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Cleanup tag

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Somebody added a cleanup tag to this article. Would that person please write a comment here and explain what needs cleaning up? (Entheta 10:19, 9 January 2006 (UTC))[reply]

I didn't add the tag, b ut I'd say the language and the writing need to worked on; at the moment, it is very formal and 'stiff' to read. I'd also say that they're needs to be something about him being involved in a hostage drama in the intro; I was reading it, and it made no sense as to why it suddenly went into hostage taking after talking about a mortgage broker. --Stretch 12:18, 14 January 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Ok. I've added a sentence about the hostage drama in the intro. I asked in a wikiproject a while ago for some copyediting since I'm not that fluent. (Entheta 13:29, 14 January 2006 (UTC))[reply]
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