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From today's featured article 

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Rebecca Black is a living Dadaist masterpiece. Jointly authored by the almost hard-working semi-geniuses at ARK Music Factory, and by Black's proud parents who paid $4000 so she could make a video, Black's cultural satire in pop music featuring the innocence and gullibility of a 13-year-old girl has proven an unnatural success. Black now represents the Los Angeles Dadaist movement, which acts in direct competition with its New York counterpart which is highlighted by the Fountain by Marcel Duchamp and the Late Show with David Letterman. Her "popularization by viral video" of the song Friday starting in mid-March, 2011, marks a rebirth of dadaism and a watershed in human culture. (Full article...)

Did you know... 

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  • ... that the packets of silica gel that say "DO NOT EAT" are actually delicious?
  • ... that Alexander isn't really that Great?
  • ... that cutting off your hands, nose, and head reduces the spread of germs by 100%?
  • ... that removing the rubber bands from the claws of a Lobster can result in oh god get it off get it OFF OH GOD MY FACE!
  • ... that the moon is not made of cheese, but magnesium of milk powder, which explains why everyone that ever goes there feels sick when they come back?
  • ... that Karen is a female given name meaning "she who wants to see the manager"?
  • ... that less than 10% of the world's cactus population contains gold inside?

In the news 

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The president of Brazil

Ongoing: Russian Invasion • Drake-Kendrick Lamar feud • Israel-Hamas conflict • United States presidential election • Olympic Games
Recent deaths: Ruth Westheimer • Richard Simmons • Joe Engel • Shannen Doherty • Lou Dobbs • Bob Newhart
Upcoming deaths: Vladimir Putin • Kate Middleton • Market demand for Tesla cars • Drake's sanity • Noam Chomsky • The Sims 5 • Larry • His brother Darryl • His other brother Darryl

On this day 

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July 27: StarCraft Day (Korea), Nerdery Day (Internetopia)

  • 7 BC – First computer created, using a yard of string, a goat, and three partially eaten kidney beans.
  • 6 BC – The first computer nerd (pictured) fixes a goat/bean compatibility issue on a local goatherd's new computer.
  • 3 BC – A computer nerd/farmer has sex with his goat causing string problems and generating large amounts of upchucked kidney beans, thus creating the first computer virus.
  • 0 BC – A child runs through a field and trips over a string where a vast network of stringed goats are being held. The chain reaction sets off an epidemic of bean-upchucking and goat-kicking that doesn't end until the goats are re-neutered and restringed.
  • 500 – A woman proposes the use of thin strips of silicon to faciliate the use of micro-circuitry, halving computer sizes and doubling their speed. The woman is stoned to death then given a medal after being credited with the discovery of the breast implant. Male suicide rates halved.
  • 666 – Steve Jobs trades his soul to Satan for StarCraft, the first game capable of running on goats tied together with string. He goes on to invent Blizzard.
  • 1000 – The Y1K Bug destroys computers, causing the human race to be enslaved by toasters. Later someone pulls the plug on the toasters and the humans are freed.
  • 1866 – Cyrus Field successfully completes the Atlantic Cable, thus allowing for the largest single transfer of internet porn in history.
  • 1914 – British troops invade the streets of Dublin and demand free wifi.
  • 1979 – Actor Penis Van Lesbian changes his name to the more acceptable Dick Van Dyke.
  • 2003 – English tribute band Two Humps is formed in Nottinghamfordshire-upon-Kent, Surrey, England.
  • 2007 – The finincially ailing Area 51 is forced to open its doors to the public in order to avoid bankruptcy.
  • 2010 – StarCraft II is released to the public. Koreans everywhere rejoice.
  • 2011 – Blizzard denies allegations that a third installment, StarCraft III, is under development. Koreans everywhere grieve.
  • 2036 – StarCraft III is officially confirmed by Blizzard. Koreans everywhere rejoice.
  • 2057 – The Japanese discover how to manufacture immortality out of panties and meth, and subsequently sell it from vending machines. Koreans steal the formula and take over the world.
  • 2135 – StarCraft III is released. Walmart regains control of the world because Koreans are too busy playing it.

Picture of the day

The Jean Pool
 Experts advise against chlorinating the jean pool, as it causes the dye to bleed, and acid-washed jeans haven't been cool since '86.

Image credit: RadicalX
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