Dear Jeffrey

Dear Jeffrey,
What were you thinking?

What went through your mind,
As we sat next to each other in biology class?
When the teacher would call roll—
When she called out your name—
You never really responded to her call.
Your name – which at the time went unnoticed

Your name—that went unacknowledged
Your name—that is now—feared.
What were you thinking? (1) (Brown Book)
EXAGGERATED MEDIA DEPICTIONS HAVE BLURRED FACT AND FICTION

WHILE TRANSFORMING SERIAL KILLERS AND MASS MURDERERS INTO
LARGER-THAN-LIFE POP CULTURE CELEBRITIES.
THROUGH THE COMBINED EFFORTS OF LAW ENFORCEMENT AUTHORITIES,

THE NEWS AND ENTERTAINMENT MEDIA, AND THE PUBLIC’S APPETITE
FOR THE MACABRE, WE ARE ALLOWED A PEEK INTO OUR OWN DARK
NATURE, BUT ALONG THE WAY WE FORGET THAT THESE MURDERERS
HAVE FRIENDS, FAMILIES, WIVES, AND DAUGHTERS.
A PROGRAM ORAL INTERPRETATION ABOUT THE SHAME, ANGER AND

GUILT THAT COMES WITH KNOWING A SERIAL KILLER WITH POETRY BY
CELESTE LEBEAUX, DRAMA BY JESSICA DICKEY, NEWS ARTICLES BY ROY
WENZEL, RACHEL QUIGLEY, AND SERGE KOVALESKI, AND PROSE BY
MELISSA MOORE.
Let me tell you about the last time I saw my dad before he was sent to prison. I was 15
years old when he showed up randomly at our home. He and my mother were divorced, and we
just saw him occasionally.
He asked me and my younger brother and sister if we wanted to go out for breakfast with
him. We all hopped into his big truck, which had a sleeper cab attached to it. My sister and I sat
in the sleeper cab on top of the mattress and my brother sat in the passenger seat.
As we were turning the corner by my high school, a big roll of duct tape rolled out of the
sleeping compartment, which struck me as pretty strange. "Why does my dad have duct tape by
his pillow?" But I brushed it off, thinking, "Well, everything's probably in weird places because
there's not a lot of space in here."
My brother and sister had plans that morning so we dropped them off, and it was just my
dad and I that went to a downtown diner. I loved my dad, but a lot of kids think their dad is
weird.
It was during this meal that my dad said, "Not everything is what it appears to be.I'm not
what you think I am” Then I found to my relief that my dad was willing to just drop the
conversation.
I go back to that incident so often and I think: "If he had told me, what would have
happened next? If he had told me about his seven murders would I have gone to the police?
Having revealed his secrets, would he have given me the chance?"
Could my father have killed me? (2) (My Evil Dad, Life as a Serial Killer’s Daughter)
I’m curious,
That question haunts me.
I’m curious
Did you know or remember any of our names?
I knew your name.
The day your story broke, I heard talk of it in the grocery store
I was standing in line waiting to get checked out.
And a woman was talking about this gruesome story she had just heard on the radio. (1)
On a summer night, Maureen White sat alone in her living room staring at a DVD she
had avoided watching for years.
On the screen was her older brother, Richard Paul White, confessing to murdering six
people.
Toward the end of the videotaped police interrogation, Ms. White reached for a razor
blade and began to slice her left leg.
Like relatives of other violent criminals, Ms. White has found herself ill prepared to deal
with the complex set of emotions and circumstances that further unhinged her life after her
brother’s crimes. Under treatment for anxiety and depression she has nightmares and is startled
by loud noises, and for more than a year after viewing the video, she continues to cut herself.
In a society where headlines of violence are almost commonplace, the families of the
perpetrators are often unknown and largely unheard from.
In the flash of a horrifying moment, their lives become a vortex of shame, anger and guilt. (3)
(Killer’s Families Left to Confront Fear and Shame)
You see, he opened his heart to us and then we broke it, and I honestly believe it was too
much for him to take and he reacted in violent ways to release his anger and hurt. (3)
He made me smile every day. I had the perfect husband, perfect life. I absolutely adored
him. He was also the perfect killer. I was scared, in hiding, ashamed. I dream about him all the
time. (4) (I Had the Perfect Husband)
I still love my husband. I miss him. He wasn’t a bad guy. He wasn’t the Devil. He just
couldn’t keep his darkness down anymore, and it ate him. It ate him and now it’s eating me. And
you can say that’s Evil but the truth is- that’s all of us. That’s the world. We’re all just a few bad
days from Sicko and that’s not Satan, that’s the truth. It lives in me and it lives in you. (5) (The
Amish Project)
WE TEND TO FORGET THAT SERIAL KILLERS HAVE FRIENDS, FAMILIES,

WIVES AND DAUGHTERS AND SOMETIMES THESE DAUGHTERS WANT NOTHING
MORE THAN TO BE LOVED BY THEIR FATHERS
He was everything. He was just a dad. He taught us about nature. How to fish. How to go
camping. He took us on good vacations. He never abused us in any way. He’s just this guy.
One of the worst parts: wondering, did he really love us? Or was it just a façade? I’m
glad they caught him. (6) (BTK Killer)
There isn't a book out there called, What Do You Do When You Find Out That Your
Dad's A Serial Killer? There's nothing out there that tells you what to do.
For years I kidded myself. I knew he had done terrible things, but I still believed that he
loved me and my siblings, that he was capable of love and empathy. Then one day I had a
conversation with my grandfather. "You know, I went to visit your dad in prison, and he said that
he had had thoughts of killing you children."
Hearing that gave me freedom.
And finally I knew the answer to the question that had been bothering me every time I
thought about our last breakfast together in the diner. Would he have killed me if I had told the
police about his crimes? Yes, he would.
Understanding that allowed me to say goodbye to him. (2)
. "I'm OK, and I have rebuilt my life. I'm always going to be a daughter of a serial killer,
and I have to choose how that's going to affect me. I'm always having to make that choice: Do I
want to hide today, or do I want to live? (7) (My Dad Was a Serial Killer)
WORKS CITED
(1) Celeste LeBeaux, ed. Gregory T. Burns

“Dear Jeffrey (An Unsigned Note to a Serial Killer from a Former Classmate)”
in The Brown Book
theinterpstore.com
2011
Poetry
(2) Melissa Moore interview

“My evil dad: Life as a serial killer’s daughter”
http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-29835159
November 3, 2014 Access October 2015
News Article
(3) Serge Kovaleskki

“Killer’s Families Left to Confront Fear and Shame” in The New York Times
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/02/05/us/killers-families-left-to-confront-fear-and-
shame.html?_r=0
February 4, 2012 Access October 2015
News article
(4) Rachel Quigley

“I had the perfect husband. . . but he was the perfect murderer” on Daily Mail.com
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2056798/Judith-Mawson-finding-husband-
Green-River-Serial-Killer-Gary-Ridgway.html
November 3, 2011 Access October 2011
News article
(5) The Amish Project
(6) Roy Wenzl
(7) Maria Ricapito

Dear Jeffrey

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Dear Jeffrey

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Dear Jeffrey,

What were you thinking?

Your name – which at the time went unnoticed

What were you thinking? (1) (Brown Book)

EXAGGERATED MEDIA DEPICTIONS HAVE BLURRED FACT AND FICTION

THROUGH THE COMBINED EFFORTS OF LAW ENFORCEMENT AUTHORITIES,

A PROGRAM ORAL INTERPRETATION ABOUT THE SHAME, ANGER AND

WE TEND TO FORGET THAT SERIAL KILLERS HAVE FRIENDS, FAMILIES,

(1) Celeste LeBeaux, ed. Gregory T. Burns

(2) Melissa Moore interview

(3) Serge Kovaleskki

(4) Rachel Quigley

(5) The Amish Project

(6) Roy Wenzl

(7) Maria Ricapito

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