Swati Rai, Delhi-based communication and English language skills trainer — associated with The Empathy Project — spins a story on the body language of empathy. Read to find out...
Seema ma’am (SM): So where we were the last time?
Roma: Ma’am in class! (laughing)
SM: Ha, Ha! That of course! But where were we in our discussions on empathy and its practice?
Roma: Oh that! We were discussing body language and empathy.
SM: So the question is, is it only important to feel empathy or show it too?
Everyone: Show it too!
SM: Great! Now the question is how?
Tina: By speaking kind and understanding sentences.
SM: Yes, those too. However, your body language/nonverbal cues are equally important.
Rohan: Ma’am, how?
SM: Pointing to the board. Here’s how... (see board)
Roma: Ma’am, but how do we know if our body language is empathetic or not?
SM: Well, you’ve got to observe yourself in the mirror as you speak. This will help you analyse your body language. This is also important because we ourselves don’t come to know how we are coming across as we speak. We may feel we are looking relaxed and calm, yet it may not be appearing so to the listener.
Tina: Oh okay. Is there anything else?
SM: Yes. Listening!
* Practice empathetic listening.
* Don’t interrupt while listening, but seek clarification when needed.
* Be open in body language to convey responsiveness.
* Be fully present.
* Acknowledge the other person’s words and feelings.
Roma: Ma’am, that’s a lot for
one class!
SM: (Smiles) Yes, lots but not hard. See you next time!
The Non Verbal Cues of Empathy
* Make sure you are sitting close (at a safe distance) to the person sharing.
* Try to be fully present in the moment in an alert posture.
* Avoid looking away, make optimal eye contact.
* Nod wherever required to show interest
and understanding.
* Having your arms on your sides rather than fold them or have them akimbo.
* A good idea to mirror the speaker’s body language to create a shared feeling. You can also match the other person’s voice tone, speed and energy.
* Keep a soft expression. Relax your face.
* No harm in smiling pleasantly and sincerely to convey a feeling of camaraderie.
* By relaxing and smiling you will appear positive and receptive.
* When sitting, place your palms up as it is a sign of openness.
* When standing, get your hands out of your pockets, open your palms out at your sides.
* Show respect.
* A friendly and firm handshake is a good idea to acknowledge the presence of all.
* Listen actively to understand rather
than to respond.
* A good idea to observe (and use) non-verbal cues and body language of the speaker to be able to respond appropriately.
Prompts
1. Practise at least two of the gestures mentioned in the lesson to show empathy. Observe yourself in the mirror. Which ones did you choose?
2. What is the difference between listening and hearing? Which one should we follow for empathetic understanding?