PSYCHOLOGICAL COUNSELLING: Children may not share exam-related stress with parents for fear of hurting them

Restarting academic journey

My mother has become a student all over again and has registered for her Master's in English Literature. I am delighted to learn this, however, this has caused a lot of discontent in the family. My father and grandparents are opposing it. My mother is upset to the extent that she wants a divorce. I am in my BA and this tension at home is disturbing me.

- KP, Kolkata    

Congratulations to your mother for restarting her academic journey. You must support her and help your father understand this. This may not be acknowledged by the family, due to societal fear and prejudices. The best way to tackle this is to have a family meeting where your mother mindfully shares her desire and feelings about her decision. Generally, the situation gets resolved with minor hiccups and a few resentments. You may discuss it with your father and bring him on her side. A close relative and an empowered teacher can also help. Family counselling will be the last option if everything else fails. 

Sibling fights due to low mood

I am studying in the USA along with my twin brother. I have been fighting a lot with him. My parents consulted a psychiatrist in Bangalore and forced me to have an online consultation with her. I was provided counselling for three months, which proved futile. Online psychological tests revealed that my moods were low, which I did not agree with. I am neither sad nor tearful but was feeling very exhausted and had vague aches and pains. The fights stopped with my sibling after I reluctantly took the medicines. Now I am better and I have stopped my treatment.

- SN, Hyderabad

Please contact your doctor immediately and understand the duration of medicines as mandated for the treatment. While undergoing treatment, you should not decide not to take the medicine on your own. Though you may feel well, maintenance treatment may be required. Discontinuation may lead to relapses that will again disturb your relationship with your family and disrupt your studies.

Anxiety about exams

My daughter just finished her ICSE exams and has been keeping very low and aloof. She claims that a few exams did not go well. She is a good student, but we noticed that soon after her exam she has not been eating well and remains locked in the room. She has stopped meeting her best friends. We have consulted an astrologer, who said that she will recover in three weeks.

RJ, Ahmedabad

Your daughter needs an immediate exploration by a neutral psychologist. Children may not share their grief about exams with their parents for fear of hurting them. A new face in the form of a professional may help vent their disturbed thoughts and feelings. At times it could be a false perception of her performance too. Do not give long sermons nor remain aloof from her. Medicines from a psychiatrist will help in dealing with anxiety and nervousness.  

Relation between alcoholism and depression

I am a Management student, studying overseas. I have turned into an alcoholic and have become a very anxious person. Initially, alcohol in small doses helped me feel better but now it is a point of no return. I was admitted to a rehabilitation centre in New Delhi but that did not help. I later realised that this rehab centre was not licensed and was run by a businessman. My father is depressed due to my condition and undergoing treatment.

- CS, Delhi

Many anxious students find alcohol as a temporary solace but later graduate to getting dependent on it. Immediately meet a psychiatrist for proper treatment. A little medicine and a lot of counselling will repair your old difficult stories of life. They will also teach you tools to prevent a slip or a relapse. Given that your father is under treatment for depression, you need to look out for the same. Depression and alcoholism are related and one perpetuates the other. Alcoholics Anonymous is a good support group, which you may join.  

Remain united as parent

My son has been sluggish for the last three months. I felt he was suffering from depression as he had a breakup with his girlfriend. Surprisingly, his blood tests revealed that he has negligible Vitamin D and B 12. Can this be the cause? We are divorced and my son lives with my husband who doesn’t take care of him.

Low nutrients and undernourishment can cause low moods and mimic signs of depression. Many youngsters surviving on junk food have these issues. Working parents need to monitor the diet of their children with the help of the family doctor. Blaming each other for this condition will not help. Even if one is divided in matrimony one needs to be united in parenting.