done, that he

from one nursery w here they were having bread

T

and jam for tea. It was not until this desultory wandering had lasted for some time that a knowledge came to him

12

THE GREY WORLD

which formed

of other presences in the soundless fog his universe.

At first he had been too dazed to do more than hang desperately on to the last fringes of life. He was no philosopher, and his discovery of the unsubstantial nature of material things had thoroughly bewildered him. He had the undeveloped

but

eminently

cock-sure
revolted
walls,

spirit

of

the

Cockney
signposts

child,

and

it

him that such

roofs,

of

reality

as

furniture,

should become a colourless sponge through which

he could pass without hitting himself, and against which his most determined push accomplished
nothing.

He

could not get used to anything so

flagrantly impossible,

and

settled

down

at last on

the explanation that the whole thing must be an

uneasy dream, dimly connected with the currant

bun.

He

left off

trying to keep count of his sur-

roundings,

and

relaxed

the

strain

of

attention
re-

which had kept him aware of the last faint mainders of his old world. It went from him
a cloud
place.
;

like

and as

it

went, a

new

sense

came

in its

He knew, suddenly and quite distinctly, that he was not alone. The horrible silence was gone, and he heard vaguely at first, and then with overpowering insistence a crying and twittering, restless and very sad. In later days, the sound of seabirds crying amongst solitary rocks on the edge

where

the

land joins

the

sea

always reminded
life

him

of that crying

on the edge between

and

THE EXILE
death
:

13

the borderlands of things have

much

in

he was in a crowd of other They passed by him in great companies, pushing, moving in an endless stream he heard the rustling sound of their movement as a sort of undercurrent to their queer, unhappy cries. They were in and through the intangible
realized that

common. Then he

beings like himself.

country of
it

life,

but they did not seem to notice

at
first

at

all.

He thought
and that
little, first

that they would

notice him,

his loneliness

was over

but

as he drifted a

with one stream and then

with another, or lingered in the vortex rings

made

by

circling processions,

and was

jostled

by imma-

terial

crowds, the isolation of a spirit wandering

living faded into insignificance beside

amongst the
dead.
that

the frightful solitude of a spirit alone amongst the

He came
these

to the not unnatural conclusion

were
yet

the

souls

of

grown-up people,
associate

probably

toffs,

who

would
kids,

not

with

common
hospitals

kids

many

he reflected, died in

and elsewhere, and their souls must be somewhere about. It was probable that they would be companionable, or at any rate would not show and he the same lordly indifference to his presence set out with renewed cheerfulness to hunt for them.
;

Then it was that he discovered that this moving mass of spirits was hunting too wearily searching for company, interests, something that had been
;

made

necessary to them in

life,

now summarily

14

THE GREY WORLD

They went
to

taken away.
they

on, hopelessly, endlessly

the noise that he heard

was the complaint which

So he joined one

made

the

enveloping greyness because

of the hardness of their quest.

of

the streams,

direction in which

though he knew nothing of the it was going, for there was no

more upness or downness for him, no boundary, and no horizon point to make for and they travelled
:

between other
his loneliness,
his

lines

of searchers,

each crying in

and no one apparently caring what

neighbour cried for

all

held together, like a

their

Democratic
lessness.

Association,

by

common

rest-

But when they had gone

like this for a little while,

a sort of agreeable warmth, that nice gregarious

feeling which even a strange crowd can impart, came over him, and renewed his failing self-respect. He was proud, in a vague way, of being one of the dead, just as he might have been proud of being a Londoner without getting any special benefit from
his citizenship.

He

began, too, to

feel

something

of the

reasons that

moved

these spirits to sweep

backwards and forwards

for ever over the world.

mysterious telepathy seemed to be established,

and he read deeper and deeper into the unhappy minds that were travelling beside him. The first discovery that he made was that his soul was curiously in harmony with the general point of view. He had despised himself because he was only a
child,

but these people, too. were spiritually childish.

THE EXILE
They were
keenly as
regretting Earth
;

15
its

and

pleasures as

and jam, but other things which were now equally wanting All their interests were there apparin substance.
not, perhaps, its bread

he was

ently

in
;

money,
all
life.

friends,

games, ambitions,

dis-

coveries
fulness

the things that go to

make up

the

of

Now
was seen

this

life

that they had so

reluctantly left

to be only a grey, uncertain

all its realities kill their

shadow,
tive
;

all its
still

beauty gone,
else

decepit.

but

they could not

;

desire for

They had nothing

them
in
it

their desires chained

it was all in them down

all to

them, and
of

to

it,

though they could not be

and kept it, and

for

drove them in herds on the hopeless quest of a

solution through all the scenes they

had cared

once and

now could

scarcely recognise.

The
dreary

child,

with a mysterious but incontrovertible

knowledge, knew that he too was bound to that

trail

incapable of realizing any other environment

and that aimless search, because he was and

;

the prospect had that horror of dulness which was

associated in his

paupers used to
the workhouse.

mind with the stories that old on Sunday afternoons about He, then, was a spiritual pauper,
tell

shut out from the pretty heaven which the nurses

had often described to him, and unable to enjoy the strange changed earth that he was tied to. He looked back now with longing to the hospital ward that he had found so monotonous and chilly.
Its little incidents

were

full of

the delicious

homely

16

THE GREY WORLD

life
;

and the slow noise of London used to windows, and remind him of the great world where existence had been quick and busy, prone to those sudden variations of luck which leave no room for boredom. Now London was dead and silent, and he alive in the empty
savour of

come

softly through its

twilight.

Then, with the desire for her, came back the

knowledge that he was

turned
all his

still

in her streets

and he

strength resolutely earthwards, and

saw that he was in the great broad road which ran westward to Uxbridge, and passed close to his home. A silent, ghostlike traffic filled it carriages and omnibuses, big waggons, and the tradesmen's carts that he had loved to run behind. He saw them through the veil of rushing spirits, trotting It seemed past him in two placid streams.
:

horribly unjust to be deprived of

sive

all this

inexpenin

amusement and
at that

get

absolutely

nothing

exchange.

And
flew

moment

man on
;

a high bicycle

him down the ghostly hill. He was leaning back in a lordly manner he had put his With that agreeable vision all his old feet up. it had never instincts returned to him violently been his custom to let bicycles go by without a
past
:

greeting,

and he started

in

pursuit,

and

tried,

thoughtlessly, to put his fingers in his

mouth
in his

to

give

tone to his favourite whistle of contempt.

resulting failure

The

was the

last

drop

cup

THE EXILE
of

17

misery

the faint crying of the souls about

him

drove him
to

with loathing; and he flung out the whole force of his poor little spirit in a prayer
for a return, at

mad

some Force which he dreaded but knew not, any price, to the excitements and
life.

uncertainties of

CHAPTER

III

THE RETURN TO THE ROAD

'

C'etait

C'e'tait

un petit etre si tranquille, si timide et si silencieux. un pauvre petit etre myste'rieux, comme tout le monde.'
.

Maeterlinck.

The
into

him back and he next looked out on the world from the barred windows of a fourth-floor nursery, set in a wide brown street of reputable gloom. It must be allowed that he had improved his position. The atmosphere of this new home was English and domestic conventional therefore. Its tidy boundaries were rigid, but set in a smiling curve. It was permeated by a cheerful fuss. Its mistress was a Martha who did not allow herself to be troubled by the fact that her sister Mary an indifferent wife and a wretched manager had drifted into another The family existence rippled through a life of set. happy half-tones, carefully shaded from the agitating sunlight of truth. It drew up its blinds suffistucco of a western suburb received
;

life

ciently high for convenience, but always let a foot

or so of lace-edged propriety

show against the upper

THE RETURN TO THE ROAD

panes.

19

In these days of horrid publicity and bold

smartness, one must

sesses blinds.

make

it

obvious that one pos-

had thrown the back amongst the living but the niche thus hastily found for him was not, perhaps, well chosen.
force of one strenuous wish
;

The

child

new family suited one another but indifferently. They were of a class which is always trivially active he came to them overshadowed by an inconceivable past, queer and dreamy
his
:

He and

mother attributed to an imperfect Health loomed large in the assets of digestion. the Hopkinson family, and it was Mrs. Hopkinson
fact

which

his

who kept
healthy
:

the

individual dividend.

books and carefully assessed the Very probably he was not

certainly
his

very

marked

divergence

from the family type cried for some explanation. His legs were not fat enough, nor his hair thick
enough, to please the parental eye
disease

and genius or seemed the only plausible hypotheses. He soon took up his normal position in the house;

hold

that
; ;

of

a fearful joy to his mother,

if

who

thought that he would be a poet

she could rear

him
the

a constant

father

unacknowledged irritant to his and an insolvable but amusing enigma in

if

otherwise
It

transparent
pity,

outlook

of

his

sister

Pauline.

was a

perhaps, that the sexes

had so arranged themselves. Mr. Hopkinson could have cherished an invalid daughter he only deand Pauline, who would have spised a sickly son
;
:

20

THE GREY WORLD

efforts

been admirable as a boy, swamped her brother's

weak

towards

self-assertion

in

her

own

excess of vitality.

class, a

She was a normally wholesome child of the middle girl of whom any healthy-minded parent

education had concerned

tion
of

might be proud. Born a Materialist, her High School itself chiefly with the creathose
angles which

smooth away.

was afterwards to Her opinions were positive comit

;

promise she never understood.

intelligence did not permit her
of view,

rather unelastic

more than one point and the one which she selected placed her brother Willie in a light which was vivid enough,
but scarcely sympathetic or explanatory.

As he emerged from babyhood

self-consciousness, in

into a puzzled
realities

which present

were
but

always tempered by the

memory

of a confused

unforgettable past, Pauline, three years his senior,

took upon herself the character of a well-meaning bogey. She was at once alarming, overpowering*

and

affectionate.

It is difficult for a
if

healthy animal

and an immortal,

undeveloped,
;

spirit to inhabit

the same nursery in peace

and Master Hopkinson

did not find his sister's disposition accommodating.

Her

attitude

was

so uncertain.

He

acquired, and

never entirely

lost,

the habit of looking

up

at her

quickly whenever he

made

a remark, because he
it.

was never sure how she would take

Constancy
childhood.
of

environment
only

is

a necessity of

happy

It is

when we

are old enough to

THE RETURN TO THE ROAD

our elders cease to be distressing

21

perceive their absurdity that the inconsistencies of

;

and Pauline's

indignant denial of imagination caused her brother

many shocks, and some hours of troubled meditation. He was a trustful little boy, naturally candid.
Silence frightened him,

and he was eagerly willing

to converse with the whole world if he might. It was some time before he found out that his robust sister was not exactly the person to whom he might best confide his dreams and bewilderments or the
;

queer thoughts that came to him when he lay awake

at night,
alive,

and wondered where he was, and if he were and if he were really a little boy as everybody

seemed to think, or only some sort of tiny insect. He sometimes had the feeling that he did not belong to the home-life at all that he was outside of it, looking on at it, and that all the things which seemed to be happening were not happening really.
;

This sensation he never succeeded in explaining to

anyone, which was perhaps fortunate

tinued to oppress him.

but

it

con-

no idea that the domain of his pains and pleasures was different from that of the average child for there was no
as yet
;

He had

one to

whom

he could apply for information, or talk

little

out his puzzled

Pauline's

soul without misunderstandings.

sensible

outlook reflected the

well.

family

conscience

only

too

towards fancies,
tions.

She was implacable and did not encourage revela'

Her

brisk,

What

nonsense, Willie

Don't
felt,

be such a

silly little

boy,'

was always

to be

22
like a

THE GREY WORLD

Greek chorus, the spectator's comment on his comedy of life. Not till he was about eleven years old. and, as Mrs. Hopkinson was fond of saying, Just a little anaemic, like so many London boys,' did the full weight of Pauline's temperament begin to make itself felt. Willie had brought back with him into life a keen and uncomfortable realization of the Grey World of the dead on which he had once been cast, and of its restless populations. As he grew older, and evolved his own plan of the world out of the uncertain country full of strange shapes and noises where a baby dwells, he was apt to have
'

sudden returns to the knowledge of that dimension vivid and uncontrollable visions in which he saw
:

his solid surroundings fade into a sort of

jelly,

shadowy
soul
his

and heard the dreadful cry

Perhaps a
lagged behind there
life.

of the souls on

their endless quest.

little bit of his

may have

when he made

hurried re-entry into

Yet, in spite of these transcendental perceptions,

which he hated but could not escape, he had

practical matter-of-factness of the average
child.

all

the

urban

His experiences had never seemed to him

to be in

any way odd, and

it

certainly never struck

him that they were not shared by the rest of the family. He was so used to it all, it was so much a
part of normal experience, that no doubt or question ever entered his head.

Of course, no one ever

or acted in a

talked to

him about the Grey World,

THE RETURN TO THE ROAD

way which
food.
reality of the tables

23

suggested the slightest doubt about the

and chairs or the actuality of once heard anyone mention the things had of becoming suddenly unsubstantial and remote. This, however,

He had never strange way these

down

he put

to that difficult science of politeness,

which, according to Mrs. Hopkinson, forbade

subjects of conversation to sensible children.

many

He had already noticed that most of the curious and interesting things which happened every day
were never spoken of at
all,

or apparently noticed.

The

bit of

sky which he saw out of the nursery

instance,

would fill itself with the loveliest cloud palaces, and knock them all down and replace them with little ships or snow mounfor

window,

tains

or flocks of sheep

all

very remarkable to

Master Hopkinson, and quite on the same plane of

mystery as
his.

his constant neighbours the ghosts

for

the joys as well as the terrors of the visionary were

But no one took the

least interest in

such

things, or said anything about them.

When

a very
it
!'

wonderful cloud came by, sometimes he showed

to Pauline
;

but she only said

'

Silly little

boy

and went back to the concoction of crinkled paper lamp-shades and tidies her favourite occupation. So the cloud - world and the ghost - world were classed together in his view of the universe as subjects which were not spoken of by well-mannered persons, and were too unimportant to be noticed by

those grown-up people whose lives, to eleven years

24
old,

THE GREY WORLD

seem compounded
of the incomprehensible

and

the romantic.

And

it

was

really quite accidentally

that he at last

broke through this self-imposed

barrier of etiquette,

and delivered up

his secret to

the unsuitable custody of Pauline.

He had always
lonely,
it

a private terror of his involuntary

;

it was was upsetting, it took the zest out of He would so much have liked daily amusements. to forget all about it. But as he was generally alone when its presence overcame him. and his English blood had given him a certain shame of his fright, he had managed to pass through these moments of panic unperceived and any unusual paleness or silence afterwards was laid to the account

returns to the invisible side of existence

of too

much

chocolate or too

little exercise.

But one evening

after tea, as he sat with Pauline

by the nursery
happened

fire

before

the

lights

had been
His

switched on, both very amiable and lazy, the thing

suddenly

and

without

warning.

helpless little soul slipped its leash,

the walls of

sense trembled and melted, and he was back again

in the horrible

country of silence and mist.

;

old desolate feeling returned to

in the

and the vague spectre worlds away. He longed to hear her speak, even if it were only to snap at him but he was in another dimension, and
fire,

crowd of grey image of the nursery

of Pauline sitting beside

The him he was alone hurrying spirits, and saw the pale
it,

many

could not reach her.

He

thought, as he always did

THE RETURN TO THE ROAD

25

on these occasions, that he was dead, and all hope of respite over and at that and the shock of so
;

quick an ending, his courage fled from him in a wild

yell of fright.
It

seems probable that the accent of

its terror

that scream was not entirely earthly, for

infected even the stolidly unemotional Pauline,

she clutched her brother's leg,

be close to her, and shrieked

matter,
tones.

and which happened to Whatever is the

'

Willie

?'

in

shrill

and

distinctly nervous

The genuine appeal of her voice penetrated to the dim place where he wandered, and called him back to solid life again, a little breathless, and very grateful for such prompt deliverance.
'

How

hate that noise

still

!'

he said with emphasis.

Miss Hopkinson,
eyes of

rather shaken, opened large

amazement upon her brother and continued

leg.

her firm grasp of his

'

What
:

noise

?'

she

demanded
old,

sharply.

She was fourteen years

startled

and
of

disliked being

her voice had a

ring

semiparental

authority.

But
'

Willie

was quite sure

of his ground,

and

answered without hesitation.

Why,

the noise the ghosts make, stupid

!'

he said.

The ghosts ?' Master Hopkinson was

'

so surprised

by

his sister's

denseness that he ventured for the

life
'

first

time in his

to address her in a tone of condescension.

You

know,' he said.

'

All the dreadful

dead

26

THE GREY WORLD

when everything
gets soft
misty.'

people what 3'ou hear

and
'

She stared.
Like when we were dead before we got alive
again,' he concluded lucidly.

manner now expressed cold disapprobaand also a certain ill-temper the natural reaction from her short attack of credulity. Willie,' she said severely, you are making things up and you know quite well that mother
Pauline's
tion,

'

'

doesn't allow

it.'

Allegations of this kind are trying even to the

least

worldly

temper,

and
it

Master
he

Hopkinson's

reply was delivered in a distinctly unamiable tone.

'

Of course I'm not making

up,'

said.

'

Why,
you
for

I'm always seeing them.

:

They're quite

real,

know they are just as real as we are. should I make up anything so nasty
here now,
all

What
?

They're

about us

crowds of grey people that

never stop

still.'

This was outrageous, and the wrathful sincerity

it was said roused Pauline's intolerant common-sense to fighting pitch.

with which

'

Be quiet
tell

this minute, Willie

!'

she cried.

'

And

don't

such wicked

stories, or I shall

go to mother

at once.'

But between his sister's extraordinary obtuseness and the undeniable truth of his own perceptions, Willie was now hopelessly confused and almost
hysterical.

He

felt

her attitude to be insulting


THE RETURN TO THE ROAD
and her
final threat,

27

deeply mortifying to the pride

of eleven years old, destroyed his last

self-control.

He began
I

to

remnant of stamp and whimper in a

said.
'

very disagreeable but reassuring way.

'

shall

shall

shall V he

Go and
!

speak to mother, nasty

tell-tale scratch-cat

She'll
;

know

shall tell

and I It's you that tell stories true. mother you were frightened 'cause I yelled!' Five minutes later Master and Miss Hopkinson
it's

effected a hurried entrance into the drawing-room,

where

their

mother

sat silky

and
It

erect pouring out

tea for several other matrons.

was her At

Startseite

day, and the air was heavy with the perfume of

warm

and white-rose scent. Mrs. Hopkinson's most valued friend, the rich but homely Mrs. Steinmann, was sitting near the door. This lady had been badly translated from the
sealskin

German

in

early

life,

and

all

traces of Teutonic

idiom had not yet been eradicated.

held but one thing

For

her, life

the

domestic

interior.

This

she really understood, and into

recesses

its least

tempting

she penetrated with garrulous joy.

She

was one of those worthy but socially embarrassing

women who

are apt to change the conversation

abruptly when the gentlemen come into the room.

Mrs. Steinmann, then, saw the children at once,

and welcomed so congenial a reason for removing her attention from Mrs. Alcock and Mrs. Frere
superior persons

who

professed to

know nothing

of

the duties of

tweeny-maid, and insisted on speak-

28

THE GREY WORLD

Mrs.

ing of politics.
their

Steinmann was aware that

of Mr.

remarks were merely an epitome of the opinions Alcock and Mr. Frere, both of whom obtained
!'

dogma direct from the Daily Telegraph. Why, here are the dear little ones she How big Pauline is getting And Willie Come and kiss me, my dears.' quite a man
their
'

said.

'

too

But the usually placid Pauline was shaken from her well-trained calm, and a strong sense of duty
impelled her, with Willie held firmly in her wake,
direct to her mother's chair.
'

Pauline

What
all

a dirty pinafore

!'

said

Mrs.

Hopkinson,
best tea-set.

her senses tuned

to the level of her

Pauline barely noticed this accusation, which was

sufficiently well founded.
'

Mother,' she replied in an awful voice,

telling horrible stories.

'

Willie's

been
is full

He
;

says the nursery

of ghosts,

on the hearth-rug
awfullest scream
!'

and he saw them, but he was sitting and he gave the all the time
drawing-room.
children

There was a
Little

slight sensation in the

Mrs.
it

Alcock,

who

detested

but

show her appreciation of them by giggling whenever they spoke, began to laugh and somehow her empty laughter, coming so soon
thought
polite to
:

after his

Master

peep into the sorrowful place, outraged Hopkinson even more than his sister's
His puzzled
little

scepticism had done.

in revolt,

mind was

and

he turned on her quite fiercely.

THE RETURN TO THE ROAD

'

29

You won't

laugh when you're dead

;

!'

he observed

with chilling sincerity

and Mrs. Alcock ceased to

little

be amused.
'

What

a very peculiar

boy

!'

she said, and

relapsed into uneasy silence.

The other
is

ladies

eyed him, some with nervousness,

Eccentricity

others with obvious disapprobation.

only tolerable

when

it

is

ridiculous,

and they
Several

found the situation more uncomfortable than absurd.

There was an uncanny feeling in the

air.

began to button their cloaks and get out their cardBut before they could say good-bye, the cases.
child,
first
'

who was

recovering himself, followed

up

his

advantage and arrested the general attention. Isn't it silly, mother ?' he said. Pauline wants
'

to
in

make out
it,

that there isn't a Grey World, or ghosts

or anything.

Why,

suppose you get into

I

it

often, don't you,

just like

do

And anyhow,
long.

when we were dead we were there for ever so At least, I was, and I hated it, because of being nothing to do. And now Pauline says
stories.'

there
I tell

The spectacle
in the

of a small

boy

in overalls standing
floor

middle of the drawing-room

and referring

casually to the time

when he inhabited the unseen

;

world

is

not often seen in suburban circles

and
to

Mrs. Hopkinson,

who hated anything unusual

happen on her At
annoyed.
'

Startseite

days,

felt

awkward and
'

Willie dear,' she said rather Hurriedly,

you've

30

THE GREY WORLD

stories,

been reading some horrid ghost

?'

haven't you,

and got frightened And she nodded to the explosive Pauline peremptory injunctions to hold her tongue. Oh no, mother,' answered Willie. The ghost stories are all wrong, you know, not a bit like the real thing and I wasn't at all frightened. Only I got in amongst them all of a sudden, and it is so horrible and I gave a yell, and then Pauline wouldn't believe I'd been there.' Pauline,' said Mrs. Hopkinson suddenly, what did Willie have for his tea ?' Well, he did have one bit of cake.' replied
'
'

'

'

'

Pauline.

The other
and nodded.
'

ladies looked at each other significantly,

To

those practical maternal minds the

explanation was simple enough.

You may say what you

'

like,'

observed Mrs.
is

Steinmann,
assimilated.

but with some children cake

I've often seen the

never

my
be
'

grandchildren.

And

a nervous

But put him

all

to bed with a dose of

same thing with boy like that calomel, and he'll

right in the morning.'

Yes,' said Mrs. Hopkinson, relieved

by

this con-

genial

suggestion.

'

You're not very well, Willie

dear

that's what it is. Go upstairs with Pauline, and don't think any more about it. It's all imagination, you know.'
;

What

did an Early Christian feel like

when

his

sceptical relations treated

him with contemptuous

THE RETURN TO THE ROAD

dyspepsia
less
?

31

kindness, and ascribed his spiritual perceptions to

One hopes that he found the

form of martyrdom.

lions a

painful

Master Willie

Hopkinson, torn by disgust, astonishment, and perplexity,

knew that he

preferred anything and every-

thing to Pauline, the agent of his humiliation.

whilst he

But
she

hurried

was still speechless him out of the room.

in his misery,

CHAPTER
A LITTLE WAYFARER
'

IV

IS

BEWILDERED
:

Dreams were

to

him

the true realities

externals he accepted

as other people accepted dreams.'

George Moore.
painful to

The adventure
Willie's pride,

of the

At

Home day was

but

it

taught him several valuable

things.

It

developed a wariness and precocious dis-

cretion which he

had not possessed before

and

it

made him
It

specially careful in his choice of conversa-

tion with the family.

was a long time before he lost the shadow which was cast by his painful efforts to review the situation and understand the intricacies of his experience but whilst this still puzzled him, he saw that any reticence must be good which saved him from misunderstanding and humiliation, and he
;

laid his small plans for the future

very deliberately.

Most children of the normal type have their

moments

of mysticism,

when

their spirit first stirs

and they wonder what they really are, puzzling over memory and consciousness and other things which elude their rudimentary language, but which they
32

A LITTLE WAYFARER
take
it

IS

BEWILDERED
know
all

33

for granted that their elders

about.
of

Master

Hopkinson,

always

acutely

conscious

two worlds equally near to him, pondered perhaps less on these things, because to him they were so In later and obvious, objectionable, and distinct.

more

articulate years he

was accustomed

to say,

came to his infancy trailing clouds which had no elements of glory. The phrase was accurate, and he did not find its literary associations disthat he
agreeable.

The Grey World was the warp on which the

bright

threads

of

his

sensuous

existence
;

were
but

spread
to

a strange

and tiresome plan, perhaps

him profoundly natural, because it was the only one that he had ever known. But this sudden discovery that the rest of the family did not share his knowledge, live the same dual life, or frequent the

same dim country, startled and distressed him. He had taken it for granted that he was as all other little boys now it seemed clear that he had made a huge mistake. Instead of sharing with the others an experience as ordinary and inevitable as a cold in the head or a dose of powder, he was quite alone in his visits to the crowded country, and even in his memories of the time when he was one of its inhabitants. He had seen quite plainly that the Hopkin;

son family and

things.
bility,

knew nothing of these monument of infallihad seemed deeply astonished by what he

its

friends

Even

his mother, that

himself regarded as his extremely ordinary remarks,

3

34
It

THE GREY WORLD

was very bewildering,
for

he could really see no

reason
else.

the

why he should be different from everybody He felt something of the helpless disgust of seasoned traveller who comes home to find his
;

truthful narrative received with sardonic smiles

of the long-suffering chemist

oder

who

tries to

radium before the uneducated audience.

strate

hostile grins of

demona canny but

At the same time, the human element in him was by its temerity, and struggled to assure him that grown-up people must know everything and the conviction grew that it was best to endure the slur on his veracity in silence, and only be careful in his own interests to steer clear
rather ashamed, and frightened
;

of these complications in the future.

After

all,

if

for

some inconceivable reason the

rest of his ac-

quaintances inhabited one world only, did not know where they had come from, and never dreamed of troubling about it, it was not to be expected that on the testimony of one small boy they should believe in truths which were to them both imper-

and offensive. And the Grey World was so monstrous, so impossible unless one had been there, that often when he
ceptible

was

boat-sailing in Kensington Gardens, or

when
him-

the jam-roly at dinner was particularly solid and

good, Willie found

self.

it

very hard to believe in

:

it

That

all

the bright colours he loved

the nice

flat

blue poppies with yellowy-brown leaves which

sprawled over the drawing-room paper, the scarlet

A LITTLE WAYFARER
of the local

IS
all

BEWILDERED

35

omnibus, and
:

the loveliness of sun-

shine and gaslight

should be shams which hid the

horrible place of unending nothingness that lay in

and houses, and filled the air he breathed with melancholy ghosts this would have been quite ridiculous if it had not happened to be true. So he excused Mrs. Hopkinson and her and through the
streets

callers for their ignorance

and, half in a

fit

of out-

raged dignity, and half because he dreaded the

naturalistic standpoint of Pauline, he decided to

avoid

all

references to his

own thoughts and

in

experi-

ences until he was quite sure that the rest of the

world was likely to believe

them.

As the double
boy-pleasures, and
quiet
delights
;

life

that he led rather detached

Master Hopkinson from a vivid interest in ordinary

made him

visionary and given to

and as Mr. and Mrs. Hopkinson

strenuously upheld the policy of only talking to

the children about things that children should and

could understand, this resulted in his becoming an

unpleasantly silent

little

boy.

Unseen on
with
it

his soul enlarged as

For the grip of the he grew older, and

his terror of betraying himself.

So he lived for the next year or two a cautious,

remembrance of the At Home day episode gradually faded from the family mind. They said that he was a queer child, and hoped he was going to be clever and as Pauline outgrew the nursery, he was left a good deal to himself. He was certainly odd in his ways given to long
artificial life,

and

all

36

THE GREY WORLD

his eyes,
it

hours of brooding and sudden flashes of conviction.

Dream was seldom absent from

name.
of

but fortu-

nately Mrs. Hopkinson did not recognise

under that

He

loved to read the old romances and tales

King Arthur's knights, for a peculiar inarticulate joy that they gave him but when he tried to find
:

out the source of his fascination, he could not.

Specially the story of the

Though
soul

his reason told

Holy Graal attracted him. him that it and the others

rest of life, his

were as untrue, as shadowy, as the

found
it

nourished

them some secret element which and gave it peace.

in

He

got the habit of looking into every book that

find, for

he could
not.
left

he had somehow acquired the idea

real,

that books were

though people, he knew, were

One day, he found a thin volume of verse, probably by some chance visitor Mr. Hopkin-

son discouraged, without

difficulty, the
;

reading of

poetry by his household

stuff.

he thought
opened,

it

dangerous
read,

This

book

Willie

and

amongst much
ing quatrain
'
:

unintelligible loveliness, the follow-

We

are no other than a

moving row

Of Magic Shadow-shapes that come and go Round with the Sun-illumined Lantern held In Midnight by the Master of the Show
;

someone else who knows !' he thought and went away companioned and less He had a constant lonely for that knowledge. longing to fathom the depths of the gulf which
'

Then

there

is

A LITTLE WAYFARER
divided

IS

BEWILDERED
if

37

him from other

people, though he dared

not venture further confidences to discover

really stood alone.

he

Sometimes he wondered if there were not other children in the same unhappy position but he dreaded being laughed at, and the small boys at his
;

day-school did not strike him as promising subjects

for inquiry.

The
ups
live
'

solid trust in

appearances which the

'

grown-

showed, and specially his father's attitude

life,

towards
in

bothered him more and more.

To

the

midst of superior and authoritative

persistently grasp the
is

persons
that

who

shadow and

assert

it is

the substance,

aggravating to an apostle
Mr. Hopkinson

but appalling to a nervous child.

was thought by his neighbours to be an alarmingly clever man modern science was his god, and Huxley the high-priest of his temple, but he had a way with heretics which savoured more of theology
:

than of reason.
Whilst Willie was
'

still

very young, he began to

interest him,' as he said,

by popular
dream

lecturettes at

meal times or on Sunday afternoons, about things

that the child loved
to

over,

and whose
Perhaps

beauties gave
it

him an

inexplicable delight.

was the ugliness of his calling Mr. Hopkinson was a wholesale tailor Hopkinson, Vowles and Co., of Bermondsey which developed his peculiar gift of seeing only the mechanical and ordinary in the universe, and reducing to formal hideousness the
;

38

THE GREY WORLD

life.

loveliest manifestations of

But when he

dis-

sected daisies, and showed his son pictures of his

own

and proved that the magical clouds which Willie worshipped were nothing but steam and dust, and then said informingly, Force and Matter again That's the Force and Matter whole bag of tricks, Willie my boy !' Master Hopkinson found the mingled results of his father's ignorance and authority very bewildering. He was disturbed, lonely and unhappy, and sometimes it even happened that he wished himself back in his old existence in Notting Dale, where life was always amusing and adventurous, and no one worried about turning pretty dreams into what he secretly looked upon as ugly lies. But he kept these criticisms to himself with the rest, and listened with a blank face which his father
inside,
' ' '
!
!

put

down

to

stupidity,

whilst

that

enthusiast

gloated over atoms and molecules and the physical

basis of Life
;

and even, when

trips

his wife

was out
theory

of
of

hearing,

took sideway

into

the

evolution.

Mr. Hopkinson was fond of comparing

the Universe to his

own
it

factory and himself to the

Ruler thereof
ciency

and

struck

him

as

eminently
effi-

reasonable that the Almighty should secure

by sacking the incompetent

hands.

He

waited for Willie's remarks the sharp remarks beloved of the educational parent but they did

not come

Master Hopkinson dared not speak of the truth as he knew it, and this same knowledge
;

for

A LITTLE WAYFARER
point of view.

IS

BEWILDERED

39

shut him out from any comprehension of his father's

Pauline, on the contrary, took these things in

very readily.

They taught

science

at

the High

School once a week, and sometimes she argued with

Mr. Hopkinson about

questions

it, which pleased him. Her and contentions were just sufficiently

intelligent to give a fallacious air of brilliance to his

own

replies.

She had grown into a

tall,
;

thick-

ankled
brother

girl, all
still

muscle and loud opinions

fast.

but her

kept pale and puny, because, said his

that keeps

mother, his brain was growing too

'

Whatever

it is

him

back,' replied her

husband, stroking the admirably-grown moustache

which did not seem

'

likely to survive his generation,

it

isn't his brain,

because he hasn't got one.

Not

one boy in a thousand has had his opportunities of

getting a thorough working knowledge of the scientific

standpoint.

But the

lad's a regular milksop,

intelli-

unhealthy in mind and body, and takes no

gent interest whatever.

Goodness knows what will become of him when he gets into the City.' It was at this propitious period that Master Hopkinson chose, for the second time, to
lift

the veil

which hung over the

at

children outgrew the nursery,

her disposal,

As her and left more leisure Mrs. Hopkinson had begun to

realities of his life.

temper her household ministrations with a wider

charity
;

and

she was

specially

interested

in

society for taking boys from the Franciscan liberty

4o
of the slums
their

THE GREY WORLD

and immuring them in an institution morals were edited to a positively Willie remembered well how the insulting extent. young inhabitants of Notting Dale had looked upon those societies, and he did not feel very interested in the sum total of subscriptions which she somewhere
times announced to Mr. Hopkinson over the breakfast-table.
'

His own collecting-card lay with the

Microscope
'

Boy's

Own

and

'

Hints on Bird-

stuffing,' in

a dark corner of the schoolroom cup-

board.

day dawned, however, when Mrs. Hopkinson's

She had always had a passion
it

energies could no longer be confined to begging or

secretarial work.
for

commerce

and she now perceived that

was
sales

her duty, and incidentally the privilege of her committee, to undertake a bazaar.
;

The remnant

were about to begin she had the flair of the born She would buy scraps and oddbargain-hunter.

ments

offered

at

alarming

sacrifices,

confection

them

into sachets, baby's pinafores,

and garments

for the poor,

and

sell

them
idea,

to other philanthropic

economists at a profit of 50 per cent.

she thought of
this

The more
it.

the more she liked

The house was soon filled with the sound of sewingmachines and the smell of Aspinall's enamel and Fraud, decked with the aureole of Good Intentions,
;

became

its

tutelary saint.

A working-party met twice a week, and discussed

dubious morality amidst

much snipping and stitching.

A LITTLE
'

WAYFARER
;

IS

BEWILDERED
it.

41

Yes, dear
It
it

put that lace on

It will

do quite
will

well.

was only

three-three,

but no one

notice
'

isn't real torchon.'

No,

wouldn't line

it

with

silk

the lining won't

show.'
'

Oh,

is

that doll's leg broken, Mrs. Steinmann

!

What

a bother

You must

give

it

a longer skirt to

hide the join.'

These and other sidelights on ethics came

Master Hopkinson as he helped his
tea, or
sister to

to

hand

dived under the dining-room table to search

for

missing thimbles and pins.

They were very

ugly in their earthiness, those afternoons, and were

somehow connected vaguely

plaid flannel blouse

in his

memory with

brown and
wear.
line

an unfortunate arrangement in heliotrope that his mother used to

harmony
of colour or

Just as in art some

may

often suggest a link with music or with

poetry, so one form of hideousness often correlates

curiously with another, and stands as

its

eternal

emblem in our consciousness. The bazaar and all its belongings, therefore, fussed Master Hopkinson, disturbed his dreamy existence
and
tried his nerves.

Mrs. Hopkinson thought that

to interest themselves in

children should be

made

the poor, and he was never allowed to forget that the preparations for enslaving the free-born sons of

Having now arrived at a stage in which he remembered the days that he had spent amongst them as the only entirely happy
Notting Dale were going on.

42

THE GREY WORLD

ones he had ever known, he looked on as a rather morose cherub might have done whilst a party of elderly angels planned out Purgatory. This atti-

tude could scarcely escape the committee, and their

exalted philanthropy judged
it

to be wholly evil.
little
;

Their
girls

little

boys were chipping wood, and their

for the charity

working laborious doyleys

but

Willie
tion.

had not yet come forward with any contribumothers,

is

Amongst
resistible
;

sidelong

censure

of

other

always dangerous, but seldom and probably his deliberate languors were very irritating. At last the strain broke. Aren't you very glad, Willie dear,' said Mrs. Steinmann to him suddenly, to think of those poor little boys being taken out of the streets and put
people's children
'
'

into a comfortable

home

?'

Passive disapprobation does not

boys, and the committee had
its

sit

well on small

not been alone in

growing exasperation.
'

Master Hopkinson was

pleased to have an opening for his opinion.

No

I'm sorry

for them,' he
cried,
'

answered promptly.
dear Willie
!'

A
who

matronly chorus
affected not to

My

and

looked at each other, but not at Mrs. Hopkinson,

have heard her son's remark. Willie felt that he was placed on the defensive, and a wild longing to shock someone seized him. Longnourished rancours against local ideas overflowed,

and abruptly demolished

discretion.

all

his careful

vows

of

In factj he lost his temper

and his head.

A LITTLE
'

WAYFARER
was a poor
jolly.
I

IS

BEWILDERED
'

43

When
It

little

boy,' he said,

liked

it.

was

didn't have to be clean then.

more to do than there is here and fewer lessons, and I never heard ghosts. And you talk a lot about their drunken fathers, and all that but drunken fathers aren't so bad. I thought mine rather amusing. I used to help get him upstairs at night. Sometimes he was awfully funny Here Mrs. Steinmann's shiny dark eyes, trained to plumb the souls of her scullery-maids, began to have their effect on him. He stopped suddenly.
there

And

was

lots

'

It is

never pleasant to realize that one has confided

in the

wrong person. Willie now perceived that he had confided in a crowd of wrong persons. Someone said, How remarkable !' and someone else, He really must have quite a vivid imagination !' His mother dropped three pins from her mouth, but found no words to fill the vacancy and Master Hopkinson, with hot face and short breath, walked out of the room as quickly as he considered proper. This was Willie's last serious indiscretion and so useless and astonishing had been his fall that he never clearly understood how it came about. His wild words had left no sharp impression behind them but they revived unfortunate memories and prejudices amongst the Hopkinson set, and confirmed Some felt the belief that he was a difficult child.' bound to call him clever, but all preferred to think that he was untruthful.
'

'

'

44

THE GREY WORLD

This he expected, and with indifference
;

but he

was surprised

in his ignorance

denly deserted her post of

mother sudfamily ameliorator and

his

when

concealer of crime, and took the history of his out-

burst to Mr. Hopkinson's ears.

He

learnt later that

Good Works

rank, like etiquette and imperialism,

of

amongst the most solemn games

mankind, and

A mild irony at the are not lightly to be smiled at. expense of her pet charity will turn the most loving woman against her children, but the first time that
happens the shock is rather severe. So Willie stood before his father feeling sick and shaky, whilst he italicized the most unpleasant asit

pects of the incident, and asked his son sarcastically

Master Hopkinson's soul, what he meant by it. which was so familiar with the real terrors, hated his body for this ridiculous fright. He had no words, but his father had plenty the acid reaction of his unappreciated lectures poisoned his discourse, and

burnt where

it fell.

fear he should be

Willie bit his tongue hard for tempted to speak the truth the
;

longing to be understood dies so slowly.

But he had learnt once for all the first rule of wisdom never to emerge from the veil which your

neighbour

is

accustomed to mistake

for yourself.

CHAPTER V
A DOWN-HILL STRETCH
1

Education begins the gentleman.'

Locke.

Mr. Hopkinsox, even when he was not actively annoyed by his son, felt him to be a blot upon his theory of family life and now, disguising an act of self-indulgence in the decent mantle of parental
:

duty, he seized the opportunity of sending Willie

away
these

to school.

They were strangers

worse

to each other,

two

and

than

strangers, because

mutually repellent.

But Master Hopkinson was

necessity
of

an only son, and

get
'

his father could not conscientiously

rid

of

the

British

having him

licked into shape.'

The boy was sent

bracing
air,

to a Norfolk village,

where
house-

large
little

meals,

and an

athletic

master
genial

left

chance for meditation.

the body,
is

Uncon-

surroundings are not always unfortunate.

at an age

if it is ever to be an bound to assert itself at the expense of the soul and in his case loneliness, long hours spent in vague dreamy attempts

He was

when

efficient vehicle of

mind,

45

46

THE GREY WORLD

above all, the to unravel the meaning of things heavy bewilderments of a spirit that lived alone with occult realities which sapped it of all joy had worn Nature was ready for her the body rather thin. School, to which he went as to a penirevenge. the place where tentiary, became his sanatorium

he

lost his life to find it

lost that isolated existence

which had crushed him into savourless endurance, and found the sprightly illusions natural to his

and age. The change was sudden, drastic and the shock enhanced its value. At Hazefield both cricket and Latin prose were serious things but the soul was only mentioned on Sundays, and then in a purely official manner. The result was At the end of six months Willie to be foreseen. had hardened his muscles, enlarged his vocabulary,
race

and begun to take an

interest in the question of

wearing his cap at the correct angle.

The slow and steady action of environment had worn away all his own convictions, and the readymade beliefs which flourished around him slipped unnoticed into their place. He was still conscious of the shadow-side of the world, and liable to sudden

moments
noises, of earth.

of

withdrawal when he heard

lost

its

horrid

and

hold of the comfortable playthings

But these moments seemed to him now the time had gone to be dreams and interludes by when he could accept them, with a faith which
;

often verged on agony, as a part of normal experience.

He

did not any longer grasp

them with the

'

A DOWN-HILL STRETCH
painful fervours of the past
;

47

there

was always a

mist between.

Also the trend of public opinion

ashamed of his visions. Schooland boys despise what they do not understand shame (with the young) is a great inducement to

made him

rather

forgetfulness.

There followed a time when his attitude to these things was that of an Evangelical clergyman who
has inadvertently read the
'

Origin of Species,' and that the orthodox

;

would

like to forget

it.

He knew

position of his schoolfellows

he knew that their whole idea of

that the truth

was untenable for him life was false the amazing, and as they would say
;

the unnatural truth

of existence lay in his

it
:

hand.

But he refused and did not fit

to think about
in.

it

was unpleasant,

He
field

preferred his lying senses to his inconvenient

and became sedulous in the cricket and wholesomely casual in class. On the day when Master Hopkinson learnt the Psalm of Life as an imposition, and repeated with smiling sinperceptions,
' '

cerity

and unconcern,
1

Leben

is

real

Life
is

is

earnest
its

And

the grave

not

goal

he was very nearly a normal boy.

doing
its

Education was
for granted, to

work.

To take everything

grasp fringes and avoid fundamentals, to think only of the obvious, and to refuse to consider the unimportant incident called Death these arts, in which

our youngsters are so carefully instructed, Willie

48

THE GREY WORLD

at last acquired, though perhaps less easily than

his fellows.

At home during the holidays, his large appetite and slangy speech pleased his parents, astonished their acquaintances, and made Pauline jealous. He rotted her and her friends in the most correct
'

'

manner, was ostentatiously noisy, deliberately tyrannical, and generally displayed all the tiresomeness of the healthy male. Everyone remarked and even Mr. Hopkinson on the improvement became comparatively genial, and began to hope that his son might be good for something after all. I always knew it was his health that made him
; '

so queer,' said Mrs. Hopkinson.

'

Poorness of the
to
;

blood

that's
him

what

put

it

down

and the

bracing air of Norfolk was just what was wanted

to set
right.'

Mrs. Steinmann, to
offered,

whom
in

these remarks were

agreed, though

rather

an ungracious

manner.
'

Willie

wanted a

bit of school-life to

knock the

nonsense out of him,'

just the

she said.

'

Tristram was
;

same

moody

so different from Geraint,

boy.'

and rather unwholesome who was always a thorough

Mrs. Steinmann's grandsons, surnamed Levi, did

not incarnate the Arthurian legend to the extent

that their cultured mother had hoped.
'

often thought,
'

you know, Mrs. Hopkinson,'

left Willie to

she added,

that you

go his own

way

A DOWN-HILL STRETCH
;

49

too much but of course one doesn't like to interfere. And really, considering his curious disposition, I'm

thankful that the consequences have been no worse.'

The good fortune

of her neighbours

was a
;

per-

petual source of marvel to Mrs. Steinmann

she

was always expecting Providence

flowed in her
for

to punish

them

for the lack of that oleaginous sagacity

own

commonsense.
comfortable

her

acrid tone to her

her daughter, the

less of a treasure

which overand which she mistook Disappointment had embittered bosom, and too often lent an congratulations. She had found mother of Tristram and Geraint, than her principles had led her
character,

to expect.

This lady,
the

whom

Mrs. Hopkinson regarded with

contemptuous

awe which good house-wives

reserve for the intellectual of their sex, inherited

from her parent a shining black fringe, a sallow complexion, but few domestic virtues. She came
to

maturity

during

the

Browning
in
all

period,

and
of

though

carefully

trained

the

ritual

Teutonic womanhood, could never be persuaded

to reverence the family linen chest, or

remember

which was the right day to have the drawing-room turned out. Her marriage, which took place at
the earliest possible
to her as a rupture

moment, was more important from home than as a union with

Mr. Levi

an elderly widower, whose sandy hair

might, she hoped, counteract her

Oriental appearance.

own

unfortunately

In this she was mistaken

50

THE GREY WORLD

it

and

of romantic

was her painful fate to see her sons, in spite names and picturesque dresses, become more uncompromisingly Hebraic day by day. Their long necks, restless black eyes, and ferret-like expressions, offended an aesthetic sense v/hich was nourished on Raphael and Sir Joshua Reynolds. She was best pleased when they were least in evidence, and invariably affected a refined ignorance
of the less lovely details of their toilets.
It

was Mrs. Steinmann

of the nursery

at

once

expert

and

amateur

who, having accidentally

discovered that her grandsons did not wear flannel

next the skin, expressed her horror and disgust with

homely directness, and took all that concerned them into her own hands. Henceforth she saw that they had their hair cut regularly, and took them She was happier, to the dentist every six months. and they were healthier, for the change and they gave her, what she had lacked before, a criterion by which to disparage other people's children. The little Levis, therefore, were looked upon in
;

Mrs. Hopkinson's set as Mrs. Steinmann's peculiar

property.
lease
:

She held them, so to speak, on a repairing

worshipped their unlovely bodies, quoted

their uninteresting remarks,

in

and was only successful concealing her idolatrous state from the unsusGeraint Levi,

pecting objects of her adoration.

described by candid acquaintances as a born bounder,

was detested by Mrs. Hopkinson for a habit he had of making love to Pauline, two years his senior.

A DOWN-HILL STRETCH
Tristram's
air of

51
;

manners were

less

characteristic

his

happiness to his grandmother,

ill-health.

good breeding was a frequent source of unwho mistook it for

to tolerate

But no Englishwoman can be expected

race

the comparison of her children with those of another

and only a respect for Mrs. Steinmann's diamonds and knowledge of cookery bridled Mrs.
;

Hopkinson's

tongue when she heard her Willie

bracketed with Tristram as lucky examples of the

benefits of school.

Willie was such an imaginative child,' she said. Always fancying things, and using his brain. He reminds me of my. father, who would have written something, I'm sure, if he'd had the time, but he was always so much occupied in the er with commerce. Mr. Hopkinson thinks that what Willie really requires is balance, and we are going to put him on the modern side next term. A sound
'

scientific

training,

that

is

Mr. Hopkinson's idea

will

and modern languages, which

the business.'

be so useful in

and

Hopkinson went to the modern side, All his old poetic fancies its work well. and love of the beautiful were eradicated, and a taste for things strange and ingenious took their place. At this period all that tickled his curiosity and gave interest to the concrete appealed to him strongly he took in magazines which had a corner for curiosities,' and became keen on acrostics.
Master
it

did

'

42

52

THE GREY WORLD

skies, cold tones,

The wonderful
for the

of the Norfolk landscape

message of

horrid memories of

and quiet planes had nothing to say to him the clouds was bound up with the visions of infancy, and he
;

carried to excess the usual revolt of the adolescent

from the tastes and ideals

of his childhood.

He

grew up to be a thin, freckled youth, mediocre in moderately talent, manners, and physical powers
:

liked

by the boys, but too

indifferent to

make any
class,-

great friends.

He

did moderately well, too, in

but scored no successes.

His masters,

who saw

promise in the remote expression of his eyes, were

disappointed by his work, which was correct but
heartless.
It

was inevitably
fall

so.

In spite of deli-

berate efforts to
1

into line* he did not entirely

mix in.' At seventeen, it seemed that Willie had no decided bent in any direction, and Mr. Hopkinson formed
the idea of removing this promising material to
his office as soon as possible.

He wished

that the

City might seal

him with her symbolic beast before

There
is

contact with a wider world had the chance of causing some inconvenient bias.
for the

no room

embryo scholar or musician

in the wholesale

tailoring trade.

To the ideal spectator, that unemotional angel who criticises the wanderings of man, this may
well

have seemed the oddest, most unexpected of

he,

the stages through which Master Hopkinson passed.

Here was

an immortal

spirit,

and knowing

A DOWN-HTLL STRETCH
himself so to be

53

aware

of that place

whence he
refusing

had come, knowledge

and not without a shuddering foreof

his

future

fate

steadily
life.

his attention to all true aspects of

He had

become more animal than the animals

lived amongst,
pleasures,
of

whom

he

shared the least durable of their

of the reality

was passionately credulous

gods.

their

He
;

liked

silly

jokes

and comic
a chorus

songs, because of the sense

of

comradeship that

hung about them

was one
of

when he was shouting

with a dozen others he felt for the

themselves.
;

moment

that he

years of loneliness
to get rid of all

He was redeeming his and with them did his best that distinguished him from the

other foolish, boisterous, bumptious, or otherwise

wholesome young fellows who pass from school to commerce with little diminution of spirits or assumption of responsibility. Many pass through this evolution, though few, perhaps, commence where he did. An accident
checked the process as
it

reached

its final

position

he reverted to his old state of helpless perception

and the Power, fiend or angel,

its net.

who had him

in

charge caught him once more in the fine meshes of

CHAPTER

VI

STAFF AND SCRIP

'

These things I do, These other things I see, Shape not for me Aught that I dare name true. Rather they seem to be

Hard
I

riddles that, with sloth

and pain,

must again

Undo/

Laurence Housman.

When

he was eighteen years old Master Hopkinson

;

caught scarlet fever

and the outward disease was

crisis.

the harbinger of a spiritual

His childhood,

sickly, had contrived to withstand bodily and it was years since he had known an illness. The psychological side of ill-health, at all events, was new to him and as he sickened it astonished him to perceive how he withdrew into himself,

though
stress,

and watched with timid curiosity the proportions He wondered of his environment gradually change. dreamily what was the matter, and swung between interest and dismay till at last the meaning of the thing was obvious, and he was declared to be ill.
54

STAFF AND SCRIP

He was
the only victim,

55

and had the school

sanatorium to himself.
he

This seemed to promise

dumess, for he loved company

now

as

much

as

had once

disliked

it

and the pink-washed

and row of iron beds, looking in their stripped and pillowless state like the skeletons of some nightmare quadruped, were not exactly cheering. Yet curiously enough they did not give him the desolate shock that he looked for they
walls, bare boards,
;

were friendly, as the worst furniture can be

mag.

if

it

of

He lay and looked at them, and wondered what they reminded him. Above all, the faint
of

scent

carbolic

acid

stirred

vague memory

which he could not catch. He was interested, puzzled. As yet, you see, he was not very ill, but was quite equal to a certain amount of hazy meditation.

was a change, and he enjoyed it. But the surprises of circumstance were not over.
It

Staring about him, he recognised one after another

of the ideas

and sensations that came slowly to the

surface of his spirit, as one

may

greet old acquaint-

ances whose names and business

their unforgettable

all,

in fact,

but

faces

have gone to oblivion.

He found
of

that he
;

knew

in

advance
all

all

the ritual
relations,

sickness

the

change of

human

even the forbidding automatonism which a nurse It was brings with her, did not astonish him. and he evident that he had been there before
;

roamed feverishly back for the clue. But it eluded him.

through his past, hunting

56

THE GREY WORLD

Only
in the

middle of the third night, as he lay

alone, hot, uncomfortable,

and very

forlorn, filled

with the self-pitying miseries of the

sick, did

he find

what he had been looking for. It was a discovery which amazed, but failed to please him. He disturbed from a sleep which had lasted for several years the distasteful and unwelcome memory of his old existences, reminding him with a shock that he was not as other boys. He had hidden them deep in that corner of his mind which we all keep for humiliating incidents, old religions, and ideals too spotless to be lived with a corner we seldom traverse, and then with light footsteps, for fear of
:

disturbing those inconvenient sleepers.

What he

found, then, in this Bluebeard chamber

of his consciousness
indelible, of the

was knowledge, accurate and

S.

days when he lay in

in spirit

Nicholas Inyet a

firmary

another child, sick of another fever;

and one

real child,

with the lanky schoolboy

as its

which

his

Ego now claimed

home.

He
it

lived

there again, and so vividly that he found

to disentangle

difficult

memory from

reality,

himself that he was not

still

in

and to assure that narrow cot,

that he was not any longer that child of the slums, that
all his

subsequent experience was not a dream of

sequence of ideas, but when we
trail

that

illness.
is

Time
is

run

back upon the

and recommence an old

?

series,

not the interval annihilated

horribly, as his

It

all

puzzled

him

mind turned from one place

STAFF AND SCRIP

to the other,

57

and groped for the landmarks and boundaries denied him by a Destiny which he now felt to be both imminent and awful. But the Past which he had despised and neglected

was waiting with a crueller revenge. When the fever reached an acute stage, and he was seriously ill, another and more disagreeable side of the subject was presented to Willie's mind. It occurred to him that* for the second time within his memory, he was very near indeed to the point of death. For the last five or six years he had lived the god-like life of the average man, whose imagination assures him that he is immortal, although his reason Now Death became a tells him that he is not.
fact,

and a very disquieting

fact.

Its

nearness

annihilated the pretty draperies with which education conceals the ugly bogeys of

mankind, and he
it

saw
It

it

with primeval clearness, horrible and distinct.

to him, too, than

meant more

might do to

others.

He

could not believe in the poetic fictions

with which orthodox persons are accustomed to veil

the open door.
It

meant a

return, perhaps a

nent one, to the shadowy terrors of his childhood

permaan
;

existence of crowded isolation, of hurried idleness,

which might stretch into eternity or terminate with

another

experimental

re-entry

into

life.

Either

alternative

was unpleasant.

Master Hopkinson was

of a contented disposition, his artistic

and advenlife

turous tastes had not as yet begun to give trouble,

and he

felt

that the prospects of his present

58

THE GREY WORLD

He
preferred that the years should

were tolerable.

be punctuated with

commas

rather than full-stops.

He looked in vision on to a bright and varied world, world full of energy and surprises and Boy's Own
It is true that so far
life,

Paper pageantry.
seen

he had not
at

much

of this aspect of

but provided that

it

he could remain alive he might escape into

any moment.

Death offered no such allurements. There followed on this hour of awakening a period when he was no longer capable of thought when he battled with death, and shook the nerves of his nurses by his cries, his terrors, his entreaties. Time after time he felt as a stifling weight the perception of the shadow-land time after time lost his grasp of solidity, slipped from the noises of earth, and heard the call of the spirits who were drawing him back to their ranks. For days he hung doubtful on the borders, and proclaimed his agony of soul. They said that he was delirious, but it is more probable that he was intoxicated with
:

fright.

When
knew

the tide turned, the fever

left

him, and he

that Horror no longer stood close by him, but

had retreated to its normal place, Willie lay limp on his bed in an ecstasy of thankfulness his poor frame as greatly shaken by the returning flood of He life as it had been by the violence of its ebb. was too weak for coherent thought at first he was satisfied to rest in a sense of safety and wellbeing and the sharpest memories of his ordeal

STAFF AND SCRIP

wore

59

off during this somnolence. So that at last, some three weeks after the crisis, he woke to a detached and placid consideration of events. It must not be held a reproach to Master Hop-

kinson that he

felt

himself to be at this

moment

own universe. Could others have him as he really was, they must, had they been by temperament philosophers, have held him more than usually qualified for the position. The
the centre of his

seen

invalid

is
;

a licensed egoist, the visionary an inevit-

and only those who vainly desired such consolation for themselves could have grudged him his silent self-importance. The scarlet fever convalescent has ample opportunity for thought and this exercise, so difficult to a childhood fresh from the perceptive state, had been rendered possible to Willie by the strictly logical trend
able one
;

of his education.

He

began, therefore, gradually,

of

slowly,

and luxuriously, to think

what had hapIt

pened.

He thought about
had been a
life

it

in relation to the past,

and, more seriously, in relation to the future.

plain that he
bit of a fool.

was

Had he

died in his fever, the eighteen years of grace which

he had won of

since his death in S. Nicholas

Infirmary would have seemed inconsiderable enough

against an eternity of
idea than

boredom and he had a

;

clearer

many
'

theologians of the black vacancy

eternal
'

which the word

hides.

Yet

this,

he had
in the

no doubt, was what he had escaped from, and

to this, unless he could discover

some pass

60

THE GREY WORLD

was bound eventually to
ghastly.
return.

secret barrier, he

The prospect was very

too
evil,

He

felt

that he
It

could never bear to see a funeral again.

too ominous.

was

Then it occurred to him that perhaps there was some way out that the hereafter as he knew it was curiously cruel, and, if applied universally, rather unjust. It was also at variance with the optimistic creed whose catch-words he had casually
;

acquired,

but this consideration

did

not

affect

him much.
This, then,

was

his

problem

an acrostic of deadly
This
his

import, to which he held few of the lights.

was
soul

his only chance, this earthly life to

which

was

still

attached, of finding salvation from

so near to his gates.

the dreary

Hades that lay

a little knowledge now of astronomy and and these mingled themselves strangely with his meditations, and seemed to make the finding of a clue more hopeless than if he had only his own memories and fancies to draw on. Yet as he
physics,

He had

pondered, as he strove to link this world with that

other, the conviction

grew on him that some did find

had some division into classes people, he was told, were good and bad events, he knew, were nasty or nice it seemed inconceivable that amongst the dead there should not also be a few who were happy to balance the miseries of the rest.
that salvation. In every variety of experience he
:

hitherto found

In the black hours of his illness an unmistakable

STAFF AND SCRIP

instinct

61

had told him that he would not be one of those happy ones that he was still bound to the
;

trail

with his old comrades, the hunters of the

air.

But some were not so. He was sure of it. He wondered and puzzled, and sent his soul questing for the answer but the only result was to make him tired and restless, and his nurse cut short the hour
;

of meditation with a sleeping draught.

Then,

in a clearer hour, the truth

came

to him.

He

perceived suddenly, illogically, irrefutably, that

within his
'

own

soul the solution

was

to be found.

And by and by my Soul return'd to me, And answer d " I myself am Heav'n and
3

Hell."'

The governing mood, that was the governing fate. his mind's eye the long agony of the Dead but saw it no longer as an unreasonable torture, rather

He saw in

as the inevitable result of their mental attitude.

Their heaven had been the earth

existence apart from
it
;

they had no true

and thus, once parted from

the body, they found no other song than a lament

for its pleasures,

no other environment than the shadowy outline of their once enduring homes.
It

was plain that one could take nothing into death life and a for some person, possession, passion or pursuit, such as formed the equipment of most sensible
but that which one had learnt during
;

people, could not be regarded as a valuable spiritual

asset

once one was permanently separated from

the senses and their joys.

62

THE GREY WORLD

Yet Willie had now given several years to the

careful cultivation of these material interests.

He

shivered as he realized the narrowness of his escape.

He saw

his

Grey World now

at a

new

angle

not as
When

the inevitable

home

of the soul, but as

one amongst

many

convolutions of the spiritual envelope.

he reflected

how various an

aspect the material world

assumed towards different temperaments, and even towards the same temperament when under the dominion of shifting moods, he could not doubt that subjective reality was the only one which had any meaning for the individual soul. He perceived that the Hell of the worldly might be the Heaven of those who had nothing to regret that those who looked up must find a different landscape from their neighbours who looked down.
They, in the place of those intangible
relics of life

which had haunted

his

own wanderings, might

find

another outlook, and dwell before a Beatific Vision.

He seemed
soul as
it

to see the Universe unfolding dimension

of

on dimension to the joyous eyes

cast off the shackles of

some questing life and drew

outwards toward the Beyond. He looked firmly on the future, and made resolutions

which had
plans

little

bearing on Mr. Hopkinson's

son's
career.

careful

for

his

Earth,

that
spirit.

dusty magnet, should no longer fetter his

He was determined upon that. The claims of this world were illusory. He had always known it,
but these later years, for expediency's sake, he had

STAFF AND SCRIP

deliberately
learn
light

63

turned

from

the

truth.

He would
a

to hold

pleasure and sorrow alike with

hand, remembering that Real Life was but

one of
to

many

dimensions.

He would no

longer try

matter.
to

assume to himself that the game was a serious He would refuse to care who lost or won, concern himself about the chances of wealth
:

or fame

would form no

ties,

make no terms with

the enemy.

He saw Life spread as one may see the

top of a
hill.

out before him in gay pageant,

'

coloured counties

'

from the
to be, but

pretty show he judged

it

dangerous.

One must preserve detachment.

its

The

household at home, with

intimate cares, the

comments and critiOne does not notice the ugliness of individual buildings when one stands on the top of a hill. And his eye was so firmly fixed on the Eternal now, that he came down to the realities of jelly and beef-tea with a start. For his
wholesale tailoring business, the

cisms of interested friends, vanished.

body, of course, they were

ledged that
:

realities.

He acknowbody.

he wished to be

fair to his
it

But

he intended for the future to ride

on the curb.

Nor did

it

occur to Master Hopkinson that his

point of view

was open

to the charge of selfishness.

To

the young, selfishness seems the least imminent

It is their

of all the vices.

normal condition.

CHAPTER

VII

MARSHLAND AND WICKET

'

We

be

all

Souls upon the way.'

Kipling.

At

the end of the infectious period, Willie was re-

turned to his family, a weedy and uninteresting

convalescent.
of notice

To

himself, he appeared

more worthy
;

than at any previous stage of his existence

but unfortunately the fact that he had realized the

illusory nature of life did not mitigate the distress-

Only a burning faith can distinguish the philosopher under the veil of the hobbledehoy the founders of new religions have generally been over twenty-one. His mother met him at the station with a fourwheeler and a large rug. Her solicitude was rather irritating to a fastidious youth who knew his body to be a phantasm. He could find no comfort in the thought that the four-wheeler was a phantasm too
ing angles of his figure.
;

it

placed his soul at a disadvantage.

His Ego deMaster

clined to assert itself in such surroundings.

Hopkinson felt cross. He had been looking forward

64

to a return after


MARSHLAND AND WICKET
65

He had sickness to the pretty pageant of life. meant to play the game, since it was but a game, gaily and with a light hand forming no bonds with Earth, but hoarding amusing memories against the
;

chances of the After-time.

concerning that After-time
tion that he
;

There were
it

secrets, too,

and would adventure to discover them. For one who cherishes these pleasant and pagan

was

in his inten-

London terminus is not an inspiriting point The cab rattled, and Mrs. Hopkinof departure. son busied herself with the windows, and asked her son how many carbolic baths he had had, because She added of Pauline, who was very susceptible. that they were very busy at home over a Cafe Chantant in aid of the Dartmoor Holiday Camps
ideals a
'

for Costers'
'

Donkeys.'
'

It's

such a good idea, darling,' she said.

;

Finan-

cially good, I mean and that's everything in a work of charity. You must help at it. A man and you're quite old enough to count as a man is such an advantage. You'll be feeling stronger by And we've only got then, and it will amuse you. to get enough money for railway expenses, because land on Dartmoor is free, and of course the dear

things will eat grass.'

She continued talking amiably on homely topics,

but the conversation was rather one-sided.
spirit of

slow

weary disgust was creeping over Master Hopkinson. They were nearing home, and the peculiar bleakness of the London residential street
5

66
struck

THE GREY WORLD

him with a
desolating force.

He was born
one

subject to that elusive emotion which hangs about

the Spirit of Place

in a

an

evil gift for

who

dwells

The ugliness and arrogance of the houses, the pale and dreary desert of the road
modern
city.

which lay between them, combined to obliterate that street-sense compounded of adventure and
inclusion which narrower

and

less

pretentious by-

ways keep between

It is the

their cuddled

homes.
its social

narrow, winding street, with

its

suggestion,
all

doubtful destination, which contains

life.

the poetry of town

Where

attic whispers to

and pavements run friendlily beneath the walls, there is a sacrament present of the Brotherhood of Man. But the isolated villas of our wide, chill thoroughfares have nothing in common but a mutual exclusiveness. When Willie, descending from his cab, looked down the road with its rows
attic,

of gray stucco boxes,

wherein blameless families

;

dwelt without remorse or discontent

painted railings whose tendency
cence rather than greenness
recess
;

its

legions of
'

now was
about
its

to reti-

';

its

windows without
gates
;

and the

evil

pilasters

spirit of rebellion

was born

in him.

He had

the

feeling that

few things were more significant, more

foolish, to the visionary

more depressing, than

its

this

way which

society has of disposing of

homes.

Within, the impression was continued with cruel

completeness.
Mrs. Hopkinson had had the hall
electric-light lantern

done up, and the Moorish

now


MARSHLAND AND WICKET
depended from a
ceiling

67

whose Lincrusta covering

simulated Renaissance plaster-work.

On

the walls

a paper which the short-sighted might have mis-

taken for inferior tapestry, displayed a riot of invertebrate forms thrown together in defiance of every

known

rule of ornament.

Willie escaped from this,

and from a minute and

and the cook, and
twilit sky.

unpleasant inspection of his appearance conducted

in concert

by

his mother, Pauline,

little

climbed up to his own

bedroom, where he

opened the window and looked out on a

It

was the magic moment when blue fades by green into grey. He watched that heavenly transformation, and it soothed his fretted nerves. The sky, he found, had reassumed that secret power which it had for him in childhood. He had won back the world of vision in turning from the world of sense. He stood there dreaming till Mrs. Hopkinson bustled into the room to close the window, and spoke in anxious tones of the fact that the tea was standing, and night air notoriously unwholesome. That broke the spell. He went downstairs possessed by the gnawing discomfort which a homecoming is apt to induce. Everything looked as it used to do, and no one seemed to notice his own inward change. Yet how different things were from their appearances and how different he from the being whom his garrulous mother and sister
:

thought that they were feeding with weak tea and

home-made cake

These reflections pleased Master

5

68

THE GREY WORLD

Hopkinson, and helped him to endure with good temper the minor trials of the evening, during which
his father explained to
of infectious disease.
'

him

in detail the

germ theory

So nice and homelike,' said Mrs. Hopkinson.

more round our own hearth !' Willie arose next morning to a sense of struggle and depression such as had long been absent from
'

All united once

his spirit.

His sensitive nerves

felt

the weight of

coming events those small, tedious, hollow events which were going to make up the day. Things did
not seem promising for his projected
veniently arranged.

Game

of Life

the pieces were rather shabby, and the board incon-

He

foresaw the eight o'clock

breakfast, prefaced by a discussion as to what he had better eat, accompanied by annotated extracts from the morning paper, which Mr. Hopkinson was

accustomed to supply
ment.

for his family's

mental nourish-

After breakfast there might perhaps be a

tranquil interval, and later

on he would be ex-

pected to go for a walk with Pauline.

For the present, in fact, Pauline seemed likely to be his chief companion. She was now twenty-one
;

liked a

good time in the local acceptation of the phrase and saw that she got it made her own

blouses,

held her

own

opinions,

could talk with

and the drama and was generally in the front rank of Young Suburbia. But as a companion, a sister, she had her limitations. She was apt to forget that
technical accuracy about cricket, politics,

MARSHLAND AND WICKET

may
when
lawfully assume towards Nine
is less

69

the attitude of superiority which Twelve Years Old

suitable

the respective ages of the protagonists are

eighteen and

one-and-twenty.

Willie

should he attempt to be candid, or ask for

with his

own view

of

life,

she would

still

knew that sympathy regard him

as a silly little boy.

So

it

did not look well on the whole for the proslife

;

pects of a pleasant
realization of illusion

held lightly

a perpetual
to con-

mind always ready

It

sider the spiritual aspect of things.

was young, crude,

that the
life

intolerant.

mind seemed to him

Willie's

Hopkinson family entirely lacked a spiritual aspect. Certainly, if it had one, they did not think about it. Earth for them was the one
of the

actuality
interest

long

life

thereon the chief desire

quick

potential

He saw in them Shadowy World, and feared their slow, stultifying influence. How, in such an atmosphere, keep his own armour bright ?
therein

the

one duty.
the

members

of

As well try
city.

to study

astronomy

in

a fog-bound

He found
those
his

a way.

six months after home-coming they suddenly pointed out to him a road to adventure, if not to discovery. The dulness had become very desperate by this time. He
;

who expect nothing

The Fates and

are often kind to

did not find that the possession of special powers

contrary, they enlarged in an

added anything to the gaiety of existence on the unwelcome manner a

;

70

THE GREY WORLD

its

horizon which was in

ciently vast.
less

dreariness already suffiof the

The World
is

Dead

in its feature-

monotony

not very unlike the world of the

suburbs.

He was
life

too well assured of the illusory nature of

and the futility of its occupations. He could take no interest beyond a gentle amusement in work,
play,
politics,

oder

the

acquisition

of

knowledge.

They were games, and curiously stupid ones. It never occurred to him that he had a part to play in them duty becomes unreal when its object is known to be impermanent. But turning his eyes
:

resolutely from Earth, he found himself confronted

by a dismal nothingness. If Earth was illusion, Heaven was emptiness. So he was driven to his dreams, in default of more actual possessions, and Blake to certain visionary books he had met with and Swedenborg and the Dutch mystics. These were congenial, if unintelligible, to him and with them he lived moped drifted. It became his habit to stroll of an afternoon

through the dingy by-roads

of the

neighbourhood,
of

wondering at their peculiar quality

squalor,

which was neither poor enough to be excusable, nor extreme enough to be interesting. In this way he
found one day a
lovable
little street
:

a very ordinary, un-

little street,

one of those grey alley-ways

cells

which run between the

Elephant

of the

human

hive.

There was a public-house at one corner

the Purple

and mews behind.

One

side of the road

MARSHLAND AND WICKET

71

was bordered by a high blank wall, which cloistered the shy gardens of some villas in the next street.

On

the other side, a depressed terrace of yellow

brick houses with unpleasant areas gave itself out

as the residence of dressmakers, lodgers,

and

in-

numerable cats. But half-way down there were shops a pawnbroker's, a dubious dairy, a plumber's and decorator's.
:

This

last,

a small tranquil establishment, was the

;

cleanest of the three

it had drain-pipes in one window and wall-papers in the other a symbolic display, in fact. At one side a private door, grained to imitate some rare and gaudy species of oak, led to the upper story and by the door a repousse

copper plate bore, in vague Gothic

'

letters,

the words,

Searchers of the Soul.

Willie stopped

Ring and walk upstairs.' and looked at this inscription, with

It struck

the instinct of the solitary pedestrian to look at

everything that he has not seen before.

him rather
to be

pleasantly.
it

He was

sufficiently sophis-

ticated to find

astonishing, sufficiently desperate

tempted towards any promising investigation.

A bad cold had left him in a nervous condition which

renewed

many

of his worst terrors.

He was

like a

rudderless ship, in sight of a haven which he did not

know how

to attain, and fearing a storm which might wreck him before he could reach it. So he did not feel justified in neglecting a chance which might lead, not only to companionship with other spiritual beings, but also to more security than he

72

THE GREY WORLD

after-existences.

now possessed concerning his

over,

Moreto

he urgently required

an

antidote

the

materializing dangers of home.

He

looked at the

Then he walked on. Presently he returned, and glanced up and down the street. There was only a dust-cart in sight. He rang, and entered. The stairs within were steep, narrow, and illscrubbed three flights of them. There was time during the ascent for meditation and Mr. Willie Hopkinson, somewhat elated on his first entrance, felt
copper plate, and hesitated.
: ;

his joyous anticipations

undergo a certain transformation as he clambered, accompanied by perfumes of

varnish and putty from the shop below.
In fact, his

was in a state of peculiar nervousness that he finally knocked at the shabby door with ground-glass panels which he found
heart sank as his body rose
;

and

it

at the top of the third flight.

The young woman who opened

to

him cured
much.

his

timidity, 'but did not raise his spirits

Willie

had a sister, and neither feared girls nor admired them and even a slave of the sex would scarcely have been tempted to emotion by her flat face, black It will be sailor hat, and crumpled cotton shirt. acknowledged that the Searchers of the Soul had
;

not used discrimination in their choice of a janitor.

She received him with that curious effusion, at once servile and supercilious, which the secretaries
of small but earnest associations keep for possible

converts.

Willie did not quite

know what he had

MARSHLAND AND WICKET

come
that.
'

73

for,

but Miss Toyson had no doubts about

The You wish to join us, perhaps ?' she said. know, one as of course you movement is becoming,
'

of

great

importance.

We

are

on the eve of a
It
is

Spiritual Era.

One

feels

that.

in

the air

and our not be the The Soul,' continued Miss Toyson, whose readySociety will
least of its

heralds.

made appearance

lent a touch of unexpectedness

what can be more important to each one of us ? And the Search for it what is more beautiful ? The paths to Truth are so many and the Society is quite non-sectarian.'
to her lyrical speech
'

'

Really

?'

said Willie,

who

repressed with

diffi-

culty a strong desire to fidget.

Miss Toyson's words might be fresh from the

Gospel of Truth, but her speech displeased him.

It

was like hearing the Apocalypse read aloud by a stammering curate.

'

Oh

yes, quite.
is

We make

a great point of that

our only aim

sopher said.

the finding of spiritual reality.

The

Thing-in-Itself,

you know, as er Our vice-president

as a great philois

a believer in

Shintoism

worships
Yet,

his ancestors,

you know

and

we have

several Buddhists.'

Willie did not feel attracted

vice-president.
in

by the faith of the some curious way, Miss

Toyson and her Society fascinated whilst they repelled him. He was quite sure that they knew nothing about it but their name had a glamour
;

74

THE GREY WORLD

which he could not resist. The subscription was seven and six he paid it. His monthly allowance
;

was ten
It

shillings.

were frequent.

The meetings, said Miss Toyson, They encouraged free discussion.

was worth something to have found a haven, however shabby, where one might dare to speak
one's mind.

He went home with

a deceptively prosaic

a lighter heart, and spoke in

manner

of

the afternoon's
;

adventure.

little

debating society, he said

an

amusing
'

sort of place,

which would give him the

'

opportunity of meeting other fellows.

How nice

!'

said Mrs. Hopkinson.

I'm so glad,

Willie dear.
interests of

your own.

Such a good plan for you to have some But I am sorry the meetings

are in the evening, dearie.

Coming out

into the

night air from a hot

room is so very risky.' She looked at him with an eager, half-desperate

;

smile

hesitating as a

swimmer may amongst

diffi-

cult currents, yet feeling cheerfulness,

however

in-

appropriate, to be a duty to the last.

There was an

obscure sadness buried deep beneath Mrs. Hopkinson's stuff bodice.

She found

it

very hard to adapt

her homely love to her son's peculiar ideas and

intolerances.

many

She was never quite sure how he

things, and,

would take

remembering the lawful

intimacies of his babyhood, she sometimes ventured

a humiliating familiarity, with disastrous results.

Willie

was too young,

as yet, to understand un-

decorative pathos.

MARSHLAND AND WICKET

to her daughter for consolation

75

In her baffled motherhood, she could only turn

but Pauline, whose had never caused her to feel the need of sympathy, was entirely incapable of giving it. So it happened that Mrs. Hopkinson's existence was lonely in spite of her garrulity, and she was happiest when she was expending on a misplaced charity the ardours which her children preferred to do without. Mr. Willie Hopkinson could scarcely expect to
:

even

life

find the Searchers of the Soul

an

interest, in his

mother's meaning of the word

but he did extract

from

this connection a certain feeling of indepenis,

dence, which

after

all,

the chief object of youthful

hobbies and pursuits.

good many young men

and maidens

join societies

more

deleterious in order
elders.

to differentiate themselves

from their

The
him.

first

meeting astonished, the second disgusted

There was in the atmosphere a banality, a

childish affectation of occult knowledge,

which he

found more
futilities of

stifling

to

the spirit than the candid

;

the home circle. But he persevered he was not the son of a business man for nothing, and he meant to receive full value for his seven and six. He therefore went a third time, and was

rewarded

for

on this occasion he perceived the

existence of Stephen Miller.

Mr. Miller's personality distinguished him easily

from the majority of his fellow-members,

Willie

whom
long-

early

divided into two

classes

the

haired

and the beefy.

He was

vivid,

highly-

76

THE GREY WORLD

The obsession
of the

strung, physically compact.

Aerated Bread Shop was not upon him yet.

ful

A care;

observer would have perceived that this was a

man who

sought dreams deliberately, as an artist

did not follow

them blindly, as a fool. When he first came under the eye of Mr. Willie Hopkinson, Stephen was striving to assimilate the
frothy periods of Mr. Verrian Spate, the expounder

in

minute detail
State

of

new

doctrine of reincarna-

tion, elaborated

by

himself.

Novel theories

of the

Future
Willie,

were a speciality of the Society.

to apathy, here

who had grown accustomed

found himself plunged into a world of wild conjecture.

He

listened with growing

amazement

whilst

Mr. Spate

he

was the President

of the year,

and

belonged to the beefy class

the

vigorously

defended

dogma

of Successive Incarnations,

and turned

a battery of heavy facetiousness on his opponent,

exploiting the rich resources of the subject as a

fountain of personal abuse.

ished

Nor was he

less aston-

when Mr.

Spate's remarks, which

received with great favour, were succeeded

had been by a

convincing exposition, by his anaemic vis-a-vis, Mr.

Norman Dawes,
spirit

of the hypothesis that the

human

must

of necessity return to its

Mother the Sea

after death.

genial tolerance of anything that

was improb-

able seemed to be the distinguishing characteristic

of the Searchers of the Soul
;

yet as Willie looked

round the ring of faces

weak, wistful, or dogmatic

MARSHLAND AND WICKET

yy

lit

to cold pallor

by the incandescent

gas, he

knew

himself farther from spiritual progress than he had

been for
of

many months.
;

With knowledge

lying so

close to their doors

with the emblems around them

an unstable, impermanent world, which he knew

first blow upon the portals of sense with phrases on their lips which constantly touched edges of the Truth it seemed incredible that these people could

to be ready to rock and dissolve at the

dealt

continue so profoundly earthly, so desperately dense,

making game in their happy ignorance with the secret beyond the veil. He felt that annoyed astonishment which is often induced in persons
having the sentiment of Religion or Art when they
are confronted
Philistine or

the Atheist.

by the immutable limitations of the He knew that should

he

rise

to relate his

own

experiences, his fellow-

members would be pleasantly excited by his originality, and ask him to go on the committee. But
they would not believe in him, because that would
prevent them from believing in
all

the others, and

so rob the Society of half its charm.

But Stephen
its

Miller

was

different.

To Stephen

the objects of the Society were no pretence, though

methods might

be.

His sincerity was manifest

in his disillusion.
infallible

Willie looked at him,

spirit
if

and

in the
spirit

knowledge with which

meets

in the invisible place,

knew that

that virile brain

once perceived the truth of his story, his years of

loneliness

were over, and he had found a

friend.

78

THE GREY WORLD

He woke from his meditation to find that Mr. Dawes' remarks were drawing to a close. Yes !' he was saying, as his voice penetrated to
'

Mr. Hopkinson's consciousness

ful

'

yes, in the beauti-

words

of

Browning,

it is

our aim when we meet

together here

'"To

bring the Invisible

full

into play!

Let the visible go to the dogs

what matters
we
little

?"

That

is
if

our desire, that

is

the ideal

set before us

And

each can contribute a

quota to the

grand total of Truth, we shall indeed be amply rewarded !'

He
left

subsided amidst

murmurs

of admiration,

at the

same moment Mr.

Miller rose abruptly

and and

the meeting.

Pleasure had died from his face

tired disappointment as

and been succeeded by a

the speaker slowly dragged his theory from the

heights of poetic speculation, and forced
sticky by-paths of suburban argument.
it

into the

Mr. Willie

Hopkinson also had ceased to be interested or even amused, so he went out after Mr. Miller, following

him without thought,

as a needle after a magnet,

and

they spoke together on the door-mat.

They were very young under twenty an age when the founding of a friendship seems always the first page of a romance. They looked at each other,
and the miracle was done.
first sight,

It was a case of love at phenomenon rather absurdly supposed

to

occur only between persons of opposite sex.

MARSHLAND AND WICKET

79

They were both excited. The horrid gulf which yawned between the title and transactions of their Society had disgusted but not yet discouraged them. They saw each other, and through each other the
trend of the event, hopefully, with the air of explorers

who have found

the justification of their

journeyings.
lips,

The seal was loosened upon Willie's and even at that early moment he held back Stephen, who confidence with an uncertain hand.
of a spirit sensible of mystery,

had the quickness

that longs to look in the face of the unknown, per-

ceived some secret behind the strangeness of their

attitude.

To one

of

more than enough.

his temperament, that was Each went home that night

the richer for a friend, though less than a dozen

words had passed as yet between them.

at last

Willie

had

made one

step forward.

CHAPTER

VIII

THE FIRST SIGNPOST

Nous nous sommes dit bien peu de choses. Mais nous avons pu voir que nos deux vies avaient le meme but.
'

.'

Maeterlinck.
It was Mrs. Hopkinson's dearest hope that her son

should

become a cultured person.

Culture

had

made

strides in their suburb since the days

when

studious tastes were considered effeminate in a

man

and immodest

in a

woman.

Girls

now read

transla-

tions of Russian novelists in the intervals of

home
:

dressmaking, and sneered at

these

their

parents

and

commented

caustically in reply on the head-

aches which visited the victims of unaccustomed

learning.

They had not yet reached the depths

becomes imperaA little further westwards, where the omnibus tive. gave place to the tram, that came as a matter of course but the district which was served by the Inner Circle accepted membership of the London
at which a local Debating Society
;

library as a certificate of
Mrs.

intellect.
felt

Hopkinson, therefore,
80

that

as

Willie


THE FIRST SIGNPOST
or a popular

81

did not seem likely to develop into either a useful

young man,

it

was desirable that he

:

should be

known

as a clever one

and, looking about

start

her for an acquaintance

right
direction,

who would
his

him

in the

and turn

indolent

attention

towards fashionable
Levi.

fields of

knowledge, she sud-

denly perceived the peculiar merits of Mrs.

Hermann

Elsa Levi, as has already been remarked, was

Her garments the only child of Mrs. Steinmann. which they considered to be indecently suggestive
of a dressing-gown
friends,

gave

scandal to her mother's

and kept them, to her delight, at a sufficient They sometimes brought their country call on her, thus bridging the gap between cousins to the attractions of the Zoo and South Kensington Museum but such visits were based more on
distance.
;

curiosity than approval.

On

these occasions Mrs.

Levi,
tion,

who was too self-conscious to dislike admirahowever strange its form, received her visitors cordially, and made a point of saying something a little bit shocking before they left. It was expected
of her,

and she could not neglect so obvious a duty. this time a slender and alluring person of thirty-eight and the uncomfortable tendencies of her soul made her liable to brief joys and long periods of boredom. She had a superficial knowledge of many things and a great respect for efficiency her friends thought that she was artistic, her enemies said she was soulful. In
She was at
;

82
reality she

THE GREY WORLD

was a woman who

close to the tree of

tall

by predilection, knowledge, but was not quite

lived,

enough to reach the apple which she ardently

she
first

desired for her own.

When

married Mr. Levi, Elsa had sug-

gested that he should change his

name

to Darcy.

what was worse, he did so in an intolerably good-humoured manner, and thus convinced his wife, even sooner than she had expected, that he was utterly incapable of appreMr. Levi refused
;

ciating either her talents, her aspirations,

soul.
'

or her

Mr.

Levi,'

she

would
in

say,

'

is

Materialist.

He

does not perceive the

the

beautiful
of

part which

Symbolism plays
intelligent.'

lives

the spiritually

The curtain now

Levi.

lifts

to disclose Willie

Hopkinson

taking tea in the drawing-room of Mrs.

Hermann

She had arranged, without ostentation, that this should be the case. For two people, the room seemed empty. There was an absence of small tables, and the walls, except for a boldly designed frieze by Walter Crane, were
alone.

They were

barely coloured.

There were only two pictures.

One was a small and evilly-restored Madonna, which Mrs. Levi in her more sanguine moments attributed
the other a grubby and obvious Degas. to Perugino She had friends amongst the extreme right as well as the extreme left of the artistic parliament, and each by turns dictated her always admirable taste.
;


THE FIRST SIGNPOST
This

83

arrangement had only one disadvantage

Elsa never finally decided which picture she really

But with two such works of art, a little fumed oak, and the poems of Emile Verhaeren in a Niger morocco binding, any room, she considered, was adequately furnished. She leaned back now in the corner of the settle, and carefully placed her dark head against a cushion of violet silk. She wore a soft dress of subdued and cloudy blue, and Willie, who was in
liked best.

a happy and impressionable mood, thought of the

Bride of Lebanon.
Mrs. Levi also was contented
It was her hobby to act the Sybil to interesting young men. and the fact that Willie's family found him difficult to deal with inclined her to place him in this class. He was shy, but his hostess was experienced. A less subtle woman would have tried to make him Elsa, talk about himself, and failed lamentably. on the contrary, assumed towards him a confidential air which was at once flattering and instructive. She said little beyond generalities. but her manner gave the impression that she was baring her soul to his gaze. Under its influence

with the atmosphere and the hour.

his petals uncurled rapidly.

eyes,

He

looked into her

for

which were brown and pathetic, and knew

the

first

time that other persons beside himself had

spiritual griefs.

They talked of Art, a subject which young Mr. Hopkinson had seldom heard- mentioned. Though

62

84
his father, he
its

THE GREY WORLD

knew, disliked
it

fact clearly in

favour

it

conveyed to him no more than a

suggestion of strange cretonnes and bound volumes

But Art, he now gathered, Academy Notes. was an important thing a secret and mysterious power, and also a pleasing one. It was spelt with a capital letter. From the vague and reverential
of
;

way
that

in
it

which Mrs. Levi spoke of it, he inferred stood somewhat on the same plane as
be,'

religion.
'

Where should we
?

she had said,

'

if it

were
raises

not for the Arts

In the Neolithic cave, perhaps,

It is this

or even the ancestral tree.

which

us from the market-place,

I

am

sure

we think

alike

and leads us to the skies. on these subjects, do we

trot ?'

Willie prudently remained silent, but his expression

his

was rapidly becoming one of adoration, and hostess did not, like Mark Antony, pause for a
'

reply.
'

Yes,' she said,

I

Kunst

is

the real language of the

it.

soul.

am
its

convinced of
existence
?

How
the

else

can we
the

explain

It

is

link

with

Beyond.'

whose attention had wandered from Mrs. Levi's words and fixed itself on the fascinations of her person, suddenly became

At

this point Willie,

interested.

The

matter

seemed

to

have

some
air

personal

application.

His alert but puzzled

attracted her.


THE FIRST SIGNPOST
'

85

Have you never felt the spell of Ultimate Beauty ?' she murmured. He had not, but it was obvious that he would like to and she saw prospects of conversion ahead. Your convert is always the best disciple. Elsa liked her followers to be tame and appreciative!
;

and she warmed to her work.

'

Beauty,'

she

said,

'

is

the

only thing really

that

worth having.

You

will

know

when you
in form,

have found
'

it.

Beauty

in poetry,

Beauty

Beauty in life.' But She would not hear him.

'
'

tell

you,'

she

said,

bending forward
'

and
'

looking exactly like Rossetti's

'

Astarte Syriaca

tell

powders

you that all the banners of Empire and of the merchant weigh as nothing in the
Eternity against

scales of

Durham

Cathedral or

the Samothracian Nike.'

These words suggested

little

to Mr. Willie

Hophis

kinson beyond a sense of welcome change from

the atmosphere in which he daily dwelt.
eye,

But

though untrained, was

sensitive.

He

recog-

nised an essential peace in the simple graces of

Mrs. Levi's decoration which was lacking amongst

the photograph frames and antimacassars of home.

He saw

himself, a creature of infinite capabilities,

evidently able to interest

as this, placed

so

brilliant

woman

by Fate amongst cruelly inappropriate surroundings. He remembered his old dreams of a

86
delicious, free,

THE GREY WORLD

unconventional
;

life,

saw that some

;

people at least might realize these bright ideals

and
'

felt

very sorry for himself.

father,'
is

My

he remarked bitterly.

'

thinks that

nothing

of serious

importance that has not some

affairs.'

bearing on practical
'

You must

not blame your father,' answered

Mrs. Levi, and the gentle pathos of her tone

itself

was
is

a delight. a

'

It

is

not his fault that he

I

born

Materialist.

You and

have

windows
though

that look out on Eternity, but his are turned towards

the earth.

It

is

sad for him, poor

it.

man

he does not know

My

husband

is

just the same.

He

thinks Titian's " Flora " a fine

woman, but he
Of the
life-en-

has never got further than that.

hancing
nothing.'

qualities

of

Kunst

he

knows

nothing
the same

In this particular Willie was in

much

position as Mr. Levi, but he did not say so.

The

conversation

languished

both were

thoughtful,

he gazing dreamily at his hostess, and trying to

piece

together

the

chief

elements of the gospel

which he was sure that her scattered remarks

must
*

contain.

Do have

another cup of tea

!'

she said presently.

his tea.

Willie drank in

new courage with

an
exciting,

He

was

certainly

having

astonishing,

ever-to-be-remembered afternoon.
of the Soul
bilities
;

The Searchers
faith,

had shaken

his belief in spiritual possi-

but Mrs. Levi had revived his

and

THE FIRST SIGNPOST

even augmented
of
its

87
a
curiosity

strength.

It

is

youth that those who turn a blank wall of reticence towards their families are often most ready
confide
in

to

the

first

sympathetic nature that

they meet.

Elsa's dexterous use of conversational

opportunities convinced him, as

more open
all,

flattery

could not have done, that for once he was really

understood.

He

longed to

tell

her

but refrained,

which was prudent.

She, on her side,

saw a neurotic, perhaps a

ill-educated,
little

clever,

boy
her

awkward and
careful
It

full

of

fancies,

rather absurd in the

airs of equality

which
to

encouragement was leading him

would be amusing, she thought, to detach him from those horrible Hopkinsons, and show him something of the ideals which she loved,
assume.
or thought that she loved.

She pined

for intelligent

admiration
is

and to

train

up one's own admirer

possibilities in

one

way

to success.

She perceived

Willie.

She was sure that he thought her handfelt

some, and
nice lad.

her to be sympathetic.

He was
a

The
'

conversation

revived,

and

took

more

intimate turn.

is

The beautiful in life,' said Mrs. Levi that what we must look for, and refuse to see the
'

uglinesses in our path.'

'

It is so difficult.'

'

'

One must persevere.' The uglinesses discourage.'

88
'

THE GREY WORLD

Even though one has
softly.

a friend to help one

?'

asked Elsa

Willie searched for a suitable reply to this intoxi-

cating utterance, but the cool deliberation with which

he was apt to regulate dialogue in the home

completely forsook him.

circle

He

could only look at her,

and encouraged by the expression which he thought that he saw in her eyes, ventured at last to press her hand that soft and manicured hand with its strange rings of olivine, chrysoprase, and enamels. He experienced in the act a new sensation, compounded of terror and daring, which assured him that he had yet much to learn.

And whilst he still held

'

it,

the goddess spoke again.

!'

Leben

is

really very beautiful

she said.

They had not heard the

so that
in

hall-door bang loudly

stairs

beneath them, or subsequent feet upon the

when the

electric lights

were switched on

a sudden click both started in astonishment,

and stared at each other with dazzled eyes which had grown accustomed to the discreet shadows thrown by firelight on a dusky room. Mrs. Levi, who had been growing curiously younger during the past hour, immediately resumed her rightful years. Willie drew back, feeling dreamy and insecure. Before he had recovered himself, the door opened with unnecessary amplitude and fuss, and Mr. Geraint Levi, red-tied and frockcoated, entered noisily.
'

What

ho,

mater

!'

said he

'
;

been sitting

in the

THE FIRST SIGNPOST

murky
day
at
?

89
Lively
;

I've just got

back from the shop.

are

the House.

Lollies

softening

makes

the boss feel quite sick.

his principal

Lollies

and Babas are

Willie,

nutriment at present.'
horrified

Mrs. Levi offered no remark.

by

this too natural

climax to their idyllic afternoon,

Geraint,

also

remained

silent.

unconscious

of

offence, retained control of the conversation.

'

Saw your

governor, Hopkinson,' he said.

in the

'

Had

a chat with

him going down and Sewing.' He paused, and showed some amusement at his own epigram. I suppose they'll be setting you on to the trouserUnderground.

Same
'

old bun, Science

stitching soon.

What

a lark

!'

He

helped himself
it,

to a cup of stale tea,

grumbled at

drank
in

it

ate four pieces of

mouthfuls..

thin bread-and-butter
his

two
the

kissed

mother suddenly on

nose, missed entirely her glance of candid dislike,

and went out of the room as noisily as he had I'm just going out to get this week's Tuppenny Tips? he shouted from half-way down
entered.
'

the staircase.

There seemed to be a
departure.
particularly
Elsa,

chill in

the air after Geraint's

irritated,

whom

he always

was

of her precepts should

vexed that so disastrous an illustration have been brought to Willie's

a partner in his vulgarity,

notice at this early stage of their acquaintance.

She
as

felt

herself
it

and

knew
bad

that

imperilled

her influence.

He was

as a poor relation.

90
Willie,

THE GREY WORLD

whose point
serious
of

view was vague,

but

already very

where Elsa was concerned, feared to intrude on what was certainly an annoyance and probably a sacred grief. But he reflected
that
as

father
a

like

Mr.
a

great

trial

to

spiritually-minded

Hopkinson was almost young

be to Mrs. Levi.

man
It

as a son like Geraint could

was a bond between them. His assurance returned, and he would have taken her hand again, but she gave him no opportunity. Even in moments of sentiment, she managed to steer
clear of bathos.

Presently she remarked in a

'

new tone
?'

suppose your father means to take you into

?

the business

Shall

you

like that

He had
felt

nothing to say.

He

only looked at her,

new power

clutch at his throat, and wished

away without more words. He had been having tea in Paradise, and now she was helping him back to earth. But she was
that he could go
merciful.
agility

She saw that he did not possess the which allowed her to drop to fresh consad,'

versational planes without shock or disaster.

You are the moment

'

she said.

'

Geraint has spoilt

for

you.

You must
like

not mind
that.

in

life

things
see,

always

happen
it.'

Beauty,

you
'

presupposes ugliness, and would hardly

be noticeable without

Oh, but

why

is

life

so horrid

?'

said

Willie.

And why

are all the real things

mixed up with

THE FIRST SIGNPOST

hideous shams
?

91
life

If

only

could

know what

meant
tively.
'

But

it is

so difficult.'

Mrs. Levi smiled at him, and nodded apprecia-

think

sometimes,'

she

said,

'

that

perhaps
really

this
If

world

is

a sort of pantomime for the angels.

it

one can only get far enough away

is

very amusing.

of the universe,
itself

And after one of the great tragedies when a splendid star has burnt
its life in
it

out to a dark cinder, or gives up

its

fragments to the planets that are

sons,

must

do them good to laugh at us

for a little.'

She forgot Willie's presence for a moment, and laughed herself, but not very mirthfully. Oh,
'

but

it's all

very ridiculous

!'

she said.

He was charmed. Here at last was a person who put his own ideals into practice, and held life with a light hand. He was sure that Mrs. Levi
perceived
their
essential

sympathy,

and

found

him

attractive'.

tion consisted in his

simplicity.

did not know that the attracown ignorance and fundamental He was an empty and rather well-

He

shaped vessel into which she could pour the ferment

of her restless

thoughts

but he imagined himself

to be the wine as well as the pitcher.

He went

away

with two such friends as Stephen and Elsa Levi, the future, which had once seemed repellent in its nakedness, was amply draped. How happy she, he thought, in such surroundings lovelinesses springing up about her
feeling that,

Miller

92
at

THE GREY WORLD

her
will
!

No doubt

she
;

interesting spiritual people

for

knew hundreds of he had learnt that

afternoon that such people existed, and might even

be more interesting than he was.

He

forgot
it

what she had

said about her

husband

he found

impossible to remember that Geraint

was her

son.

Mr. Willie Hopkinson reached

;

home

in a flushed

and excited condition happier than he had been for months, and less tolerant of his environment. Life was a charming game, and Mrs. Levi the most accomplished of players. But there was beefhis father was a steak with onions for dinner
;

hearty eater, and his spirits

Elsa

fell.

was a woman who found conversation,

There
;

even with uncongenial persons, a necessity of existence.

is

a certain luxury in laying pearls

before swine
of her

and she was never more appreciative

when spreading them at her husband's feet. The process was soothing and self-explanatory, and there was seldom any fear that his replies would eclipse the brilliance
jewels of speech than
of her
'

own

own remarks.
of

That boy

the

Hopkinsons','
'

she

said

to

Mr. Levi during dinner,

has been here this afterI

noon.

He

affects

me
I

curiously.

detect a strange
to tea again.'

element in him.
'

must have him

an
excellent

He's an odd chap, certainly,' replied Hermann,

occupied

half

by

omelette.

'

Do

THE FIRST SIGNPOST

well with music or the stage,
he's
I

93

should think.

Fancy

him

to turn out differently.

an annoyance to Hopkinson, who expected That fellow seems to

think that he can breed boys like puppies, with

any points he likes. But kids are queer you depend on 'em Look at Connie !' Mrs. Levi did look at Connie, whose portrait and she sighed. She hung near the fireplace would have given much for a share in that form of
;

can't

queerness.

It

was beautiful and Bohemian

ill-fed

attri-

butes specially dear to her

emotions.
life

Connie had brought with her into

asset
of

one valuable
to

an

exquisite skin,
purity.

moulded on

a form

Grecian

Her swarthy but extremely

respectable family looked on the matter as one

of

no moment, they only wondered

;

whom

she
con-

took after
scious
'

but

at

fifteen

Connie,

already

of

her charms,

chanced upon Browning's

Lady and the Painter.' The life it pointed out was easy, lucrative, and adventurous and in her
;

case,

curiously
is

enough,
in

it

remained

reputable.

She
of

famous
palaces,

many

studios, vainly desired in

galleries

many
'

and her portrait adorns the

both worlds.
Yes,' admitted Elsa, after a brief reflection
career,
'

on

Connie's

kids

are

queer

But

don't
;

think Willie Hopkinson will be an actor, dear

he's too thoughtful.
I

fancy he will develop into

a mystic
1

he has that point of view.'

' ;

No

good,' said Mr. Levi decisively

no money

94
in that.

THE GREY WORLD

Hopkinson wouldn't stand it. All right But a lad must have some
not the search for Ultimate Truth a

as a hobby, of course.
serious employment.'
'

And

is

employment ?' asked Mrs. Levi rather warmly. Her controversial manner was apt to be
serious
feverish,
in
'

the temperature rising without warning

sudden spasms. Of course it's

not,' said her

husband,

'

except

nincompoops who can't do anything else Very pretty and all that, but it don't pay. It's no use glaring, Elsa my dear, or sitting on your chair as if it was a pin-cushion. I never saw the mystic yet who could pay your dressmaker's bill.' He carefully lighted a large cigar and Mrs. Levi, who found it convenient to dislike tobacco, fled to her boudoir, where she smoked cigarettes in solitude for two hours, and thought of Willie Hopkinson in a mood which she wrongly imagined
for the
;

to be maternal.

CHAPTER IX
A FELLOW-TRAVELLER
'

Those obstinate questionings

things,
;

Of sense and outward

Fallings from us, vanishings

Blank misgivings of a creature

Moving about

in

worlds not realized.'

Wordsworth.

The

influence of Mrs. Levi on her disciple

was soon

perceptible.

She raised

his standard of taste, with-

out conferring a corresponding benefit on his morals.

The

result
still

was

of doubtful

advantage to a person
effect,

who
from

lacked the power of omitting ugly externals

his visionary field.

In

Mr. Willie Hop-

kinson became more dreamy, and even less agreeable

to his neighbours than of old.

His mind had passed from the condition of bore-

dom
ideals

to

that of unrest.

It

hungered

for

Elsa's

society,
;

and

for

the

stimulus of her disturbing

excluding her from the verdict of hollow-

ness which

it passed on the rest of creation. She was the one fixed point of his universe, and wandering from that he felt lost. He cherished her occa-

95

96
sional letters,

THE GREY WORLD

and valued the touch
kill.

of her

hand,

with an inconsistent materialism which he realized

but was unable to

He

forsook the old dull

poise of disillusion, but found

no new one.
though always

He began
conscious,

to grow, too, with a spiritual growth,

;

painful and spasmodic

for his soul,

had developed little since the childish it first woke to its own existence. Its powers, beyond those of mere panic, were immature. It perceived, but could not co-ordinate. It was still the baby spirit, the troublesome precocious child, which takes notice easily but holds nothing in a comtimes

when

prehensive grasp.
of the Veil,

Its little fits of fear, its glimpses

and shuddering acknowledgments of the Grey Country where the Dead search the fields of life for something to love, were cast in petty lines. Lacking as yet the Great Companion, Willie walked
only with the dim reflection of his
soul.
It

own mean

little

was under the

direction of his Egeria that he

artistic

now began

to brood upon

problems, to read

the Studio and the Artist, and to pay secret visits to

the National Gallery. From these he returned illtempered and disconsolate, tired out by uninstructed
efforts to appreciate

Medieval Art.

He found

little

which accorded with

Beautiful.
intelligence,

his preconceived idea of the

Mrs. Levi, perhaps overestimating his

had directed his attention to Memlinck and to Gherard David, to Duccio and to Botticelli and he spent puzzled hours before masterpieces as
;

A FELLOW-TRAVELLER
far

97

beyond

his apprehension as

he was beyond that

of the place pleased

of his relations.

Only the quiet

his respect
lies
;

him and compelled

will of the

speaking as silence

Idea which

beyond appearance.

He

had been
to the

in other years
;

with his mother and Pauline

and he remembered the discord with which the pictures seemed to shout from the walls. Here there was the peace of mutual courtesy. and So, coming for Art, he stayed for Serenity still influences began their slow civilizing work upon
;

Academy

his soul.

Stephen

Miller,

in

another

direction,

gave

helping hand to the extrication of his spirit from

the marshlands of vegetative
life.

Their friendship

grew, slowly and carefully.

;

Both youths suffered from family criticism they had been led to think their most ordinary actions eccentric and this gave a coyness to their early advances. Even immortal spirits dislike being laughed at. The emotion conceived on the dim stairway of the Searchers of the Soul could not at first endure a cold and unbecoming
;

daylight.

Not, indeed,

till

he had been introduced into

did Willie
discover

Stephen's family

circle,

how

valuable were the peculiar qualities of his friend.

They seemed to have been prepared for one another by a good-natured and discriminating Providence. Stephen had been reared, like himself, in an atmosphere of overpowering solidity. But his home was opulent there were wide passages, and two foot:

98

THE GREY WORLD

men. Circumstances were easier for him than the}^ had been for Mr. Willie Hopkinson, though scarcely

more

inspiring.

His father was a thin, radiant old

gentleman,
fully

who seldom gave himself the trouble of rebuking his son who read Punch through care:

every Tuesday night,

and the Referee on

Sundays, smiling silently at every joke.

fused to give
tricities of
'

He

re-

any

serious attention to the eccen-

the young. the religions, and

Stephen,' he said to Willie in the course of his

'

first visit,

has run through

all

now
tion.

he's reduced to the freaks.'

This, as Willie later discovered,

was an exaggera-

Mr. Stephen Miller had retained the fraif

grance,

not the dogma, of the cults by which he

;

had passed
shads, the

and morsels
of

culled

from the Upanithe world.

Book
he

the Dead, and the Acta Sanc-

torum, embellished his view of

Each

new
old

religion,

said,

gave him the sight

;

of a fresh

angle in the polygon of Truth

a figure of which
in

Mr.

Miller,

safely

established

the

pawky

materialism of middle age, probably doubted the

existence.

Stephen and Willie, however, were

by the
early,
if

limitations of their elders.

little bound Each obtained

vague, assurance of the other's interest in

spiritual things,

and bridges were soon established

Superior young persons often pride

between them.
radeship.

themselves on isolation whilst they pine for com-

The

flattering

comprehension

of

an elder

A FELLOW-TRAVELLER
woman
life
still

99
Willie

leaves gaps to be
;

filled.

had

room for Stephen and Stephen, whose spiritual was dominated by a lively and eclectic curisoul.

osity, eagerly desired the exploration of his friend's

But Mr. Willie Hopkinson preserved a certain

reticence.
clue,

Stephen, he saw, followed every occult

;

however bizarre the colours of the thread and seldom refused his hand to an unproved proposition.

He

did not wish his

own
its

story to take
spirit,

rank

with

these

experiments.

Stephen's

greedy for truth and sensible of

nearness, looked
it

towards him hopefully

but though

seemed sad

that so intelligent a person should share the delusions of the rest of the world, he avoided its contact.

Stephen argued his way toward the light by

intellectual effort
;

did not perceive as Willie did.

naturally and irrationally, the Grey

in the

shadow-world

of sense.

ceive of his giving to spiritual

World folded One could not conpresences the same

and
chairs.

cool assent that he accorded to the tables

Yet as

realities

they were equally substantial.

a concrete affair
;

His

universe was

still

his

diligent

dreams no more than the expression of an aesthetic unsatisfied mind. He wished to know the Beyond because he believed as children wish to see fairies
;

it

to be strange, beautiful, exciting.

They went together

fairly regularly to the

meet-

ings of the Searchers of the Soul.

Each had

a secret

72

ioo

THE GREY WORLD

of that Society

hope that the absurdities

might one

day draw from the other an indignant protest, and incidentally confession of faith. It seemed a flint on which, at any moment, one might strike out the spark of truth. And it was, finally, in some such way that they did actually come to understand
each other.

was an evening in which the tone of the meeting had been one of great intellectual, as well as atmospheric, stuffiness. The dogmatism of the Dark Ages, wedded to the unbridled speculation of the present, had exalted the imagination, and paralyzed the intelligence, of the Society 'The heirs of
It

all

the ages in the foremost ranks of time

'

as Mr.

Vincent Dawes had happily observed in his eloquent

speech.

Table-turning,

astrology,
all

and divination
Willie

by

coffee-grounds,

had

been called in to provide

a facile solution to the great conundrum.

and Stephen, escaping at last from the fumes of gas and the sounds of aerated oratory, stepped from that squalid stairway, with its suggestion of putty and cheap lodgings, straight into the austere
pageant of the night.

They stood upon the threshold, amazed and comby the purity which the west wind blows from a dark sky. It was such an abrupt change as Dante felt when he came out from Hell a riveder le stelle.'' The moon rode high above London. Little clouds, hurrying across the heavens, became opalescent poems as they approached her faded to grey prose
forted
'

A FELLOW-TRAVELLER
as they rushed away.

101

ance the town, coiled in

Bathed in that milky radimassy folds of black and of

it

ashy grey, hid

might.

its

shameful outlines as well as

west
road,
electric

In

the

great

lamps

blazed with an angry blue

the splendours of the sky
:

fire,

trying to put out

but the

moon looked

Under that heaven, so secret and so white, one seemed to imagine wide spaces of quiet and happy country at rest and the black shadow of London man's ugly

down on them

serenely and

was

not afraid.

attempt to build himself a world

in the midst, yet sharing in the

lying

like a blot

same merciful dispensation of darkness and light. The spirit of London was awed, too, by the guardianship of this cold and gracious moon, as never by the brightness of the sun. Even the traffic went with a muffled tread. Cities dream on a moonlit night and in their dream they smile and become beautiful.
;

'

On

a night like

this,'

said Stephen,

'

so magical
if

and

still,

one

is

almost tempted to wonder

any-

thing

is real.

now And who's to say which is the Real street It's we who are different,' said Willie. we see another world.'
' '

These streets are not the same streets their essence isn't the same as in daytime.

?'
'

And

so

wonder

Do you

think the other Searchers

see

of the Soul will see

what we

now

?'

Willie laughed.
'

Quaint persons, those,' he observed. Quaint

?

'

Horrible

They

make

me

ill

102

THE GREY WORLD

of

Always making a pretence

wanting to know, talkall

ing of the powers of the spirit and

that

words
know
!

they don't even know the fringe

I

of.

Want

to

want
'

to

earnest.

you want But they only want

to
I

know

to

know.
first,'

We're

in

to gabble.'
at

They used
'

disgust

me

answered

Willie,

because

had expected them to be genuine.

?

Don't you understand

One's always hoping for

companionship

it

seems incredible that everyone

on the ashes
of tragedy.
I

should be blind.

But now they rather amuse me.

built

Most burlesque
like to sit

is

and listen, and wonder what would happen if one got up and told them the truth.' They would say that they couldn't accept it without investigation, and that the Vice-president's hypothesis was more in accordance with their
'

spiritual intuitions.'
'

Probably
Oh,'
!

it is.'

'

said

Stephen
stars

suddenly

and

violently,
it

'

look
!

look at the wonder and the mystery of

;

and the darkness and the strange, careless, cruel earth. It must be different really more ordered, more sane. Will one ever
all

The great

find the thing itself

'

?'

Better not.

You're happiest in the searching.'

tell
?

'

How

can you

Think

somewhere, perif

haps, there's an inconceivable glory,

only our

eyes were clear.'

'

Yes

but in searching for that you

may

find the

horror.'

A FELLOW-TRAVELLER
The horror ?' Yes that comes first. It's not so find it. But the other the real secret
'

103

'

difficult to

is

hidden,

if it

exists.'

Stephen looked at Willie rather oddly.

'

Don't you begin to talk

'

rot,

Hopkinson,' he
different
left.
I
;

said.

I've always felt that

you were very

we've
just

from
but

those

chattering

fools

believe you're as keen to find the truth as I

it's

am

not to be done by telling each other fairy-

tales.'
'

Fairy-tales

Good heavens
is

A moment
all this

ago

you knew
tale.

yourself, for a minute, that

funny

dazzling bewildering world

nothing but a fairy-

What

could be queerer than the things our

?

senses
in the
'

show us

Things that simply don't exist

forms under which we see them.' If I But do you know that ?' said Stephen. knew that much, it would be something.' something Something ?' answered Willie IgnoIt would be Hell If only I didn't know
' 1

'

rance

is

the real happiness, after

all.'

He
force.

stopped.

He was

astonished at himself.

He

wished that he had not spoken with such picturesque

Stephen was looking at him through half-closed

eyelids,

with a strange, concentrated expression.

it

His hand,

seemed, was on the latch

all

and he leaned

forward, directing

his will

towards the words

which hovered between them.

io 4

THE GREY WORLD

Willie began to speak
;

Then

quite slowly, in a

curiously level voice.

He had always known

so,

that
:

he would

tell

Stephen the truth about his

life

it

seemed only
desire the

fair to

do

where the knowledge would

quiet a searching mind.

But he did not

specially

moment.

Their superficial comradeship

had not ceased

a

to satisfy.

Now some hand

touched

spring that was not of his adjusting.

He was

impelled to candour.
his life in the slums as he rememand of his death in the hospital. His manner was rather matter-of-fact not interesting. He described this in a lower key, for it was still a present dread the Grey World, and what he had endured whilst it held his spirit. His account was

He spoke about
it,

bered

circumstantial, full of small detail

he spoke in the

present tense.

Stephen gradually realized that he

was describing something which he saw, and which only his own imperfect vision prevented him also from seeing. He quietly demolished the hedgerows
of conventional experience,

and exposed the

life

desolate uncharted country through which

runs,

a faint and wavering path.

But the

subject, in his
It

hands, seemed insusceptible of glamour.

coldly real
pressive.
;

as real as a dried flower,

and as

was unimIt

Stephen, on his side, remained quite quiet.

tale
life.

seemed to him that he was hearing a very ordinary an addition, merely, to the sordid aspects of
;

It

corresponded

more or

less

with

other

A FELLOW-TRAVELLER
theories that he
for their sterile

105

had heard of, and had dismissed quality, which did not please his
mind.

active

synthetic

He
it

did not

realize

the

tremendous significance
to the

possessed, as belonging

World of Fact, and not the World of Idea. Those solid pavements on which they walked the scuttling hansoms the hoardings with their insistent presentation of food, tobacco, and amusement
;
;

as the real interests of

life

dulled his imagination,

and he was not conscious of the transformation of his universe which Willie's slow sentences involved. Mr. Willie Hopkinson felt disappointed. He was making the great revelation of his life chiefly, he thought, out of kindness to Stephen and he did not appear to have produced much effect. He had
; ;

hoped to

see a friendly spirit start to life at the

teach of truth
an\\ the fear,
roavl.

to communicate some of the wonder

and
find a

companion on the lonely

;

seejned to be brooding.

But Stephen was impassive, unexcited he To Willie, now, the atmofull of

sphere was
won'ls he

dreadfulness

by

force of his

own
lost

was turned towards the dark, and had

himself in the hateful desert of infinity.

tL great blurring
living.

He

forgot

shadow which

life

casts for the

He was

alone in space with Stephen, and

Stephen gave him no comfort.

narration
died, fright

He saw no
;

star.

Friendship had been a false beacon.

The glow
his

of

came

instead

story

dwindled and ceased.

Then Stephen spoke.

106
'

THE GREY WORLD

Is it true
?'

he

said.

Willie only looked at him.

'

You know,' continued Stephen

'

in

the

same
It's

placid, even tones,

don't want
if

it

to be true.

too ugly.
here, at the

If it isn't

true

the other country isn't

back of appearance, as you say I may and go back to my beautiful lies. Of course they're silly and deceptive, but each new one makes me hope I am going to find the Real. If
forget
it,

this is the
'

Real
sulkily,

'

It's

my

Real,' said Willie.

He spoke
contrast,
listening

but with decision.

Stephen, by

seemed to falter. Now that the strain of was over, dim ideas were beginning to
I,

surge up in his
'

You and
real
;

real,'

mind and constrict his utterance. as we look to each other now, aren't All this city that you see continued Willie.
'

isn't

colour

isn't

real,
;

oder

sound.

There's

and the living who have one dream, and the Dead who have another.
only space and silence, really

What we
throw

call reality is

only a sensation that

we
?

outside

ourselves.

Don't

you

see

that

We

each

people

make our own universe or let other make it. But I've made myself a world
and
!'

in four dimensions,

that's

why

can never rest

in three.'
'

It's

wonderful

said

Stephen slowly.

The
last.

thing had filtered into his consciousness at

He
it
!

fidgeted

uneasily.
!

'

Just you

Why

can't

And no one else has we all know, if you


A FELLOW-TRAVELLER
know
one
'

107
it
;

If it's true,

one ought to find

said

but no
that
trial

has.'

I've

thought
I

sometimes,'
first

Willie,

'

perhaps
piece,

am

the
;

of a

new

regime.

you know an experiment. It's about time something new was evolved from the race, isn't it ?

And

isolated
is

specimens
;

aren't

usual

in

nature.

Which
mixture

lucky

it's

not nice to be one.

That

and foolishness which the first man who stood upright must have felt, when he limped and stumbled amongst the four-footed
of fatigue

things,

is

just

tive

for

That want of incentree-climbing, weakness and lostness in

what

I feel

now.

forests

made for creeping and leaping creatures, which he must have had shame for his state mixed with secret knowledge of his new powers all that is just a parable of my life, going with new

perceptions amongst people

the light.'
'

who
?'

instinctively resent

But

is

your world the True

be.
It

answered Stephen.
illusion

'

It

can't

must only be another

wrapped inside this one. This can't be all can't be the end this Grey Horror that you talk of. It's too mad, too evil, too unjust.' I have that feeling, too? sometimes,' said Willie. They had reached the inner core of his mind now, and he was impelled to confess it. I seem to know,

'

'

then, that there

is

a better country hidden

away

for

people

who

are not tied to the earth-side of dream.

it

But

can't find

yet.

The other

is

the beginning

108

THE GREY WORLD

the end

anyhow.
it's

Always here always there I've proved that.'

:

and for most,

for

Stephen shivered.
pretty, iridescent

He

felt

lonely without the

dreams which he had woven

psychic
as

himself

from
land

varied

material.
fog,

Willie's

cloud

descended

and

choked

him.
'

Oh, but
!'

will

find a

way back

to beautiful

thoughts

he said.

He
out,

parted from Willie on the doorstep, and went

Mr. and Mrs. Miller were dining
felt

into the house.

and the drawing-room

tried

cold and lonely.

Stephen went up to his own den, turned up the

remember the words that Willie had said to him. But he could not think very clearly the house was so horribly still.
lights,

to

Presently

he found himself looking nervously

about the room. In spite of the stillness, the air seemed full of inaudible sounds. He stood up, sent quick glances towards the door. He thought he would like to go downstairs again, and find companionship
:

he

felt

cold,

breathless.

Solitude

ceased to be a fact, and became a dreadful person

robed in chilly winds,

who

stood close to him.

He
;

had
but

still

sufficient self-control to

to ask his
it

wonder muddled brain the meaning of

at himself,
its

frenzy

could not answer him.

cloistered inhabitant

It referred

him

to a

more

to

that Dweller in the


A FELLOW-TRAVELLER
Innermost whose calm
for
vigil

109
;

he seldom disturbed

Stephen's activities were largely intellectual,

though he loved to give them spiritual names. It was, then, the tremor of his soul whose reflection he

now

felt in

physical wretchedness.
its

Whilst
teeth in

his reason

doubted and argued, setting

the framework of Willie's vision,

It

it had perceived. had been roused by familiar accents, and now reminded him of the dark places in which he stood. It had pushed out suddenly into the transcendental

world, dragging his

weak consciousness
back.

in its

wake.

He

could not hold

life
is

it

Material
faith
:

only

made

possible
of

by material
appearances.

by a

childlike acceptance

Stephen's belief in appearances had been rudely

shaken.

The texture
:

of his

world had become thin*

that

unsubstantial

he

thought

he

could

see

through

it

the shadowy outline of another landscape.

Old landmarks slipped from him.

for solidity

He grabbed

sud-

denly and nervously at the nearest chair, longing

;

but his senses turned against him, and

it

he could not assure himself that

durable to his touch.

was hard and

of

He was

not even clear about

the floor that he stood upon.

the electric light terrified
veiling awful darks.

The brightness
;

him

it

seemed to be
of

He had

lost

the sense of bodily existence,

visual reality.
'

He was
far

Far from the shore,

from the trembling throng

'

Whose

sails

are never to the tempest given

no
world.

THE GREY WORLD

No
sound, no sight, no Real, between him

alone and immaterial in an illusory and immaterial

and grey nothingness. He stood and shivered, choking with horror, and powerless to move, because he had lost the sense of space. Suddenly he heard a distant cry, a rustling
sound.

Then
fainted.

blind terror brought

its

own

relief.

He

CHAPTER X
ROAD-MAKING
1

Indentures and Apprenticeships for our irrational young

in

whereby,
find

due season, the vague Universality of a Man shall himself ready -moulded into a specific Craftsman.'

Thomas Carlyle.
Mrs. Steinmann was giving a
at
little

dinner.

It

was

own house at restaurants, she said, one never knew what one was eating. Margarine, she felt sure, was used freely whereas in her own
her
:

kitchen she could rely on honest dripping and clarified fat.

Both dinner and conversation were solid, but There were no insidious entrees in either department. This was a comfort to Mrs. Hopkinson, whose husband had lately suffered from dyspepsia, and still required diplomatic supervision at his meals. She had sent a note to her hostess in the morning, asking that he might be given toast instead of bread, and some weak whisky-and-soda in a champagne glass. Mr. Hopkinson, when he discovered these attentions, revenged himself on
easy of digestion.

ii2

THE GREY WORLD

Fate by taking two helpings of fried potatoes, and avoided the supplicating glance which his wife
directed towards
table.

him from the other

side of the

He was sitting next to Mrs. Alcock, who had developed with years a childish, appealing manner, which made her popular with the husbands of other women, and now impelled Mr. Hopkinson
to give her carefully diluted information on several
subjects with which she

was already acquainted.

Elsa Levi, judiciously dressed for her mother's eye in a tight-fitting frock of modest ugliness, surveyed him from the opposite seat, and compared him as she always did all suitable specimens with

her

own husband.
-

Mr.

Hopkinson was
;

of

the

military

commercial

type

thick

moustache,

square

shoulders,

an

assertive

shirt-front.

He

appeared to have been created to show off his own manufactures. Mr. Levi, whose sandy hairs fringed
a bald pink dome, and

who

insisted

on retaining the
Elsa con-

whiskers of his early youth, seemed to find eveningdress less chic but

more comfortable.
little

cluded that there was

to choose between

them

Hermann

ate his soup less noisily, but Mr. Hopkin-

son's complexion did not

become shiny

as the even-

ing advanced.
sight

She balanced these advantages of

for a little while,

and sound

but could come to

no practical decision. A sideway glance at Mrs. Hopkinson's uninspired profile set her wondering how Willie came to be mingled with this strangely unsuitable family. She

ROAD-MAKING
;

113

had seen a good deal of him and discovered that though he tended more towards weak amativeness than she considered desirable, he was capable of
amusing, even of interesting her.
gratitude

His rather effusive

made

her feel unselfish, which was pleasant.

it
;

She was naturally self-indulgent, and knew

she liked to foster the illusion of altruism.

but

Also,

the vacuous state of his

culture gave scope for

mind in respect of fashionable and her ideals of education

:

there

was never any

fear that he

would think her

ridiculous.

When
she sat

the ladies returned to the drawing-room,

down near

Mrs. Hopkinson and talked to

It

her in a gentle, rather pathetic voice.

policy to
ciples.
'

was her

make

friends of the parents of her dis-

love to be loved

by the loved ones

one day.

of those

whom I love,' she had said I am so interested in

'

your boy,' she now obis

served.
'

'

He. is rather like you,

he not

?'

Well,' said Mrs.

Hopkinson,

'

I've always thought

though it's never been noticed. My dear father, I've often you know, had a vivid imagination heard mother say that he would wake up in the middle of the night screaming with terror though he always dined early, and never took meat at
so,
;

supper, only savoury eggs, or fish cakes or some-

thing light like that

Willie gets
1

and
'

dare say that's where

so wonderful,

it

from.' said Elsa.

No doubt,'

Heredity

is

H4
isn't it
?

THE GREY WORLD

But your
son, I think, has great gifts.
little

With a
Mrs.

training in the right direction, he ought

to do well.'

Hopkinson was pleased. One may think one's own duckling ugly and ill-tempered, but it
is

not disagreeable to hear other people

Mr.

call it

swan.

Hopkinson thinks,' she answered, that Willie might start at the Factory at the beginning of the year. He's had a long holiday, and is quite strong now and training is just what he will get
'
' ;

there, being kept constantly

'

under a father's
said Elsa,
'

eye.'
little

fancy, do

you know

?'

from

things he has let drop

now and

again

not

that I

should think of encouraging him in any ideas of

that kind
gether.
'

that business does not

seems a pity, doesn't
full of
'

attract

him

alto-

It

it ?'

Oh, Willie's

high-flown fancies,' replied

Mrs.

Hopkinson.

He

has got

into

rather
;

idle

ways, I'm afraid, these

staring at pictures and
see, he's clever.

last few months always mooning over books. You

But his health has got thoroughly established, which is the main thing, and now he must begin to learn what life really is.' Ah which of us knows that, dear Mrs. Hopkin' !

son

?'

answered Elsa
is

softly.

'

And do you

think

Willie
'

likely to find the solution in

And
own

then,

by the time
'

he's

Bermondsey ?' ready to marry and

settle

down,' continued Mrs. Hopkinson, busy with

idea,

her

he can be taken into partnership.'

ROAD-MAKING
'

115

And
Yes
:

that

is

to be his future
isn't

?'

'

such a comfort,
?

it,

to feel that he's

so well provided for

find

It's

getting quite difficult to

any opening for boys. If only he takes to the business But he's easily unsettled. That young Stephen Miller, I'm afraid, does him no good.' Stephen Miller ?' said Mr. Hopkinson, who, being bored by Mrs. Alcock's mechanically receptive manner, had arrived in the hope of detaching Elsa from his wife's neighbourhood and demonstrating to her that the art of flirtation was not con!

'

fined to sesthetes.

'

An

idle,

loafing sort of lad.

;

He

often comes in of an evening

I

eyes Pauline and

talks gibberish to Willie.

further.
Millers.

sometimes wish him

Miller's Sapoline,

But they're well connected people, the you know a very old-

established firm.'

Elsa did not

details as she

know much

of Stephen, but such

had heard from Willie did not please her. Spiritualism was out of date besides, he was a possible rival, and she hated strangers in her own
;

line of business.
'

I'm afraid he's rather a foolish

youth..' she said.

'

son.

Glad you agree with me,' replied Mr. HopkinShe had only done her duty, but he liked to
sat

be kind to women.

He
fool,

down by her on

the sofa, and intimated

that he was willing to converse.

He thought

her a

him an animal but they were not too narrow-minded to find amusement in each other's
she called
;

82

n6
deficiencies.

THE GREY WORLD

She had a small waist

thing he

seldom saw at home

ing
follies.

and
;

her husband's financial

position lent a golden glow even to her

most

irritat-

Mr. Hopkinson's claim to tolerance was,

perhaps, less obvious

but he was a

man

as well as

a materialist, his eye was appreciative.

Amongst

Mrs. Steinmann's commercially solid and mentally

woolly friends, he shone as the least polished tin

will

do when surrounded by duller metals.

They warmed to one another perceptibly. So you are going to put Willie in the business ?' said Elsa. She was really good-natured, and wished to deliver the boy from the dragon which awaited him seeing herself in the position of a strong-minded princess, coming to the rescue of some helpless and
'
;

neurotic S. George.

'

It

seems

difficult to believe

that he

is

old enough

!'

She looked at Mr. Hopkinson

him.
'

a look which sug'

gested both incredulity and admiration, and pleased

Why,

goodness, yes

!'

said he.

The boy's

close
if

on twenty

a year younger than your Geraint,

right.

remember

You mustn't
Mrs. Levi.'

judge age by your

own appearance,
Elsa sighed.

'I'm getting an old woman,' she answered, and beginning to take an old woman's interest in young
'

people.'

Mr. Hopkinson gave a laugh composed of polite

scepticism and quite honest embarrassment.

He

ROAD-MAKING

117

began to perceive that the conversation had some more serious aim than after-dinner dalliance and
;

he distrusted and disliked Elsa's serious edges.

'

How's your second boy getting on

said.

in Paris

?'

he
'

Tristram

?'

said Elsa.
I

'

He

is

perfectly happy.
is

an ideal one for The life of an art-student, a young man. Technique and aspiration hand in
think,

hand.

feel that

he

is

learning to love familiar

beauties.'

Very probably,' replied Mr. Hopkinson. some knowledge of underground Paris.

' '

He had

It
it

seems so
not
?

sad,'
all

continued Elsa,
feel

'

so unjust,

does

that

who

the spell of loveliness

should not be able to tread the higher paths.

Now

your Willie
'

'

Willie's
'

kinson,
will

path leads to the Factory,' said Mr. Hopand I hope the influence of environment soon knock the nonsense out of him, when he

gets there.'
'

It

may

do, of course.

A
:

young soul
'

is

so easily

blunted by contact with earth

farther back on the sofa
its

She

slid

little

pink and grey damask

covering gave sharp contrast to the lines of her

figure,

enjoying her pose.

and she knew that Mr. Hopkinson was secretly But I don't think he will ever
'

be a successful business man,' she added.

'

Don't you indeed

?'

said Willie's father, with-

out demonstration of astonishment.

He had no

illusions

about his son. and looked for-

n8

THE GREY WORLD

feelings to the prospect of Willie's

ward with mixed

daily presence in his office.

long experience had

efficient

taught him the signs which distinguish an

clerk
'

from a useless one.

'

No,' said Elsa.

And

all

his faculties

those

which make him so different from the ordinary

young man
will
'

of his class
?

how

wasted they
'

will be,

they not

His imagination, for instance.'

replied Mr. Hopkinson.

Not

at

all,'

He can

design the

new models.
;

There's a great deal to be

done in that way and more to be made out of it than most of these artists make out of their pictures, Something the public wears, and I can tell you.
something
it

wears out

that's
:

the thing to

make

must alwaj^s be a fancy article, and jolly lasting too some of these Old Masters, I understand, have been going for hundreds But clothes we of years, and are still quite fresh. must have 'em and as long as men are born naked, there'll be a living to be made out of trousers and
by.
pictures

money

Now,

coats.'
'

do not
it.

think,'

answered Elsa,

'

that Willie will

make
'

He

does not seem to have inherited your

said Mr. Hopkinson, modestly
'

talent for practical matters.'

Well, there

it is,'

evading the compliment.

for him,
'

The place is ready-made and what can we do but put him in it ?'
replied Mrs. Levi,
'

I think,'

that he has rather

a fancy for one of the artistic trades.'

She had, which came to the same thing.

Tea and

ROAD-MAKING
twilight

119

would secure

Willie's

acquiescence.

But

Mr. Hopkinson looked at her with surprise and some

resentment.
'

What

retail
!'

?'

he

said.
'

'

Oh, no

explained Elsa hurriedly.

all.

don't

mean
'

that at

ought to have said handicraft,

not trade.'

Thought you meant Art Furnishing.' No, bookbinding, you know, or jewellery, or metal- work something of that kind. The creation
'

of really beautiful things, as the

medieval craftsmen
;

used to do.

That's so very delightful

and

all

the

most cultivated people are taking to it. It's payThey get enormous prices for ing, too, I believe.
these things.'
'

Do
Yes.

they indeed

?'

said

Mr.

Hopkinson.

He
in for

seemed more interested.

'

know
!,

several girls

who have gone

'

enamelling and bookbinding and so on

'

Oh,

girls

That's very different.'

He employed
its

female labour, and did not wish to see

the market increase.
'

value in

Not

really,'

answered Elsa.
is

little

effeminate,

he not

And Willie is just And surely, what

'

a a

woman

can do well, a man is sure to do better She smiled at Mr. Hopkinson. He temporarily
?'

forgot that she

of molecules,

was onry an ingenious compound and owed her sinuous charms to Preinterested

Glacial ancestors.
'

You have

me

verv much,' he said

120
kindly. saying.
'

THE GREY WORLD

I

shall

think of what you have been

I

Of course,

saw long ago that Willie

'

would never make a smart man of business.' And I'm sure he'd fail at it,' answered Elsa. that would be such a pity.' Oh, we'll hope he wouldn't quite come to that,' I'm proud to think that so said Mr. Hopkinson.
' '
'

far

no member
petition.
on.'

of

my

family has ever had to

plenty of
capital

file

his

There's

to

fall

back

He bade
lantry
;

Elsa good-night with elephantine gal-

windows
tion.

and on the way home, having lowered both of the four-wheeler for fear of infection, he
of their conversathis

gave his shivering wife a summary

From

she
it

easily

gathered

that

such

original features as
of his creation.

possessed had been entirely

CHAPTER XI
A BREEZY UPLAND
'

All kinds of skill are gifts of the

Holy Ghost.'

Tauler.

It

is

a disability of the hurried children of

as they

Time
firmly
feel

that

make
Theirs
is

may an

illusion of the
is

hours

the boundary of each

set.

moment
is

for

them

The Angels, whose day

is

timeless,

do not

this.

the delicious leisure of eternity, and

that

why

they sometimes judge our omissions

rather

harshly.

They

cannot
is

understand

that

time given to the outer,

life
;

taken from the inner

it is

that to earn one's living

often necessary

to pauperize one's soul.

They would laugh were

life,

they told that in modern

for revery
:

no hour has been

left

that

it

has been given, perhaps, to

physical culture, or chip-carving, or local politics.

Rational religion,
expressions of

Broad Church, and other our spiritual state, do not claim

the
It
is

rights for meditation.

hustled out of sight

to

more useful hobbies, and the eye of the soul becomes dim in consequence. So the spirit is drowned in the luxuries that the
for
121

make room

122
restless brain

THE GREY WORLD

Duke
of

the

and dominant body have earned it, as Clarence in the butt of Malmsey wine.
the

These matters occurred vaguely to Mr. Willie

Hopkinson
waiting
reasons
for

during

ensuing

days,

when
to

his

future career

came

to the family bar

and was kept

judgment.

They suggested

him
As
all

why

the wholesale tailoring trade should

not be allowed to swallow up his existence.

opinion leant towards a career which would bind
his hours to the City,

he

felt

the Grey

World grow

more immediate. Fifty years of moderate affluence would ill prepare him for the eternal penury of These dimension. He longed to say, that
'

careers that

you speak
is

of are all

The
soul,

necessity

that

my

surroundings which will

Maya, body shall be placed in help, and not stunt, the

illusion.

which

is real.'

He
for

could not think Bermondsey consistent with

life.

the transcendental

There would be no intervals

readjustment.

It

seemed impossible that

its

enervating atmosphere could do other than weaken

his grip of the

Unseen.

He would

fall

back into
citizenship

the power of the crowded country

both he and Stephen Miller had sworn to escape.

He had

lived nearly twenty years in the

know-

ledge of a dreary and apparently inevitable Hell, yet

had taken no valid step toward his own salvation. Once immersed in a business life, hope would be over he would be held for ever in the general stream.

Considerations of this kind, though unintelligible

A BREEZY UPLAND
to the rest of the family, were to
of resistance.

123

him a great means

which

The

fear of material illusion

they induced strengthened him for the struggle

which Mrs. Levi had ingeniously

it

set

on

foot.

So

was that

after hours of stagnant opposition,

when

parental authority met youthful determination in

drawn

battle

after long chilly

days of

silent dis-

approval on one hand and stubborn indifference

on the other

after scornful counsel

from

his father,

and the tearful administration

advice by his mother, his

of Bovril

and good
the

first

conflict with

powers of the earth was won.

It

was decided that he was not

to follow the

wholesale tailoring trade.

Elsa's secret encourage-

ments, his
as Arts

own

detestation of commerce, a carefully

fostered idea that the professions vaguely

known

and Crafts approach the higher life, had armed him for a triumphant charge against prejudice and family inertia. Hopkinson, Vowles and Co. would look elsewhere for their junior partner. It even seemed possible that Mr. Geraint Levi might one day occupy that position. Elsa thought that the exchange would be excellent, and her opinion was, for the moment, in power. But matters went less smoothly when she was not present. Tradition is not upset in a moment, and Mr. Hopkinson had fierce reversions to his original point of view. The sacrifice of prospects was what struck him most. Willie would never earn more than a bare competence, he expected,

124
at

THE GREY WORLD

bookbinding

the

craft he

had chosen

whilst

the Factory was always good for a solid two or

three thousand a year.

But the boy, who had no

ambition towards clothing his fellow-beings, adored

a permanence of thought which they and extended his love of literature with odd inconsequence to the leather which dressed it as young and ardent lovers will sometimes confuse chiffons and soul. As to the money, it did not trouble him. Having scarcely in all his life wished to buy anything, he did not understand the pleasure

books

for

possessed

or importance of wealth.

Few

of the things that

;

he loved were offered for sale in earthly markets

for the stuff that

dreams are made

of is

not sold

by the yard. It was Elsa, proud of her triumph but fearful of a sudden sally from the enemy, who found the bindery where he should begin his career. She persuaded Mr. Hopkinson to pay the fees for a
twelve months' training in advance, representing
this

course in

its

economical aspect.

Mrs.

Hop-

kinson

whose

meek comments were now seldom

audible by her husband

thought that she perceived

If

a certain rashness in the proceeding.

the

work

did not suit Willie's health, or he caught cold going

to

and fro in the winter, it would be very awkward. But knowing that women always make mistakes
of

when they speak

Geschäft

matters

to

their

husbands, she went to bed for two days with a

headache, and said nothing.


A BREEZY UPLAND
An
ture,
artist

125

of

the newest school,

whose output

included pictures, altar-plate, and bedroom furni-

had

told Mrs. Levi that the

;

was beautiful and individual by several wealthy book-collectors, who paid with a cheerfulness unknown in husbands high

work of the bindery and was patronized

prices for the luxurious dresses of their pets.

It

was situated
itself

at

Turner's Heath

that new,
It

well-named, artistic suburb of the north-west.

did not call
too obvious.
crafts.

a bindery
is

that would have been

Reticence
the

the note of the artistic

Above
in
of

doorway, a sign
It bore

swung
'

on
Atte

wrought-iron hinges.

two pierced

hearts,

and

said,

Kelmscott-Gothic characters,

ye Signe

ye Presse and Ploughe.'

in English

in case the public

Underneath, might not understand this cryptic

type the inforArtistically

phrase, there

mation,
sively.'

'

was added Books bound

and Inexpen-

On

each side of the entrance a strip of

tired grass

was kept within bounds by primitive oak palings. Within, a vestibule, whose grey canvas walls were relieved by pleasant but ordinary
Japanese prints, led to the workshop.
This long,
building
of

well-lit

galvanized

iron

was sharply
but

corrective of the feeble sestheticism of the front door.

Benches and presses were

'

its

furniture

at one end a
best

show-case

'

held specimens of the

out.

work the bindery had yet turned

On

the walls, racks of tools, shelves piled with folded

leather, designs for future work, studies of plants,

126

THE GREY WORLD

and
scrolls,

of lettering, of curves

gave a strangely
'

combined

impression of
;

industry and

artiness.'

The
of

was not clean but numerous snippings paper, leather, and cloth, took the edge off its
floor

griminess.
Willie
to

made
the

his first entrance to the

workshop
Mr.

the

cheerful

sound

of

many hammers.

Tiddy,
his

to

'

superintendent, was trying to teach two apprentices, Miss Brent and Miss Vivien, back a book. From the other end of the room
'

an elderly workman glanced at them occasionally,

in the intervals of

removing superfluous glue from

the backs of a pressful of books.

He seemed

to be
;

His name was Carter and he was the real instructor and mainstay of the bindery, though this position officially belonged

amused, but not pleased.

to Mr. Tiddy.

Mr. Tiddy was short and dark

scarcely efficient.

his razor

was

A
it

complexion
shirts

like

that of an

Old Master before

has been restored was not

of

enhanced by the
linen

collarless

coarse blue

which the example

to

men compelled him

of sex,

more celebrated craftswear. Yet such is the power

of

that in spite of these disabilities the girl

apprentices were obviously pleased should he happen

to speak a

word

to

them

in passing,

and were

in-

capable of looking unconscious

when he leaned over

them

to criticise their work.

He and

Mr. Carter,

neither of

them

gifted with a talent for conciliation

or an appreciation of tact, often created for them-

A BREEZY UPLAND
selves situations of

127

some

difficulty

which alarmed,

when they did not amuse, the apprentices.

the position of each depending to

But some extent on

the approbation of the other, they relapsed, after

abortive
explosions
of

mutual contempt, into a

condition of armed neutrality.

Willie, arriving for his first lesson, stood in the

midst of the workshop uncertain what to do.

was nervous, confused,

perceived

slightly disappointed.

He He

and muddle, but few signs of that higher life which Mrs. Levi had led him to There was tension in the atmosphere, expect.
noise

much

and no one noticed him. He looked at the girls and their teacher. The book upon which Mr. Tiddy was operating slipped several times during his attempt to put it in the press, and he became annoyed. He gave the unhappy volume a vicious blow with the hammer. Old Carter at the other press was watching him carefully.
'

That'll

do,
it's

Mr.

Tiddy,'

he

said

presently.

'

Remember

a book you're
silent

'itting.'

There was a

interval,

but Carter was a

power in the bindery. Tiddy removed his book from the laying-press, and carried it away. Carter
cast a look of disgust after him.
'

Mr. Tiddy

is

a gentleman and

all

that,'

he

observed to the shop in general, and the two

in

girls

particular,

'

but he don't know

much about
But Mr.

backin'.

I've bin learning

how

to back books for

forty year,

and

haven't finished yet.

128

THE GREY WORLD

now he
lad,'

Tiddy, he took a six-months' course, and

starts

on at the teachin'.

When
'

was a
life.

continued Mr. Carter slowly,

apprenticeship, and learnin'
like

'twas seven years'

all

your

don't

you young gents and 'ere, hurryin' and scurryin' and books like you does.'
to

see

ladies as

come
the

hurtin'

of

silently
|

and turned back towards the cutting-press. Willie was early drawn to Mr. Carter, whose
fitted a fresh knife to his plough,

He

illusions

seemed to him

less

noisome than those

he had been reared.

of the persons

amongst

whom

dwindling

memory

of the

time when he also was

a child of labour helped him to understand the

limitations of his class,

and placed him

easily

on

the footing of friendship.

This was the

first

happy and honest workman

first

whom

he had met

the

who

extracted the soul

his attitude of

of labour

from

its

outer shell

by

steady reverence towards his

of a City

craft.

The

relation

man

to his ledger, of a factory

:

hand to

but there was a sincere is not lovely and beautiful connection between Carter and his work. With him it was a manual religion, faithHe fully followed without any sordid thought. felt slovenly work to be a sin towards his material,
his machine,

as well as towards the master

who paid him.

bindings
of

He

hated

the

showily-finished

cheap

polished leather and facile tooling which visitors

to the bindery thought so very artistic.

A BREEZY UPLAND
'

129

Fancy

stationers' stuff,' he said contemptuously.

Carter liked Willie Hopkinson because he worked

without excitement and did not hurry.

ing piece of

He

waited

quietly whilst glue dried, and did not spoil a promis-

work by a sudden hour

of impatience.

Possessing the deliberation of the idealist

who

looks

to process not to completion for his pleasure,

and

knows

reality to consist in anything rather than

material results, he found each stage of the work

as important as its end.

The

girls

were always
incurring

straining

towards

the

finishing-point,

Mr. Carter's wrath by their indifference to the more

solid portions of the craft];

and Mr. Tiddy only ceased

to be languid

ment.

when construction gave place to ornaBut Willie saw a symbolism even in the
and Carter began
to

paste-pot,

hope that he would

train one master-binder before he died.

They conversed much together in the intervals and the reaction of homely intuition on convinced idealism made them mutually interesting. Willie would describe books that he had read, and
of work,

quote bits that pleased him, receiving earnest and

unexpected criticisms in exchange.

'

read somewhere the other day,' he said one

a bit that would
It

morning, as he worked by Carter's side at the

finishing-bench,
'

motto
of

for a bindery.

was

" We this
'

make a

nice

are each
see the
it ?'

us a book in ourselves, but

we only
true, isn't

bindings of each other."

'

Rather

'Tis,'

replied Carter sententiously,

but

it's

not

130

THE GREY WORLD

He moistened
his finger,
'
:

always the best readin' that's put up in polished

levant, Mr. Hopkinson.'

tested the heat of his tool,

and continued

I've

known the works of Samuel

'ere,

Smiles, or the " Pilgrim's

Progress," or fine writings such as that, brought in

and

all

that's asked for

is

half-roan sprinkled

edges.

And then
it's

people comes and orders inlay

all,

and best tooling and

for

books

of poetry as to

my mind
table.'
'

barely decent to leave lyin' on the

Yes,

suppose that

is

so,'

answered Willie
feel

doubtfully.

He had begun

to

the technical

obsession which weighs so heavily on craftsmanship,

be more important than

any book could Minor poetry, printed on Japanese vellum and morocco bound, seemed to him as desirable as pocket classics in and found
it difficult

to believe that
its

binding.

plain cloth.
'

Of course that's
all

so,'

said Carter.

'

Insides
of

and

outsides

to

match

that
;

'ud be one

God

Almighty's

own

bindings
care

manage
nice.'

it.

Take

with

and even He don't often your toolin', Mr.

Hopkinson.

You

haven't done that last line very

Willie rubbed the superfluous gold-leaf from his

book-cover, and looked with blind pride at the

rather uncertain pattern of hearts and
lilies

which

he had impressed upon

'

it.

It's effective,'

he said.
Hopkinson,'

'

But

'taint effect you're 'ere for, Mr.

A BREEZY UPLAND
answered Carter.
work's
not
solid.
'

131

It's

good

toolin'.

And
:

that

Look at them corners you haven't mitred them neat. You don't want to do your finishin' shop-window style you wants to do it so as it looks right when it's held in the 'and
;

after it's bought.'

'

Oh,

can't do

it

over again

!'

said Willie.

'

Then you

ain't

no workman, Mr. Hopkinson,'

answered Carter.
In spite, or perhaps because, of this tonic discipline, Willie

found his daily

to

life

so

happy that he
of his da} 7

was not often tempted

impatience or haste.
,

He wished
felt

to savour each

moment

and

sad when the time came for leaving the quiet

bindery,

and going out into the windy world.

There was a flavour of past ages about the workshop

;

him

also into another

and the tram which took him home, took and less peaceful century.
life

He

learnt here for the first time in his

of his hands,

the

and discovered their use. They gave his soul a new and inexplicable pleasure. Regular manual occupation steadied him, drawing off his earth energies and leaving his spirit clearer. As he sat at the sewing-press, or mechanically
meaning
pared the edges of leather for the covers of his

Busy hands and dreaming soul balanced one another, and he felt sane, alive, untrammelled. Though the future was still blank to him and the outer world an unsubstantial chaos, he caught the fringes of a larger hope. The symbolic
books, he meditated.

92

i 32

THE GREY WORLD

work
justified to

lightness of quiet
of
of

him the existence his body, and sometimes allowed him a glimpse the gateway which leads to the Heaven of the

Industrious.

spirit or

of

Behind labour, he felt, there was Something power which blessed. The misty disease unreality and confusing presence of the Grey

Dimension, never attacked him when he had a

tool in his hand.

That forced him

to singleness of

outlook.

And

persons

who

did their

work lovingly
might

and honestly, for Tightness, not hope for a happier eternity, he

for profit,

fancied, than the

earth-bound populations of the Sorrowful Country

whose presence still shadowed his daily life. He told some of these thoughts, but not all, to Elsa, who approved them.
'

He

has quite the Medieval tone of mind,' she

said.

But Miss Mildred Brent and Miss Janet Vivien, the apprentices, who had felt the arrival of a young

man

in

the bindery to be a possibly significant

They perceived with acid astonishment that he saw them as Persons, not as Girls and decided that he was
incident in their lives, were disappointed.
;

very odd.

CHAPTER

XII

MAPS ARE CONSULTED

'

Then

the Divine Vision like a silent

:

Albion's dark rocks

setting

Sun appear'd above behind the Gardens of Kensington

On

Tyburn's River.'

Blake.

The grief of knowledge is the gain of sympathy. From the moment when Stephen shared Willie's
vision, a link, stronger

than that of friendship, was

for support,

forged.

Each now held by the other

and found the immaterial world which bathed

existence less awful for the presence of his friend.

To

each, the other

was a

rest

and a point

of reference

in the difficulties of his conflict

with experience and

with

fact.

There came
ideals
its

day.

however,

when divergent
and each
of

strained this invisible fetter,

prisoners

drew away from the other as

far as

he might.

There was surprise on both hands, and

some sadness, but temperament the bond-breaker had its way. It was impossible that the ethereal roads on which Willie was destined to travel should suffice for Stephen's more human and adventurous
tread.
i33

134

THE GREY WORLD

is

There

a path in Kensington Gardens which,

is

good to walk along at boundary shows trees and sky in nice proportion, and a glint of water On a seat arranged for the enjoyment to the right. of this landscape Mr. Willie Hopkinson and Mr.
running north and south,
sunset-time.
Its

western

Stephen Miller were sitting about four o'clock

a

of

November
It

afternoon.

There

were

few people

was still too light for lovers, and most had gone home to tea. There had already been a change in their relation. Since Willie entered the bindery, he had become more patient, less assertive towards existence. But Stephen, his eyes once opened upon the unabout.
of the babies

charted country, could not think of

Willie,

it

peacefully.

learning slowly

almost

unconsciously

to
itch

treat his

work as a sacrament which bore some

his path,

mystic relation to truth, lost the constant

to step

and hunt for solutions to the Great Conundrum. He had an inner content, equally removed from piety and despair, which
from
anaesthetized his spirit.

Stephen had recently been placed in the

of

office

an architect, whose terra-cotta palaces, majolica

and miracles of plate glass and iron girders, had done something toward the introduction of
facades,

humour to the City streets. ment for his imagination

He found little nourishin

the details of plan,

measurement, and material, there placed before him. Thus he turned naturally and vehemently

MAPS ARE CONSULTED

from the atmosphere
of the transcendental of the

135
that

drawing

office to

world

searching, with a fever

some clue and some escape from the dread, to which Willie had introduced him. Each time they met he had some new theory to offer but Willie, braced by the tonic society of Mr, Carter, often gave him an attention more repressive than
that was the index of his helplessness, for
to the tangle,
;

enthusiastic.
Sitting

now

in

Kensington Gardens, feeling very

near him the delicious contours of the trees and

sorcery of the sky, he listened rather languidly to

Stephen's
occult
disciple

talk.

discussion.

He felt dreamy, disinclined He began to discover that

to

can be very boring.

Mr. Stephen Miller

had been thinking hard, he said, about Appearance as distinguished from Reality. His black hour had
passed
;

he was in a cheerfully credulous mood,

in

treating the shadow-side of the universe as a fluid

medium

which he could swim and splash

at will.

He

hinted at results which might interest Mr. Willie

Hopkinson.
Willie

was

not
that

pleased.

It

seemed

to

him

inappropriate

Stephen, groping in the dark

and only aware of the darkness through his friend's magnanimity, should take upon himself the propounding of theories and hopeful exploration of the Unknown. He was unique a consoling fact.

He

did not desire a partner.

to save Stephen, should a

He was very willing way of salvation ever

136

THE GREY WORLD

;

appear to him
ing his
objectionable.

but he found his behaviour in workthe light ungracious and

constituted a failure in the duties

own way towards

It

of comradeship.

Friendship had done nothing to

disturb his cold, deliberate egoism.

friend
;

He

liked his

he liked more the sense of power which

His flattering internot
offer
this.

affection gives to its object.

course

with

Mrs.

Levi did

But

Stephen cared more for him than he for Stephen

a desperate condition.

The

spirit
;

of

Mr.

Stephen Miller was exalted.

;

He
to

fidgeted

his eyes flashed

his phrases,

though
Willie,

meaningless,

possessed a Celtic glamour.

whom work and his own personality now appeared

two
fixed lights in the midst of a shifting illuirritated
it,

as

sion,

was

by

this contradictory

optimism.

He judged

as he judged everything he disagreed

with, to be materialistic.
in crisp sentences

He

suggested to Stephen,

devoid of charm, his

the thing.

own

industrial

standpoint.
'

Work,' he

said,

'

is

Any

kind of work^
else gives

so long as

you do

it

thoroughly.

Nothing

the same satisfied feeling.

Only, of course, one must

not forget that work

'

is

only part of one's dream.'

'

must be something dream that is a persistent element right through the real and the illusion. Learn to know that, and you will learn
But,' said Stephen,

there

that isn't only part of the

the secret of existence.'

'

How

is

one to learn

it ?'

answered

Willie.

He

MAPS ARE CONSULTED

was
'

137

cross,

but he could never

resist

To

learn
;

anything
everyone

that
is

really

matters

an argument. seems

busy teaching games. But one can learn to work, and that has a meaning, however useless the material work may seem in itself. Sometimes I know there is something behind
impossible
so

a
'

world far more lovely, which saves from the

colourless place.

But we have not got the key.' We have,' said Stephen, and I have found it.' Willie was excessively surprised.
'

What is it ?' he asked rather brusquely. He was not prepared for Stephen's reply.
' '

It is love.'

'

Rubbish
Oh,
I

!'

'

don't expect you to believe me,' answered

Stephen.

He appeared
'

confused, though his tone

was dogmatic. But I have found it out lately, and I know it's the truth. Someone has shown me but I needn't go into that. When you know what love is,, you will have found out everything you want to know. It is beautiful, which is enough

more than that. It is the only thing that lights up the Real behind the dream. Oh, Willie, that will save you from the horror of the afterwards. It is the people who have never known love who cannot escape the Grey World. They are held there hunting for the best part of
for
;

me

but

it

is

themselves.'
'

That,'

said Willie,

'

is

nonsense.

Leben

means

more than getting fond

of a girl.'

138
'

THE GREY WORLD

So does
It does.

love.'

'Oh!'

means everything. One finds one's soul in a woman. I have found mine, so I am sure. That is what we are here for to find ourselves in
'

It

loving one another.

Those who don't, are

lost.'

Willie was filled with a helpless disgust. The contempt which the passionless person feels for To him, it appeared a love is of an acrid kind.
sickly
it

and unpleasant thing

he did not know that

and engagements. In the Hopkinson family it was not referred to in a manner which left room for reverence. Elsa avoided the subject prudence was born in her
existed apart from kisses
;

when

she approached the frontier of genuine feeling,

and thanks to her tact he had never analyzed the vague sensations which moved him when he touched
her hand or came unexpectedly into her presence.
It followed that to

make Love

the pivot of the

Universe was a monstrous and revolting proposition.

when truth first laid siege to his dreamland, I will find a way back to beautiful thoughts This utterance had remained with Mr. Willie Hopkinson, and inspired a happy vision in which he and Stephen won their way by transcendental paths to the high cold splendour of some
Stephen had
!'

said,

'

seemed that a Lover's Lane was the path Stephen had chosen and Willie, astonished and disappointed, declined to believe
Ineffable Reality.

But

it

that

it

led to the top of the

hill.

MAPS ARE CONSULTED

139

Stephen, meanwhile, was speaking sketchily of

the miracle which he believed to have occurred to

him.

It

was not a common love

affair

it

was a

spiritual experience peculiar to himself.

He was

certain of that.

The greater part

of

the ecstasy

have taken place in his own heart, without other incentive than that supplied by his busy

seemed

to

imagination.

But

it

was

none
'

the

less

life-

enhancing.

Even to know her,' he ask more than that.'

'

said,

is

enough.

don't

There

is

a Maeterlinckian flavour which steals

over Kensington Gardens as the sun goes

sense of secrets hidden in the trees.

down

The white

walks become magic pathways which converge on

the Ivory Gate
;

the

Round Pond

a haunted pool,

where Melisande might

lose her crown.

spoke, therefore, Willie looked at the

;

As Stephen dreamy scene

before him and his mind being occupied with what he was hearing, it did not intrude itself on He saw the row of the simple vision of his eyes.

which were near him, very black to the last They were filmy twig stretched out from the earth.
trees

exquisite in their delicate strength.

And
of
visible,

in

the

sky behind
after rain

the shining, mystic sky a faint pink cloud, just

autumn
threw

one tree into fresh tone-relations with the rest. Behind the horizon, distant trees were blue.
that sky, strangely transparent

On
all,

like a face

whose

apparent candour

veils

an unfathomable

soul.

140

THE GREY WORLD

of

removed him many worlds from Stephen's sentimental commentary on life, and led him to think dreamily and luxuri-

The magic

this

vision

ously of the Beautiful.

He

thought of the provisitors

ducts of the bindery, praised with strange adjectives

by Mr. Tiddy and appreciative

of

the performances of other craftsmen which he had

been bidden to admire

barbaric
jewels.

angular furniture

set

with

strange ornament, clumsy metal-work, deliberately

The effortless masterpiece of nature now before him revealed these things as ugly and unskilful. All the nobility they possessed came from the industry which created them the
;

hours spent without impatience on the slow journey

towards a craftsman's
'

ideal.

The Grey World,' he

said

abruptly,

'

is

the

Purgatory
'

of the inefficient.'

Oh

yes,

that's
'

just

what
it

meant,'

replied

Stephen happily.
to climb

And

is

love that helps us

and struggle and perfect ourselves.' all what Willie had meant. But he perceived that argument was useless, and waited
This was not at

with a patience born of the sunset whilst Stephen

extracted, with

some

diffidence, a

messy manuscript
it,'

from
'

his coat-pocket.

have written a

little

thing about

he

said.

Willie
secret,

knew

that his friend practised literature in

having sometimes helped to buy stamps

for the return postage of his ineligible efforts

matter

of several

pounds

in

the course of the year.

MAPS ARE CONSULTED

'

141

Where

are

you going

to

send

it ?'

he asked,

as he noticed the action,

of the
'

and the extreme slimness

I

work produced.
is

This

not for publication.

have written
it

it

for a friend,

and because

think

is

true.

One
it
;

should write
it

down a

bit of truth

when one
I

finds

helps one to remember.

But

don't care to

pour out

to flick over

He

soul on paper for a lot of idle women between a muffin and a yawn.' was pleased with this sentence, and looked

my

toward his friend for appreciation. But Willie was It was fading to dim again entranced by the sky.
silver

and transparent grey, making him

Allegories of his
life,

feel

melanvivid

choly and very quiet.

ideal of
tints,

own

which time was changing to greyer

occurred to him.

He enjoyed
them

the sadness
the hall-

of

these sensations, taking

of a superior soul.

to be

mark

He

suddenly woke from his revery to find that

Stephen had commenced the reading of his story. The opening paragraphs had already gone by, and
he took up the thread
'

in the

midst

of a sentence.

"

little

dancing fauns

waters of

the happy nymphs and the and he sat down alone by the Lethe, and took some red earth from the

So Pan

left
;

river-brink to play with.

And

whilst he played

the clay began to take shape beneath his fingers,

until at last a
'

rough red image lay in his hands.

" Then Pan took his pipes and blew on them softly, and the image moved and stood upright on its feet.

142
'

THE GREY WORLD

"
'

See

!'

he

cried,

'

'

" But his Master looked

:

have made a man.' down from the mountain

and said " Nay, friend, not so fast. More than red clay and wild music go to the making of Man.' And his breath, coming gently over the river, fell on the figure, which opened its mouth and spoke.
'
' '

"

'

This
It

'

"

'

is a fine toy we have made,' said Pan. must be made better yet,' his Master

replied.
'

"

Pan was annoyed

'

he had been proud of

said.

his skill.
'

"

It is
finer,

good enough,' he
for I

'

can carve
is

it

no
'

have no

tools.

Also, the clay

and easily crumbles away.' But the Master answered It needs no tools from the weakness of the earth and the virtue of my breath shall come its beauty. A day of toil and a night of rest, and Man will be perfected.' " Then he set the image on a very dreary hillside, and he marked a rough path before its feet and Pan and his Master sat down to watch their Some time they watched him, but he did not toy. move he stood on the hill where the Master had
fragile,

"

'

'

placed him, a helpless figure of inanimate earth.

'

"

We must urge

up his pipes again. and plaintive, and

him on,' said Pan and he took The air he played was fierce
;

at its

sound the
the pipes.

Man

started

forward, savage eagerness and cunning on his face.

Pan laughed

as he laid

down

MAPS ARE CONSULTED

'

143
'

"

It is

a mighty march,' he said.

!

do not

know

a better
!'

Hunger
food,

is

the tune that

moves

the world

" Searching for

beasts

whom

he hunted, the

and struggling with the Man moved upwards

on the stony road,
' ;

slowly; for his limbs were feeble and his eyesight

dim.
"

He stumbled very
his
!'
'

pitifully

and often missed

'

way.
cried

Poor wretch

Pan
'

he cannot

see.

We
'

must give him better eyes.' " But the Master said No if he saw what was before him he would have no courage to climb. Truth is for the gods alone.' " So Pan refrained, and the toy was left in his blindness. But presently dark clouds came up from the mountains and hid the sun, and a bitter wind blew across the river and made sad sounds amongst the rocks. Then heavy shadows fell on
:
:

'

the pilgrim's path, his steps flagged, his energy

diminished
"

and
have

at

last

he bowed his head in

hard,'
all
:

complete despair.
'
'

We
'

tried

him too

said

the

Master.
to be
'

He

is

only red clay after

he needs

companioned on his way.' " His hand caressed the rock which edged the pathway and suddenly a figure of mist and sunlight stood by the lonely traveller, and shed a radiance on the darkened road. But Pan, who cannot love an ethereal essence, viewed the newcomer with great disdain.
;

144
'

THE GREY WORLD

"
'

What

use

is

a creature like that

?'

he growled.

cannot hew wood or hunt game. At most he will only draw foolish pictures, or tell lying tales.'
' '

He

"

'

What
?'

of

that,

if

he

make
'

the

hills

seem

shorter

said the Master.

It

is

more than you

could ever do.' " So Art was born. " Now the Man stepped out more bravely, and
'

'

always his comrade was by his side to whisper sweet stories, and point out new beauties in sky
or earth
;

so that his search for food

grew languid,

the pleasures of Art absorbed

and he
life.
'

lost the strength of

him more and more, body born of his arduous

Aha

!'

cried Pan,
idle.

'

he grows soft and

friend than this
will work.'

We

you have spoilt your toy must find him a better

;

dreamy

fellow

a mate, for whom he

made another
and placed
at
first,

And

taking red earth, he

image, smaller and softer than the

it

at Man's side.

But he looked without joy

the

Woman
"
!

thus committed to his care, and heeded

her not.
{

Then the Master

?'

said

'
:

Oh, Pan, thou foolish

god
clay

will earth strive for earth, or clay suffer for

and he turned the brightness of his face toward the Man and Woman, so that they shrank back, dazed and awed. But they saw each other, in that bewildering moment, illuminated by the light
of Love.
'

" So side by side they started up the path,

MAPS ARE CONSULTED

falling

145

amongst stones, in the sun and the rain, each helping the other and working for the common
good.
"

And
'

presently, as they climbed, evening

fell,

and the summit was nearly reached.

'

Courage, dear heart

!'

the

Man
last

whispered,
steep slope.

as he bore the
'

Woman

up the
!'

Night comes, we shall sleep

'

"

'

It

has been a long day,' said Pan,

'

and the

clay wore well.

The hardships
its

even improved
'

form.

way have What reward shall we

of the

give our toys after all their toil ?' " But his only answer was

the

sigh

of

the

night-wind, as " Oblivion

'
'

it

cried

upon the hills

!'

"

'

Stephen folded the manuscript with elaborate

carelessness,

and

stuffed

it

untidily into the outside

pocket of his overcoat.

Then he waited

rather

proud and very expectant.

'

It's

a bit high-flown,' said Mr. Willie Hopkinson.

Stephen blushed, but did not answer.

been, to his surprise
Willie. He had and annoyance, uncomfortably touched by the concluding phrases. It was no part of his programme to permit himself to be weighted
'

Rather pretty, though,' added

by
'

these earthy emotions.

Pauline thought

it

beautiful

!'

said Stephen.

But Willie did not hear him. The spell of narrative was broken, the cold magic of the sky had called him back, and he missed the astounding information which Stephen's last words conveyed.
10

CHAPTER

XIII

MR. WILLIE HOPKINSON TRIES A SHORT CUT

'

friend

is

person with

whom

may be

sincere.'

Emerson.

The

things which are called little are oftenest those which put persons in the disposition to act. They

spur

the

emotions

gently

but

sufficiently

the

great event presses too heavily

results in inertia.

upon the

soul,

and

of Pan and his Master left an impreson Willie's mind. Like most boys who possess sisters and lead a sequestered life, he did not tend

The story

sion

easily towards love.

Pauline,

who had provided

signifi-

Stephen's inspiration, was to him no more

a natural ear for literature had been struck

cant than the other furnishings of his home.

But

by the

note of sad sincerity in the conclusion of Stephen's

clumsy parable, and now inclined him to look upon girls in a manner strange to him, if normal to manIt seemed to him that work, in its spiritual kind. aspect, might gain an added value, were it linked with a friendship more equable than the fevered
service

which he offered Elsa, more romantic than

146

WILLIE TRIES A SHORT CUT

the affection he

147

now

felt

for his
of

fellow-traveller

Stephen.
of

He had no thought
comradeship.
utilitarian measure.

marriage, only

an

idyllic

Matrimony, he supposed,

was a purely

These ideas crystallized in his consciousness as

he strolled one

morning from the tram to the

bindery, and perceived Mildred Brent, the less significant of the lady apprentices, walking before him.

She was a small, neat, mouse-like person and, by the fact of her unsuggestive face, seemed the living
;

negation of her

own temperament.

Hair turned

smoothly back from a forehead of ordinary mould,

brown eyes

of a certain intelligence carefully veiled,

ready-made clothes and a London accent these tell no tales. But a fire and a coldness lived side by
side in her heart
:

fire for

the future, a coldness for

the present.

She hated grey walls and monotony,

and the mingled art and commerce of the bindery. She longed to escape to those higher circles of handi-craft which are celebrated in the art magazines. Yet a sense of humour, running on disastrously commonplace lines, kept her from the appearance of aestheticism which would have best expressed her inner state. Picturesque dress was only possible to her in the best materials. She had two ambitions to become a member of the Arts and Crafts Society, and buy her clothes at Liberty's. These seemed unattainable. She was content that they should be so. But she would not offer herself the

consolation of a cheaper success.

10

148

THE GREY WORLD

She had her secret pleasures. As she walked now in front of Willie, she noticed with appreciation the
white glitter of some raindrops caught on the bare and was glad to find herself twigs of a plane-tree
;

capable of

these artistic enjoyments.

Mr. Willie

Hopkinson perceived the touch of assurance which this sudden contentment gave to her pose, silhouetted for him against a red-brick
pleased him.
villa still in
It

the flamboyant stage of architectural infancy.

He knew
;

that she had seen some

to

unobtrusive loveliness
could

and

him

also landscape

impart a peculiar ecstasy.

The

lights

of

London, her crown of topaz and opal, flashed into instant existence on a wintry afternoon, or the sudden
vision of trees folded in blue mist, revived a fever

latent in his blood.

Still

young enough

to

hope

that one taste held in

universal sympathy,

common might

presuppose a

he was drawn to a careful

examination of Mildred's outline.

anything

She had now that mysterious significance which may acquire if we look at it with sufficient
It distinguished her, as

intention.

an aureole might,

from
feel

all

other persons afoot.

It

became impera-

tive that

he should watch her actions.

He

liked to

that she was walking in front of him, uncon;

scious of his attention

but presently she entered

little

shop, and he was left to digest the slightly

heightened picture of her personality which fancy

offered him.

He saw

her as he passed the door, buying tracing-

WILLIE TRIES A SHORT CUT

paper and an H.B. pencil.
firewood, soda,

149

The shop

dealt also in

household.

and other sordid necessities of the But Mildred thought that she detected
on the face
of the proprietor of
'

a look of

relief

when

he turned from these things to the sale

materials
';

artists'

and feeling this to be a sign of grace, she endured smells of soap and tallow, and encouraged him.
Miss Brent was aware, without turning her head,
of Willie

Hopkinson's attentive glance.

In

women

not yet possessed of a lover, this faculty of perceiving rearward admiration

is

often highly developed.

She thus entered the bindery with his image pleasantly fixed in her mind, and spoke of him to Janet Vivien in phrases which a grammarian might have
parsed as Conditionally Possessive.
Miss Vivien, however, was not sympathetic.
detested Willie.
Vestal,

She

She had
to exhibit

the cold virtues of the

and liked

them

but he had given

her no opportunity.

Few attitudes are more fatiguing

than that of defence against an attack which never comes. Because he did not make advances for

which she would certainly have snubbed him, she

considered

him

to be

an excessively ill-mannered

young man. Her father was a clergyman of uninteresting orthodoxy she had been reared amongst grey proprieties. She knew that her hair was particularly nice soft, and warmly flaxen, with a fascinating twist in it. The elder Mr. Hopkinson, on
;

150

THE GREY WORLD

'

his preliminary visit to the

Presse and Ploughe,'

had looked
approval.

at her

first judicially,

and

finally

with

He
;

liked girls of the deep-bosomed, slow-

moving type

they

made good wives and mothers.

For these reasons Janet thought that she, rather than Mildred, should have wakened Willie's dormant manliness. Mildred's hair was sepia-colour, a lank and unpoetic mass. Her accent frequently annoyed
Miss Vivien, whose
ecclesiastical.
'

own

intonation was correct, even

that young

should doubt,' she said,

'

if

kinson meant anything by staring at you.

It

Hopwas

probably absence of mind

nence.'
'

unless
one
or

it

was impertiIn

It

wasn't

either

the
to

the other.
it,

fact,

now
'

come

think of

I've noticed

before
'

You're always noticing things

!'

Oh, so would you,' said Mildred violently, if Anything to avoid noticing you felt like me
'

'

what's always under one's nose

'

!'

no use to be discontented.' Is it disconI'm starved ? who've got plenty People ? tented to be hungry seem to think it is. Don't you see that this place and all its pretences don't satisfy you if you want
It's
'

Discontented

to live

It's

like those patent

foods that don't

feed you

it

keeps an ache
if it

alive.

Oh,

would

notice anything

would make
!

me

forget to notice

that

But

I'll

escape

I'll

get to

know

the bright

WILLIE TRIES A SHORT CUT

clever

151

people,

who know

the difference
!'

between

emotion and strawberry jam

' '

D'you think young Hopkinson does

Well, he's not like us.'

?'

'

That's true.

He's awfully queer.

Sometimes
being.

he doesn't look altogether like a

human

Mr.

Tiddy thinks he
that's
'

isn't quite right in his

mind, and

why

his people

have put him to bookbinding.'

!'

Nice compliment to us
Isn't
it ?

'

But

there's

something

in

it.

It

makes me

feel

positively creepy to be left alone

with that youth

thing uncanny.'
'

'

keep expecting him to do somecreepy than

feel nothing,'

I'd rather feel

said
;

Mildred slowly.
is

But

know what you mean

it

the air he has of always looking at something that

see.

we can't They are

Have you ever

noticed his eyes

so strange

a queer pale blue,

the colour

that you see in the deeps of a moonstone, and black

round the outer edge.'

Janet laughed sarcastically.
'

You're half gone already,' she

this

said.

During

and the succeeding days, she offered

bestow on more cour-

Mildred the insolent attentions which unimaginative propriety is so ready to

ageous, less conventional natures.

Miss Brent was She knew her attitude to be superior to Janet's, and her understanding greater but Miss Vivien possessed the knack of creating the opposite

not happy.

impression.

152
It is

THE GREY WORLD

always exasperating to
feel like a fool
;

and

specially so

Before a

when you know that you are not one. week was over, the atmosphere of the workShe lived

shop had become inimical to Mildred.

with the knowledge that two pairs of eyes

for Mr. hourly

But

Tiddy, jealous of his supremacy, had early caught

the meaning of Janet's censorious glance

accused her of desiring a flirtation with Willie.

panionship.

she set her teeth, and deliberately sought his com-

Being ignorant

of love, she despised it

it

she had been

artist.

known

to say that
sacrifice

spoiled a good

She refused to

a friendship because

others held more vulgar views.

The charm which drew her

ciently perceptive to

to Mr. Willie Hopkin-

son was no physical fascination.

She was

suffi-

know

that he was abnormal,

it.

but

still

too conventional to like

His queerness
it

lacked colour.

He

did not talk of

defect.

But she

felt

the spell of his detachment, and looked

to him, as a prisoner to S. Leonard, for the freeing

hand which should hit off the fetters from her soul. At this time, when Janet's point of view was painfully obvious and Willie's attitude as yet indefinite, Mildred sought refuge in her work, and
chained her attention to the creation of a wonderful

book-cover for a
writer
'

Christmas play,
of

called

by

its

A Masque

Marye's

Childinge.'

One

copy for the author had been printed on large paper and this she dressed in cloudy blue leather, whereon inlaid wash-leather sheep were kept by
;

grey morocco shepherds.

WILLIE TRIES A SHORT CUT

Willie admired this work,
:

153

and complimented Miss it very kindly he was acquiring some of his father's condescension towards women. Have you read the book ?' she said. She was quick to seize opportunities for congenial
Brent upon
'

conversation.
'

No

but I've heard

it

well spoken
I

of.'

'

Ah. by Intelligent Catholics,

expect.

He

is

quite the poet of that movement.'

'

What do you

think of

it ?'

Mildred read the Academy and the Outlook at the

Free Library every week, and knew what to reply.

'

There
said.

is
'

a great deal of spiritual feeling in

it,'

she

And, I think, that combination of paganism and pageantry is very attractive. After all, few people are more truly and artistically Christthan the heathen.'
original

like

These remarks impressed Willie, already struck

by Mildred's
of the

methods

of

work

the despair
spirit.

bindery and the solace of her

is

own

Bookbinding
crafts,

the

most conservative
is

of

the

and

originality in its apprentices

It

apt to

be considered as a vice.
vanity of iperiors. Tiddy.

irritates

the tender

Mildred's wash-leather sheep

hurt Carter's feelings and ruffled the temper of Mr.

The idea had never occurred to them, and they were sure that it was wrong. Yet she was modest in respect of her performance, being easily deceived by the apparent excellencies of selfadvertising craftsmen.

154

THE GREY WORLD

partly because her mother was and she had never questioned the necessity of
;

She worked hard

poor,

wage-earning, partly because of her smouldering

ambition, which pointed to industry as a possible

But she found no peace. Heredity was disastrous to her happiness. Romanticism in her was crossed by a strain of obtuse convention. Her father, a brilliant and unpleasant man, early perceived that he could never hope to find a woman who was his intellectual equal. He therefore
of escape.

way

decided, with a denseness peculiar to the supercilious,

that his

best

chance

of

serenity lay

in

marriage with a domesticated

fool.

He

chose a

type at once amiable and irritating.

Mrs. Brent

never learned that repetition does not add point to

an argument, or that it is useless for the naturally dull to attempt to shine. Too stupid for intellectual joys, yet not quite stupid enough for unconscious content, she became a miserable compromise
between parrot-house and parlour.

Her husband had said to her, whilst their married was still young, My dear, you will never be wise. Pray God you may become more foolish.' But she did not. She remained difhly perceptive, and was always wretchedly aware of her own denseness when she failed to see one of her daughter's
life
'

infrequent jokes.
Mildred,

blending

the

characteristics

of

both

parents, often missed the best

pathways

in life for
;

want

of the

mental

agility

needed to perceive them

WILLIE TRIES A SHORT CUT

as she spoilt the flavour of her friendships
of conversational sweetness.

155

by lack

Subjective stupidity

and objective cynicism do not make an attractive

blend.

To

Willie,

however, they suggested that

is

aloofness from worldly interests which

so difficult

and

desirable.

He

thought that

Mildred

might

possibly possess a soul.

As the weeks went by he

this

began to take notice

of her, criticised her designs,

and

recommended books, and found

She seemed grateful

patronage pleasant.

new when he

spoke to her, and never resented her

own

failure to

understand his remarks.

that

As a
be

fact, she preferred

he

should

sometimes

incomprehensible.

The higher he was above her now, the greater his power of leverage should he choose to exert it. She was not yet of the incorrigible company of dreamers, but knew that in that direction lay her
hope.

This gentle and appreciative attitude

won

its

way

with Willie, so that he began to connect the

salt of Carter's discourse.

bindery with the sugar of Mildred's smile, not any

more with the

resent

He was

not in love with her.

He imagined

that she would

and despise

soft tendencies

even as he did.

He ranked

her with Stephen and Elsa, as a person

of intelligence

whose society pleased him. Gradually he discovered that he was more comfortable in her presence than in that of Mrs. Levi more certain of his own identity. To Elsa, he would
:

never venture to speak of his vision of the universe

156

THE GREY WORLD

seriously,

he sometimes thought that she did not take him

quite

she

baffled

and distressed him,

net.

though he could not escape her

shared his outlook, disputed

Stephen,

who

its

interpretation at

every turn.
intelligent

Willie

now

desired a friend at once

to

and subservient,

whom

he could point

out the hollowness of the scenery which they had

learnt to call actual
;

the ridiculous seriousness of

the society of men, gravely concerned with details

of station

respite

and appearance on between two deaths.

its little

moment

of

could be taught to share his

Such a companion moods, respect his

knowledge
ness of
life

would help, not hinder, the real busithe journey of his soul toward truth.
His dignity would be safe

Mildred could be trusted to understand enough,

but not too much.

with her
at him.
:

he was sure that she would never laugh

restless spirits
'

drew toward one another one craving for a wider, the other for a more peopled world. In each, the dominant motive was an
egoism.
Willie desired that

So two

the grey infinity in

least

which he existed should contain at

being by

one other

whom

he was admired and understood.

Mildred saw Willie as a person from the outer world,

who had stepped into the narrow circle which hemmed her in and clung to his hand in the hope
:

that he would drag her beyond

its

boundaries into

an ideally interesting society where her work would be appreciated, her intellectual longings fed, and

WILLIE TRIES A SHORT CUT

she could

157

come

to the

growth which lack

of nourish-

ment now denied her. But whilst Willie the dreamer saw no need to exchange these silent fancies for the awkward paraphrase of speech, Mildred became anxious and
insecure.
intuition,

She believed herself to be possessed of but was actually unable to assure herself

any but concrete facts. She wanted a sign from Her imaginathis elusive and desired companion. it beguiled, but did not tion was only skin-deep
of
;

convince her.

The word came but, being long awaited, did not They were walking together to the tram after a day spent in dreary forwarding. Willie's performance had not pleased Mr. Carter, who had
;

satisfy.

expressed his opinion with unusual tartness.

'

It's

extraordinary
'e

how

slip-slop a

young chap

gets once

starts

on

courtin','

he had said.

This speech had been very distasteful to Willie,

and an occasion
'

of confusion to Mildred.
:

He

said

very coldly to Carter

I

think

shall

go

now

to-day.

I'm waiting for

any more the green morocco to cover

;

can't do

those books.'

But before he could

'Ah,
it's

get

out of ear-shot,

Mr.

Carter's sarcastic gloss reached him.

somethin' softer than morocco that's

hinderin' you, Mr.

Hopkinson

!'

he said.

As he walked down Titian Road toward the High Street with Mildred by his side, Willie felt upset,

158
depressed,

THE GREY WORLD

and
lonely.

tion to be imperative.

He knew some He glanced at

explanaher
:

she

was looking

and holding her skirt with one badly-gloved hand. A sudden shyness had him by the throat. It choked him. He
straight before her,

could not speak to her.

But presently an omnibus passed close to the It was a day of liquid mud he was obliged hastily to draw back from the ensuing splashes. In doing so, he touched Mildred's arm, and at once felt more at his ease. I want your I am lonely he said abruptly. friendship We are in sympathy, I know. But I am not there are things that I must tell you.
curb.
:

'

!'

'

quite like other people.'

I always saw that.' She ceased on the expectant note, and Willie knew that his next words must be definite.

'Of course,' answered Mildred,

'

'

Yes,' he said,

'

am

'

He stopped. how to go on.

mortal
spirit,'

It

was absurd, but he did not know

could not say,
'

He

am

an im-

and

his condition as yet lacked other

:

substantive.
'

a little, and then added two worlds.' The phrase came to Mildred as a spark in darkI live

He thought

in

ness.

It startled,

but did not illuminate.

She did
of

not perceive that this was their

moment

com-

munion
tory
'

she was a person

who needed
Book

explana-

titles to

the chapters of her

!'

of Life.

How

interesting

she said.

CHAPTER XIV
BUT THE ROAD BECOMES MUDDY
'

How
If
it

could he see what is hid were not so, the lover ? How could he say, " She alone and no other"

Maya,

illusion

!'

Alice Herbert.

Mr. Willie Hopkinson did not again

confidence to Miss Brent
:

offer

his

his desire for

sympathy

was held

in

check by a wholesome fear of appearing

ridiculous.

He

established her, very suitably, in

spirit,

the suburbs of his

a

where she soon assumed

commanding

position.

tions to

unwelcome complicaEach step of his road was now disputed by the varied powers within him by a restless, poetic imagination, as yet scarcely conscious of itself; by a confused and unhappy soul fearful of all entanglements by a body which age was ripening for assertion. Stephen's influence, which he distrusted but could not escape, urged love upon him as the sacrament of a spiritual reality. The unromantically robust
factors were bringing
his

New

view

of the universe.

i59

160
Pauline,
still

THE GREY WORLD

unconscious of her conquest, main-

tained her inexplicable ascendancy over Mr. Miller's

heart
;

and

Willie

was compelled

to unwiiling atten-

tion whilst Stephen described his sister's merits,

and laid bare to him the very human transports which he mistook for illumination of the soul. Stephen had a way of calling to spend the
evening with Mr. Willie Hopkinson, thus placing himself, as he said, in Pauline's aura if not in her
presence.

As a matter of fact, like many tactful people, she did the wrong thing in a spirit of pure kindliness, and made a point of leaving the two
youths together in the dining-room whilst she retired
It to do needlework in another part of the house. was then that Willie's acid comments on Stephen's ardours would lure his friend on to explanation and defence. Can't you understand ?' he said one day when the controversy had been specially embittered. It seems so odd, because you never lost the light you have intuitions which ought to help. You're a mystic if you are anything, and yet you deny Love; and Love's the only mysticism that's any use.'
'
'

'

Perhaps

so,

when two
!'

souls are created for each

other.
'

But Pauline
Pauline
;

You

don't think, do you

?'

said Stephen,

'

when

I idealize

when

make her
;

the whole type

me of woman in the world that I imagine my own words to be actual and literal think her other than a human girl ?'
for


THE ROAD BECOMES MUDDY
'

161

No,' replied Willie

'
;

but you

will before

you've

done.'
'

shan't.
is

shall

always know that

that she

it

is

just

because she

my

girl

means
in a

so

much.

Every man must

perhaps every

find his

Madonna

woman

woman may

find her Christ once in a

man.
self to

Can't you see that there's a sort of perfection,

?

a nobility, in loving the imperfect

In giving your-

something that can't really help you, that

itself

can only give

'

to

you
'

?'

No,' said Willie,

can't see

it.

It's a

chain,

tie to earth.'
'

No,

it's

way through
love,

really

an escape.

The

power

of

your
is

you

see, is

not exhausted by the

earth-object, because

that's partly illusion.

:

and goes on far beyond the end, perhaps, it finds the True Beauty,'
the love
real,

But and in

His

known

taste for literature obliged

to speak like a book.

He

Stephen stopped now, feeling

little

rather tired,

and began

carefully stroking Pauline's

black Persian, which, feeling equal to a

versation,

consat

had jumped upon

the

his knee,

and now

purring

with

assured

condescension

obliging archangel.

Bertie Anthracite

of an Hopkinson

was a cat

of intelligence
first

and charm.

His names,

emblematic
further

of softness, secondly of blackness,

thirdly of his position as a son of the house, excluded

description.
all

Stephen,

so

alert

in

his

sympathies toward
vated
a

that was alive,

had
ii

culti-

mesmeric

touch

which

made

Bertie

162

THE GREY WORLD

They held long conversawhich
irritated Willie as

Anthracite his friend.

tions,

much

as they pleased

his sister;

and went through

dignified

games

together with a footstool

Miller

and ceremonial and a ball of string.

in

This attitude of Mr.

attitude
at

the house

once

amorous and homely

an stirred
It

dormant

forces in Willie's subconscious

self.

introduced into his attitude towards Mildred an

element which he did not in his cooler hours desire.

Stephen's exalted phrases stood like stained glass

between him and the world. They affected his outlook, and at times he dreamed that an ideal love
might indeed be the Graal
of his quest.

Mildred's
;

ardent mind and clever fingers pleased him

he

imagined her always beside him, sharing

his discoveries, his success.

his fears,

He

played with

it.

had charm. Then a sense of the Grey

idea

The

Dimension rushed back. He dreaded the chain of and came hastily to his old earthly interests attitude of determined detachment. But he could no longer look on Miss Brent as a Person rather than a Girl. His environment warred against this happy neutrality, and steadily
;

pressed frank comradeship into more sordid paths.

Mr. Carter, to Willie's disgust,

of the situation for granted.

still

took the issue

his pupil's

He watched
by
the light

progress with a benevolent smile, and

persistent
of

presentation
courtship,

of

Mildred in

dimmed

the idea of

normal Platonic love which

Willie struggled to keep in mind.

THE ROAD BECOMES MUDDY

'

163

You might do

worse, Mr. Hopkinson,' he said.

I

'

Miss Brent, she has ideas as

design and such
;

don't altogether 'old

b}' as to

but she's a rare 'and at

the sewin' press, which

in the future,

is

what

you'll find useful

and

I'll

allow

'er toolin's

very

nice.'

In Mildred's presence, however, Willie retained

his

remote,

therefore

interesting,
;

attitude.

His

attentions

were meaningless

he seemed content

to drift without thought in the delicious tides which

ebb and flow between friendship and passion. Young Hopkinson doesn't seem much inclined
'

come to the point,' more sweet-tempered was concentrated on

to

said Janet
since
herself,

she had become

Mr.

Tiddy's

interest

and

pitied Mildred's

equivocal position.
'

What

a vulgar idea

'

Can't you realize

?

answered Mildred coldly. that friendship is possible without

!'

flirtation

Between cultivated people, sympathy

After
is

is quite sufficient.'

She was happy.

if it

be unexpected,

all, a slight improvement, enough to turn Earth into

Heaven. She liked to think that her friendship was an intellectual one, and had nothing in common with an ordinary entanglement. It meant much
that she should be preferred before Janet, whose
fascinating
plexion.

was enhanced by a good comself-control did not annoy herHe appreciated her, and she him. He lived in town, and brought the air of a larger world to the workshop. She, coming every day from her cheap
hair
Willie's

11

164

THE GREY WORLD

and hideous home on the edge of a newly-developed Much building estate, envied and admired him. of Elsa's philosophy was now repeated for Mildred's benefit, and increased her respect for Willie's
cultivated mind.

There came a morning, however, when a welldefined feeling of discomfort

was noticeable
of

in the

had was known, vaguely but universally, that Mr. Tiddy and Miss Vivien had been carrying on.' The fall of Propriety is generally more sudden than elegant. Janet's descent amused even Mr. Carter, A less virtuous, more experia Puritan at heart. enced maiden might have repelled Mr. Tiddy's onslaught with success but she had allowed him to
bindery.
Its

happy atmosphere

security

gone, and the air was

full of fretfulness.

It

'

kiss her

behind the door of the dressing-room, not

for her within.

knowing that her mother was waiting

Now
week.
of

Miss Vivien applied gold-leaf to her book;

cover with a trembling hand

the

she was leaving next

And Bertram Tiddy, at the workshop, made end-papers

opposite end

with

sullen

energy.

Both were suffering from and beside this the decline from

loss of dignity,

virtue

seemed

insignificant.

Willie Hopkinson,

These events reacted on Miss Brent and Mr. and caused them to realize their
Mildred,

sex with some acuteness.

receptive than perceptive,

who was more

suddenly
felt

and found every passing

grief,

emotion an amusement or a

THE ROAD BECOMES MUDDY

it

165

as an injury that Willie

showed no

disposition

towards
kissed.

inconvenient

passions.

superiority of ideal affections,

It

She forgot the and longed to be

in
little of

was a demonstration
of

the

psychology
fortable,

the

crowd.

Willie

was

uncom-

depressed.

He

could

not

understand

an irritating condition. He had felt uneasy lately when away from Mildred, yet dissatisfied when he was with her; and his mind,
himself
;

which despised
his

this weakness, could not control

his

it.

For some weeks,

mother,

bad appetite had alarmed

afraid that the gas stoves

who was

used for heating the workshop dried the air too much, and lowered his vitality. The only remedy
for this, she

knew, was good food

of

and, with a wellconfectioner,

founded distrust
supplied

the

local

she

made

cake,

him with lunches of meat-pie and homeand a patent medicated cocoa which
liver.

nourished the brain without upsetting the

At one o'clock Mr. Carter

Splendour for a cut
and-half,
off

retired to the

Sun

in

the joint and a pint of half-

and Mr. Tiddy and Miss Vivien vanished Then towards secret places where they fed. Mildred, who took her poor lunch of buns and apples at the bindery, did illicit cookery upon the finishing stove, and shared Willie's cocoa in a spirit of pure
comradeship.
Art,

These

picnics,

when

they

sat

together on the table and talked of Literature and

delightful.

had developed a familiarity both innocent and Once or twice he had called her his

166
little sister,

THE GREY WORLD

and she had pretended to like it. It made Mrs. Hopkinson very happy to find that her
through
this

son got

quarter-pound

tin

of

cocoa

every week.

day they were nervous, shy of each which neither desired an introduction had been forced upon them. Mildred's manner was slightly frosty there was an unusual formality in Willie's phrases. It was a grey day in February he was miserable. Weather affected his outlook, and he felt earth-bound and hopeless. It seemed that their happy friendship was in danger, and he suddenly realized all that it had meant to
other.

But on

possibility to

him.
Aren't you happy ?' said Mildred abruptly. He had only eaten half a mutton-pie and one piece of
'

cake.
'

No,' he said.

'

Anything wrong
is

?'

'

Nothing's wrong,
so

but I'm wretched.

Everyinto the

thing

medium.
truth,

When

try

and look

future, I see such a foolish, meaningless

of

life

ahead

me no
I
'

no sincerity

everything sordid,

earthy.
I

dread
if

it.'

had your life to live, I should be happy. You have clever friends, you're in the movement, you can develop your powers. You haven't got to be always thinking about what sort of work pays best. Suppose you had to live down here, with nothing beautiful to see, no cultivated
think,
I

THE ROAD BECOMES MUDDY

people to talk
to,
?'
'

167

no one to understand you, no

hope
'

of escape

If I did,' said Willie,

where would be the

differ-

ence

? Only in externals, after all. You think I have more chance of finding myself than you have, a better environment, more freedom. I haven't really. We're both struggling in chains, you and

silly,

soft chains

we

can't break.

My
if

existence

is

quite as ugty, quite as dead as yours,

you only

knew

it. I sometimes wonder whether there are any real existences, any real meanings in life. I muddle along through a world of spectral nothings, and never leave them behind. I'm lost in them, they shut the light out, and yet they're unreal.'
'

Oh, but I've often

is

felt

that too

that
It's

feeling

that one

missing the real things.

only in

dreams

come near them perhaps it's in dreams But it's horrible when one thinks that I live best. one has only one life, and it's going going all the
I

time.'

passionate discontent shook in her voice.

It

did not occur to Willie that her idea of reality and

of life

might not correspond with

;

his

own.

She

was

dissatisfied

she desired the real things.

He

looked at her with new interest, a kindness from

which condescension had gone.

'Oh, do you
lonely
all

feel

that
I

?'

he said.

'

I've been

my

life

because
I

could never find anyone

it.

who
I

felt

just as

did about

All the people

live with are so

busy with the detail of existence,

1 68

THE GREY WORLD

it

that

never occurs to them to look at

its

shape

as a whole.'

His tone was sincere, agitated

It

a subtle flattery.

roused the

woman

in Mildred to the

of the artist,
fatal

utterance.

and prompted her At heart an

to

wounding an effective and

she could

actress,

not bear to miss her cue.

'

I've

always been lonely

too,'

she

answered.

'

No

one has really understood me, because

my

outside doesn't

match

my

soul.
I

It's

horrid to look

ordinary and not to be

it.

seem to have been

waiting and waiting, for the person

who

could help

me

to live

my own

life.'

A
upon

sudden vision
Willie's

of

completed existence flashed

inner eye.

For one happy instant

he thought of Mildred as a soul which shared his

restlessness

near to her

and his hopes. He was standing very and now he saw her radiant, trans;

formed, the focus of his inarticulate craving.

He

took one step nearer.

It

seemed to Mildred

that he was staring at her with a curious intensity.

saw nothing but a coloured blur before him. Then the connection between mind and action snapped. He became an automaton in the hands of a strong emotion, and words came to him so quickly that he could not arrange them in order, as he might have done in a quieter hour. Oh, don't wait !' he said. I want you I want you What does it matter about dreams of the future ? That's nothing. I'm here, and you're
Really, he
' ' !
!


THE ROAD BECOMES MUDDY
here,
all

169
That's
live.

and we can't do without one another. that matters. Dearest I'll make you
!

know you understand me. meaning of it all if we look

We

shall

find

the

together.

The heart

speaks sometimes, and then one knows the truth.'

He

took her in his arms and kissed her

a timid,

inexperienced kiss.
rather
thing,

mean

ideals,

But Mildred, in spite of her was essentially virginal. The

of

coming with the violence

her.

an accident,
emotions.

appalled

She

hated

crude

natural horror crossed her triumph, and she drew

away from him.

'

Oh, what's happened

?'

she said.

There was

pain as well as amazement in her voice.

Willie could not answer her. The hot phrases which he had so suddenly let loose had lowered his temperature in their passage. He felt, comparatively, cold.

Astonished reflection trod close on

of

the

heels

impulse

he

had

strongly

the

mysterious sense of being a stranger to his

actions
;

own
that

of

standing

aside

and watching

ingenious machine, his body, perform a series of

evolutions in whose direction he had no share.

In a

mood

of entire

detachment, he looked on,

amused,

critical,

almost interested.

He began

to

wonder what strange being had spoken by his lips. He noticed that his body was curiously excited by the attitude it had taken up. Its pulses raced, it
trembled helplessly,
its

agitations almost disgusted

him

he,

the spiritual Willie Hopkinson,

who had

170

THE GREY WORLD

thought to find something very different from this

in love.

have won her

associate

He wanted Mildred he was pleased to for now she was passive in his arms, and he knew that she was won he could not dis:

himself

altogether

from
Is

his

sex.

But
this

he was secretly troubled and disappointed by the

quality
all
?'

of

his

emotion.
soul
in

'

this

all

Is

the

feverish

him

cried out, whilst

some

other

and

irresistible

impulse

drew

his

trembling lips to Mildred's cool and steady ones,

and found him the caressing words which the

tion obviously required.

situa-

And
'

Mildred, the idealist, had only one coherent

thought.

How

awfully astonished Janet will be

!'

she

said to herself.

At the end of an afternoon spent in simulating an elaborate unconcern, Miss Brent and Mr. Hopkinson parted with such emotional display as the
publicity
of

Titian

Road

allowed.

Each,

for

different reasons,

was anxious to be very modern and collected. But they could not help feeling agitated, even upset, by what had occurred.
Mildred, always verbally cynical in matters relat-

came from her first encounter with it surprised and rather sad. Her official views had been unconsciously modified by the softer imagiing to love,

nations
invited

of

her

favourite

novelists.

These

now

comparison and the vivid tints

with

of the ideal

immediate experience, brought out the

THE ROAD BECOMES MUDDY

greyer tones of the fact.
at

171

the

first

touch.
feel

The heart seldom wakes Mildred's had only stirred

drowsy disappointment
in

sufficiently
its

to

own

sensations.

founded on light

Hers was that spurious love fiction, which debases the currency.

The thorough
branches of

training she had received in all Ornamental Design made her capable,
artistic

however, of appreciating the

of

possibilities

the situation.

She

felt

that Willie's proposal

should have been arranged with due regard to the

He was the most abnormal young man she had ever met. He affected her like a Voysey wall-paper, and this alone proved how suitable he was to become the background of her life. But his wooing, coming as the last term comof an intellectual friendship, should have Wuthering bined the emotional atmosphere of
laws of composition.
'

Heights
march.'

'

with the spiritual platitudes of

Mildred

'

Middle-

was very well read. Willie's hurried onslaught had been on a different level from the passionate epigrams of her dreams. It was breathless and ungrammatical its phrases
;

were objectionably homely.

lacked the lyrical impulse.

She decided that it Considering the matter

herself with

on her way home, she told

bitterness

growing

was not satisfied. She had been too hasty. The whole incident now struck her as tame and its memory annoyed her the more when she remembered that for a moment it had
that she
:

contrived to

make

her lose her self-control.

172

THE GREY WORLD

She wondered now what blind impulse had forced

her to return Willie's nervous kisses, and could

no answer to the question. She felt hot with shame as she thought of the wild moments when she had trembled in his arms and their sudden,
find

inelegant separation
in the corridor.

when they heard

Carter's step

He had

entered with a specially

benevolent grin, and had gone promptly to work

cutting the edges of a large atlas, leaving

together at
suspected.
accessories
it

them the finishing bench. Probably he had A sudden loathing of love and its vulgar
her.
It

overcame
like

was very

bookbinding
;

seemed to her that full of poetic charm

when seen from outside who chose to investigate

sticky,

but

made

up, for those

its

technique, of ordinary,

even unpleasant materials.

just as she reached

But

relieved her burning eyes,

of her firm thin lips.

home, a sense of comfort and softened the curve She was Engaged and only
;

an emancipated

woman

can savour the

full

joy of

that astounding knowledge.

The homeward soliloquy of Mr. Willie Hopkinson was not much more cheerful than that of Miss Brent. He too had suffered a certain disillusion, though the more romantic disposition of the amorous male kept him from the depths of his fiancee's cynicism. It had seemed to him in the moment before he kissed Mildred that a great light was about to break upon his life that its local colour was going to be of an
;

indefinite

golden

tint,

instead of the disagreeable


THE ROAD BECOMES MUDDY
brown
of

173

the

past.

the longing for an

unknown beauty
tell

More than mere passion had driven

him

to love.

He

could not

himself that these

experi-

hopes had been

artistic

fulfilled.

The afternoon's
:

ences toned in with the rest of his existence in an

but depressing manner

a

he would have

preferred

more violent
still

contrast.

Grey World
taste

and brown earth were

light refused to in

with him, but the golden

come.

Willie

had a pretty

metaphor.

He

told himself as he strolled

fit

away
had

that he had thought to

a key to the lock which

it

shut him from a Burne-Jones country, and

only opened upon a Dutch interior after enthusiasm.

all.

The engagement caused some stir, but little Mr. Hopkinson said that it was inWillie was only one-and-twenty, fernal nonsense. and juvenile marriages were bad for the race. Mrs. Hopkinson only hoped that Mildred was a thoroughly nice girl but her inflection was sceptical. Fiction and France together have contrived to discredit the art-student, and Willie's friends were
;

usually peculiar.

But Mrs. Levi,

'

at

whose

altar he
it

had

so long

offered a romantic incense, felt

I

as a personal grief.
'

had hoped,' she remarked to her husband, that he would have too much sensibility for this. Love but only when is the most beautiful of the passions it has no ulterior object can it really minister to
:

the higher

life.'

She reflected on the superior habits

of the

Middle

174
Ages,

THE GREY WORLD

when young men were content
'

to worship at the
of reward.

feet of
'

married beauty without any hope

life

In those days,' she said,

I

was

really beautiful.

An engagement,

think,

is

almost indelicate.'

She had some justification for annoyance. had been the first hand extended to help
to

Hers
Willie

escape

the

stagnation

of
of

family

life.

Now,

with the callous ingratitude

intelligent youth,

he
his

left

her on one side and deliberately framed

career.

own

She had taught him too

well.

He had

learnt to appreciate

women, and

desired

to possess one.

He

told her all about

Mildred,

sitting at her feet in the old confiding

way, and

holding her hand.

He
love.

described her with some

rapture, for he wished to assure himself that he

was very much

in

Elsa

felt

that she

was

being treated as a favourite aunt.

Yet she still busied herself with his well-being, and appeared interested in the engagement. She
even allowed him to bring Mildred to tea with her

endured her accent, her awkward manners, and

her pretentious sestheticism
;

and

told
girl.

Mrs.

kinson that she seemed a sensible

HopShe was

absurdly kind-hearted for so handsome a

it

woman

seemed unnecessary, and Willie did not really appreciate it. But in matters of sentiment Mrs. Levi was an expert diplomatist. She had early divined
the true state of his emotions
the connection might not
;

and, believing in the

value of contrast, she hoped that the advantages of

all

be on Mildred's

side.

CHAPTER XV
A

WAYSIDE SHRINE
'

Now

soone from sleepe,

;

A
And
But

Starre shall leap

soon arrive both King and Hinde.

Amen, Amen

the Place co'd

but finde
L.
I.

!'

Guiney.

It was no impulse of inquisitive piety which drove

Willie to enter the church of Our Lady of Pity. He had a love for London, his true mother, greater than that which he found for any human being. Child, first of her slums, and secondly of her suburbs, she held him tenderly but relentlessly in her great, grimy,

yet strangely poetic hand.

He found
is

in her streets

the mystical place-spirit which

to enter her houses
;

seldom permitted
Seeing her

and

it

fed his soul.

as a

dream-town

set over against the city that

felt

has

foundations, he
herself so to be.

that in her entity she

knew

Now
Mildred,

that his working hours were linked with

and

so robbed of the quiet inward happi-

ness they had possessed, an old^craving for solitude

175

176

THE GREY WORLD

Miss Brent retained her power
senses,

returned to him.

over his

and compelled a
he

lover-like de-

meanour which

found

wearisome,

and

she

lacking in enthusiasm.

This killed the

peculiar

fascination of the workshop, for the religion of labour

is

austere, cloistral
it

it

may

tolerate a high passion,

but

hates an entanglement.

That gate was shut

he was driven to look for some other resting-place.

Holiday afternoons, therefore, he spent alone

when he could
discovered that

on the pavements, or
a
bit

in

museums

looking at beautiful things which pleased him.

of

He

Limoges enamel, or a casket of old French ivory, may be the best of companions to those who can concentrate their attenEducation now tion and hear its thin faded voice. helped him to appreciate exquisite handiwork and the immortality of works of art, which, once created, outlive their fragile makers and take their place amongst eternal things, struck his imagination.
;

On

one such day, when suggestions of blue in the

in the

sky and a dancing breeze

of doors,

west kept him out

a

he

first

noticed, in a wide street of ostenveiling

tatious

shop-fronts

squalid tenements,

dark passage between the dingy houses. It was not a thoroughfare a swing-door under an arch
;

closed

its
;

farther end.

Willie

had

a curiosity for

doors

the never-extinguished hope of the adven-

turous that they

discovery.
interested

may

hide something worthy of

This one seemed oddly placed.

He was
Then he

walked

down

the

passage.

A WAYSIDE SHRINE

177

saw that it was a church door, and paused. Churches had never attracted him. But at that moment it opened, and a young man came out. He had a clever face, the thin, nervous hands of an artist, ardent eyes which shone with grave rapture, as of one who has been about a happy business. Willie had not imagined it possible that
should enter a church on a week-day. He was greatly astonished. Almost mechanically, he caught the door as it swung to, and went in. It was a large church, with wide aisles, a high

men

vault, transepts

but being ignorant of architecits

ture he

was not impressed by

plan.

The

first

thing that he noticed was a faint aromatic smelJ

which soothed his senses. He was nervous, not knowing the meaning of the things he saw, or what
his

own

right of admittance

so that his percepfelt

tions were rather exalted,

and he

that there were

real

mysteries very near.

elusive,

An

influence,

though

imposed quietness and respect.

no mark on
of
his spirit,

He had
clue

been of course in Protestant churches, but they

had
of a

left

and gave him no

to this experience

to the hush, the awe, the weight

The
still,

new form

life.

idea of a religious build-

ing as provocative of emotion

The place was

existence, that
it

so

so remote

was strange to him. from ordinary

fifty

seemed incredible that

yards

away newsboys were

offering the latest details of

full of

the Bootle Horror, and omnibuses

cheerful

persons were hurrying eastwards to matinees and

12

178
exhibitions.

THE GREY WORLD

He
dim
hall,

did not know what to make of and these quiet people who passed this him. He had been accustomed to live with the but here his want of compresense of aloofness inferiority, not detachment. He hension came from had suddenly come upon a new country. He remembered old stories of people who had found an open door, and walked through it into fairyland and realized that the door which shut silently behind him had cut him off as a prison gate might
; ;

have done from

his daily world.

the long aisles. They were by coloured windows in the Far away, he saw lights burning, and south. It all seemed to him persons who knelt by them. profoundly unnatural. He felt as if he had pene-

He

looked

down

misty,

half lighted

trated to the

home

of a race of beings not entirely

human an unsuspected world within the world. A woman passed by him. In the street, he would have known her for a very ordinary, well-behaving
person,

not to be suspected of vivid emotions.

;

Here she was remote, magical

strong love of the she
initiate.

caught up by the
her as

He watched

made

the sign of the Cross, and knelt very

simply and without shame before an altar. It seemed to him that she stayed there a long time he dared not move, because of the tension of her
:

attitude.

Presently she kissed the feet of a statue

that stood there, and

came away.

Her

face as she

passed Willie was serious but very contented.

No


A WAYSIDE SHRINE
take a hansom or the omnibus and go
her real
life

179

doubt she wo aid go out into the foggy sunshine and

had been

in the

home but moment when she kissed

:

the image with a convinced sincerity which did not

belong to Suburbia and

its

gods.

It

was evident

that great matters happened in this building.

He had wandered now

sept.

as far as the northern tran-

The

little

chapel which opened from

Its altar

empty
S.

of worshippers.

was had a plainer look

it

than others which he had passed

the

shrines of

Joseph and

gifts.

Anthony, crowded with votive Willie looked up, and his eye was caught by
S.

a mysterious invocation
letters

words, written
'

in tall gold
!

above the altar

its

Veni, Creator Spiritus

relation to the

He

did not recognise

English hymn, the clumsily-phrased

Ghost.'
It

commonplace Come, Holy

seemed a strange, majestic utterance. He felt the full weight of its tremendous appeal. Veni, Creator Spiritus ! this, after all, was what

he had been asking

questions
to gain

all his life.

People, then,

came
above
living

to this place to find an answer to his

;

own tormenting
interest,

an attitude, an
life.

the petty illusions of visible

in

They were

an air he could not breathe, amongst realities which he could not apprehend. He looked back down the aisles. Everyone else was kneeling.
Willie,

Evidently,

it

was

right to do this.

naturally aesthetic, valued ceremonial and

symbol.
it is

He

also knelt.

He

disliked the sensation

not easy for an Englishman to kneel in a public

12

180
place.

THE GREY WORLD

He
felt sure,
;

as he bent his knees, that he

felt

being observed
foolish.

and

hot,

was ashamed, desperately

But with the deliberate humility, there came He felt a. power near him a a new sense of peace. purifying as the Angel's wing which touch, new and fanned Dante's forehead on the mount. I think that he was purged of the sin of pride in that moment. He rose with a knowledge of his ignorance such aware that he, the as he had never yet possessed unworldly person whose unique perceptions showed
;
:

him the blindness of his neighbours, the hollowness of life, was himself without understanding, blind and speechless, when ushered suddenly into the
presence of one of the spiritual secrets of the world.

But he divined the beauty which he could not comAs it quieted him, gave him new hope. to passage squalid the grey he went out, and down the street, he passed a little shop- window where
prehend
:

statues

and

rosaries

were for

sale.

There were

some books, too. The Garden of the Soul.' of them Why, that is what this place should be

He

noticed the

name upon one

called
!'

'

'

he

said.

He came back
of the

to the church again

and again

fascinated, puzzled, always without comprehension

charm which drew him there. Once he heard It was a High Mass sung, and was disappointed.
it

ornate, dazzling, but

did not impress.

of devotion,

He

loved
place

best the quiet

moments

when the

was

home, not a court.

When

love outweighed

A WAYSIDE SHRINE
ceremonial respect, and showed
simplicity, tears
his
itself in

181

a familiar
for

came

to his eyes,

and sorrow

dumbness

to his heart.

He knew

then that a

beautiful reality

wrapped him round and helped

him

that this place, where invocation of the In-

visible

never ceased, had an existence in Eternity

not granted to the hurrying City streets.

But the
;

music and the incense were no part of that vision they confused the image and frightened it away.

curious change

quaint access of piety.

books read
spirit

in

was worked in Willie by this He came back now to the past, and found in himself a new
Phrases long familiar raised

of evocation.
veils

unsuspected
their eyes,

and permitted him to look into and there read messages and prophecy.
friends, loved for their verbal magic,

These were old

now

understood.

From

a prayer for admittance at

another gate, he turned to find this door held open.

But Mildred had no share in his new radiance. Her eccentricity, cool, well-balanced, deliberately fostered, was at the opposite pole of idealism from Willie's dim intuition of beauty and holiness. The sun which lit his newly discovered country plunged her into a winter of shade. Caught up by the grave
fascination of the sanctuary, he thought contemptu-

ously of Stephen's remarks on the spiritual nature

and wondered what would be left of his passion for Mildred when once he had thrown off Already, he felt a change in the shackles of sense.
of love,

the quality of his affection

when she put

off

her

182

THE GREY WORLD

all

working overall and came to meet him in

fatiguing
fluffiness

the

trimmed
rade,

hat.

It

and homewas the fellow- worker, the comof

dressy

blouse

that he loved

not the flesh-and-blood

kiss.

girl

whom custom
He

compelled him to

realized that his old state of isolation

had been
lost it.

very dear to him, and that

the

now he had

Stephen had made a fatal mistake.

This was not

Companion who would lead him up the hill. He must climb that path alone and Mildred, in the valley, would always be a drag upon his steps. Divergent ideals soon became apparent. He told her of his religious intuitions, and she was vexed. Catholicism was fashionable, but had many inconveniences. She wondered how many more fads Willie would develop. As persons professionally connected with wall-papers end by decking their own rooms in whitewash, so Mildred's association
;

with Willie induced in her a love of normal things.

Engagement necessarily involved some readjustment of her point of view. Originality in a friend is often eccentricity in a husband. She was determined to manage Willie she wished him to get on. There was in Mildred that strain of meanness which
:

often goes with a sharp, shallow intelligence.

She

could sacrifice nothing of her hopes,

Willie's love

nor weigh

and happiness against her own rebel, lious ambitions. Love, pleasant as an entree, could never form the staple of her life. But when she attacked him for his dreamy out-

A WAYSIDE SHRINE
look,

183

she

met an obstinacy which she did not

want you to do, Willie, dear,' she said, more reasonable view of things. You much better if you treat things as if they
I
if

expect.
'

What

'

is

to take a

get on so

were important, even

that isn't
difficult.'
!

they're not.

And

surely

'Oh, of course not

Nothing's easier.

Alle

you

want
tion
;

is

that

should banish

my

sense of propor-

and

after all
life.

very early in

most people manage to do that Anything can be profoundly

is

important so long as one

else.

careful to look at nothing

But once glance

of

at the stars, once

open the

books
*

the mystics, and the

game

is

up

the
the

panorama can never deceive us

Yes, well.
to get on.'
!

again.'
it isn't

That's

all

very well, but

way
'

Get on

Who

wants to get on
?

W hat does
T

it

matter about succeeding here

that counts.'
1

It's

the afterwards

Oh,

never could get up any interest in

?

religion.'

'

Religion

It isn't religion

it's reality.

What-

ever you believe or don't believe,

snippet of existence
;

life's

only a tiny

and

it's

not worth counting

against the afterwards.'

'

Well, you
I'd rather
all

may

think that, but you don't

know

it.

make

the most of what I've got, not

invest
'

my

capital in a dream.'
'
;

See here, Mildred,' said Willie abruptly

I

un-

fortunately for me,

do know

it.

You always say

184

THE GREY WORLD

you understand me, but I see now that it was only a fancy of your own that you understood. You bathe your mind in a froth of mysticism because it amuses you and makes you feel clever, but you don't believe in it one bit. I don't have to believe it. because I know. It isn't a case of intuition or anything like that, it's a case of what has happened. I wasn't always Willie Hopkinson. I lived once
a street boy in the slums.
years old then, and
I

died once.

was ten

my view of life was rather like But I passed over into the horrible country where the Dead, who made the most of life, as you
yours.

wish to do,

live for ever in

empty

loneliness

because
I'll

they took with them out of this existence nothing

that could subsist

when

the body had died.

I

not

saw the world you and I live in now, as the shadow and the dream it really is yet I longed to get back into touch with it back to the old pretences, the colour and light. It's not much, but it's all you have to hope for if you chain your ideals to earth-interests and earthbut I've never lost that I've got back success. knowledge. The Grey World is with me all the who time, and the voices of the miserable dead
risk that Hell again.
: :

spent

all their

energies, all their opportunities, for

'

the sake of a few years of " getting on."

Mildred shivered.
'

Oh,

don't
is

be so horrible

!'

she

said.

'

Your

imagination
'

positively morbid.'

People with a sense of proportion

sense of

A WAYSIDE SHRINE

185

thing similar at one time or another.'

'

background generally are morbid. Most prophets and truth-tellers have been called that or some-

And
as

quite

right
call

too.

Prophets

and

truth-

tellers,

you
!'

them, are usually only dreamers

stand for
'

who
'

let their little fancies

facts.'
:

Some are but the real One or two have seen truth, and those who know can recognise that element in their vision, however they may wrap
Oh, no
said Willie.

thing isn't to be mistaken.

it

up.

Of course, the ordinary human creeping

looks at the sky,

thing

who never

everything above his

I've
of

bound to think own head a morbid fancy.

is

no doubt that

if

a blackbeetle ever conceived

all

human

beings as they really are,

the other

blackbeetles would lock

him

up. as a sufferer from

dangerous delusions.'
'

Perhaps you'll mention some others who had

this
'

knowledge that you boast

of

?'

Well, look at the mystics, for instance.

Look

at Plotinus, Blake, Swedenborg, the Indian philo-

sophers

contemplatives
Look
is

all

over the world

who

have looked beyond the shadow of earth and seen another Reality, some as a dim reflection, some as a
perfect truth.
all

at Dante, at the poets.

They
It's

speak a different language, but what they are

substantially the same.

trying to say
ineffable

an

news, not to
I've

be

put down

in

human

symbols.
I'll

only seen the dark side yet, but

find sunshine

and safety before

I die.'

186
'

THE GREY WORLD

It's ridiculous,' said

Mildred,

'

to bring in

Dante

and people
to

like that.

tried to invent

They were artists, poets who something beautiful. And it seems

at.'

me
'

that's

what you're aiming

life in

Poets see further than most people.

They don't

get the dust of daily

their eyes, as practical

persons do.

And

as for Dante,

you read him now,

and you

call
:

him a

fine

poet

he

has no actuality for

he lived too long ago. But suppose that any person came to you now, and said, " I I, who stand

have been over that frontier. I have passed out from this solid, ordinary, modern world, the
here,

world of comfortable mahogany-furnished diningrooms, and motor-cars, and milliners' shops

I

and have wandered with the Dead in another dimension, which is near you now, if you would only
believe
it.

And
?

my

knowledge."
is

have returned, holding fast by That has actuality, hasn't it ?

Dante's dream must have been
!'

That
'

real

And

as real as that to his neighbours.'

'

And a nice mess he made of his life No one who finds the Ideal as early
it all
'

as he did,

and holds
to

his
It's

life,

can have the inner misery,'

said Willie.

uncertainty, not knowing

what

aim
'

at, helpless

groping in dark places, which

brings that.'
It's all

a dream.'

'

You
it

said once,' answered Willie rather sadly,

'

that
'

was

in

dreams that you lived

best.'

Oh

yes, in the pretty airy ones that

made one


A WAYSIDE SHRINE
happy
187

not
I

in this.

You may be
?

right or not

how am made life

about
if
it,

to

know

If

you're

wrong, you've
It's

a horrible nightmare for nothing.

awful to have to think about death

not take
it

really

think

you're right,

and forget. And knowledge that we are you've got

for granted
?

not meant to have.'

But I can't help knowing.' I won't it, and I won't know have all my hopes and my ambitions poisoned, and made to seem not worth while. I've only one life as far as I know, and I claim it as a right to order it as I think best. You I can't live it on your lines.
'

Meant
Well,

to

have

'

can help

terrify

me.

don't think you're quite alive in the

human
'

sense of the word.'

'

Oh, Mildred,' replied Willie,

I

if

only you

knew

If

only

could

make you
?'

see

It

seems incredible

that you shouldn't believe me.

Can't you see that

I'm speaking the truth He went. towards her

passionate tenderness.

in a

sudden access of comgirl!'

'Oh, poor
dreadful

little

dim-eyed
!

he said, 'don't
Can't you

be lost in the shadows

?

Why

should the truth be

?

Can't you trust

?'

me

feel

the Invisible Things

But Mildred drew back from him. No, no don't kiss me !' she said quickly. From her tone, one might almost have thought that she was frightened.
'
!

CHAPTER XVI
DIFFICULT PATHS
'

The

singing of the office

was

like

a stream of water

Walter

crossing unexpectedly a dusty

way Mirabil ia

Testimoma

fun.'

Pater.

It was at this time that the heart of Miss Pauline

Hopkinson, long besieged, opened Stephen

could
able.
Miller.
It

its

gates to Mr.

was not to be expected that she

once so ardent and so unsuit-

resist a lover at

him because of was caught at last by his freshness and sincerity. To a person of her temperament, his courtship was full of surprises. The ecstasy with which he kissed her well-developed
first

At

disposed to despise

his friendship for her brother, she

fingers administered a shock to her theory of

life.

Even her fringe, waved twice daily and confined by a net, had its poetic element for him. In the intervals of playing hockey and making blouses, she
found herself thinking of this odd, intelligent boy. His dark face, his fervent anxious eyes, haunted

She was impressed by his writings. They were obscure, and seemed to her remarkable. Pauline was a wholesome English girl a goodher.

188

DIFFICULT PATHS
tempered,
she
self-reliant

189

animal

Stephen told her that

of

made him think of the Valkyrs and

Juno.

His

flaming imagination, turning from transcendental

things, fused sentiment
desire.

Finally, Pauline

and fancy in the crucible of was trapped in the meshes

the
first

of

his passion,

and

for

time in her

life

obsessed by an interest which was neither a game, a

fashion, nor a food.

As was

right in so

muscular and well-educated a

of her emotion.
.She

woman, she was ashamed

to wearing veils, lest

took

anyone should notice the new radiance of her smile. She walked in a delicious dream, and told herself hourly that she was an idiot. But the Hopkinson family, who found in this engagement an antidote to the annoyance of Willie's entanglement, saw other grounds than those of sentiment for hearty congratulation. Pauline was marrying well. She was a sensible girl, and had
sufficient savoir faire to

keep

this fact well in the

foreground.

It veiled

the unreasoning pride which

she

felt in

her vivid, picturesque, and

dreamy
her.

lover.

Mr.

Hopkinson, not suspecting his daughter's

secret aberration,

was pleased with

fool,

To him,

Stephen was a repulsive young

but he gave his

Mr. Miller's consent with astonishing cordiality. extreme youth was no impediment. The best of theories becomes untenable when opposed by an

advantageous
itself

fact.

The race had

to take care of

when an

alliance with Miller's Sapoline

was

in

question.

igo

THE GREY WORLD

One may pity Mr. Willie Hopkinson, hemmed in by lovers, yet in other than the Biblical sense

very sick of love.

of

Universally accepted as a
fellowship, he

member

that

happy

suffered, as only a

sensitive spirit can suffer in a distasteful environ-

ment.

In the midst of the confusion to which he

had now reduced his life, two spots alone remained where he might hope for peace. In the church of Our Lady of Pity his constant refuge his best, humblest, most hopeful self trimmed its lamp and

patiently

waited

for

the

day.

In

Mrs.

Levi's

drawing-room, where a flattering sympathy awaited

meaner personality plumed its ruffled and regained its self-esteem. His position was ridiculous. He should have lived with eyes wide opened on the ugly illusion which indifferent to its his fellow-men had made of life claims, its little vexations and silly excitements. He remembered the hour when he first saw that Heaven and Hell were equally near his grasp that all depended on the attitude his soul took up when he knew that wonderful worlds, more real than the
him,
his

feathers

dusty earth, were his

if

he could but see them.

The attitude his soul had taken up was compounded of fractiousness and despondency. He had done nothing with his knowledge and his chances. True, he had tried to open the eyes of two persons to the true meaning and real dangers of life but the experiment had scarcely been successful. One he had estranged, for Mildred's altered manner was
;

DIFFICULT PATHS
unmistakable

191
less as a

the other

he had kept, but

friend than as a prospective brother-in-law.

It was Mrs. Levi's peculiar merit that, knowing nothing of these things, she did not perceive the dis-

comforts and inconsistencies of his situation.

She
Miss

spoke pleasantly of Mildred at every opportunity,

admiring her

artistic taste,

her intelligence.

Brent had recently decorated Willie's sanctum with

a stencilled frieze of may-trees blown by the wind.
Mrs. Hopkinson thought that the design

made

the

room
'

feel

draughty, and had put up thick curtains

But Elsa admired it. the Such a beautiful symbolism,' she said blossom of life blown to your feet by the zephyrs of Dear Willie I'm sure you'll be happy Love.
of crimson serge.

'

together.
Willie

You

are both so very artistic' to

listened

her

rather

gloomily.

His

dignity was comforted, but his irritation hourly

increased.

Mildred often snubbed him now, treating

his fads as follies, not as the natural

accompani-

and encouragement, and only accepted from Willie those useful attentions and ceremonial gifts which ameliorate even the most
for correction

ments Tiddy

of talent.

She took her work to Bertram

tedious engagement.
suffered an eclipse since and Mildred's betrothal, began, under these circumstances, to recover his normal He was lonely. The girls, in air of omniscience. their earlier and simpler developments, had been

Mr. Tiddy,

who had

Janet's departure

192

THE GREY WORLD

to him.

much

More had been the consciousness to them. Miss Vivien was now placed beyond his reach. He met her occasionally
that he was

much

in the public gardens,

walking with a

sister of repel-

lent propriety.

It

was rumoured that she intended

Miss Brent,

to train as a children's nurse.

whom

he

had once thought available but unattractive, was the acknowledged property of Willie Hopkinson. Mr. Tiddy, left without an admirer, watched them working together under Carter's benignant eye, and longed for the advent of some new apprentice on

whom
So
it

he could impose his view of Art.

was that when Mildred

pining for any excitement

appreciation, she

bored, disappointed, again turned to him for

response.

met with an almost abject

came to her side stroking his bristly chin and smoothing the soft collar of his canvas shirt. He had an inner conviction that he was a fine craftsman its sacramental result, as
Mr. Tiddy
regretfully,
;

expressed in his manner, reminded his enemies of an

insolent shop-walker.
Willie
in

was absent
store-room.

Carter was selecting materials

the

Bertram, smiling pleasantly,

leaned over Mildred as she sat before her work.

He

missed the nervous flutter with which she had

been accustomed, involuntarily, to acknowledge his

known deeper emotions, and mere propinquity no longer moved her.

presence.

Mildred had

He

considered her work with a flattering but

critical attention.

She was decorating the insides

DIFFICULT PATHS
and
'

193

of a book-cover with a pretty fretful pattern of fish

sea-birds,

painted in faint colours upon the

vellum doublure.

Very nice !' he said very nice indeed So quaint and original. You are developing quite a style of your own, Miss Brent it's New-Arty, and
'
!

yet
'

it's

individual.'

I'm sick of the old traditional patterns

So's the public,
believe.

all

the

borders and panels and dot-work.'

'

We

want freshness

in

design, a return to nature, imagination.'

'

Carter doesn't approve of that a bit

ideas aren't workmanlike.'

he says that

my
'

Ah, yes
;

Carter

He's an excellent forwarder,

of course

but one can't expect him to understand

the artist's point of view.'

'

He's so horribly particular about neatness and

all that.'
'

Absurdly

so,

in

my

opinion.

After

all,

Kunst

doesn't consist in minute finish, which

cares about.

is all
!

Carter

Look

at the Impressionists

We're

here to produce beautiful things, not abnormally

strong ones.
if

You want

to be practical, not perfect,

you're going to succeed with Arts and Crafts.

I think, you know, that's where Hopkinson makes such a mistake that is, if he wants to get

And

on

'

Mildred

moved
his

nervously

she

did

not

feel

capable of conducting Willie's defence.

Tiddy

left

sentence

incomplete.

But Mr. Carter had

194

THE GREY WORLD

come back to the next press, carrying a roll of cloth and the shears. He looked at Mildred's animated face, and noted Bertram's position. Beg your pardon, Mr. Tiddy,' he remarked, but
'
'

your glue-pot
there'll

will boil

over in a minute, and then

be a mess.'

Bertram retreated. not at what you Get on He'll never get on might call a good class o' bindinY said Mr. Carter. Very different from Mr. 'Opkinson, 'e is always slip-sloppin' and chatterin', thinking about prettiness
'
!

'

instead of mindin' his work.

'E calls them things

all

he does Art

/ calls

'em whited sepulchres,

messy within.
with

Now

your young gentleman, Miss,

Mr. Tiddy makes another
lets out.'

all his little

ways, he do know how to 'old a

paste-brush or a paring-knife proper.

cuts 'oles in the leather, and then
'ole in his
'e

manners with the language as he

Carter collected his tools quietly around him, and

remained on guard near the indignant Mildred for

the rest of the afternoon.

He

felt it his

duty

later

to caution Willie against Mr. Tiddy's encroachments,

which recurred
situation, his

at every opportunity.

But though
Mr.
in-

he hinted as well as he dared at the dangers of the

remarks made
neither

little

impression.

Hopkinson was
credulous.
his outer

alarmed,

angry,

nor

Distracted between the difficulties of

his inner
life,

and

he forgot, as thoroughly

and bound him

often as he might, the nature of the chain

to Mildred Brent.

which

He

lived in a state

DIFFICULT PATHS
of

195

dream, neglecting his work, often leaving the

of Pity before submitting to the stifling

bindery early to enjoy an hour of meditation in

Our Lady
The

influences of an evening at

home.
still

secret of the sanctuary

eluded him.

He

Unknown God, and his prayer for no acknowledgment. Yet that the light was there he never doubted and one day a gave to him some measure sign renewed his hope and
knelt before an
light received
:

of serenity.

He came

into the church as a procession left the

Host between the ranks of the kneeling congregation. Choir-children walked before the canopy with great baskets of flowers all of the
altar to carry the

simple, homelier sort

as daffodils, narcissus, violet.

They took out the blossoms one by one, and kissed them with the affectionate importance of solemn babies before casting them under the feet of the priest. He, a real and eternal Christopher, bowed down almost with awe of the monstrance he carried, trod carelessly enough upon that exquisite carpet.
It

seemed so small a

sacrifice in the

presence of the

mightiest offering in the world.

Willie felt all the

majesty of that progress

loveliest in

that prostration of the

Nature before the humblest of the servants

picked up a poor crushed violet, and
of his

of

God.
it

He

placed

between the leaves

book

it

seemed

a shield, an amulet, wrapped round with the peculiar

powers

of

fringe of another universe.

any natural object that has touched the But still, the passion with

13-2

196

THE GREY WORLD

its

which he kissed

leaves

was
:

idle.

His will refused

to consent to his longing

he could not believe.

He

left

the church more than usually troubled.

Outside, the street

was dark with

fog.

He was

tired

out by his

own

sick sensations of spiritual aridity,

his sight confused

by long gazing

at the glory of a

painted saint.
collided with

He

blundered in the doorway and

also going hastily out
:

some person

and they found themselves together on the threshold. Willie looked up, apologized, and was ready to pass on but the tall bent figure, the clever senHe sitive face which he saw, seemed familiar. looked again, and met an answering recognition. It was the young man who, coming out with a convinced and happy expression, had determined his first visit
:

to the church.

He

looked

now

at Willie's pale despondent face,

and smiled at him. His smile was illuminative. Behind his spectacles, one saw grey eyes of an extraordinary clearness and charity. I've seen you here before,' he said, haven't I ?
'

'

But
'

don't think you're a Catholic

?'

'No.'
I

thought not.

You have

that anxious look of

a person

who

is

not quite sure of his road.

so quiet,

But

you
'

will be.'

come here because

it is

and one seems

to feel the real thing near one.'

'

If

you've found that, you're on the

it

way
'

already.'

'

Isn't

odd

?'

said Willie suddenlv.

I've often

DIFFICULT PATHS
been
this.

197

in Protestant churches,

They have
world
;

of the

and they never feel like same atmosphere as the rest but here one's feet are not any more
the
in the
is

on
'

earth.'

Ah, no

this is a joint

armour

of

the

material world.

Where

there

a shrine set apart,

you know, the other world presses through into this. The curtain of separation is torn one may get a glimpse of the Vision. That atmosphere which you notice is faith ecstasy the knowledge of spiritual things, which overflows in the soul and affects every:

is

thing

which

near

it.

Catholic sanctuaries are

charged with a kind of holy magic.

old,

They

are so

so venerable

their very walls are

saturate

with God.

" Raise the stone, and there thou shalt find

Me

cleave the wood,

and

there

am

/."
is

But Protes-

tants discourage ecstasy.

Theirs

the religion of

common-sense. They turn their enthusiasm towards

work,
not

towards

faith.

You

will

find

their

churches empty except at the hours of service.'

'

Yes,

know.'

'

Even

then,

you won't

find
It

any intimate sense

of

joy in the congregation.

seems natural to the

Englishman
God.'
'

to

behave coldly and correctly to his

'

In this church,' said Willie,

slip

people

seem to

forget their bodies.

They away from the grey, ordinary earth, and find an answer to everything in some heaven that's close to them though it's shut

to me.'

198
'

THE GREY WORLD

Yes, that's a secret the Church has never lost,

even in these blind centuries.

religions

But the reformed

in

knocked
!

all

the poetry out of Christianity.

the closet of
raised

Extraordinary

One hopes that

the believer the prayer of passion

the rapt accomplished
:

is still

and

but I'm afraid

it's

an axiom

of the Puritan to be dour,

even with the Deity.'

he said one can see
soul
is

He
'

looked at Willie carefully and slowly.

you'll find faith,'
'
:

But

that.

It's there,

you know.

And your

set

at an angle

which

will catch the light,

once you're

strong enough to tear the Veil away.'

him again as they parted a very friendly smile of sympathy and comfort. Then he turned down a neighbouring street and walked away
smiled at
quickly.

He

Mr. Willie Hopkinson watched the

till

tall,

and bent shoulders Then he realized that a new element of consolation had come to him that a certainty had been added to his hope. His friend had spoken to him of
thin figure
sight.
:

they were out of

faith with the quiet balanced conviction with

which
life.

one accepts the ordinary and indisputable in

To him

was not less real than sunshine or his bodily raiment and food. In his soul, lit up by an inner light, Willie saw for the first time a reflection
it

of the Beautiful

God.
;

They never met again

happier
all his life

but he was stronger and

because of that instant of com-

munion.

CHAPTER XVII
A SHARP CORNER
'

Romance

depends on the Soul and not on Upholstery.'

John Oliver
'

Hobbes.
fingers,' said

Those clever little made for success.'

upon the back
of her

Mr. Tiddy,

'

were

Mildred smiled, and continued to glair the letters

book with a steady hand. She wished that she knew how to blush. She found Mr. Tiddy's vulgarity restful. His slovenly work made her own seem exquisite his attentions restored the feeling of power which Willie had rudely disturbed. Bertram now shaved three times weekly, and wore his hair short a concession to prejudice which did not suit his style. But his conversation remained on Mildred's level, making Mr. Hopkinson's frequent absences from the bindery so many holidays for his fiancee. She could then, as she said, devote
:

herself entirely to her art.

She which he could not forget the horrible confidences had made to her, although she had refused to believe
Mildred despised Willie, and she feared him.
199

200

THE GREY WORLD

His dreaming eyes, which she once had
'

them.

proudly described as
filled

not altogether human,'

now

her with terror.

;

But he was her affianced

husband young men were scarce in Turner's Heath she had not sufficient trust in a kindly Providence to bring her engagement to an end.
;

Mr. Tiddy,

who

possessed something of the cun-

ning of an experienced fox-terrier, knew

how

to

extract a double advantage from this state of things.

He

flattered

Mildred.

He spoke
art,

with

vague

grandeur of his theories of

future success.

Incidentally, he cast an

ing light on Willie

and hopes of their unbecomHopkinson, first as a man and

Mildred,
still

secondly as an
of culture in

artist.
it

at that stage

which

seems clever to be contemphints.

tuous,

was not disgusted by Bertram's

They
which

amplified and excused her

own

thoughts,

were more

critical

than kindly.

Her
dry.
'

to talk to Mr.

now suggested that she was willing Tiddy whilst waiting for her glair to She was a girl who never wasted her time.
attitude
'

wonder,' she said,

difficult
?

if I

ever shall succeed.

It

seems so
doesn't
it

to get one's

work
is

well

Of course, advertising

horrid.

I've always longed to develop a style of

like

known, But my own,

Sidney Henders, or Miss Delmere, or the Little Gidding people so that everyone could recognise
;

my
'

things,

you know, and

could exhibit at the

Arts and Crafts.'

I

bet you anything I'd

make your work succeed

A SHARP CORNER

201

There's a tremendous opening for artistic novelties

chic,

original,

Japanesy things with plenty

of

colour.

All the swell craftsmen are hampered by

;

tradition

they're afraid of being eccentric.

But
;

the public expects artistic things to be eccentric

it

don't understand expensive simplicity.

their

If

they

have

books bound by

price to be moderate,

artists, people want the and the design not too artistic

to be understood.'
'

suppose good work always succeeds in the long-

run.'

Not it Quaint work does. And that's your line and mine too, for that matter. In these days, one must look at things in a practical light.
'
!

Dress artistic
it

talk artistic.

That's

all

to the good,

impresses people.
all

with

that stuff

But don't you get taken in about the beauty of labour and
After
it's
all, it's

reticence in design.

the public we've

got to look to, and

our business as artists to

That's a good enough
it is

make

the public take to Art.

ideal for

me and
;

the

way

to do

to give people

something a thought of
room.'
'

bit

better

than they would have

not

for

themselves,

something

so

artistic that it

won't live in a middle-class drawinglike that

wish

could get Willie to see

it

so

much more sensible, when we've got to live.' You won't. Hopkinson's a different type from
'

you

altogether.

You're a born craftswoman, Miss

if

Brent.

You'll do well

you get a chance.

But

202
he's got

THE GREY WORLD

no push
sized
:

clever, of course, only not in that

way.

him up

directly he

came here

one of

those dreaming impractical chaps, always worrying

about perfection.
a minor poet.'
'

He's a cross between Carter and

I'm afraid he doesn't

Xo,' said Bertram
'
;

realize

how important

it is

to succeed.'
'

it's

a pity.

Seems such a
your own

waste.
little

What

I feel is,

you ought

to be in

Somewhere West Kensington way to start with, moving into Bloomsbury when we I mean, when you had got a bit of a
bindery, don't you
?

know

connection together.

There's hundreds a year in

those ideas of yours, your inlay and designing and

so on,
if

the thing was run on a business footing.

if

But
to
'

doubt
I

you'll ever get

Hopkinson to consent

it.'

Oh,

can't let

him

ride rough-shod over all

I

my

chances.

I'm ambitious.
alike.'

must develop myself.

it

Because I'm going to marry him,

doesn't follow

we think
'

Ah, but you wouldn't be able to manage it alone. You wouldn't like to be worried with all the commercial details.

You want

man

to look after

you

and take

all

that off your hands.

My

idea of a

small business like that would be, just an artistic

industrious fellow

and

his wife

working together,

don't you know, with one apprentice perhaps.

And

no flexible sewing, or revival of antique methods, or any rot like that. I know the swell binders talk a

A SHARP CORNER
lot

203

it's

it when they're lecturing to amateurs, but bunkum. We'd get all the foreign art magazines, and introduce the new French and German fashions before they got common. That's the way to run a successful bindery you must be arty, and you must be up to date.' Mildred sighed. Mr. Tiddy had never appeared She forgot his to her in a more attractive light. sticky hands and her own high ideals, and remembered only the agreeable picture suggested by his

about
all

words.

spray of almond-blossom tapping against

the window-pane reminded her that she had

now

been engaged to Willie for more than a year. She looked back, recollecting her hopes. She looked forward, and saw no chance of their fulfilment.
desired
society.

She

admittance

to

an

appreciative,

artistic

But

Mr.

Hopkinson's

very

ordinary
irritat-

family treated her with condescension

siderable improvement.
'

his

ing unworldliness forbade her to expect

any con' ;

It

sounds lovely,' she said to Bertram

I

and

once one got known,

people,

dare say one would get to

the

know Sidney Henders, and

Little

Battersea

Press

and even the Gidding Guild. It would be so nice, I think, to be in touch with other
artists.

In a congenial atmosphere, one develops

one's highest powers. to see that

he's
'
:

But

I shall

never get Willie

don't believe he cares a bit whether

in the swim.'
'

an outsider or

Ah,' replied Bertram,

often think,

if

you won't

20 4

THE GRE
my being candid,
that

WORLD
a pity in

mind

it's

some ways

that you're engaged to Hopkinson.

Best for you,

good artist sacrificed. I used to fancy once, you know, that you and I might have done some good work together if we'd gone into partnership.' I'm afraid that would be impossible.' I'm too late just my luck. I was I know. in my work, never saw. But I can't wrapped up help wondering, if Hopkinson hadn't spoken
to see a
'
'

no doubt, but one hates

'

first

Mr. Tiddy leaned towards Mildred, and looked at her with anxious eyes.
expression in those of a well-fed dog
for yet

She had seen the same who hankers

But she remembered Janet. She could not be sure of his intentions. She drew
another bone.

back.

Bertram, however, was in earnest.

talents

Miss Vivien's
:

enchanting hair might invite to dalliance

Mildred's

made

her desirable as a wife.

He would

not be rebuffed.

He
to

placed a questioning hand

upon her arm.

It
is

interesting

notice

how

small are the

instruments by which Providence often contrives

to effect its ends.

Mildred did not intend to behave

treacherously towards Willie.

telling herself that she

She was in the act of had really gone far enough. But the draught caused by Mr. Tiddy's abrupt
the
sheet
of

movement caught

uncut gold-leaf
it

which lay upon her gilding-cushion, and sent

in

A SHARP CORNER
a fluttering dance across the workshop
traditions of the
mical.
'

205
floor.

The

Presse and Ploughe

'

were econoof habit,

Bertram and Mildred, from force

:

started in pursuit

he eager to be of use, she proudly

Gold-leaf
It
is

unconscious of his assistance.

a subtle,
it

human, very aggravating

is

thing.

has moods,

nervous.

This sheet, after settling upon a backit

seemed quietly to await capture, rose suddenly in the air as Miss Brent approached it, and fled to the cutting-press, under which it lay perdu for some minutes. But presently its edge, shining amongst the snippings of mill-board and paper, caught her eye. She rushed towards it, a large dab of cotton-wool in her hand, not noticing Mr. Tiddy's simultaneous approach from the opposite side of the room. He saw the gold-leaf, bent down, and stretched a long arm tentatively towards it. She stooped, dived under the cutting-press, and found herself on her hands and knees within a few
ing-board, where

inches of his face.

Miss Brent's natural fear of knocking her head

against the press
her.

made quick

retreat impossible to

was too cramped to permit her much liberty of action. There was a slight scuffle. Then she rose from the floor flushed, confused, and without the gold-leaf. But she was not disgusted. She was a woman who admired promptitude and resource. Mr. Tiddy had vindicated his manposition
;

Her

hood.
'

Give

me

another,

Millie,'

he said.

206

THE GREY WORLD

Mildred smoothed her hair and looked at him

seriously.
'

Oh, Bertram,' she answered.

right
it's
?

'

are

you sure that

it is

can't bear to be cruel to poor Willie.

But

very

difficult to

duties conflict.

After
?

one another, are we

of

poor mamma.'

making Mr. Willie Hopkinson aware that their marriage would not take place. Her love of delicacy in outline had not helped her to appreciate the same quality in human affairs. The luncheon interval seemed to her a fitting moment in which to reveal to him her change of plans. Her sense of design was satisfied by the idea that their engagement would begin and end under the same conditions of background and boundary. It was like a half-drop repeat pattern circumstances had compelled her to lower herself a little, but otherwise her attitude was unchanged. She glowed with womanly virtue as she made his cocoa, and saw that he had his lunch comfortably before dealing a blow which would certainly have
Miss Brent found no difficulty in
:

*****

know what to do when one's all, we aren't really suited to And I feel I ought to think

destroyed his appetite.

She arranged her tools ready for the afternoon's work, took away the cups and washed them. Finally, as he lighted his second
cigarette, she
'

came

to the point.
tell

There's something I've got to

'

you, Willie,'
it.'

she said.

But I'm

afraid

you won't

like


A SHARP CORNER
207
Willie started nervously. His father, in a sudden spasm of generosity, had that morning offered him an allowance which would enable him to marry immediately. Willie had not yet found a reason at once valid and diplomatic for refusing this inconvenient gift. It did not seem possible that any annoyance emanating from Mildred could equal this. He

answered her rather

'

indifferently.
is it ?'

Yes, dear
I

What
You

'

think perhaps

it's

better to put

it

plainly

kinder to you.

see, Willie, I've

seen for a long

time that we weren't really suited to one another.

I'm sure you must have noticed

it

too.

And

have
I've

my
'

profession to think of

and,

the fact

is,

decided to marry Bertram Tiddy.'

Tiddy ? said Mr. Hopkinson.

controlled with difficulty a spontaneous
of relief

He had
movement
feeling

and

surprise

when he perceived
His
first
;

the origin of Mildred's embarrassment.

was gratitude to his deliverer but this was overwhelmed by a natural disgust caused by Mildred's want of proper feeling. He thought that he could have trusted her to realize that his supplanter must, at any rate, be a gentleman. Oh, I know he's common and he can't draw. I shall have to put up with that. There's always something to put up with. But, you see, he's human. Your kisses make my blood run cold, they seem to come from such a long way off.'
'

'

quite understand.'

208
''

THE GREY WORLD

Oh, do you ? I hope you do. I wouldn't like you to think I had behaved meanly. You see, Bertram really requires me. He says I do him good. When I'm with you, you do all the improving, and that bores me. I didn't think it would, but that was my want of experience. Now I do feel that I shall be improving Bertram all the time, and as he's given me the opportunity it is no more than my duty to do it.'
'
'

From your
Yes, well,

point of view,

dare say you're

right.'
'

my

point of view, after

all,

is

what

I've got to go by.

And when one

it's

recognises one

more honest to say so, isn't it ? My temperament isn't like yours, and however much I might care for you, I feel we should never get on. I'm not a gentle doormat sort of woman. I must express myself. Art's what I care for really Art and life. And I feel if I only
has
a mistake,

made

get

my

opportunity

could do something at that,

There's a great future in
it

and

so does Bertram.

Arts and Crafts, but one must look at

practical point of view.
to consider.

from a

And
like

I've got poor

I

mamma

And,

of course,

always saw that

I

your people didn't really

pride
'

me, and

have some

He was released with Willie was not listening. honour from an unendurable situation, and his one He stretched out eager desire was for active flight. hands towards air, light, freedom towards re:

A SHARP CORNER
admission to the privacies of his
dred's companionship
spiritual stuffiness.

209
soul.

own

Mil-

had always entailed a

certain

Miss Brent, watching his face, admired his courage.

She was sure that he adored her

he concealed his sorrow so
to be unkind,
of emotional garnishings,
well.

was surprised that She did not wish

and attributing

him her own love she touched him gently

to

on the arm.
'

Would you
started.

like

to

kiss

me

good-bye V she
of

said.

He
things.
1

He had been
'

thinking

other

No, thanks

he

answered shortly, and walked

Mildred.

out of the place.

'

Poor Willie

!'

murmured

CHAPTER

XVIII

INCIPIT VITA NOVA

1

The

Beautiful

is

essentially the Spiritual

making

itself

known

sensuously.'

Hegel.

Alle

things have their price.

Mr. Willie Hopkinson

paid in mortification for his freedom.

pitied

Everyone

him

an insufferable thing.

ever, he pitied himself, for

Sometimes, howMildred had preferred

Mr. Tiddy before him, and this was a humiliating thought.

It

had been

his conviction that

he was superior

to

his

surroundings.

They were impermanent

His soul

deceiving

and deceived.

was

eternal.
;

Few

of his friends appreciated the distinction

but

that he attributed to the ignorance in which he

chose to keep them.

And though

experience

now

compelled him to acknowledge the existence of

forces, even in the time-process, which were greater than himself, these had formed no part of his relation with Mildred Brent. He had been superior to her, and he knew it. He had admired his own constancy,

sometimes regretted

it.

She,

in

discarding him,

IXCIPIT VITA
had released him from a

XOVA
inimical
to

2ir

strain

which he had long

his

known
spiritual
it

to

be

unpleasant
:

even
so

growth

but approving the end, he found

difficult

to justify

means

wounding

to his

vanity.

Stephen and Pauline offered him a tactless and

heartfelt commiseration

which inflamed

his already

tender self-respect.
their

They hid

as well as they might

own

raptures, not wishing to suggest painful

parallels
first

with his immediate past.

life,

Pauline, for the

time in her

felt

able to understand her

brother.
as a solid
'

A broken engagement appealed to her and reasonable ground for mental distress.
!'

Poor old Will

she said.

'

It

is

hard luck

And you were so devoted to how a girl can be such a beast.'

of Pauline's society,

her.

can't think

Stephen, with real unselfishness, deprived himself

walks, encouraging

and took his him to talk of

best

friend for long

his grief.

But
chief

Willie's very actual miseries

were not those which

His

Mr.

Miller

could

comprehend.
his

torments arose from a humiliating inability to grasp

the
Leben

principle

which guided

devious

career.

seemed

to lay traps for his spirit.

One

after

another, hopeful paths failed him, and he

came
of

wearily back to the endless road.

Elsa
the

Mildred
failed.

Stephen each
fresh

name brought

memory

discouragements.

These had offered com-

prehension and companionship, but they had

14

To Stephen, perhaps, the Real World had some

212
actuality.

THE GREY WORLD

His love for Pauline raised him in some
success.

mysterious
material

way above the sordid scamper after He looked out on a dreamy

But the others only toyed with

earth with contented eyes, and breathed a serene

and

satisfying air.

the symbols of transcendent truth, and their careless

agnosticism clouded Willie's perceptions.

He had
prayed
life
:

who had any price to the adventure of from the boy who had looked out on existence
travelled far from the child
for a return at

as a

game

to be played lightly, a pageant to be

watched.
him.

The dark night

felt

of his soul

was upon

away, seemed savourless and dull. nothing was worth effort. Even All was unreal in the holy places he found no peace. He remembered the words of the young man of Our Lady of Pity, but told himself that faith was only one
spiritual
life

He

realities

slipping

yet the pleasures of

;

illusion the
It

more.
out his

was

to Elsa, long-suffering

that he

now poured

and secretly joyful, mixed emotions. She

had got her boy back again. She cared nothing for the twisted paths by which he had come. He was relieved jealous despondent. Her attitude towards each angle was correct. This was a part which she played to perfection, and she was delighted

have the opportunity. There is,' she said, such an exquisite pleasure in pain Many of our greatest poets have noticed that. I could almost envy you your suffering.
to
' '
!


INCIPIT VITA
To
this

NOVA
for
it.

213

suffer for love

is

Oh, believe me, dear Willie,

much

better than to

marry
'

Yours

is

indeed the more beautiful part.'

'

I'm so confused,' said

Willie,

so wretched

don't
isn't

know what's
love that

beautiful or what's real.

It

makes me unhappy it's the weary not knowing what to do. There must be some aim in life that's genuine, some experience that won't fail when one tries it.' Elsa had one restful characteristic. She never
She accepted Willie's imagination, abundant words as evidence of stroked his hair, and sent him to the National
asked
for

explanations.

his

Gallery
soul.

her

one prescription for agitations of the

A subtle sense of the fitness of things had kept him from seeking the consolations of religion Elsa's suggestion was a compromise which pleased him. He had a grateful recollection of those very silent rooms, watched by brooding Madonnas, by
;

still

gods, dream-portraits of personalities long ago

life.

released from the fret of

He went there melancholy, feverish, impatient. He hurried through the turnstile, up the stairs, pushed
open the door which leads to the great Tuscan room. But as it closed behind him, the healing process
began.

Something arrested him on the threshold

a restraining touch, a feeling that he was seeking

with ungracious intention admittance to a company

of
friends.

The quiet

festival

of

colour on the

214
walls

THE GREY WORLD

seemed an invitation to some serious kind which he was unprepared. The influence of beauty imposed its peace on him. as great communities always impose their etiquette he felt that in such society one could not grumble of one's petty griefs. The place was full of the calmness, the ineffable hush, which belongs to
of happiness for
:

transcendental things.
delight.

him with a grave no sense of human fellowship only the repeated echo of footsteps upon the wide spaces of the polished floor.
It filled

Xo sound
:

of voices,

There were other persons in the gallery,

think.

superior

woman
of

leading a meek, tired friend,

and murmuring
Early Sienese.
of

L'Amico

di

Sandro and the

curate, polite to the

Madonnas,

but coldly observant of the lesser

saints.

A
all

pair

happy
It

foreigners, for

whom

the place had

the
for

glamour which the Umzi and the Louvre keep

us.

did not matter.

Willie

great wall shut

them

from

Mr.

Hopkinson.

Only the pictures

broke his solitude.

He
Infant

sat

down
is

presently before that very lovely

called
Its
'

panel which
his eye

The Madonna adoring the

its

Christ.'
;

ceremonious

the ardour of

beauty caught emotion held him fast.

Florentine piety, at

The

peculiar fascinations of

once so mystical, reasonable, and austere, come

together in this picture in
line,
its

joyous purity of

the intimate

holiness of its

atmosphere, the

strange majesty of the rapt Madonna,

who

sits

with


INCIPIT VITA

NOVA

215

hands folded in prayer and looks silently down on her Son. The wistful angels who lean against the sides of her throne are hushed by her intense stillness. They are spiritual persons, who cannot understand the earthly love which blends Mother

and worshipper
in

in one.

One turns

dreamy
:

face

to her, asking explanation of the

mystery

but she,

an ecstasy

of contemplation, scarcely

knows

of

their presence.

She dreams above her child, lying very helplessly and gladly upon its mother's knee as all that is holy in us lies upon the lap of Perfect
Beauty.
Willie sat opposite this picture for a very long

time,

and looked

steadily, intently,

without conher,

scious thought.

In the face of Our

Lady was infinite

somelaid
life,

promise, infinite peace.

As he watched

thing unearthly, something remote from

its

quieting

hand upon him.

These things had

not been conceived in the petty agitations of ordinary

life.

The Beyond had been

its

at their birth,

and
:

left

an unspeakable sensation warned him that he was lifted up past the boundary of grey illusion.
token of
presence.

door seemed to open

'

Donna, se' tan to grande e tanto vali, Che qual vuol grazia, ed a te non ricorre, Sua disianza vuol volar senz' ali.'

These words recurred to Mr. Willie Hopkinson,

and brought with them new, undreamed

significance.

master-key,

it

seems,

may

unlock the gates of

many

mansions.

Those who have once prostrated

216

THE GREY WORLD

is

themselves before Invisible Powers have gained a

perception which

never

lost.

For the

first

time,

he detected a truth behind the absurdity of Elsa's dictum that prie-dieux ought to be placed before

The National Gallery, she said, always made her want to say her prayers. To Willie, now, there came that sensation of real worlds and unknown splendours very near, which had descended on him when he knelt before the Altar of the Holy Spirit. He discovered, as he had done when he wandered in the Grey Dimension, that one has only to turn
the master-pieces of devotional art.
one's eyes resolutely from Earth to lose its obsessing
influence.
It is the

downward glance

that anchors

us to the world of sense.

Mrs. Levi's favourite catch-words

him

came back

to

'

Ultimate
'

Beauty,'

'

life-enhancing qualities
'

of art,'

spiritual significance of Italian Painting

phrases
meaning.

to

But

which he had never attached definite this face, this picture which had

worked a miracle in his tormented spirit, gave to them a sudden vitality. He saw, wondering at his past blindness, that it was above all things
strange

and

significant
all.

that

things

should
in

be

beautiful at
loveliness
life.

The ecstasy induced

him by

It

had no relation to the necessities was inexplicable. The ritual of

it

of

human
and

light

colour veiled, as

adorned, inconceivable secrets.

He

asked himself what indeed could be the spirit

if

of loveliness

it

were not a penetration

of

the

INCIPIT VITA
Visible

NOVA
all

217

by the Real

the link between Truth and

his
life.

Idea for which he had been groping

as

This thought he naturally imagined to be as original

was profound, and pride of invention modified the crushing power of its truth. Beauty seemed to offer him an assurance of exquisite realities, to be given to those who desired them in faith and in love.
it

He
in

looked at the quiet pictures

mystical

at

the angels
;

their

dance before the manger

at

the gentle that so

faun

who

knelt

by

Procris,

weeping

have been taken from life. They seemed to him so many windows built towards heaven. He had a new vision of the world. He saw it as a shadow cast by Divine Beauty a loveliness of which material beauty was
loveliness should

much

the sacrament, the faint image thrown the mirror of sense.

In the

by God on Madonna he found

the symbol of a reconciling principle, looking lovingly

upon humanity, which

it

cherished and fed.

:

Her

manifestation was earthly enough

an

illusion built

up of paint and panel by some man held, as he was held, a prisoner in Time and Space. But her powers stretched into the Invisible. He wondered whence the vision had come which inspired the
secret of her picture.

Then

it

occurred to him that the soul, in him

all

conscious and perceptive, must exist in

men

obscure, mysterious, withdrawn from the squalid

battle.

Beyond

the

threshold
sits,

of

consciousness

that unsuspected visitor

looking with steady

218

THE GREY WORLD

It

eyes upon the eternal light.

these pictures.

That light shone in seemed possible that^ in their creation the soul, which saw beyond the illusions of Time, had guided the artist's hand to some great purpose. Their message was the message of the churches, translated to a language which he could
understand.

He had found

a religion.

He

recog-

nised that the inarticulate ecstasy which

him in the presence of all beautiful same in essence as that emotion which he felt in Our Lady of Pity another way of approach to the same God. There are few more compelling confessors than a great work of art. Willie looked still at the Madonna, and the small details which obscure the issues of life fell away from him. He regained the

came to things was the

power, long
illusion.

lost, of

detecting fact in the midst of

back down the years, and was annoyed to find little in them that was worth notice. It was a petty record a matter of drifting and discontent. That, too, had been the note of it the Grey World seemed that his pretension of knowledge had not enabled him to escape its grasp. He remembered how he had broken the
looked

He

spell

of

that

Dimension

the
it

intensity of desire

which had thrown him back again on life. The will which had done that miracle was
him.
exert

still

with

He asked
it,

himself
it

how

was that he did not

to consider the

did not set

to the realization of reality,

instead of stopping every

moment

INCIPIT VITA
chances of the road.
old
;

NOVA

219

He was

twenty- three years

a fully developed being.

Yet he had allowed

every influence to have power over his actions, had

no dominant motive, no hope in his life. There had been places, he knew, at which he had seen the faint outlines of happy countries, had caught a glimpse of the Delectable Mountains
shining in the sun.

upon his have offered him visions of beautiful landscape, and the bow of promise in the clouds, had he given
his attention to the horizon instead of to the dust

For their sake he had set out pilgrimage a pilgrimage which might

under

his

feet.

He

gathered up and compared

In the fret of

the fragments of his knowledge.

work and
dim.
of

passion, the old true outlines

had grown

In the early years, terror of the after-death,

in the languid miseries of the

an eternity spent

Grey World, had driven him to search for truth. Now he fancied that Love might have been a worthier motive than fear, a better companion for the quest. There had been a certain meanness in his scramble after personal salvation, which
sufficiently explained its non-success.

The adorable
at the
telling

face of

Our Lady shone

as a favour-

able light at the end of a dark road.

back

of the picture

The reality was speaking to him

;

him

of

exquisite
aspire.

places

of

the

spirit

to

which he might

He asked

himself

how
In a

he stood in relation to this universe, which strove

towards Beauty as the realization of

itself.

220

THE GREY WORLD

of self-knowledge,

spasm
petty

he saw his years in their

ugliness,

saw that he had done nothing

stayed on the
level,

with them, had not raised himself above the hopeless

herd.

He had

sneering

at his equals.

Now, with

the clear sight of the

newly-converted, he perceived
his
spiritual

how

great

had been

himself.

him
'

all

stupidity. He was disgusted with The mountain road had been close to the time, and above him the austere majesty

of the hill-tops.

Oh, to climb

!'

he cried.

Mrs.
in

his

Hopkinson heard him that night sobbing room very bitterly. She told Mrs. Levi
it.
!'

about
'

Quite hysterical

she

said.

'

nearly went

in to

him with the

sal volatile,

but

thought perhaps

he wouldn't
so

like to think I'd

heard him
those

boys

are

absurdly sensitive about

things.

horrid girl has

evidently upset his

That nerves more

'

than he'd allow.'

'

thorough change of scene,' said Elsa,

he
really

is

what

wants.

In

contemplating

the

Beautiful,

we

forget our

earthly griefs.

And he

can't go back to the bindery whilst that creature

is

there.'
'

No, indeed,'
!

replied

Mrs.

Hopkinson.

'

Poor

boy I'm only thankful he found her out in time. She would have made him a wretched wife full of modern ideas, and absolutely undomesticated.
;


INCIPIT VITA
It's

NOVA

221

quite pulled

think

we must

for a little

him down, one can see that. I if we can't send him away change all the doctors are recommending
really try
:

sunshine and fresh air for the nerves.'

It

was Elsa who discovered the method

of his

pilgrimage
fessional

personally conducted tour for proothers,

'

men and

Fortnight with Saint

Francis for 13 10s.' Taking its charges as far as Perugia, it there allowed them to wander at will.
'

said

Nothing could be better for him than that,' Mrs. Levi. Italy has such a wonderful
'

effect

upon the soul.

!

Exquisite climate
Francis

the

associations

and
!

Claire,

and then and the

of

beautiful
course.
well,
'

wicked
Florence
is

Baglione
is

And
:

Perugino,

so

hackneyed

and

Rome
said Mr.

Rome

Rome.'

Yes, you can't do

Rome under 25/

Umbria.

Hopkinson.
It

was thus that

Willie found

CHAPTER XIX
THE DELECTABLE MOUNTAINS
'

What more

beautiful

than this world, except the world yonder

image of the Divine could there be ?' PLOTINUS.

In Umbria, where
kiss of

little hills

reach up towards the

cities

God, bearing her small white

:

nearer

heaven

in

Umbria, clothed with olive-woods where

of

Francis walked, and crowned by turrets

Ghibelline, there
lished.
is

the

a Peace of

God

eternally estab-

In this country, long beloved of the dreamy

arts, spirits
feel the

wearied by dark journeyings

may

still

Immanent Peace. Yet the Umbria is as the soul of a very melancholy queen. The nostalgia of the distant descends on the hearts of her lovers, giving them a delicate sadness not easily to be effaced. Her very breezes seem to come from far off. charged with the murmur of dim memories. But the joy of a wonderful passion
quieting touch of
soul of

transfigures her regret.

In her, the image of the

Delectable Country, in whose likeness Earth was once

made,

is still

to be apprehended.

On

the walls of the city of Spello, high up on the

THE DELECTABLE MOUNTAINS

hill

223

between Foligno and

sat,

Assisi,

Mr. Willie Hopkin-

son
a

dreamed, and contemplated the world from

new

standpoint.

He

looked

vellous valley which has

down into the marknown the footsteps of so

blue and
it,

many

saints.

He

enjoyed, with a vague but very

serious delight, its exquisite cadences of

green, the magical light that hangs over

the old
into

dim roads that pattern its fields and vineyards the semblance of some faded tessellated work.
Three hundred
feet

below him, the

little

Roman
ancient

amphitheatre was a round shadow on the grass.

Young and happy verdures had buried

cruelties in the secret earth.

its

The Etruscan blocks

upon had been in their position perhaps two thousand years. They had remained for defence, as their dark-eyed, voluptuous builders had had seen the Romans come and go, had left them watched the Northern emperors on their march to Rome, the Popes going up to Perugia. Finally, they had seen the patriot come, and the poetry of
that he sat
:

Italy fade under his fingers.

In their old age they

were

Man, creeping under their shadow or perched upon their height, seemed some ephemeral insect. Yet, under that vivid sky, in an atmosphere where all things are fresh and definite and the air sings the
very
stately.

hymn

of Brother Sun, Willie could not believe in

He felt that he looked out on a world which always had existed, always would exist, and
antiquity.

he with

it

for the only real existence

was

in

Beauty,

224

THE GREY WORLD

eternal.

and Beauty was

Mildred

He had

quite forgotten
life

Elsa his
to

home
this

the

slow grey
fortnight
real

he

must return

when

happy

was done.
he had

These things had never had a very

importance for

him
as a

but whilst he knew them to be

off.

illusion,

not been able to shake them

He had

felt

them

shadowy

net, confusing

and

confining.

In the

sunshine of Italy they seemed tedious accidents.

She was
vision of

real, potent.
life first

She completed

for

him the
of Pity,

dimly seen in Our Lady

the National Gallery
of peace.

intensely felt

in

when the
It

Tuscan Madonna spoke to him

The Umbrian landscape

fulfils

is

essentially religious.

the message of the Church, the revelation of

the painters.

He knew

that

it

had symbolic import,

life
:

some

bearing

on the transcendental

that

atheism and despair were impossible in

its

presence.

He looked back down the path towards the town and saw, through the little Roman arch which spans the road, a group of people coming up to him. He was sorry. He had enjoyed his solitary hour. But Mr. and Mrs. Finchley supposed that he was sightseeing. They felt that it was their duty to miss nothing of interest, and they had followed him. They headed a procession representative of the
population of Spello
:

several unpleasant beggars

many

children

woman

bearing a jar on her

head, whose face, poise, figure suggested a Tanagra

statuette.

Mrs. Finchley was trying to photograph

her

but an old

man

with no nose, and hands in an


THE DELECTABLE MOUNTAINS
advanced state
of decomposition, insisted

225

on placing

himself in the foreground.

The Rev. John Finchley, who had a fussy manner and no Italian, seemed unhappy.
'

Horrible place,

this,'

he came within earshot

ties
!

he said to Willie as soon as

'

a disgrace to the authori-

We
:

found the frescoes, but they weren't up

to

much

and they were cleaning the

damp.'
'

floor of the

church, which was most unpleasant.

wife's got her feet
'

I'm afraid
I

my

Yes,'

said

Mrs. Finchley.

But
at

still,

liked

them

better

than those things

not

Montefalco
everlasting

they were Bible incidents,

saints.'
'

those

Saints seem natural here,' said Willie.

'

Yes,

suppose they are

one must expect that

in

Roman
!

Catholic countries.
:

But

can never get

such wicked
I

really

used to them
It's

they seem to

me

creatures
pose.
'

the

way

And

to think of

was brought up, praying to them !'

I

sup-

It's a great pity,' said

her husband,

'

that the
great
of

Protestant
artists.

religion

hasn't

produced

any

They would have painted the truths

Christianity,

Evangelical

and

prevented

Popish

art attracting so

much

attention.

These Romanist
;

subjects are harmful to

idolatry.

weak minds
is

they promote

Of course, the reason

that our great

thinkers have been engaged with the higher aspects

of things,
display.'

and had no attention

left

for

outward
15

226
'

THE GREY WORLD

A
spiritual religion scarcely needs pictures, does
?'

it,

dear

said Mrs. Finchley.

Willie sighed, looked at her figure

short skirt and

Panama hat
was
at

clearly outlined against the delicate

Perugino landscape

and

supposed his happy day

suffered a

good deal from the Finchleys since leaving England in their company nine days before.

an end.

He had

Now they would drive back to Perugia, Mr. Finchley

speaking of the political condition of the country,
his wife

much occupied by

the private history of her

fellow-tourists at the hotel.

He wanted
for

so

much
of

another hour of solitude, of secret conversation with

the spirit which
loveliness

Umbria had knit up and antiquity.

!'

him out

Mr. Finchley looked at his watch.

And you wanted to photograph Rivo Torto on the way back, didn't you, dear ? and I promised to hold a little service in the
'

Half-past two

he

said.

'

hotel drawing-room at six.

We

must be

starting

back.

Perhaps, Mr. Hopkinson, you wouldn't mind

did

telling the

than he

coachman to whip up the horse a bit more coming in Italian, of course. It

:

walked up

all

the

hills.'

It was at this moment that Willie discovered that an afternoon spent in the society of the Finchleys

was impossible to him. I think, if you don't mind,' he said, I shall walk back. It's under ten miles, and you will go quicker with only two in the carriage.'
' '

THE DELECTABLE MOUNTAINS

'

227
?'

Oh, do you think you ought, Mr. Hopkinson

'

answered Mrs. Finchley.

afraid

I'm you do too warned me that you weren't very strong. It's no use over-exerting one's self, is it ? and the mental
;

You look tired already, much and your mother

strain of seeing so

many new

things

is

dreadfully

exhausting.'

She was a
grasshopper
;

thin, active little

woman,

like

a brown

very good-natured, and devoted to her

husband and her camera. She and Mrs. Hopkinson had been schoolfellows, and both thought the coincidence which enabled her to take charge of Willie a fortunate one. But a week of travel had given a
touch of decision to Mr. Willie Hopkinson's rather
fluid character.

He was
life.

polite but firm with Mrs.

set in the

Finchley.

These days were sudden jewels

dull circlet of his

He dared not waste them. The He would

white roads, the lanes that went between the olives,

were sending him a mystic invitation.

tramp with. the Lady Poverty,

as S. Francis did.

From

the ancient market-place, where a twelfth-

century Madonna stands above the

to bless her
Its
citizens,

Roman
;

gate
start.

he saw the carriage

offer Spello

occupants had no farewell to

they

were carefully shielding the camera from dust and

sun.

He

looked back gratefully to the grey walls,

the friendly clambering streets with their Gothic

houses, and went
Tiber.
'

down

alone into the valley of the

The broad road that

stretches

'

took him to

its

152

228

THE GREY WORLD

of the traveller his

bosom.

The symbolic attitude the highway set the tune of

firmly, steadily,

on

thoughts.

He

walked

with a growing exhilaration.

trees,

Blue sky, white blossoming

his heightened perceptions.

were as wine to

He
felt

smiled happily as

he caught sight
hill like

of Assisi, folded pale against her

rest.

an angel at

He

himself to be, not

footing

any more the man in the world, but the pilgrim soul it between the stars. He was walking alone,
sturdily self-dependent, through exquisite landscape

towards an appointed goal.

his
life.

That, surely, should be

That was
of the

life

journey upon the great

:

highway
of the

world towards an abiding city

journey to be taken joyfully and in gratitude because

beauty

of the road.

He
spirit.

conceived

now

of the world, of

the body, as

momentary

conditions in the infinite progress of the

rightly,

discipline, an initiation whose deeps he had once used wrongly, a peril to a His idealism had come to this known.

Used

guarded, tolerant acquiescence in the queer distorting

limits

medium
to

of his senses, a willingness within

accept their

reports.

But

it

was the

holy, the beautiful aspect of things that he asked

show him. That was significant, true. time and space, but an eternal thing which it was the very business of matter to shadow forth, the duty of that pilgrim soul in him to apprehend. One must not arrive at the Continuing City deaf and blind to the music and radiance, obsessed

them

to

No

illusion of

THE DELECTABLE MOUNTAINS

by the
Willie

229

incident worries of

life.

That was to have

passed through the Great University in vain.

from the disease which had crippled his first He had seen at last the face of the Great years. Companion. He knew what he wanted the con-

was beginning

to recover

of spiritual self-seeking

stant presence of that mysterious guide, the constant

assurance of a strange but enduring amity.

He had

come

to the second, or illuminative, stage of the

:

journey

for his

mystic's way.
for those

way, after all, had been the old There is no other practicable path

who

are determined on reality,

who have

visible world, the gigantic foolishness of

found out the gigantic deception we accept as the our comfort-

able common-sense.

The
'

old

formula

came

back

to

his
'

mind

Purgation,

Illumination,

Contemplation
trod
the

the
by
This

three stages of the Via

all

Mystica, acknowledged
it,

the

masters
left

who had
its

explorers

who had

notes of

geography behind.
to co-relate in
'

trinity of experience

seemed

way with
to

the triune vision of reality

star of Goodness, Truth,

and
its

The Beauty promised

triple
'

some

those

who

attained

highest stage.

In his

wanderings, apparently so devious, he had followed

the old lines very exactly.
his feverish years detail of the
:

He

looked back on

his poor efforts to grasp some shadow show as it passed him, and make He remembered his terrified it real for himself. search for safety, the Mildred episode and its humilia-

230

THE GREY WORLD

:

tions, the hope that his first meeting with Stephen had brought lastly, the quest of security amongst

the Mysteries of Catholic belief. the slow abasement of his

spirit,

He
in
it

recognised in

the gradual re-

nunciation

of

pride

involved

each

failure,

purging of the eye of the soul that

All, it

might look with

understanding on a clearer prospect.

was evident, could not tread the same road. power of his love for Pauline had made a breach for Stephen in the flaming rampart of the world the Secret of the Altar offered a sure and certain hope to its initiates. But tor Willie the shadow of an Everlasting No was across those paths.

The

idealizing

'

'

His

way

of escape lay

through another gateway.

Climbing the steep lane between the olive groves

in the silent heat of

an Italian afternoon, everything

seemed rather supernatural in its loveliness. He came to a shrine, where a faint Umbrian Madonna held out her Child to the traveller and stopped to thank the Unknown God who had framed for his joy this wonderful Rose of the World. Each moment
:

brought

its

miracle, in the further opening of those

mystic petals.
the holy,
elfish,

He had

glimpses of

all

the worlds,

dark, and terrible countries

which
Some

are folded together to form the bewildering appear-

ance which civilized persons

resolving

call solid fact.

power in him separated these aspects of things, and set his feet in a magical place where all he saw and felt had the glamour of a fairy land inextricably entwined in this. So that he was not very

THE DELECTABLE MOUNTAINS

surprised when, at a bend of the road, he

231
pre-

came

sently on a wayfarer of another century, left behind

by the ebbing

tide of poetic faith.

brown-frocked Franciscan trod the path very

soberly before him, unconscious of the road and of

company upon
he carried
far
:

it.

His eyes were on the open book

his thoughts

it

was evident that

were

away from
'

the dust and the sun.

Willie, easily

touched by the subtle charm of the religious habit,

said
'

Buona

sera

'

very pleasantly as he passed.

:

Grazie,

signore

buon passeggio,' replied the

lips

friar

mechanically.

He
in

continued reading, his

voiceless prayer.

But

as Willie's

moving busily as if shadow fell

across his book, he raised a brown, ill-shaven face,

and looked

at him.

His eye took in the contours of

Mr. Hopkinson's strictly patriotic dress, and rested

approvingly on his hat.

persons

It

seemed
life,

that, like

most

who
!

lived a cloistered

he was interested
the
little

in small detail.
'

Teh

Inglesc

/'

he said joyfully.
assist

'

If

signore

would have the goodness to

?'

me

in the pronunciation

He
garlic,

held out his book.

It

and
'

in general

want

of

was perfumed with Mr. Hopkinrepair.

Mesi

son, expecting a Breviary, observed the title with

surprise,

La Lingua

Inglese in ire

Gram-

matica, Vocabolario, Idiomi.'

The
head

little friar

placed an odorous and insinuating

close to Willie's shoulder,

and

fell

into step with

232
him.
teristic

THE GREY WORLD

He
pointed to a tired-looking page of characEnglish puzzles

'

Bough,' 'cough,' 'bought,'

Willie, half an-

'enough.'

Escape was impossible.

noyed, half captivated by the oddness of the thing,

said the

words over slowly

and

this queer little son

of S. Francis, twisting his

tions,

tongue into strange posi-

parodied him as well as he could.

for

He

also

offered

criticism

several

obscure

sentences,

recognisable with care as British forms of speech.

Anxious not to
effort to

lose

an instant

of

this precious

opportunity, he grew very hot and breathless in the

It

combine hill-climbing with irregular verbs. was evident that he was much in earnest. To Willie, the situation seemed a paradox absurd
;

enough, yet with a certain irony at

friar,

its

heart.
life,

This

marked with the ensigns

of a religious

was

living there in the cradle of his

Order an existence

which could scarcely avoid the fringe of Invisible

Things.

Yet

all his

heart was put in a struggle to

acquire the language of a people so far behind his

spiritual ancestors in all that.

The very
of
hill

life

he led

that

temperate, ordered

life

the Franciscan

Observant

must place him on a

But
of a

which was not

that quiet

very far from heaven.

his

most ambitious

dream was
'

scrambling

down from

altitude into the busy, noisy valley of the world.

Is it

by command
?'

of

your Order that you learn

because
I

English
'

said Willie presently.

I

No, signore.

learn

it

wish to live

to

improve myself

for

the glory of

the blessed S.

THE DELECTABLE MOUNTAINS

Francis.
ones,

233

But in the convent there are indiscreet who would say " Fra Agostino wishes to make
So
it is

himself wiser than his brothers."

I

only

when

go into Spello to get a newspaper for the Father

I

Superior that

can study

a little of

the grammatica

on the road.'
'

can't think

why you

should want to learn

it.

It isn't beautiful, like Italian

I

would forget
'

it if

could.'
'

Ah, signor mio,' said Fra Agostino,

one must
has given
it is

study the world the good God has given us, must one
not
it,
?

And

to

know

all

the excellencies

He

one must truly know the English, for

from

England that now all the new things come. The more one knows, the more one will love and S. Francis laid on us the duty of loving all things.
;

So, to study the English language

di devozione.
It is that I

is

a true opera

may

daily thank the good

God

for all the interesting things

he has placed in the

In

world.

The English

are so strong, so modern.

Italia, all is old,

'

nothing moves.'
'

we may be modern, but we don't understand things we haven't religion, and the sense of beautiful living, innate in us as you must have here. We have to come to Italy to find the real loveliness, the old spirit left over from the happy
Oh,' said Willie,
;

days
1

of the world.'

If

the signore were Italian he would not speak

thus,' said

Fra Agostino.

He was

trotting steadily

by

Willie's side, a moist forefinger carefully keeping

234

THE GREY WORLD

'

grammar-book. In Italy is only the old things, the remnant in England is fertility, growth and liberty even for the religious. The
his place in the
:

signore

is

like the English signora

who was

here two

years back. the soul lives.

She loved our

Italy.

In Italy, she said,

too. that I should
it

She was surprised, She

;

wish to learn the English.

She called

turning

my
is

back on heaven.

came here
for
it is

for

beautiful

thoughts, being an artist the mother of artists.

true that Italy

In England, she said, she

had no inspiration. But veda, signore, she returned home, and she has sent an Ancona for our chapel. She painted it, altogether in the ancient manner, in her cell in England. She lives there alone she is an anchoress. In Italy, there is none who could have painted that picture. The English are great artists, a great people also. I will show the signore, and he
;

can judge.'

They had come now to the gate of the convent. They crossed the courtyard, went into the little church. It was very bare truly a mendicant sanc-

tuary.

Crude coloured statues

of S.

Francis and

S. Anthony contrasted painfully with the whitewashed brickwork, the rough wooden stalls of the choir. The cheap ornaments and artificial flowers of the altar, jarred senses which had come straight from the exquisite shrine of the earth where Nature offers her sacrifice. Fra Agostino walked up the only aisle, and Willie after him. The place seemed dark after the sunshine, and they were at the altar-

THE DELECTABLE MOUNTAINS

step before he

235

saw the picture that was behind the

Holy Table. It was not,

tized S. Francis, or an

had vaguely expected, a stigmaAnthony of Padua dreaming on the Infant Christ. What he saw was a woman's
as he
figure
;

spare, simple, ugly almost, in its short torn

canvas dress that showed the bare

travelling.

Behind her was the dim green

it

landscape, as
Angels.

stretches

worn by long Umbrian out from S. Mary of the

feet

Round
;

her head, a cloud of wheeling birds

made

and within the halo a vision of the But what struck him most was a reticence Cross. of handling, which suggested behind the plain lines of the picture an ineffable peace, the secret of a
a halo

complete inward happiness.

to her lovers.

This

woman

held out

thin delicate hands in a sort of compelling welcome

essential charm, of the place

as

if

all

Her personality was the climax, the so that it really seemed who approached that altar must come to her
:

arms.

Fra Agostino saw Willie's bewildered movement

of admiration.
'

It is

the

Lady Poverty, whom

the Blessed S.
'

Francis loved as a bride,' he explained.

her to the care of his sons.
after his death
:

He

left

but the

They lost her, some say, Government has given her

back to

was a beautiful idea of the English signora that she should be placed above our altar. A fine painting, is it not ? I show it to all the English, for we are very proud of it in the convent.'
us.
It

236
'

THE GREY WORLD

What
The
is

this signora's

name
it

?'

said Willie.

'

signore

may

read

at the

bottom

of the

picture.'

There, on a

little scroll,
'

were words

indeed., in clear

black letters.
in the fear of
cell of S.
'

Hester Waring painted this Picture

for love of S. Francis.

God and

At her

Mary-le-Street, in the year of the Lord 1900.'

?'

Is this signora in religion

'

No, signore.
is

She has not taken the habit.

;

But

she

a visionaria, a solitary
It is

she spends
:

much time
a look in
It is

in contemplation.

curious

there

is

your eyes, signore, which reminds one

not often seen
:

of her.

it

is

the look of the ecstatic.

The

signore also has

had
out

experiences.'

They went
Willie

presently

from

the

church

much possessed by the personality unknown painter who also had seen the
behind the
Veil.

of this

Secret
living

The image

of this

woman,

happy
had an

in her solitude, placidly translating her vision

of things into material beauty, fascinated him.

irrational conviction that she

He
:

was

his friend.

He
'

said over to himself her

name and

designation

Hester Waring, in her

cell of S.

Mary-le-Street.'

From far off, her example beckoned him. He thought of her still, when he stood
garden of
the
hill

in

the
of

the convent, walled in

on the brow

and looking down on

great, peaceful spaces.

The austere

silence of the place, its attitude of ex-

pectation, helped his dream.

Leaning over the wall

at the end of the little orchard, he looked out on a

THE DELECTABLE MOUNTAINS

sky and
holiness,
hills

237
in

which seemed to him to be bathed

and wondered how much of what he felt was Earth, and how much Heaven. The Father Superior,' said Fra Agostino presently, comes much to the garden for holy medita'

'

tion, as the Blessed S. Claire

'

used to do.'
to

But are not the Franciscans vowed

?'

works
'

rather than contemplation

said

Willie.

Does

not the Father Superior have to occupy himself with

useful things
'

?'

Ah, signor mio? answered Fra Agostino quietly,

is

'

there

only one rule for the good Franciscan

to

live in S. Francis' spirit as well as

signore will

remember that
S.
;

it

The was not when he was

he can.

about useful things that

favour of the Stigmata

Francis received the great

amongst the

hills.

was when he meditated The good God gives us useful

it
;

things for seventy years only

but to His lovers

It

He
?'

gives beautiful things for ever.

would be a

pity,

would But

it

not,

if

we were not

able to recognise

them

gateway the little friar's mood changed The approach to the road drew his thoughts from the charm of the cloister to the drama
at the

suddenly.

of the great world.

'

If

the signore desires to do a good action,' he said

softly, as Willie

bade him good-bye,

'

perhaps he

would send me an

illustrated post-card occasionally,

when he has returned

streets.

to his family in England.

Views of the great cities of England, and of the

The

beautiful ladies also.

If

the signore

238
will

THE GREY WORLD

do
this I will send
;

him Italian post-cards and, if he desire it, I will remember him in my prayers.' Mr. Willie Hopkinson reached Perugia at the moment of sunset, when a radiant sky shut blue hills
and white
cities in a

warm

embrace.
It

He

felt alive,

exalted, intimately joyful.

was the ecstasy which

comes with
with the
Friend.

first

knowledge

of the secret of Being,

first dim apprehension of the Shadowy But the atmosphere of the hotel, so warm, British and respectable, checked the raptures of the

road.
of a

In the corridor he heard the ungracious tones

harmonium.
tired

evidently in progress.

and a
tune,

little service was Twelve travelling spinsters schoolmaster were singing the last hymn.

Mr. Finchley's

Willie stood to listen as he passed the door.

it

The

seemed, was

'

Lead, Kindly Light,' but the

words were new to him

'

Too long we Which

followed that misguiding light

points to

Rome

Now

Luther's torch illumes the Church's night

And leads us home. Far from Confession, Incense, Feast and Fast, Till in the Gospel we repose at last.'

had been added to Cardinal Newman's poem by the orthodox muse of Mr. Finchley, who
These
lines

considered that they

suitable
for

made

the

hymn

peculiarly
countries.

use

in

Roman

Catholic

Mrs. Finchley's wiry voice could be heard leading the

congregation
cendo.

she sang the last line in an acrid cres'

This was her favourite verse.

'

It breathes,'
spirit.'

she said,

such a thoroughly Christian

CHAPTER XX
THE RIVER
'

The

afternoon draws quiet breath At pause between the eve and morn, And from the sacred place of Death

The

holy thoughts of Life are born.'

Israel Zangwill

Mrs. Hopkinson was ill so ill, that she almost seemed interesting. It had begun with a cold, which she would have nursed carefully in others but naturally neglected in herself. Her family were accustomed to leave matters of health entirely they had therefore nothing to in her keeping offer neither sympathy, patent medicines, nor advice. It seemed so unlikely that she should be it would be too inconvenient. seriously ill But when Mrs. Hopkinson began to let the hours when the news that the slip by without concern
:

butcher had called for orders did not stimulate her

sleepy brain
;

Pauline, in
of

opened the gates

She sent

whom Stephen's love had sympathy, became frightened.

and telegraphed
239

for the doctor,

for Willie,

who

hurried from Milan to find the household in

240
disorder,

THE GREY WORLD

dominated by a shadowy but very awful

presence.
all his brooding on the quick flitting he had never contemplated the deaths of his family the unpreventable obliteration of faces

Curiously, in
life

of

which made up the actual landscape of home. And quite suddenly, without any of the solemn preparation which mankind never ceases to expect
crisis, this shifting of the scenes had come. The certainty of impending death was written up a helpless feeling, the consciousness of a Destiny not to be evaded, had abruptly replaced the wholesome bustling atmosphere which was natural to the

before a

house.

He

felt

the strange hush, as of fear, with

of

which the unsubstantial side

the great change.

Being waits for

All the cheerful, indeterminate

sounds of the home-life seemed muffled.

of horror.

sharp

noise struck on the tense waiting nerves with a kind

Already, as

it

People of the Sorrowful

expecting a
panies.
silent

seemed to him, the Grey Country were gathering,

new mourner to be added to their comThey jostled him in the passages. In

their

moments, he thought that he heard

faint cry as they circled

about his mother's bed.

Meanwhile, though there was invalid cookery in

the kitchen, and a dark whisper in the air of heart
failure

and want

of recuperative power,

no one but

himself quite realized that Mrs. Hopkinson was in

danger

that few inches remained of the skein of

grey wool

dull,

but warranted to wash

which the

THE RIVER
Fates had apportioned to her homely
life.

241
Mr. Hop-

kinson could not believe that she was no longer able

to take a personal interest in the airing of his linen

on Saturday night.

The thing

fell

so far outside
:

the daily routine as to seem almost like a miracle

and Pauline and her father did not countenance

miracles, even domestic ones.
All through her
life,

Mrs. Hopkinson

had possessed

the knack of doing things in an unimpressive way.

Her remarks

fell flat

her unselfish actions passed

is

without notice.
ence,

There

a slightly squalid

way

of

handling the profound and essential things in exist-

which

this secret,
life.

is peculiarly British. It was this method, which had depoetized Mrs. Hopkinson's

She had brought forth her children amongst

now she was slipping from by the uninspiring perfumes of eucalyptus and camphorated oil. For Willie, however, the illness had a certainty of issue, and that certainty a horror, which kept all
flannel

and

stuffiness

existence surrounded

his

thoughts chained to the sick-bed.

In

its last

stages of purgation, his spirit

had dropped many

of

the petty arrogances and intolerances which had

made him in the past a thorny if intelligent neighbour. He now vaguely saw a beauty in those undecorative virtues which before had only irritated
his hyperaesthetic

mind.

Believing that

all

things

exist because of the loveliness that exists in

them, he discerned with a certain sad and tender love

beautiful

some

meaning hidden under

his mother's

16

242

THE GREY WORLD

garrulous kindness; as a majesty lurks behind the

homely features of a Rembrandt portrait. Yet he could not doubt that she was destined to the Grey World to an eternal, useless flitting to and fro on the edges of life, which would be torture to her busy spirit. By a horrible irony, those very qualities for which he might have been grateful were her ruin. That intimate carefulness for home, that selfless
;

preoccupation with her children's external comfort,

which had been fostered by education, approved by convention, by religion even these combined to tie
;

her spirit to earth.

but she had built

self.

She was an admirable animal, no immaterial heaven for hergo,

Where should she

life

who had never

and

in all

her

longed for anything but the health and

her family
?

success of herself, her husband,

It is

very clear that the Eternal and Imaginative

is
it.

world
desire

for those with eyes to see

and hearts

to

Willie

knelt

watched her
with
its

face.

fascination for

by her bedside held her hand The whole scene had a horrible him. The brightly lighted bedroom,
;

white enamelled furniture, pink striped walls,

cretonne hangings,
incredible.

made

the idea of imminent death

All seemed orderly, earthly, actual. had been made up, and burned cheerfully. There was a table near it with the remains of beefLily the Cheiromant,' which only tea, and a novel, two days ago Mrs. Hopkinson had been reading with Yet now she lay on the bed, as he great interest.

The

fire

'

THE RIVER
once had
lain,

243

and struggled,

half unconscious of her

life.

extremity, to retain her hold upon

Two
and

worlds, two powers, were fused in that

little

room, and she was the link between them.

soul

Body

had entered on the last assault of their long tournament. He remembered, with a shock almost of fear, that in this same place he had made his second entry into the visible world. The houses of death and of birth the terminals of the timeprocess came together here and showed to him
'

'

the sameness of their secret.

He wondered whether

she

felt,

as he
It

had done,
suddenly

the dreadful isolation of the dying.

occurred to him that he, of his experience, should

be able to help her in this passage as no other could

possibly do.

They were alone together. Pauline had thought the patient better, and had gone for a walk. Willie, with an indefinable knowledge that the time had almost come, that the last chains were loosed, felt that no interest would be served by
candour.

There

is

a horror in vociferous grief.

his

He

let his sister go.

He would be with

mother, to

help her take an atmosphere of serenity as near the

boundary as she might. For more than half an hour she had lain quite quiet. Everything suggested a drowsy calm but it was the stillness of an armistice, not of a peace. The April sunshine, coming through the muslin curtain of the window, cast warm lights on her shapeless homely face, on the faded shawl about
;

16

244

THE GREY WORLD

The bright
opposite
in

her shoulders, the crumpled long-cloth nightdress

underneath.
things
so

light

and the
tendency,

silence,

their

strained

Willie's nerves,
ness, the

made him

sensible of the strange-

awful quality in the appearance of things.

There was on one hand the feeling of inclusion, of On the safety, bound up in the walls of a home.
other, there

was the knowledge that

all this,
;

this

haven, was a shadow, a dissolving view that one of those whom it now seemed to hold so securely

would presently pass out of its boundaries, unhindered by its walls, unhelped by all its comforts. She hiy on the bed she, for whom in a few moments nothing should be warm or durable any more know-

ing nothing of

all this

adventuring ignorantly into

the darkness.

Then he looked
already come.

at her,

and saw that a change had

hand
eyes.

as

it

There was a new tension in her clutched the sheet, a hunted look in her
;

Willie felt sorry for her

he knew that she

had reached the first stage of the terror. She was She could cut off now from the rest of humanity. not speak to him. She was afraid that he would go away and leave her alone on the brink. He moved
the pillow to help her struggling anxious breath
;

moistened her

lips,

which were dry and parched

bathed her temples, where the skin was already He wondered whether any knowcuriously drawn.
ledge of his presence could force
its

way

to the inner
;

place where her spirit was fighting for

life

whether

THE RIVER

245

he had power to galvanize the sleepy senses and send her assurance that she was not alone. Re-

membering the agony

through, he
felt

of loneliness he

had passed

very

pitiful.

He would have wished

It

his mother's

death to be a more beautiful thing.

fell

Another barrier
furnishings went.

before the enemy.

seemed
its

that her comfortable trust in the solid earth and

She sat up suddenly

in the bed,

reaching out terrified hands to grasp something

which should reassure her by its reality and firmWillie took the poor hands in his own, and ness.
held

them

tightly

trying with

all

the force of his

will to fight the

It

horror

now

so strong in her spirit.

terror of a

was the convulsed, uncontrollable

child
;

frightened

horrible

to

see

on

that
of
it

sane
given

elderly face, never since his

knowledge

Our decorously makes the great terrors and joys of the human soul seem almost indecent. Willie shuddered and felt sick before the agony of his mother's first look upon death. He knew himself in some degree guilty of her torment felt that perhaps the cares of his nurture had been for something in the maiming of her soul. To their parents, children must always be either wings or weights he could not remember that he had ever helped his mother to rise. Presently her lips moved she was trying to
over to other than tepid emotions.
insipid

way

of living

speak to him.
were

He

leaned to her, but the words

difficult to hear.

Two

only he caught

an

246
intense

THE GREY WORLD

and bitter whisper were from behind the

'
:

Help

me

!'

an appeal

some potent as it but negligent saviour still on the remembered shore. She was on the edge now had seen something of the grey and empty places towards which her spirit was hurrying fast. That cry, almost inarticulate, raised a passion of Always till now a sorrowful love in Willie's heart.
barrier to
solitary, living in a self-contained universe

which

only in externals touched the lives of his fellow-men,

in this

moment he suddenly felt the inter-dependence of all human things in their time of discipline. He perceived the impossibility of any perfect happi-

ness for himself in the face of this torture of another

spirit.

He

longed, as he had never longed for anylife,

thing in his

for the release of Mrs.

Hopkinson
ready for a

from the Sorrowful Country.

He was
peace

supreme
ished

sacrifice,

forgetting

altogether his cher-

safety.

His

own

future

seemed a

small price to pay for some surety of his mother's

salvation.
'

Mother,' he said,
I'll
if

'

be comforted

I'll

find a

way,
close,

save you

There's a heaven here quite

it,

only you would see

only look at that.'

But
her.

it

was too

late

his

In her twisted

lips,

words could not reach the fixed gaze of her stony

eyes, he could see signs that the

sage had begun.

her.
tarilv

agony of the pasThe sensual world had gone from The other, in its dreary monotony, momenbecame clearer. But as he watched, her face

THE RIVER
relaxed abruptly.
prise

247

little

hint of

some glad

sur-

crept

into

her expression.
to her

Some

mystical

sixth sense

was added

endowment, and gave

She looked at
;

her a glimpse of unexpected things.

Willie,

and smiled.

It

was a mother's smile

the

radiance of a quite unselfish happiness.

'

You'll be

all right, dearie,'

she said joyfully.

;

The stress passed from her face then it did not seem that she was frightened any more. In another moment, the hand that he held became hmp in his The empty body fell back on the pillows. grasp. Mrs. Hopkinson had passed over.
3JC 3C
3|C JJS
5JS

It

that

was done it seemed hardly

;

but so quickly, with so

credible.

little fuss,

Willie, versed in

the fictions of Maeterlinck, the poetry of static fear,

had somehow expected that the visible side of things would show a certain sympathy, a knowledge
of the soul's crisis.

Impossible, he thought, that so

irrevocable a thing could

come

so simply.

But nothing happened.

on the door
It

of

life,

no sudden gust

There was no knocking of wind, no

vaguely symbolic bird fluttering at the window.

was

difficult to realize

that the routine of exist-

ence had been sharply broken.

The fire crackled as before. A tradesman's van went down the street. Someone at the next house
whistled for a hansom.
quite clearly, noting
at the corpse
Willie heard all these things

them

as he sat gazing stupidly

upon the bed.

The hansom came and

248
went.

THE GREY WORLD

After that, silence.
In another

moment, he
tell

knew, he must go out from the room and

the

news
rate

to the household

start the useless

and elabo-

But suddenly a harsh The abruptness of the sound drew a sob that was almost of fear from him but its origin was normal enough. Only a pianoorgan, very new and insistent, which had stopped before the door and struck up the Old Hunmachinery
of
grief.

clang broke the

stillness.

'

dredth

'
'

All people that on Earth

Sing

Him

do dwell Lord with cheerful voice serve with fear, His praise forth tell,
to the
;

Come
It

ye before

Him and rejoice!

for her citizen.

was London's dirge

CHAPTER XXI
WILLIE TRIES TO LEND A HAND
'Be not the
while
I

slave of

Words
for
it,

is

not the Distant, the Dead,

for
it,

love

it,

and long

and mourn
floor
I

Here, in the
?'

genuine sense, as truly as the

stand on

THOMAS

Carlyle.

In the days of studied and slightly hypocritical

gloom which
Willie

followed

Mrs.

Hopkinson's

death,

back into himself, rearranged the disturbed images which filled his House of Life.
sank

A new
the

duty had come dreamy hopes that he

the
state
of

to the footlights, jostling

loved.

Himself so certain

of his road,

though hardly yet

in sight of the Peaceful

City,

those blind adventurers

blundered thoughtlessly through their

life

who moment of

seemed to have become any more his amusement.

'

his responsibility, not

'

Speichern Sie

friends,' cries the Egoist.

Speichern Sie

me from my me from the confriends,'

viction that

ought to save

my

were a

better prayer for the Dreamer.

His secrecy, his aloofness, took on for him now

a character almost murderous.
thought, 7 might
'

How
death

different,

his

mother's
249

he have been,

250

THE GREY WORLD

insistence

had he always spoken candidly and with

of the world as

he knew

it

to be

cynicism had paralyzed his sympathies,

to knowledge.
air

Some criminal made him

profoundly unconscious of the duties that belong

The
;

stifling,

ostentatiously dismal

of
;

the house

the days spent behind closed

blinds

the honours, to

him

so ridiculous,
;

which

were paid to the decaying corpse

his

these gave to

remorse an acid tendency.

It bit into his soul,

driving out the guiding lines which he had traced

there in the careful hours of peace.

The
of
this

life

of a

bereaved household
things

is

always

full

petty discomforts.
state
of

To everyone but

himself,

seemed natural a fitting of an excellent housewife. The fact that the tea had been made with lukewarm water, that there was a feeling in the air of charwomen and spring-cleaning of a specially lugubrious kind, only drew their thoughts more
tribute to the

memory

tenderly

to

the

virtues
of

of

the
little

deceased.

Mrs.

Hopkinson had been

her
she
life,

so

account during

that the peculiarly unpleasant emptiness

left

behind her came almost as an agreeable

sat in the dining-room, vaguely

surprise.

aware were more inconveniences and that its suited to their state than gipsy tables and brocaded Pauline, red-eyed, worried by her own chairs. incomprehensible sense of desolation, was trying

The family

odours

to

find

some

interest

in

the choosing of blouse


WILLIE TRIES TO LEND A HAND
materials from a box of patterns.

251

Her head was

heavy with
to

tears,

but she attached no real meaning

Grief

her miseries.

had become automatic

a reflex action.
Bertie Anthracite sat on her knee, a sharp contrast
to

her fatigued wretchedness.

of her lap suited his figure,

The outline and he had condensed

His
comfort.

into a

compact mound

of purring happiness.

society gave to Pauline

a certain

At

he was fussily affectionate, as Mrs. Hopkinson used to be and his intense blackness he had no white hairs had its own mournful meal-times
;

suitability.

Mrs. Steinmann,

who had come

sat

in to see

if

she

could be of use and had remained because no one

worried her to do anything,

in

the largest

armchair with her hands before her.

Her thick

and bead-trimmed dress looked dusty in the April sunlight, and seemed to Willie like a woolly epigram which epitomized the mental atmosphere of the
room.
his

Opposite to her, Mr. Hopkinson, balancing

weight on the edge of the sofa, stared moodily

the
fireplace.

at

He wanted

to

read

the

new

number of Science Gossip, and wondered whether anyone would think it an act of disrespect. Always
more sensuous than emotional, an abstract grief bored him but he stood in awe of Mrs. Steinmann, who was expert in the etiquette of death he was
: ;

anxious to do the right thing.

Willie, near Pauline,

watched her

idly, focussing

252
his gaze

THE GREY WORLD

upon the
table-cloth on which she
silk.

had

spread her bits of voile and

Its red surface,

covered with a pattern as black and shapeless as

the nether world, had an air of hateful actuality

which seemed to involve

satisfied materialism.

its

owners in a small and

at

He wondered what was

the root of this subtle antagonism between crimson

felt

and the
little

spiritual world.

In a

while, Pauline gave

up her attempt
three.

at

occupation, pushed the box away, looked wearily

at

the clock.

It

was only half-past

his position slightly

Mr.

and began to clean his nails with a tooth-pick. The life of the room was stagnant, airless. The boredom of sorrow was weighing heavily on it that attitude of weary unconcern towards life which lingers in the neighbourhood of death. Mr. Hopkinson and his daughter felt it the more because they were not

Hopkinson shifted

sufficiently

intelligent
felt
it

to

understand
it

it.

Mrs.

Steinmann
nerves.
of

too,

but
it

did not trouble her

She recognised
also

as a normal accessory

bereavement.
Willie

was oppressed

drawn

in

spite

of

himself

very near to the borderland of unsub-

stantial things.
call

He

could not remember Italy, or

back the knowledge of reconciliation that had

to

come
Land.

him

there.

A cloud lay across the

Beautiful

In that happy place, all the world had seemed strange and symbolical, the medium of adorable secrets. But beyond that, in the Dreadful

WILLIE TRIES TO LEND A HAND

Country, the shadowy side of the circle of

253
it

life,

showed

itself

to

be emptiness and

illusion.

To

some force was drawing him now. He felt that unless the strong silence of the room were broken, the activities of daily
this plane of perception
life

brought back, he should step over into the

Grey World, and renew all the old vanquished fears. Looking so closely at death had put the vision called Reality out of focus. He seemed to see the world-process as a great pendulum, swinging silently and incessantly through the seen and the unseen spheres. Always, on its journey and return,
it

carried the helpless, semi-conscious

human

soul.

How

casual and trivial, after

:

all,

was

his short

tenancy of the body

tism of the

no more than the moment

began
!

of rest before the return swing

Dead fought with him,

in this

as

if

The magnedemanding

an interpreter

deserter from their ranks.

His mother was having her revenge.

He
out

got up abruptly, went to the window, looked

between

the

slats

of

the

closed

Venetian

blinds.

In the presence of death, he

still

turned

instinctively for relief to the poor little assurances

of

diurnal

existence.

back an

inert
in

image

to him.

But even the street gave There was something

monstrous

the impassive stare of the houses.

The
on

sky, his great refuge,

if

was vacant

it

seemed

immovable, as
its

the Earth had ceased to dance

way through

the heavens.

He

received the

impression that the whole world was dead, and

254
life

THE GREY WORLD

itself

a rare and confusing accident.

filled

He saw

that the souls which

really

the Grey

dead

had

in

fact

never lived

World were and that

;

and more terrible death, of which the extinction of the body is a symbol, was the source
this deeper
of all their miseries.

'Can't

we

do something
life

?'

he said suddenly.
at

The
'

sense of suspended

was becoming unbearable.

Mr.

Hopkinson

looked

him
;

dully.

One

must respect the dead,

answered.
'

my

boy

it's

customary,' he

This sort of thing

Willie.
'

isn't

respect of anything,'

said

It's

awful.
!'

We

might

almost

as

well be dead ourselves

'

was !' murmured Pauline. I shall never be happy again. Poor mother !' The sound of her own words reminded her how wretched she was she began to cry. Mrs. Steinmann got up. You're a little bit
I

wish

'

'

overwrought, Pauline,' she said.

'

It's

not to be

wondered

at.

I'll

just get

you the

salts off

poor mother's dressing-table

de-Cologne

ammonia
Pauline

your and eau-

noticed

the wreaths.

They'll do
of

them when I was arranging you a world of good.'

room.
choked,
herself.

She went out

Willie looked

the

swallowed her sobs, but could not control

gravely at his
sister.

Her outcry
feeling

had

startled him, for he

had a superstitious

that standing so near to the edge of things, even the spoken word was dangerous.

WILLIE TRIES TO LEND A HAND

Oh, hush !' he said. Never ask for death.
' '

255

You

shouldn't speak so.

if

Life,

even

it's

lonely,

is

less terrible
'

than that.'
mother's
wailed
lonely
Pauline.

Perhaps
us
!'

now.

Perhaps
tears
fell

she

wants

Her

on

Bertie Anthracite's head and ran down his ruff,; making damp and unbecoming streaks upon the Bertie got up, sniffing reproachfully, and fur. went to look for drier quarters on the sofa. My dear Pauline !' said Mr. Hopkinson very kindly, you are distressing yourself without cause. The dead cannot be lonely. It is impossible for
' '

emotion to survive the destruction of the braincortex.

is

To

the biologist, remember, consciousness

inconceivable without protoplasm.

You know
Calm

that quite well, but you are rather upset.

yourself.

Death
out
of

is

a most distressing phenomenon,

it's

but unfortunately
getting
it,

the rule of creation.

No

ourselves.

you know. We must resign Mustn't expect Nature to preserve

outworn material.' Mr. Hopkinson blew his nose, and seemed more cheerful for his own explanation. Let us be
'

thankful,' he added,

'

that

we

live in

a scientific

age

and don't

let

us confuse ourselves with any

mediaeval nonsense about future states.'

Willie, to his own surprise, began to speak eagerly and imperatively. Oh, but it's Pauline who's right,' he said, and
'
'

it's

we who

talk nonsense, not the old wise peoples

256

THE GREY WORLD

allegories of Heaven and Hell. The dead are lonely, when they die as mother has died, without seeing the real meaning of life. Listen,

who made

you shall listen because it's the Why will you take the shadow for the real, and the veil for the limit like this ? Can't you see, on your theory, what a senseless, unreasonable
father
truth.
!
r

Oh

performance existence
scale
of

is ?

Isn't

it

arrogance to
the
little

think that there's nothing more beyond

vibrations your senses

ments can pick up ? to lead to and on the face

;

and your instruThat's what your view seems

of
it, it

looks a

silly lie.'
still

'

My

dear

lad

!'

replied

Mr.

Hopkinson,
'

preserving an admirable good temper,

conclusions
lie.

founded on Causation and Experience cannot

Modern
entry.

science

is

as sure of

its

results as double

No room there for chance and fancy. What's put down on one page is bound to turn up finally on the other.' Oh, yes !' answered Willie. But not as you
' '

think,

father.

It's

the

invisible

things,

all

the

unnoticed forces, and the real

life
:

critical

events of

they turn up again in death and make the

All the steps the soul has taken,
it

future.

and

all

the loves and hates

has

those
I

are the causes

which have

effects that count.

listen.

must
your

tell

you.

You must
meaningless
minute.

You're
living

wasting
in

life

on

acts,

great

danger

every

You've got to

die,

and you never think

of that, never notice the real proportions of things.'

WILLIE TRIES TO LEND A HAND

Mr. Hopkinson became annoyed.
his son's

257
that

remarks were in bad

silly

taste.

He He

felt

could not

conceive where such

notions came from.

He

was

listening anxiously, too, for Mrs. Steinmann's

returning footsteps.
wished.
ness,

Willie

was
it

in earnest

But he could not sneer as he and real earnest;

though
its
it

is

generally

grotesque,

always

shames
This
as to

tepid audience into attention.

was, together with a complete uncertainty

to do,

what he ought
to

which

set Mr.

Hopkinwrath-

son's teeth on edge.

ful

He was

in the state of

discomfort

which any polite person

may

be reduced when an earnest missionary suddenly

suggests a
Willie

word

of prayer in the drawing-room.

noticed

the

expression

of

respectable

disgust which
father's face.
'

came over the

It did

dull pink oval of his

not astonish him.

think
'

He went

on.

This

world

you

so

important

and

trustworthy,' he said,
fect

is

only a shadow, an imperis

way

of seeing

something that

very different
>

in itself.

Everyone seems
should they
?

to hate that thought

it

but

why

When
has for

fades for you to

;

me when the dead become more real than the living, and Time and Space only empty words, modern science won't be much good. You're disgusted, of course you think I'm mad but I daren't let you die without saying the truth. Mother's gone, lost, and I never helped
a colourless mist, as
it
: :

her.

I'll

not easily forgive myself for that out quickly,

J
'

'

At

this point, Pauline cried

How

258

THE GREY WORLD

can you be so wicked, Willie ? How dare you say mother's in Hell ?' But he went on.
'

Listen

your senses only know one world, and

;

but there's world after world, and mode after mode of perception,
all

that the cheapest and most obvious

wrapped behind

it

only you will look

down

the time,

not up, to where the real things

are written.

And what
?

will

be the use, when earth's

gone from you, about so much

of all the earth-powers

It's

the strong soul

you you

fuss
will

want then
you

and your soul isn't any further now than when you were a baby. All you will do, if
;

die like this,

will

be to hang about on the

That's
the

fringe of the old earth-life, just out of reach of

everything you

care

for.

real

Hell,

and

it's

kept for those

who have never been born

But

in the spirit.'

He

left off

speaking, and no one answered.

Bertie Anthracite, awake,

somehow

conscious of a

strangeness in the room, raised a black nose from

between folded paws and looked at him solemnly. There was a remote and dreamy fellowship in his
great

amber

eyes.

Otherwise, Willie's attempt to the breaking of

barriers

had resulted only in a stronger isolation. Mr. Hopkinson felt insulted always the first re-

action of a

mean

soul in the presence of truth.

He had
was

the comforting conviction that the boy

either off his

head or playing the

to
do.

fool,

but

he did not

know what

He

missed his

WILLIE TRIES TO LEND A HAND

wife,

259

who would doubtless have removed Willie on some convenient if undignified pretext. To Pauline, the whole scene seemed a puzzling aggravation of the general wretchedness of things.

Only

to Mr. Willie

Hopkinson were

his

own words sharp

and pregnant.
His speech, indeed, had been rather an incantation than a confession
his father
;

for of his actual intention

and

sister

had understood nothing

at

all.

They were

left

with the impression that he was

uncomfortably queer, and. that his remarks had an

But back on himself, his words fell and the Gates of Horn, for him always on the latch, swung open. He lost the visible and the obvious, and won back his old sense of the extreme naturalness of unseen things. The Grey World, in fact, rushed back on Willie, and he met it almost gladly as a relief from the It brought with suffocating limits of his home.
it

obscure and undesirable bearing on religion.

the colourless landscape

of

infinite space,

and

space was what he needed as an antidote to the

littleness

of

life.

He

did not feel any more the

to hold for him. The him now only with a Their Hell had become his purging sadness. a place of great clarity and peace. Heaven Beyond them, he saw all things reconciled and made Knowledge gave him faith he looked out good.
terrors
it

which

had used
filled

crying of the dead

on the desert

of death very steadily. of nothing at all

He knew now

but the grey

17

260
endless
fields

THE GREY WORLD

of

that

other

Dimension.
its

There,

among

the crowd and confusion of

spirit of Mrs.

populations,

he was aware of the

Hopkinson, lonely

and anxious, struggling

children in the world.

communicate with her seemed that his own spirit was being dragged back from visible life by her imperative longing, and met her on some intermediate plane. Her soul sank into his. She spoke to him not coherently at first, but with
to
It
;

the inarticulate hurry of a garrulous person

who
Their

has

been

deprived

of
it

opportunity

for

chatter.

There was nothing,

rushed with
barrier,
relief

seemed, to be said.

planes of being were too far separate.

Only she
in the

on

this

unexpected gap

took up the homely intercourse which had

life

been the whole

of her soul.

She was overflowing with all the old, human sympathies which he had despised until she had taken them from him. She was still one with her
children,

through them.

some sense vicariously happy missed the note of boredom and despair which was his one sharp memory of

and

in

He

the Other Side.

Otherwise, he

felt

her presence to
it

be absolutely natural.
of

He
in the

lost

with

the sense

something missing

household which had

This force in the

worried him since her death.

Grey World, loving him and leaning out to him, gave him a new feeling of unity and content. Dear mother he said suddenly. His voice was low but very penetrating, as if it had come
'

!'

WILLIE TRIES TO LEND A HAND

from a great way off. It was not, in fact, at all but like that of a stranger using It caught Mr. Hopkinson's attention.
;

261

his voice his lips.

'

Eh
T

What

?'

he said.

illie, all

his attention

turned to another dimen-

saw the sensual world uncertainly, through a distorting haze. No doubt he had a vague knowledge of the room, and of people in it, but their
sion,

personalities did not affect him.

father automatically, as one

He answered his may answer questions

us.

given in a dream.
'

Mother's here,' he said,

'

watching

Of course

one knew she must be, but it's nice to feel it. And aren't you glad ? she's not so very unhappy
;

She wants to get back to

find out presently that
'

us, of course

but

she'll

it's

impossible.'
fool,
'

Don't be such an infernal

Willie,'

said

We've heard Hopkinson very sharply. enough of your morbid fancies for one day. Besides, you're upsetting this is no time for ghost stories your sister.' As Pauline, in fact, had turned very white.
Mr.
;

Willie paused, she burst into loud harsh sobs of

terror.

But her brother was now beyond the

:

reach of hysterics or reproofs

see anything of

he did not hear or

in the

what was happening

room.
seized

Mr. Hopkinson, as he realized this

fact,

was

by an uncontrollable fear which he knew to be unreasonable, and which made him feel a great dislike
for his son.

He

attributed

it

to the religious views

262
of
his

THE GREY WORLD

;

semi-human ancestors but this did not mend his damaged pride. Willie had slipped from the visible world as completely as in the first years of his childhood, before
his

communications with the earth-life were solid and complete. He was now established on the
other plane
;

recognised

its

misty landscape, the

He was puzzled. His mother texture of its life. seemed to be happy incomprehensibly happy for that empty and desolate place. She had so long been accustomed, it seemed, to find contentment in

the well-being of her children, that

now

their exist-

ence on earth

made

a little

Heaven

for her soul.

Love that was not love

ts

of self

appeared to bring

own reward
as

an

arrangement which struck

It

Willie

extremely odd.

was

in

this

that

Mrs. Hopkinson lived, secure from the loneliness of

the self-centred dead

lost happiness.

who hunt
life

forever for their

But her

lished.

She was uneasy.

As

against hers

by the

tide of

was not firmly estabhis spirit was driven his thought, or drawn

back by the drag of the world, he knew that all was not secure with her, that there was something she had to tell him. He remembered what a friendly listener would have meant to him when he was amongst the Dead, and turned his whole will towards
the understanding of her message.
'

Mother, what
I

is

it ?'

he

said.

'

I'm here.

know.

can speak for you.'

like

The answer came

a voice within his

own

WILLIE TRIES TO LEND A HAND

mind.
it

263

He knew

at the

moment

of

speaking what

afraid of the place

was that she wanted. She was afraid. Not where she was, but of being
filled,

forgotten, seeing her place

her

memory

in the

world overlaid with living

interests.

When

that

happened, he saw, she would be quite alone, would have lost her anchorage to earth. Love gave her a part still in the home that she had cared for, but it was a reciprocal love, a magnetism in which the living had to do their part. Only in their remembrance she retained her hold upon visible things.

The forgotten die, as the loveless die except those happy dreamers who have found the Heart of the Rose, and pass from the Earth-sphere to the Absolute. He saw suddenly and unforgettably the one great duty of the living, in the loving commemoration of the dead.
:

'

It's

all

right,

mother

dearest,'

he

said.

'

We

shall never forget you.

You

shan't be forsaken.

We

love

you,

and

there's

no

barrier.

You'll

always be with us now.'

He
timid

felt

then her personality enfolding him

deprecating
'

the
?

affectionate,

being

whose
want,

constant
dearie
?'

questions

Anything

you

Are you sure you're

filled

feeling quite the thing

life.

had

so great a space in the tissue of his

Now

the irksome guardianship was over, and he, instead,

was made the keeper of his mother's happiness. He seized on the new duty gladly. He stood up, held out his arms irrationally, but with an utter

264
conviction, as
to safety.

THE GREY WORLD

if

he were indeed going to hold her

He said nothing. He seemed to have gone past speech to the place of pure thought.
Mr. Hopkinson, watching him uneasily, decided
that he was going to faint.

As a matter
;

of fact,

he was acutely but narrowly conscious

blind to

the sensual world, but with eyes wide open to an

inner secret, the holiest that he had known.

His mother was his to care

son.
her.

for,

and he was her

He knew,
#

for

the

first

time, that he loved

He came back
in hysterics

with a violent sense of physical

:

shock to a roomful of startled persons

Pauline

on the

sofa, Bertie Anthracite

standing

fascinated
fluffy coat

and

rigid at his feet, ears

forward and

nervously erect.

Mr. Hopkinson, red-

faced,

awkward and

angry, patted his daughter

with a helpless hand.

Only Mrs. Steinmann stood

triumphantly upon the hearth-rug, undisturbed by

anything more exciting than her own promptitude

and common-sense.
'

She had just thrown a large

'

glassful of cold water in Willie's face.

Just in time
off in

!'

she said joyously.

Still

You'd have
giddy
?

been
'

another minute.

feel

thought you'd been looking poorly

Neurotic young
ass,'

all

the afternoon.'

growled Mr. Hopkinson.

His shaking hand reminded him that he had passed but Mrs. through a very creepy ten minutes
;

Steinmann's sensible attitude reassured him, and

WILLIE TRIES TO LEND A HAND

he was

265

now

only uncertain whether Willie's display

meant
'

illness or folly.

Nothing

like a

sharp shock at the right

moment

!'

Mrs. Steinmann continued, as the wrathful Willie,

suffering

from the insecure sensations

of the recently

anaesthetized, hastily dried his face,

and

tried to
his back.

check the rivers

'

which were running down

Only over-excitement with a touch of liver in it, most likely. You never can tell what form bile will take. I remember, Willie, you had an attack something like this when you were quite a little boy. It made your poor mother very anxious at the time she thought it was your brain. I told her she was wrong, I've had so much experience with boys and as a matter of fact it turned out
: :

to be nothing but stomach.'

Mrs.

Steinmann's
:

tone

was

full

of

cheerful

authority

but she raised her eyebrows in a knowing

manner

as she glanced at Mr. Hopkinson,

touched his forehead with one finger

gravely in reply.

and he and nodded

CHAPTER XXII
CROSS-ROADS
Quand on veut noyer son chien, on French Proverb.
'

dit qu'il

la rage.'

Stephen, in the double capacity of Willie's friend and Pauline's lover, was forced into a family consultation. The situation was serious. Mr. Willie Hopkinson had neither repented nor explained his outburst. Knowing that explanation between the ignorant and initiate must always be a paradox, he had chosen an attitude of smiling unconcern which
strained not only his

own

nerves, but also the underIt

standing of his relations.

seemed to Mr. Hop-

kinson irrefutable evidence that his son's conduct

proceeded from disease rather than conviction.

But

a medically inclined cousin, invited to lunch in order

that he might pronounce on Willie's mental state, had been disappointing. He found, he said, nothing organically wrong with the boy. A nervous temperament, which wanted taking out of itself. He

advised his disgusted host,

who longed

to discuss

the question of neuroses, to give his son a good

tonic

and

let

him go

to the devil for a bit.

266

CROSS-ROADS
'

267
'

He's wrong,' said Mr. Hopkinson.

it.

I'm con-

vinced of
interview.

Symptoms

are everything in these

in a short
;

cases, of course,

and he couldn't judge

But that attack the other day the simulated voice, and the hallucination, and all that
false

excitement

distinct

traces of a lesion there,

to

'

my mind.' In my opinion,'
it

said Mrs. Steinmann,

'

Willie's
I

never been quite the same since his trip abroad.

put

down

a good deal to the sudden change.

it.

Many

constitutions can't stand

;

All his usual

and then foreign food. That alone was almost bound to upset him. So oily.' Yes,' replied Mr. Hopkinson. Your daughter
habits altered
' '

meant kindly when she recommended that

I

trip,

but

always thought

it

a foolish plan myself.

I've
all

no
the

belief in these changes.

Oxygen's the same

world over, and after

the comforts of
life

all

there are few places where

are so well understood as in this

dear old England of ours.'

comes to questions of She seems to think a course of bad hotels health. and old churches will cure anything. But as I say to her, what on earth's the good of this rushing about Europe nowadays, when you can buy all the same things in London ? It's silly as well as expensive, and I'm afraid it's had a good deal to do with Willie's
'

Oh, Elsa's a fool when

it

queerness
of
it.'
'

that, and

his mother's

death on the top

think,' said Stephen,

'

one must not expect

268

THE GREY WORLD

He
has unusual
'

Willie to be quite normal.

gifts,

and

his

own way

of seeing the world

He was wondering, as he uttered these facile phrases, how best to solve the equation of which Willie, Mr. Hopkinson, and his own convenience,
were the principal terms.
Stephen at this time
to be married to

hung

in

the balance between solid interests and

spiritual hopes.

To be engaged

a wholesome young woman, must in the end prove

a sobering influence.

He was growing
;

older

and
His

wiser in the strictly useful sense

approximating
life.

the texture of his

dream
it

to the texture of

sharp
of the

intellect, as little

content with the isolation

mystic as

had been with the gregarious

common life, sought incessantly for compromise. He was not deceived by appearance but many of its aspects pleased him, and he refused
greyness of
;

them up. Toward Willie, he felt respectful but impatient wanted to help him, was irritated because he showed
to give
;

himself so

little

ready to be helped.

His visionary
still

strength, flung into his love

and

his profession,

gave him a glamour that was not quite of the world.

It explained his
restless,

hold upon Pauline's heart, as his

mind explained the gulf which broadened between him and her brother.
critical

Stephen wished to succeed both as the lover of the

Ideal

and the husband

of Miss Pauline

Hopkinson.

This programme called for a tolerant spirit best de-

veloped amongst persons unfamiliar with the flaming

CROSS-ROADS
visions of his youth.

269

Hence, he did not care to be

thrown too much

in Willie's

company.

It

made him

uncomfortable, like living opposite a church that he

had ceased
his

to attend.

He had now
is

so disciplined

mind, that he had become something of that

life,

ideal spectator of

who

willing to accept every-

and even to be credulous when the play demands that exertion. He could turn without any disagreeable emotion from the writing of a
thing,

sonnet on the Virgin to the designing of a Gothic

hall for political meetings.

But he knew

in his soul

that Willie, the tedious fanatic, remained spiritually

superior to himself, the intelligent taster of
life.

Gratitude, of course, should have had

in

some place
Mr.
Willie

the

matter.

This

consideration

troubled

Stephen Miller

in his better

moments.

had

once opened for him a treasure-house at which he

had long been knocking. But he had walked through it to another which lay beyond, and now he was sure that the first one had been not a treasure-house, but a dream.

In substance, therefore, Stephen leaned to the

view that Mr. Willie Hopkinson's elimination from

the family circle was expedient,
if

not inevitable.

He

foresaw constant collisions between Willie and

as buffer.

his world, only to be avoided

by his own permanent But to succeed as an architect, pose as a Platonist, and manage a commercial father-in-law, seemed vocation enough for Stephen. He told himself that Willie would be happier away employment

270

THE GREY WORLD

He knew
that everyone else would be
it

from home.

happier without Willie, for

is

horrible to live in

the constant presence of something which you

that you do not understand.
his daughter

know

Mr. Hopkinson and had been nervous and irritable since the afternoon when the Unseen World was brought into sudden and confusing proximity with their

dining-room furniture.
Loyalty, however, was expected of him.
It

was
well-

the mere duty of friendship to break the impact

educated

between Willie's idealism and mind. Remembering

unpopularity of his
delicately
'

his

father's

with

terror

the

own
'

early beliefs, he entered

upon the defence. I think,' he said, you must make allowances. You were startled the other day by Willie's behaviour, but he has a curious

way

of putting things

always
sees

has had.
that

It's

quite likely, too. that he

see.

much

we do not
;

You

don't believe

that, perhaps, Pauline

but Mr. Hopkinson knows

a scientific possibility.

as well as I

do that

it's

Our
'

senses are not perfect agents

by any means
Mr.

He

looked

carefully

at

Hopkinson.

He

desired to confuse, without offending, his future

father-in-law.

bold excursion into the enemy's

country seemed his only hope.

'

don't

think,'

he

continued,

'

that

because

Willie's brain reacts on experience rather differently

from yours and mine, Mr. Hopkinson,

to say that he's insane.'

it's

necessary


CROSS-ROADS
No no,' replied not.' He regretted
'

271
'

Mr.
this

Hopkinson.
admission
it

Possibly

immediately,
before
it

and hurried on
in

to get out of sight of

'

could be recognised.
the
house.

But

he's a deuced nuisance

seers
of

Transcendentalists, and

ghosts,

and

so

on are out

of date.
It's

He
an

ought to
atavism

conform to modern notions.

about a century behind the times.

business yourself at one time.'

Reminds me,

Stephen, you were rather taken up with the spook

That was before Stephen hastily.

'

knew you and

Pauline,' said

'

Ah, nothing

like a bright, sensible girl for settling

a young chap.

But the question

?

is,

what's to be
go,

done with Willie

that love-affair
figures.
' ;

Bookbinding no

thanks to
day.'

business no go, he's no head for

all

Can't have him loafing about here

like,'

If

you

said Stephen,

'

I'll

speak to him.'

He found
Italy

Willie in low spirits.

The sunshine

of

had faded. Much of the old misery had come back. Those deeps of experience in which his mother and he had found each other had ill prepared him for the squalid questions and strictly pathological sympathy of the following days. What on earth am I to do ?' he said. I can't
'

'

stay here.

They look
This

at

me

suspiciously.
?

They
doesn't

think I'm mad.

Funny,

isn't it

but me.

it

amuse
here,
I

for ever.

life is stifling

strong enough to breathe through

it.

When

I'm not I'm

lose the holy strangeness of the world.'

272
'

THE GREY WORLD

That's true.

You're

all

out of key here.

Some-

thing will have to be done.'

it

Oh yes, I must go. It's no use to stay. I thought was my duty to tell them the truth, so I tried. They saw I meant it, too, though they'll never acknowledge it. I made them feel for a minute that there is an invisible world, and father won't
'

forgive that
little
lies.

people are so tenacious of their

I

own
;

And anyhow

can't stay.

I've seen

the road, and at the end the Beautiful Gate

here
star.'
ful,' I

but

drop back to the grey,

can't follow the

He
to

stopped.

'

But
'

it

seems wrong, wastebelieve

he said slowly.
see
it.
?'

ought to help someone

else

Won't anyone ever

Stephen

me,

don't you think

'

No,'

said

'

never.

Haven't
is

you
con-

learnt yet,

my

dear old chap, that no one

vinced of anything second-hand

The idea of it ? must be in their minds first, or you can't wake it up there. You've had a try, and you see the Everyone takes you for a lunatic. Conresult. form, or clear out. It's the rule of the world, and
you'll be happier
'

if you give in to it.' And live round As you've done,' said W illie. the trivial almanac of games when I might be in
T
'

touch with the Real.' Well, suppose I have done that

'

It's

no good
;

to sneer about

it.

Your way

can't be
is

my way ever

give that idea up.

My

existence
I

run on quite

other lines than yours, but

think and hope that

CROSS-ROADS
there's

273

more than one way home.

You're too arro?

gant

why
but

should your vision be the only one

of things
is

Your knowledge
for you,
it's

the determining fact

It's I, as I
life.

not for me.

stand in
If I live

the world, that counts in

my own

purely and with

object in

all

my
I

might, and react to every

love

the simple things, like and work and home can't be far wrong.'
my
world,
'

I feel

that about work,

work, whatever happens.

Somehow,

made

a difference in that
silently
filled

I must week has seeing a death-bed, and

said Willie.

'

this

the grave

up.
;

Why,
isn't

already her

memory is
more.

beginning to fade

sharp-edged any
that, as
if

It's

awful to fade out of

life like

one were some painting washed from the wall.

feel

must leave a mark in the world, some patrin to show that I've passed.' But don't you see, that's just the root of my life ? The world put its impress on me, I want to
now,
I
'

leave

my
;

impress on the world.

It

needn't be

work
I've

life will

do

it.

If I

only leave children that

trained

behind me, that's something.

of life for

The
I feel

fault of

your sort
I

me

is

just its aloofness

from things.
of existence.

hate that detached feeling.

poise, adjusted

now, I've got a

I've developed
'

myself to every part

'

It's

a compact, temperate happiness.

my

powers

all

round

'

But you've lost the Vision,' answered Willie. Oh, Stephen, and you nearly had it once Re!

member

the old days,

how

clearly

you saw

then.'

18

274
'

THE GREY WORLD

I

persuaded myself that

I did,

because

it

was so

amusing.

No one can

get your conviction unless

they're born fey.'

He

spoke sharply, remembering a night when he

too had been fey, and dropped for an instant his

birth-right of belief in the solid earth.
'

This,'

thought the intelligent Stephen,

self

'

is

the

worst of letting one's

people's ideas.
for

be run

away with by
foolish.

other

There's nothing like an old belief

feel

making one
keep

should
plane.'
'

one's

awkward and creeds upon

'

One

the

literary

Perhaps,' said Willie,

fortune.

am

fey.

If so, it's

happy

But not

here.

The weight
life

of all

these people that refuse to see

as

it is,

presses
;

me

into a sort of insincerity.

I

can't love here

can't hope.

Here,
its
'

must be alone, where there's a space. always remember the Illusion, but I only see
side.'

miserable

Then

go,' said

Stephen.

Willie

knew

that he was glad.

He had

already

hinted to his sister that he would like to leave home, and the suggestion had been well received and Pauline, whose engagement took precedence of her
;

intellect,

might always be trusted

Stephen's opinions.
It

to echo, without

editing,

but natural enough.

At

close

was humiliating, quarters, Willie was

sufficient distance,

an element~of uncertainty. At a
peculiar.'

he might ^be counted as an asset

'

clever,

but

CROSS-ROADS
'

275
'

If you'll think,'

Stephen continued,
intuitional
It's

you'll re-

member, those who had

always
solitaries.

truth

were

always

been
rest.
it

the

same

they never could mix with the

your truth
the

in

a different way, but

You've got comes out

same
She
is

in the end.

You

can't be a citizen

when
an

you've ceased to believe in bricks and mortar.'

'

a visionaria, a solitary
Willie

she lives as

anchoress.''

heard again the voice of Fra

Agostino, saying as a very ordinary thing these

words.
last

They mixed themselves with Stephen's You can't be a citizen when you've ceased to believe in bricks and mortar.' The idea of that artist, working in her cell, had never gone far from his mind. To think of her was to feel the
remark,
'

busy air some ideal working-place. Work, he knew, he must have. Contemplation had brought him peace only whilst his troubles came from within. Now that death the death of friends had become a fact for him, nothing but the anodyne of manual labour would bring him back the poise from which he saw the joyous mystery of things. He began to understand something of the feeling of the hermits, whose refusal of the world, he thought, had been more a development than a denial of self. He
cool fragrance of the cloister, the quiet yet
of

too longed passionately for silence, the clean contours

of the country.

The

restless

ennui which he

felt

could only be abated there.

fluences

For him, impure

of the City.

in-

hung round the

life

He 182

could

276
not pray in

THE GREY WORLD

her
churches,

remember

the

holy

Dead, work under her sky.

Yet he knew himself

able to recognise the cadences of the great Song.

Should he not go to the place where they were

audible
?

Because

many

persons liked to herd in

cities

and

bargain with their neighbours, and had grown into

the idea that this was of the essence of
life,

that

was

no reason why he should do so. It was just as possible now as it ever had been to withdraw from the crowd and live quietly. He was set for a while on a great round world, tumbling through space. It was clearly in his right to choose for himself that part of it where his probation should be passed the place that could offer him the one thing he wanted, that ecstasy of knowledge which he had felt for a moment or two. Not stones and slates, but the intangible world of sordid personalities, shut him Their dream must always be unreal to him, in.

therefore useless.
intelligence,

Stephen, in spite of his vivid

really a groundling.

was reached a hand

Once he had

to his friend through a

;

window

in

the wall of sense

but

now he had drawn back with

merely a grudging remembrance of the landscape he had seen. Love has more than one way of
anchoring a soul to earth.

But Hester Waring in her cell she, it seemed, had built herself a world from the happy difficulties of her art and the silent spaces of the earth. If she could so throw off the clogging habits of the crowd,
:

CROSS-ROADS
he could too.
lonely
;

277

He

longed for freedom.

But he was

wanted

flattery,

encouragement.
it

Now

as

ever, at the last resort

was a weakness not a

it,'

strength that determined him.

'

I'll

go and speak to Mrs. Levi about

he

said.

CHAPTER XXIII
THE VALLEY OF HUMILIATION
I have talked once or twice of the Shadowy Companion, but one must not forget that there is the Muddy Companion also.'
'

Arthur Machen.

When

Willie came, in to her, Mrs. Levi

was

sitting

with her back to the window, and in becoming proximity to a group of daffodils, arranged in the Japanese

manner in a Wedgwood soup-plate. She received him on the plaintively expectant note, which her
admirers were intended to mistake for cordiality.

He was welcome.
absence.

Elsa had been dull during his

;

Mr. Levi had recently taken to golf

it

and the passive contempt which she had always felt for him was rapidly
affected his conversation,

changing to active

dislike.

One cannot speak, even

cryptically, of the high lights

and values of life, to a person who replies in terms of tees and niblicks. Willie came to her in the mood of a world-worn

warrior returning to the kindly nurse of his youth.

He wanted advice, practical counsels for the future. He did not know as yet what to do with his new
freedom,

how

to act so that
278

he might not

lose the

THE VALLEY OF HUMILIATION

light

279

he had gained.

tently the

problem.

Elsa, who pointed so persisway she did not go, might solve the He longed for an environment in which
fear.

he could talk truthfully and without

perhaps, were too

This,
felt

much

to hope for.

But he

that he had in her a safe and comfortable feather

pillow for his

weary soul

and

his first impression,

greeting eyes that were fresh from the schooling of

Italy, pleased his taste.

In the soft secretive folds she looked

of her like

mauve white and gray tea-gown,

set for

an inky rainbow
life.

promise

in the

cloudy

skies of his

But he noticed a change

in the

room.

Its

atmo-

sphere, always very personal, did not

agree with the quiet lines of

its

decoration.

any longer There

was a sense
pression,

of insecurity.

Elsa had a restless ex:

unexpected movements

some unfamiliar
At forty years
of

attribute

had been added to her. Mrs. Levi, in fact, was unhappy.

age, she found herself with a vulgar family, a vanish-

ing figure, and few resources beyond her unimpeachable

if

shallow taste.
is

A handsome woman dissatisfied

at best a percussion cap

with her husband

worst a bomb.

at

Her explosive power,

increasing

with maturity, varies at last in inverse ratio to her

charm. Elsa had passed her perihelion now she was retreating from the sun. The last stages of her inflorescence had been accomplished with the violence peculiar to her race. With advancing years, the circle of her waist grew larger, and that of her
:

280

THE GREY WORLD

She became
lost the

admirers correspondingly decreased.

eager, nervous
;

assured pose of the divinity

and took on the

subtleties of the huntress, as

for the

Diana

when

she

left

Olympus

woods.

engagement to Mildred had been the first check in a career at once virtuous and successful. He had worshipped her, and she had ceased to be
Willie's

was astounding, but so obvious it. But the breakdown of his passion had restored her self-esteem. Evidently, it had been a temporary aberration. She allowed herself the pleasure of forgiving him for a crime of which he was unconscious, and supposed that as consolatrix she had regained in full her old power over his mind. Now that he returned to her cool, cured and free she felt that the time had come to drive firmer rivets into the loose chain by which she had bound him. She did not want love. That was often inartistic and always dangerous. She wanted subservience. Her husband had never given it to her, and she still supposed that it was worth having. Willie's desertion was a sign, unmistakable if unexpected, that her charm was no longer sufficient to hold all the Who shall describe the spectres allegiance of a man. Elsa saw long that wait upon fading beauty ?
enough
for

him.

It

that she was obliged to believe

dreary years of respectable nonentity ahead,

her
of
title

when
and

to consideration would be that of wife, not

woman.

Even

whilst Willie kissed her fingers

called her his only friend, this vision

wrecked her

THE VALLEY OF HUMILIATION

peace.

281

she was bound to forget it was hinged on more delicate matters than her knowledge of Italian Art. She knew that ideal loveliness would give her no consolation in the moment when it became her only
all costs,

At

for her self-respect

hope.

She

set herself

now

to a careful flattery, a judicious

in their

condescension.
relation.

But she found a change Willie was older, more manly.

feet.

He no
of

longer sat at her

This
of

new

air

inde-

pendence, this
Mrs. Levi.
it,

assumption

equality,

pleased

She perceived that her prize, could she would be something better than the charming, neurotic bo}/ of the past. She was placed on her mettle. This was a man who could, if he chose, dominate her, rather than be possessed. As she looked at him, she felt again the delicious weakness, the happy helplessness of sex, which she was afraid that she had lost with her youth. She thanked Providence for this unexpected mercy it took ten
secure
:

years off her age.

She leaned to him, held his hand, spoke of their

long separation.
'

But
I

it

has been good,' she said.

'

I find

a change

in you.

Oh,

You are happier, stronger, are you not ? know your trouble. Death is terrible always,
But your
soul,
I

and a parting.
quiet
'

think,

is

more
if

?'

Yes,' said Willie.

He
'

spoke meditatively, as
Yes,
I

reasoning with himself.

think

begin to

282
understand.
first
;

THE GREY WORLD

It's

not

all

so simple as one thinks at

owe you the thanks for that. I shan't be confused by the ugliness and artifice now. But I've thought lately that Stephen was partly right when he spoke
there's

more gradation.

Italy helped

of love as the real key.'

*

'

Yes ?' But only

so far as

it's

a sort of beauty.
;

It

must

be a mystic unfettered love

instinct.

an ardour, not an
things,

An
one's

attitude of rapture towards something

self

outside

beautiful

oder

exquisite

emotions.'

He seemed to be gazing at Elsa, reading her, wanting her. But really he was seeing in a far-away
vision

picture which

Umbria, and the Franciscan chapel, and the had filled his heart with a humble and
Mrs. Levi, however,

a passionate desire.

met and

claimed that brooding look, and a pleasant excite-

ment possessed
'

her.
'

Ah,' she said,

so thoroughly agree with you.

Ultimate Beauty
passions,
is it ?

is

not to be found in conventional

the strange and the obscure in

It is

love, the panic rapture, that feeds the soul I think.

So few understand that

case, the advertisement

Modern love seems always

In either
is

to lead to the altar or the divorce court.

a profanation.'
;

She had

slid into

the dreamy, rhapsodic tone

the

tone that had always held her fascination for him.

But he no longer found her entirely convincing. He had made the inevitable progress from a general love

THE VALLEY OF HUMILIATION

283

of the lovely to a passion for simplicity, Tightness,

and distinction in Art. Elsa lacked the touch of austerity which was necessary to the satisfaction of his taste. She had developed, too, that dangerous tendency of brilliant women, which leads them to
parody, when they intend to accentuate, their

own

charms.

She was tempted to add

the effect was disagreeable. a

little

and Her languid voice was

artifice to art,
;

too slow and precious

the delicate perfume

which hung about her possessions was a little too strong. So that a suggestion of the panther crept
in to

mar

Willie's admiration
;

he thought of the
of

subtle

claws

and a memory

the

mouse-like

Mildred rose gratefully before him, as of something

brought forth indeed of the earth, but sane and

temperate.

Elsa had intuition

balance
;

she saw her influence in the

baffled look, veiled the

and an appealing,
devotion.

assured vanity of her beautiful eyes.

his unqualified
It

She wanted had soothed her as

aesthetic

nothing else could do.

She could not be

without an audience.

How you and I !' she said. absolutely lonely I sometimes think that because of that there should be more than a common communion between us. We felt it from the first, did
'

How lonely we
!

are,

'

we not ?' You were always most kind to me,' said Willie. He moved uneasily Elsa frightened him. It is
'
:

uncomfortable to owe a debt of gratitude to an

284
idol

THE GREY WORLD

whose clay foundations you have
If I

just found

out.
'

have been kind,

'

it is

because kindness

is

so

easy, so natural,

when one

spirit is in

sympathy with

another

She crossed over to the low divan where he was

sitting,

dropped her voice to a lower and more

she said,
'

tremulous key.
'

You and

I,'

alone amongst

all

these

domesticated animals, these

to extract sweetness

human
could

machines, trying
help turning

and
?

light

from the comfortable

squalor of things

How
It's

we

towards each other

beginning
all I

strange, but from the

alike

knew that we should think

about

that really matters

life.

the sadness and the glamour

taught

of

We

both look at existence so thoroughly in

the Botticelli way.'

'

It

was you who

first

me

to

do

that,' said

Willie, rather nervously.

Some form
it

of civil thanks-

giving seemed safe.

'

You would have found

:

for yourself sooner or

later

one cannot deny one's temperament.

long for

Someinter-

times, I'm almost

tempted to wish that one could.

I

There are moments when

course,

human

and the warmth

I

of things.

But I'm too

fastidious.

cannot care for kisses unless they are

of a spiritual

the

medium

embrace.

husband's

caress, I fancy,
'

must always be a very desolate thing.' You're bound to be lonely,' answered Willie, if
'

you care

for loveliness at

all, I

think.

People don't

THE VALLEY OF HUMILIATION

understand
it

285

just

now, whatever they

the soul wakes,
it

may have
it is

done once.

When

sees that
still

really shut off

from the others who

sleep,

can

never communicate with them.

One must

find one's
else.'

own
'

happiness, and no one can help anyone

Ah, we are each so truly alone upon the road, are

?

we not
as
it

But now and then, a miracle may happen,

I

has between you and me, and two spirits underoften think, as
I

stand one another.

at husbands

look at lovers,

and wives perhaps, What use is this appearance of comradeship between your bodies, when your souls can never be companions ? With us, how different It is a joy to take the hand of a friend when there is no conventional glove between. There must be something beautiful,, something
!

emblematic,

think,

in
is

the material touch, the

caress perhaps,
ship.'
'

which

born of a mystical friendthe material part of

Oh

no,' said Willie.

'

It's

life

that spoils everything.

fair to

You

begin by trying to

be

your body, and

soul.
It's

it

turns round on you and

stifles

your
if

a danger.

One must keep

'

it

down
'

one wants to see the Vision.'

I

But
?

have

felt

sometimes,' she said,

life

have not
is

you

that material

has a use, perhaps,that

not

inimical to the Higher

Beauty
its

of things.

It

should
soul,
else,

be the symbol that interprets the needs of the

its

communions and
it

revulsions.

What

indeed, can

Our physical acts, in that way, may become the paint upon the canvas of life.'
be for
?

286
'

THE GREY WORLD

Perhaps.
all

I'd never thought of

it

like that.

Of
of

course,

sensual things
'

must be the shadows

I

some great Reality

'

Yes, yes

That's what

mean.

And

the outer

and

visible signs that are enough in themselves to

satisfy the lower, denser natures

for us the

they might become

symbols of a transcendental mystery.' Very suddenly, and without in any exact manner defining to himself the meaning of her words, Willie
frightened.

felt

spirit

trembled

Some power on watch within his he became coldly, numbly afraid,

for the spring of

as

if

he were a small animal waiting

an
'

evil beast.

We, who have courage, who

the
sill}
7

are independent of
'

all

regulations of the world,' said Elsa,

?'

why
own

should our lives remain incomplete

He

did not answer.

He was dazed by

his

A dreadful silence sprang up vivid intuition. between them. It was like the slow droppings of As each second passed, and each drop cold water. fell, Willie, knowing that Mrs. Levi watched him carefully, felt her personality come round him like a
cloud.

At

first,

he was passive under the influence

then, as the silence took shape,

and weighed more

individual.

heavily on him, he perceived in himself quite sud-

denly the birth-struggles of a

It

new

seemed

to

be

called into

existence

by the

strained atmosphere, in which he could hear Elsa's

quick breath calling to him.

tried to

Her

eyes,

wide open,

meet

his.

In her, too, there was a change.

THE VALLEY OF HUMILIATION

Both had dropped
existence.

287

to some dark, elemental plane of They were dominated by a force much

life.

stronger than the tidy conventional Self of daily

The heavy
Willie's

pened

hung about the room dulled brain. Something tremendous had haphe did not quite know what it was. The
scents that
lie

unknown powers which

and constitute
its

at the
its

back

of Silence

danger and

charm, seized hold

of him. He recognised in himself a dark personality, now fully born, of which he had known nothing in the

had a horrible fascination. It lived, he perceived, in some black and unsuspected world to which he had never penetrated yet it was as truly a part of his Ego as the soul that he watched over so carefully. Still in silence, he saw a monster rear itself up in Mrs. Levi's spirit, look at him through her eyes with a horrible longing. And the creature that was hidden in him said to him insistently, Seize your It is yours why do you wait ?' prey. The silence seemed now to have lasted many hours. It was this that had loosed these prisoners upon them. The chatter of daily life shuts down many terrible
past.
It

was hideous, yet

it

'

captives,

moments when

which struggle to the the tongue is still.

:

light in the rare

strong and dangerous

subtleties of speech.

This silence was more dangerous than all the There was distilled from it

some
Willie

violent impulse

morbid,

evil,

unspeakable.

knew now

of pleasures

more piercing than the

of the obscure

common

things of sense,

and

tempta-

288
tions

THE GREY WORLD

which come to those who have
spirit.

tried to live

altogether in the

The inner enemy was creeping upwards. The stillness and that strange glow in Elsa's eyes seemed Shape your dream as you choose. to be crying Matter means nothing. It is only the clumsy vehicle He began to tremble. She saw it, and of soul.' She would not move. her excitement increased.
'

She wished to taste the

that
it

and for full intoxication was necessary that he should be the captor,
;

not the slave.

One must suppose that the gods were not on the

was at this moment that the sun came from behind showery clouds and shone It foiled the hastily drawn curtains, and brightly.
side of Mrs. Levi
;

for

it

laid a

beam

of strong clean light across the

room.

It struck Willie's eyes

with a sharpness that was

almost a sound

he turned to the window and saw

blue sky, and the innocent loveliness of a flowering

laburnam-tree against the drab stucco of the opposite

house.

The sky stood between the dingy roofs and chimneys the same immaculate purity that had vaulted in the magic of Italy. Below it, the tree tossed its sacrifice of yellow blossoms, in a gay revel of perfection which was piety and daintiness It drew his thoughts abruptly to the in one. ordered and exquisite places unsullied by human

grime,
ideal.

where

life

could be beautiful, temperate,

at Elsa

He looked back

and the elaborate

THE VALLEY OF HUMILIATION

artifice of

289

her setting.

The creature
It

whom

she had

roused in him
a

knew nothing

of the heavens,

and only
like

the baser secrets of the earth.

shrank back,

germ

of disease,

unable to bear the sunlight.

The

dark magic had vanished. Everything, after all, was sane and normal. Mrs. Levi seemed to have faded, become ordinary. He had thought of Lilith now he saw only Eve. The horrible things that he had learnt in the silence retreated to a great distance. He came back from the dark dimension and looked about him first
:

with a sick disgust, then in a puzzled, doubtful way.

As the image grew less

his

distinct,

he began to question

own

perceptions.

Finally, Elsa sank

back to her

old easy careless attitude, smiled at

assured condescension.
that he had wronged her
carried the weight

Then
:

it

him with the old came to his mind

her words could not have

which

his

nervous fancy had sup-

He had been betrayed into the last meanness He felt hot, ashamed wondered of male vanity. how much she had read of his thought. He dared
posed.
:

But he withdrew the hand that she had kept between her ringers. Her touch burnt it. To Elsa, perceiving her mistake, behaved well. shock Willie would be to humiliate herself she set
not speak.
:

herself to the saving of his

modesty.

Fortunately

the conversation had been metaphorical from the

One dexterous touch from her would be enough to make it entirely unintelligible. The legend of S. Catherine,' she said, puts the
first.
'
'

19

290

THE GREY WORLD

it

idea of a spiritual union so exquisitely, does

not

ring given in a

dream
?'

What symbol
relief

could be

more appropriate
Willie's instant

and obvious

was perhaps
Elsa drove

the greatest of the afternoon's cruelties.

back the unbecoming tears from her eyelids, and saw for one hateful instant the gulf which her years of maturity had placed between them. Then she pushed him a little from her and looked at him,
almost in her
there
old. kindly, patronizing

way.

Perhaps

was a new glitter in her eyes had he seen it, but he was glad to avoid them. Why weren't you my son, Willie ?' she said. I often think the fairies must have changed you with Geraint. There is something in you that appeals to me so strangely, makes me feel almost that you are
' '

mine.'

and discussed it in all its bearings so that the phantom which lay between them was pushed out of sight, seemed
Willie received this idea gratefully,
:

unreal, impossible.

It

is

really quite

difficult

to
is

believe in the evil elemental things,

when one
pretty

eating

thin

bread-and-butter in a

house

rented at 250 a year.

wildness,
to

The tense

expression, the

had gone from Elsa's face. Willie began wonder whether it had ever been there. But as he was leaving, her acting broke abruptly. She caught his arm and looked into his face. He felt the fingers shake upon his sleeve. But I'm a fool she said. Oh, what a fool
'

!'

'

THE VALLEY OF HUMILIATION

I

291

thought for a minute that

:

it

could
us,

have been
because of

beautiful

oh, indeed

did.

With
into

the artistry
life,

we could have put

it.

And

all

my

I've

Glamour

even

wanted something beautiful and secret. Anything to a wicked glamour.

!

break this neat, stucco existence

strangeness in you, Willie
;

And

there's a
it

a magic.

With you,

could never have been the sordid thing.'

She forgot her pose and her reservations. She came closer to him, showing in her carelessness the
loose folds of tired skin on her neck
lines of unwilling
;

the peevish

age about her mouth.

Her

lips

were almost on
It

his

cheek

his soul felt suffocated.

was

horrible.

He
air,

broke away, found himself

blundering

down

the stairs,

came

into the street.

But once in the and exhilaration.

of himself

he had a sudden sense of liberty

It

seemed that he had

himself

left

a part

baser part, unnoticed, none the less

existent
free,

behind.

He knew

now

strong,

a Man.

In her clumsy effort toward binding

him, Elsa had loosed the last of his chains.

Willie

had led a white

his
first

life,

kept chaste by the

Curious innocencies

shining quality of his dream.

were mixed with

Elsa, for

thoughts about things.

priestess of the

That

him the

Higher Beauty,

should actually seek as pleasurable and rare this de-

basement
lision
first

of their intercourse

this made
it

him rock
into col-

with the violence of the impact, as with

all his

came

past hopes of the world.

For the

time, his light contempts of matter turned to

19

292
hatred.
evil

THE GREY WORLD

He
perceived some positive principle of

venomous

and aggressive

in

the body.

It
is

confirmed in him that latent asceticism which

natural to the contemplative mind.

He stood on the pavement,

All the

outside the door

that

door where he would never again ask for admittance.

words

of their interview passed across his

;

memory in
horrible

endless procession

over and over again,

with a firm tread not to be

stilled.

They made a

But for them, his mind was silent. Their steady tramp drowned the rushing trebles of the street. It is so hard for a man, if he

and tuneless

noise.

be of pure
of the

life,

to realize that there

his

is

anything

animal

in

woman-friend.

Elsa, clever

and absurd, kindly and affected, always restfully Now appreciative he had felt so safe with her he should never forget the evil thing which had

brought a quick savagery into that placidly

drawing-room, and roused with
its

artistic

stealthy touch

some unnameable creature anger he felt was for this

invulnerable.
'

latent in him.
:

Half the

that he had found an

actual temptation where he

had thought himself

'

There had been a beauty of ugliness in the morbid forces which Elsa had loosed between them and another, unexpected element
;

was added

to the tangle of

life.

When
torn,
is

the tidy vestments of social intercourse are

generally that
:

it is

we may

see

how

necessary

their presence

even

for

our immaculate selves.

CHAPTER XXIV
THE PATH RUNS TO THE WOODS
Then he went on till he came to the house of the Interpreter, Then said the Interpreter, where he knocked over and over. Come in I will show that which will be profitable to thee.'
' . .

John Bunyan.

Looking

into the depths of the woods, seeing against

white sky strong trunks and wandering branches

laced together in a mysterious friendship, nothing

nymphs, dryads, elemental presences of the forest. They stand shadowy upon the paths they laugh and sigh and sometimes the soul hears them with a sudden terror. Paganism is thrust upon one in the country a whole invisible, immemorial population walks upon the lonely heaths and makes the brushwood tremble. It cries, You come with your new beliefs your religions, dragged from the East and seated in the heavens your science, and your blinded commonsense and deny us. But we we looked out on Arthur's knights, to us the old Romans came in fear and in secret we are of the Earth, all-powerful and intangible. You cannot touch us, and we cannot die.
is

easier

than to believe

in

'

293

294
All
is

THE GREY WORLD

of the

Earth

the teeming spirit-world

is

her

and seen of none. You speak We to us of a Christ who came from the Heavens. say no, He came from the Earth. The sum of her pure impulses and poetic forces, her power for a magical righteousness, reached their term in Him.
breath, pervading
all

He

is

the Fair Brother of

whom
;

the dark creatures

of the forests

know dimly

as Jacob and Esau, so

Both live. But do not fling back the terrible birth on Earth's bosom, and deny her her Beautiful Son. Look back, and see how many times she has strained toward the ideal which He perfected see the Buddha births, the fair god of the Norsemen, Phcebus Apollo, and the rest. The
Christ.
;

Pan and

Incarnation was an incarnation of Earth-holiness, which God gave her with the breath of life when
she was made.'

In such a

way

the voices of the woods spoke to

Mr. Willie Hopkinson, as he trod a path between

the trees.

He gave them

a willing attention.
;

He

had developed the sense of adventure that power which differentiates the romantic from the prosaic world. He felt that everything was possible, and
to one

who

is

in this disposition the impossible is

sure to come.

Want

of faith in the

improbable

is

really responsible for all that is deliberately dreary

Those who go whistling down the road, eyes raised to the sun and hope waiting round
in our lives.

the corner, seldom find the excursion of

life

a dis-

appointing one.


THE PATH RUNS TO THE WOODS
Memory
painter,
of

295
its

Fra Agostino,
is

his altar-piece

and

and the finding on a

called
S.

map

of the

woody

hamlet that

Mary-le-Street,

him upon

these travels.
;

He

looked for
surprise,

termination

for

some beautiful

had set a happy and the

discreet discovery of a friend.

The whole world

seemed smiling, helpful, and unexpected. So that he was not astonished when the turning of a comer, as the trodden path wandered through the pinewood, brought an abrupt change in the scenery.

From
ings

the

moment when he
he had
felt

left

the open country

for the forest,

himself to be in surround-

that were charged with romance.

Now

he

thought of the background of some old picture

stiff,

quaint, definite.

The
side

trees stood

up

straight

and high on

each

of

him

like

sanctuary

candles, their upper branches shining

where they

were caught by the sun.

of their

Between the austere ranks brown and purple trunks and dark network But of their crowns, the sky, very blue, peeped in. where he stood, trees fell away suddenly for a little It seemed to thread its glade of vivid mossy grass.

way

far

down

into the heart of the wood, as

;

if

searching for a treasure-house hidden there

and

ended where a small white red-roofed building stood

solitary, giving to its

surroundings a touch of unthe

English magic.

He had
etchings,

strayed

into

country of

Durer's

or the legendary landscape of

Benozzo

Gozzoli.

He

expected that at any

moment he might

296

THE GREY WORLD

and follow it till it reached the cave where S. Giles was praying. He wondered which would be the most likely encounter Snow-white and her dwarfs, or the Three Magi with their camels and their gifts. The background
see a white hart flash past him,

demanded pretty
whether
building,

miracles,

and he did not care

them.
little

folk-lore or piety supplied of

But the centre

the picture was that

withdrawn and gardened amongst the trees. The afternoon sun hit its roof, which flamed rosily against an emerald backdelicately

ground.

It

looked oddly self-conscious in that very

Willie walked towards
like
it
;

sombre
curious.

solitude.
It

he was

was

nothing that he had seen in

know what it could be. Then he came up to it, where it stood guarded by two great larches. And it was a shrine that he saw a whitewashed shrine, with red-tiled roof deep-eaved to keep it from the rain. There was
English woods.
did not

He

a picture, painted with direct, affecting simplicity

of

the

primitive

masters

clear

flat

tints,

firm

minute and loving finish of detail. It was charming and appropriate in this place, where a pretence at realism in art would have declared itself
outlines, a

vulgar against the eternal simplicity of the woods.

One saw the Madonna, very

ing
in

tall

that

forest.

Behind
feet

her,

and grave, standstone-pine and

temple
the population
;

larch,

dark and solemn,

like the pillars of a

against the sky.

of the

At her

was

all

wood, come out to welcome and worship her

THE PATH RUNS TO THE WOODS

rabbits and weasels, badgers, squirrels, dormice
birds, sitting together in friendship.
veil

297

and

She raised a
;

from her face and smiled at them

of all simple

she was the

Mother

and

delightful things, of natural

happiness and pious gaiety.

One black-cap had

perched on her
Venite
nello
;

lifted

arm

the better to sing his

two fluffy white rabbits, painted as Pisamight have painted them, were against the
picture, full of the kindly sorcery
it,

hem
It

of her blue dress.

was a quiet
alight
it

of the forest.

In front of

a plain silver

lamp
with

was
cult

gave that suggestion

of a mysterious

which lamps burning

in the sunlight carry

them.
picture,

Two

dishes of white violets in

;

moss stood
It

on the red-tiled step

there that
Willie

behind them and beneath the

a painted scroll was nailed up.

was

read

these

words

'
:

Of your

chanty think kindly on

for whose

the soul of
this place

Francis Waring,

remembrance

has been made.''

The mystical air of the place was explained to him then. He had come upon a spot set apart for the recollection of the Dead. At such, he knew, one is more than ordinarily near the Eternal Thing. He knelt down. Again, as when he saw the Lady Poverty, he felt that some great invitation was being offered to him that there was here a new, simple,
;

wholly satisfying reading of

attitude,
if

life.

He found
;

the
it

not the words, of prayer

and with

the solemn happiness which waits for the spirit that

has strength to abase

itself in

the heart of the woods.

298

THE GREY WORLD

and delightful sounds which are thwarted by mere active human presence, rush in on its stillness then. It is the saints in their open cells, the artists alone with their work, who know
All the natural

what magic of suggestion goes with the murmuring leaves and delicate movements of the earth. All these things came to Willie as he knelt, and raised up in him the Pagan passion of the soil. It was one of those moments, for him so rare and precious, when his dream wrapped him round closely and he could not believe in ugliness. So that he stayed there, not in any serious meditation, but merely
enjoying his

own
till

visionary idea of the absolute

unity of things,

the sound of a footstep amongst

crisp pine-needles raised his

head and crimsoned

an entirely common-

his face with the ensign of

place shame.
It was a woman who stood by him a woman whose hair ran away from her face in interesting ripples, and twined itself into an umber coronet for her head. Willie's first thought of her was that he had never seen anyone before who had so much of the thirteenth-century in her look and indeed Nature, hesitating between a grotesque and a Gothic Madonna, had given to her a quaintness which was
;
;

the quintessence of

her features

delicate

knowing,

elfish

charm. One almost missed and irregular, with a sort of purity stamped on them because
all

her smile seized the eye

first

and held

it.

It

was

the delightfully naughty smile of a fundamentally

THE PATH RUNS TO THE WOODS

good person
ness, a rare
;

299

an angel up to mischief.

It

was
holi-

evident that she was the child of

humour and

and very splendid ancestry. She stood beside Willie for some moments. He had conquered the first impulse toward flight, and knelt still on the step of the shrine. Human life, be what it may, seems dream-like and elusive in the forest. He had no very direct sense of her nearness, for two things only were now real to him the

picture of

Our Lady, and the sombre ecstasy

of

the pine-trees where they flung their branches to the light.

But she meant,

her atmosphere.
1

it

appeared, to bring him within

What

are

you doing

?'

she said.

Willie did not look at her.

He wished

to keep

what he had
ness.
'

got, undisturbed

by external strange-

am
is

trying to pray,' he answered.

rate,'
first

'

At any
the

she said,

'

you are honest

and

that

step toward success.'

He
'

glanced at her then, and

knew her

for a friend.

It's hard,'

he said.

'

Dreadfully

difficult.

And
There
shake

yet prayer ought to be the easiest thing.'

'

It's easier in

the woods, or should be.

are no discords to interrupt.

Perhaps you've come

from a
it

city.

That's so suffocating.
life
is

But
it.'

you'll

off

the whole of

a sort of prayer in the

suit

forest,

and a language grows to

first

Then, for the

time, he thought

whom

she

300

THE GREY WORLD

must be, and saw in this quiet meeting in the woods the Event that his spirit had waited for. But he
doubted, because she

moved with such

life.

a gay liberty

more, he thought, like a pious squirrel than a person

vowed
'

to

the religious

There was nothing

cloistral in her air.

You

cannot,' he said,

'

be Hester Waring,

who

lives here as

an Anchoress

?'

She laughed.
'

Can't

I ?'
?

she answered.

'

Why

not

Am

Or perhaps not solemn enough ? But when you've lived alone with the sky and the forest, right away from the squalor of things, you
too

healthy

can't

be solemn.
a

Everything's right.
'

Leben

goes

with

dance

She
'

stopped.

'

But

it's

dance before the

'

Altar,' she

added.
?'

But,' said Willie,

?

does no one ever find you

here

Have you
!

really freed yourself

That, he thought, was the great matter.

'

Yes, really

It's

the loneliest place.

One

of
its

those bits of solitude that's been waiting for

Crusoe. I'm as unknown now as when I came. The owner doesn't preserve, so there are no keepers no other murder is done here than the natural law
;

of the wood. Jays may live as well as pheasants, and sometimes pussy-cat owls look in on me at

has never stirred out of Italy since he came into his own.
friend,

night.

My

who

possesses

all this forest,

He

is one of those happy visionaries North lends to the South.'

whom

the

THE PATH RUNS TO THE WOODS

'

301

come from Italy to you.' Of course you have It's where all the mystics come from, first or last. The Holy Land of Europe The only place left, I suppose, which is really
I've
'
!

medicinal to the soul.

There

is

a type of mind,

you know, which must go there to find itself.' I was only there for thirteen days.' Days ? What are days ? It's the spirit, not
'
'

the hour, that counts.

One may

live

through a

year of experience for every

Italy.

sends flying into the Infinite.

other places.'

moment that Time And specially in

Time's torch burns slower there than in

She rubbed her eyes with a little impatient moveif she wanted to see something beyond the picture that they showed to her mind. Far down in their depths, a sombre angel sat and weighed all that he saw. He was considering very gravely the case of Mr. Willie Hopkinson, whose freckled face and careful clothing scarcely agreed with the attitude of his soul. Mrs. Waring loved an adventurer, but hated an affectation. W ho, she wondered, was this rather second-rate young man, who had thrust
ment, as
T

himself so suddenly between the tight branches of

her

home

He looked

less

the Fairy Prince than the

Commercial Traveller.
'

She said to him brusquely

?'

Why have you

come

'

There seemed nowhere

else.

Fra Agostino told

me. He showed me your you understood.'

picture,

and

knew

that

302

THE GREY WORLD

Willie looked round him. The hush of the woods seemed like an invocation. He felt an intruder, small and mean in the midst of the enduring forest but it gathered him up without effort and folded him in the general peace.
'

Here,' he said,

'

one could recollect the Dead.'

He
'

looked at the shrine as he spoke.

face
lit

up with a sudden friendship. Yes,' she said, you can and if you've got that, you're never lonely.' She stooped and trimmed When Francis It had flickered. the silver lamp. passed over,' she said, it seemed that there was only a great darkness left. But I said to myself
'
;

Her

'

'

" Pazienza

shall

die

too.

It

is

a regrettable

accident that he should go

solable for a

first, but temporary loneliness ?"

why be inconAnd I settled

of

down

for the long wait.

But
I

found that other

him.
I

people blurred the image that

had

did

not wish that.

So

came
I

here, to be alone with the

I

would like to pass the time as beautifully as I could. It would be a pity if I met him with a sullied spirit he went away before life had time to tarnish and finger his soul.' And you found him ?' asked Willie. She looked at him sharply. How did you know that ?' she said.
wild clean creatures.

thought that

'

'

know

it,'

said Willie, 'just as

know
I

that

shall never

be sure of the Secret whilst

:

live in the

crowd.

I've got

the soul of

my

two things to do to remember mother and live the Imaginative Life.

THE PATH RUNS TO THE WOODS

You
are on the

303
;

same road, and you're

at peace

so

you must have found him.' She considered him very gravely. how far you have got.' I wonder,' she said, Oh, not far. In Italy, I just began to see. But my life's been passed in ugly places, and I wasn't
'
'

strong enough to pierce through that.'

1

It's difficult, isn't it

It

seems so much

easier,

in these days, to live morally than to live beautifully.

Lots of us manage to exist for years with-

out ever sinning against society, but

loveliness every

we

sin against

hour

of the day.

don't think the

crime

is less

great.
:

Beauty, after
Christ

all, is

the visual
the world
;

side of goodness

it is

immanent in

and
'

its

crucifixion

still

goes on.'
too,' said Willie.
'

Oh, I've seen that,

I've seen

Heaven and Hell, and the light at the back of things. But I lose it all so quickly. I daren't live the conventional life it makes me forget the real things.
;

And it seemed that you'd found a way to live rightly,

and do work, without shutting your eyes on reality.' I think that I have,' she said. But it's a very old way, you know. The way of the hermits, and of Blake, and Thoreau and of all the men who have wished to possess their own souls and be still. It's only a shaking off of the idea that you must live like the rest an exchanging of the world Man muti'

'

lated for the world

'

God made.'
all

It's

hard to do,
no.
It's

the same.'
to

'Oh

childish

think that.

Alle

the

304

THE GREY WORLD

?

great things are free, aren't they

Sun, and water,

?

and

air

all

the everlasting symbols

Well then,

why
And

can't
?

plicity

You

you take them and enjoy them in simhaven't got them for long, you know.
if

afterwards,

you've only ugly years to look

Here, one can be absolutely
artist, just

back on, happy.

as I wish.

you'll regret.
I

can be a saint or a baby or an

Yes, a

baby

that there's a sort of

Haven't you ever noticed divine babyishness about people

!

get back to the elemental stage, and express themselves through a are really in love
?

who who

are really at peace, just as there

is

about people

They

simplicity that seems childish because children, as a

rule, are

the only creatures pure enough to have

it.'

He saw

She showed him her cottage, of a shining order. her books, her little cooking-stove in one
;

demure work-table, in the other a shelf with her tiny store of china, and a knife, fork, and spoon laid out. Everywhere, the neatness was so satisfying that it verged on actual beauty. There was a cot folded sailor-fashion against the wall, and behind it a cast of Michael Angelo's stern and impassioned Mary with her Child. Hester caught W illie's look as he saw it. That goes deeper than a crucifix,' she said. It's
corner, a
T ' '

the essence of the offering.'

He

said

to

her

' :

It's

perfect here

one could

live in the right

kind of dream.

But doesn't the

solitude turn evil sometimes, don't the days ever

seem tedious

?'

THE PATH RUNS TO THE WOODS

'

305

Xo, not

now

there's such heaps to do.

The

and thinking things out, and keeping the and the shrine perfect. And then I've generally some creatures in the infirmary to look and in the winter, when it's stormy, I can after always cook, and that never bores me.'
painting,

cottage

'

Cook ?

'

Oh

yes

there's nothing so absolutely satisfy-

ing.

It's

a sort of triumph of art over the

us.'

most

animal part of

She opened a cupboard door, and he saw pans

and dishes of fire-proof china, moulds, pastry-board, and things to sift and grate with. There were
groceries in their little labelled jars.

My toy-cupboard,' said the Anchoress. A ladder led to the sky-lit attic where
'

her work

was
all

set out

panels and gesso, tempera colours, and

the fine careful apparatus of the water-gilder.

Willie,

one part craftsman,

felt his
;

heart going out

knives, brushes,

to those clean, well-tended tools

size,

and colour-pots, all disposed with a loving touch which spoke of happy and deliberate labour.

He

felt

himself in the midst of a diurnal piety,

of the meanest acts. Outside were the sheltered hutches of her infirmary. Two maimed rabbits, a broken-winged pigeon, a damaged

which made an anthem

field-mouse, were convalescing very tranquilly.

'

When
is it

came

here,'

she said,

'

some people
life.

talked to

me

of the selfishness of a secluded

selfish,

But

more

do you think, more

recluse,

20

306

THE GREY WORLD

human
ones
?

to live here with the natural creatures instead oi

with the distorted

We
is

are

all alive

under the sky.

The

Spirit of
;

God

in the

woods

as well as in the churches

He
'

broods over the

sheep-folds as well as over the hearts of men.'

'

never thought,' said Willie,

that

it

was possible
life

to live

such a reasonable, unentangled

as this.

It's all so right.

And

because others won't come with

you to live in the open, surely that's no reason why you should go back and live in the dark with them.' If only one could That's just what I think. The make them believe how satisfactory this is
'
!

civilized,

scramble-after-illusion people always reof a harlequinade.

mind me

They spend
!

all

their

time in bustle and hitting one another.

joyous, significant
It's
life is

And

the
!

so easy to get

so cheap

only to live beautifully, laboriously, and aus:

terely

in the

air,

with the light and colour to

remind you
culties
so,

of the

hidden Beauty behind.

soul,

And
face

to

work with your mind,

;

and body
That's

diffi-

accept the
in the

discipline.

life.

Live

and

moment when you

all

die you'll flame

towards the other side and

live there vividly

up and

eternally in a happiness that's

you

will

have

built

your own heaven.

your own because But one must

:

be detached, keep clear of the games and the gossip they glue you to the earth. But I think you've
learnt that.

What you've
all

not learnt

is

that only

love can give you your liberty.'

'

Oh,

know

about

love.'

THE PATH RUNS TO THE WOODS

She laughed at him.
'

307

You
I

delicious

infant

!'

she said.
?

'

You
of

don't

think

mean
is.

passion, do

you

Oceans
!

bathos

peppered with islands

but Love
see,

of desire

That's no use,

You must
as a

love everything, don't

is

you

because everything in the whole world

being

offered to
is

you

symbol

of

an adorable Idea that

into

beyond.

It's

only

when you've entered

loving alliance

with the
of
life.

Universe that you are

making the most

fully for others.

Because flowers and trees

live beautifully for you, it's

your duty to

live beauti-

You've got you use it for ugliness you will die. You know that, and you fear it. But you mustn't be afraid, you must love. You've been hunting all your life for initiation,
That's the only law.

your moment

of self-expression,

and

if

haven't you

But

initiation

and love

are

all

one.

And don't worry. Worry's the He went away from her

;

negation of God.'
thinking her
to
wise,

charming, enviable.

Her manner

him had been

so gentle that he never noticed that she

too.

was clever had helped his discontent to pass from the sensory to the motor region. She knew very well that he was one of her
Yet, with light touches, she
:

company
is

made

for quiet journeyings,

not for that

she said

frenzied rush to catch a hypothetical train which

called the strenuous
'

life.

As he

left her,

Go back by

the right-hand path.

It is better

for you.'

The path pushed

its

way by winding

stages from

20

308

THE GREY WORLD

new then wandered by open baby spruces stood fresh and
:

the old forest to the

glades where rows of

prim.

Finally,

it

turned outwards, passed through

its firm outline and became grassy and uncertain of itself. In another moment it was gone and Willie checked his stride with a sudden He seemed to have stepped catching of the breath.

a gateway, lost

abruptly to one of the edges of the world.

from the woods to the downland from inclusion to infinite space from a home- world to the very far country which stretches to the Hills of Desire. The downs went away from
burst, in fact,
;

He had

him
end.

green,

grey,

mauve on

the

horizon.

One

could not conceive that they would ever come to an

There was something religious

in their aus-

terity.

Far away, on a ridge

living thing.

in those lucent dis-

tances, a flock of sheep spread fanwise.

He saw

no other
lent
;

But the

silence

there was at once an entire loneliness

was benevoand a

very intimate sense of consolation.

turbed, took

Earth, undis:

up her maternal

rights

showed him,

in a flash of vivid insight, the Imaginative Universe

shining dimly through the Vegetative World.

The mesh of Time had broken. Eternity was here and now and he, wondrous, immortal, saw through the glass} symbol which is Nature the glory of the
:

spiritual flame.

Willie flung himself

upon the
:

grass

Hester had divined him well

he

felt like

and kissed it. a wanderer

come home.

CHAPTER XXV
COMMENTARIES
'

feel for

the

common chord

again.'

Browning.

have you heard ?' Judging I hope not,' answered Elsa languidly. by your expression, it seems likely to be vulgar.' On the contrary,' replied Mrs. Steinmann, it's more your business than mine. That wretched young Hopkinson, whom you made such an absurd
'

My dear,'
'

said Mrs. Steinmann,

'

'

'

fuss of
'

'

What, Willie ?' said Elsa with some eagerness. She had heard nothing of Mr. Willie Hopkinson since
their last interview.

She missed him.

his absence

His presence

might be embarrassing, but

was

insipid.

The
bined

involuntary

propriety

of

her

life,

and
are

Mr. Levi's cheerful confidence in her virtue, comto

irritate

and depress

her.

There

circumstances in which an unsuspicious husband

is

an

insult as well as a convenience

stir

Elsa longed

for a breath of scandal to

the stagnation of her

home.

To be
of

interesting

hard fate

many

intelligent
39

and not to look it, is the women. As Mrs.

310

THE GREY WORLD

less

Levi lost her slender outlines, her friends spoke

than they had done

of

her

soul.

Their wives

began to
is

call

on her, and showed by their friendly

behaviour that her reign was at an end.

a matter of corsets as well as of culture
:

Charm
it is

not

picturesque to
of a stout

murmur

spiritual secrets into the ear

matron, however well-read.

To

a small

mind, such an occupation

lous
:

may

even appear ridicu-

and the minds of Elsa's confidants, though perfect in detail and often uncommon in shape,
were rather restricted as to
All this
size.

made

her look back regretfully to the

time when the obtuseness of her relations only

threw into sharper contrast the intelligent comprehension of her disciples. Destiny seemed deter-

mined

to

annoy

her.

Even her

children refused to

feed her vanity.

Geraint she detested.

Tristram

had written from Paris of his engagement to an American student of voluptuous charm, and she saw the future in a horrid vision. She had longed for a lover, but Providence, it appeared, was
inclined to give her a grandchild instead.

Religion might have provided her with a refuge

both natural and

artistic

for she

had always been a

so poetic a back-

sentimental Theist, finding

God

ground to existence that she was careful not to blot Him out. But now she became impatiently atheistical as the morning sunshine faded. She could not believe in a Deity who was rude enough to permit
her to suffer in such an uninteresting way.


COMMENTARIES
Mrs. Steinmann

311

whose dislike of her daughter's

anaemic insolence was tempered by her passion

for imparting unpleasant information

now brought

life.

news of Willie's withdrawal from civilized had long been her belief that Elsa had made a fool of him a work of supererogation not to be classed amongst the duties of a wife and mother. The discomfiture of their erring relations is an act of charity which few good women would willingly neglect. Having noted Mrs. Levi's excitement, Mrs. Steinmann kept her waiting for several minutes,
to her the
It
:

took

off

her gloves, re-tied the strings of her bonnet,

to speak.
of

and then condescended

'

Well

!'

she said,

'

course everybody could

see that

he was bound to do something foolish

:

sooner or later

but no one imagined that

idiotic as this.
It

be anything so
off into

it would seems he went

the country the other day by himself

quite suddenly, without a

word

to Pauline,

who

went on ordering

in his extra
;

milk just as usual.

for the

Young men
housekeeper.

are so selfish

no consideration

said he'd only

However, when he came back, he come to fetch his things, as he was

going to live
little

down

in this place in future

some
:

hamlet

in Sussex, miles

from a railway-station

you could find He'd seen a cottage on the downs that he liked, and nothing would do but he must live there alone and do bookbinding.' The blow was sudden. Elsa, unable to pretend
as inconvenient as
it's

and altogether

called S. Mary-le-Street.

312

THE GREY WORLD

back
'

gratified interest, leaned

in the

shadow and

contrived a becoming languor.

How strange she said, am not entirely surprised

'

!'

and how courageous

it is

the true expression

of his

temperament,
!

think.
fail

Alone with Nature

to find peace.'

you've heard the end of the story, Of course, he's his own master, being over twenty-one and Mr. Hopkinson allows him
'

and Art Wait

He
till

can scarcely

my

dear.

But he's going, own cooking and everything, just like a common working-man. Think of the discomfort and the mess And no one will take any notice of him. You know what County people are
if

100 a year, so he can't starve.

you

please, to

do

his

they'll think he's a

'

Socialist.'
'

That,' said

Elsa,

must console him a good

deal.'
'

And what
:

upsets me,' continued Mrs. Steinmann,

'

is

the risks that he must run.

He was always
no one to
for himself,

delicate

and out

in all weathers, with

!

see that he changes his boots

Cooking
not

too

and one knows what that means

if

chronic
It's

dyspepsia for a certainty,

really a

gastritis.

mercy that his poor mother died before this happened it would have killed her, for he was
;

always her favourite.

And then,

as I said to Pauline,
live in
?

what

sort of a place

do people of that kind

hovel, I suppose, with
:

Some

horrible

little

windows

that won't open at the top

and ten

to one the

drains have never been inspected.'


COMMENTARIES
'

313

Nevertheless,' said Elsa,

in

'

can imagine being

all

happy
in me.'
'

such a

life.

It

appeals to

that

is

best

The

risk of typhoid,

and the constant society

it
is.

of earwigs, don't appeal to me,' replied her mother.

'

Willie doesn't

know what
it

If

he had con-

sulted those older than himself, instead of rushing

away

so

hurriedly,

would have shown more

common-sense, as well as being more respectful. What I quite intended to suggest to him was, that
he and Geraint should take a
little flat

together

somewhere towards Hammersmith, or Chiswick. That is the right locality for Willie, with his fancy and Geraint could have come for Arts and Crafts up by the tram and tube.' I don't think they would have agreed very well together their temperaments are so diverse.'
;

'

'

Oh, but Geraint's such a good-natured fellow

he could have put up with anything.

needs a cheerful companion
person
:

And
I

Willie

he

is

just the one

who ought never

to live alone.

could have

found them a nice cook-general, and they would

have been very comfortable indeed.' For a permanency, I should prefer the society of the typhoid bacillus to that of Geraint,' said
'

Geraint's mother pleasantly.

'

You
rest

never appreciated that boy,

my

dear.

He
all

has got more sound, robust common-sense, than

the
of

you put together. Mr. Hopkinson thinks great things of him. Only the other day, he

314
said to

THE GREY WORLD

me
"

Young Levi
'

will

do well
l

he knows

the smell of money."

'

What,' said Elsa quickly, going to do about Willie ?'

'

is

Mr. Hopkinson

Well, he's really behaving most sensibly not but what he always was a very reasonable, intelli;

gent man.
quite right.

He

says that he considers Willie isn't

organic mischief.

Such an unbalanced mind must mean If he were a little queerer, he

;

might be a genius but as it is, he's only a fool. Of course he isn't dangerous but being like that,
;

naturally

it isn't

any use putting him

into business

or anything, so he'd just as well be in the country

anywhere else. It's cheap, and not so exciting him as town life and the main thing is to prevent him from making a nuisance of himself. A terrible thing, isn't it ? I can't think where it can come from, for poor Mrs. Hopkinson was quite normal. It's lucky Pauline shows no signs of eccentricity. Mr. Hopkinson says that Willie is a
as
for
;

waste product of our

'

civilization.'
'

Ah,

well,'

said Elsa,

from the point

of

view

But his life, he may be so perhaps. had powers that were not of this age. I shall miss him. The companionship of a mystic is like But I cannot a pool of water in a sandy land. blame his decision. His environment was not congenial, and solitude is better than boredom. As Meister Eckhardt so beautifully said, " A crowd But is often more lonely than a wilderness."
of material

soul


COMMENTARIES
still, I

315

should think he

may

feel

the want of comrade

souls, of

sympathy, after a time.' Mrs. Steinmann laughed. Her daughter, who was trying to feel exalted, thought the noise
unpleasant.
'

didn't think
'

you were
of

so innocent, Elsa,' she

!

said.

A woman

your age

It

isn't

want

of

sympathy that Willie will suffer from. I should have thought you might have guessed that there was a young woman at the bottom of this ridiculous
plan of
'

his.'
*

That,' replied Mrs. Levi,

is

You do

not

know him

as

do.

It

most improbable. was his peculiar

of a

charm that he combined the ardours

with the cold purity of a cloistered
'

mystic

life.'

Ah, that was because he hadn't found what

he wanted,
hear

my dear.

He's got

it

now, and we shan't

artist, I

much more about the cold purity phase. An understand, who lives down there entirely
She gives herself out as a widow,
it.

unchaperoned.
ated

but there's nothing to prove

:

Willie's infatu-

told

Stephen Miller that she had " raised

life

him to the plane of the imaginative he means by that.'

she usually kept for her cold baths.
'

"

whatever

Elsa received the shock with a fortitude which

Ah,

understand so well
of course,

!'

she said.

'

It is
it

an

illusion,

but for the time being

It

will

probably obsess him.

life is

was bound

to

happen

so difficult.

But

still, it is

very disappointing

316
for those

THE GREY WORLD

who took an
interest in his soul.

No

doubt, he has been deceived by an ingenious simplicity

who
1

a picturesque and rustic woman, I expect, milks a cow and talks of the poetry of mother:

hood.'
1

hear she has no family,' answered Mrs. Stein'

mann, means

and

to

me

that looks

all

the worse.
is

No
and

of proving her age,

which

the one hope

in these cases.

Pauline told

me
;

all

about

it,

I said to her, " Well,

my

dear, of course he thinks

that she

is

immaculate at present
fall

but in six months

time

it

will

be a very different tale."

a victim to the

Those moony
adventuress

boys always

first

they come across.'

Mrs. Levi changed the conversation.

Stephen

*****
had been down
to
visit

Willie

ambassador from the outraged proprieties of His mission included an inquiry into the sanitation
of

an home.
:

the cottage, and the investigation of Willie's

flannel shirts, Hester's morals,

and the

cost of living

in S. Mary-le-Street.

He came back

with a sort

of wistfulness in his face.

when he had mentioned the result of the visit to Mr. Hopkinson to see them, is to feel that one has
'

To

see them,' he said to Pauline,

tersely

'

somehow missed
I

fire in life.

think, that matters

Willie
is

health

They have everything, and innocence and

He's
got

hope.

transformed.

little

cottage there in a hollow of the downs, about a mile

COMMENTARIES
from the shrine
in the

317

wood.

and

his finishing bench,

He's set up his presses and he works there binding

It's all so

books, as she works at her paintings.

simple and joyous

it's

whilst one
life.

is

there,

one

feels

the only possible

Just that one example

It

seems to have taught him what he wanted.

shames me when
all
'

think of our drawing-office, and

the inefficiency and ugliness and fuss.'

Oh, but Stephen dear

failure, like
is

you wouldn't
?'

like

to

be a
'

poor Willie
?'

What

a failure

said Stephen.
'

His dark

intelligent face

help thinking,

when

had a discontented look. I couldn't I was with him, that the sort of
life
:

thing
all.

we

call

a successful
it's

is

very paltry after

it's

Of course,

amusing

but

rather the
I

type of amusement supplied by a comic paper.

don't
is

know

that providing burlesque for the Deity

a very high destiny for a man.'

'

You

are very profane,' said Pauline

stiffly.

As

her marriage-day approached, she began to treat

Stephen with the firm common-sense which she

usually kept for her relations.
'

One has

one's

duty to consider

and

of course Willie

has shirked

all his responsibilities

had
'

and buried what talents he most disgraceful way.' Well, I don't know. He's responsible for himand as for talents, he is doing self in the first place I saw some of the bindings he beautiful work. had finished. They had a sort of distinguished He's found himself, that's Tightness about them.
in the
:

318
the truth
;

THE GREY WORLD

and
he's lost that look of grasping after
of

something out

reach.

felt

that he couldn't

have worked like that in London. It's the great spaces and quiet influences that are turning him I asked him if he were sure he'd into an artist. made a wise choice and he said " I don't want
:

to

be wise.

The Wise Men had no

;

peace, they
is

journeyed after their Star

but

my
said

Star

carried

and hidden."
'

'

How

perfectly

ridiculous,'

Pauline

with

decision.

Much

as she believed herself to love

even admire
took root.
country.

Stephen,
'

she

felt

that

it

was only

right to check

him before

these objectionable ideas

I'm sure people who are any good

it

can work just as well in town as they can in the

I

never could bear

it

myself except for

the holidays, and then the cycling was good.'

had to be a place where

rather sadly.
:

would never do for us,' answered Stephen He But he and Mrs. Waring stopped Hester had charmed him, and he knew But that it would be better not to speak of her. Pauline was curious.
'

Oh,

it

'

'

'

hope,' she said vaguely,

?

'

that

it is
?'

quite

all

right
'

She's fairly young, isn't she

Yes, but she has the active innocence that's

invulnerable.

And

believe she has Willie's queer

:

ideas about dead people

she loves her husband

as

now
I

in exactly the

same way

noticed that she sometimes looked sad

when he was alive. when she


COMMENTARIES
was
talking, but her face

319
in repose.

was always happy

She smiled then at something she saw, which was

not visible to other people.'
'

Still,'

said Pauline, carefully balancing herself

of

between purity and knowledge

seems a
little

the world,
her,

'

it

risky.

Willie

must admire

to

go and model his whole existence on her

'

like that.'

Yes. but then, they are so exactly suited to

it's

each other that

in love

perfectly safe.
;

Men
it

don't

fall

with their stronger selves

would be too

appropriate.'

Did Willie talk about her much ?' No. He talked about his work our work making beauty. He seemed as though he still wanted to help me to see what he has seen trace out the Divine in the world. As I came away, he
1

said to me, " / think the honest artist is very near to

God
'

/"

'

What

rubbish

!'

said
It

Pauline.

thoroughly exasperated.

She was was too humiliating

that she should have to fight with Willie for the

possession of her lover's soul.

Stephen remained
a
little

silent.

He was

thinking out
to

poem which had been suggested

It call
'

him by
His
little

Willie's words.

should be, he decided, a canzone,

it
'

and

sadness vanished
Presently

he would

Heaven's Atrium.'

few sorrows can outlive a

recovered
her

song.'

Pauline

temper.

She

perceived that Stephen's appreciation must have

320

THE GREY WORLD

;

been poetic, not personal

and

reflected that

remarks

which might seem

if made by a common-place person, are often clever when they come from a literary man. Stephen's vagrant views were sometimes tiresome but what did that

irritatingly foolish

matter, so long as they were not sincere

Alle

men, she knew, required management. She took his hand, and rubbed her cheek against it.
'

Darling

!'

she said contentedly.

'

how

nice

it

is

to think that yoxCvc never let yourself be taken

in

by any

of those

morbid ideas

!'

THE END

August, 1902

Ji'h'i

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