Love Letters: Gluten-free dating

Thursday | July 11, 2024

Love Letters Dating

Gluten-free dating

Meredith,

I’m a celiac disease person just out here trying not to get gluten-ed as politely and covertly as possible. The vigilance is exhausting and lonesome.

My family and friends are great about it, and I am truly thankful that my diagnosis and prognosis is what it is – it could be so much worse. Still, there is a high social cost to this. I am just so tired of being the odd one out with this disease.

I am also tired of being the last single person among my family and friends.

I’ve inquired about getting involved with celiac support groups, but those seem mostly like unmonitored inboxes. Celiac meetup groups don’t actually meet up.

There are gluten-free Facebook groups, but those seem more like forums for restaurant recommendations. I would love your thoughts and ideas as to finding some gluten-free community and pursuing dating in that realm, as well. I’m 35 if that helps tailor any recommendations.

– Hoping the world could be my gluten-free oyster

Chronic illnesses and diseases can make a regular day unpleasant and uncontrollable. Sometimes this kind of diagnosis means you have to bail on plans, which feels awful.

The experience can be very lonely. I’m glad the people around you are great about it.

I do see a bunch of gluten-free MeetUp groups. They’re all over – and one (something Paleo-specific) is around Boston.

My thought: if you don’t see one where you live (or one you like), start something new. I imagine that people are waiting for someone like you to say, “Hey, I’m feeling alone in this experience. Who wants to try one of these restaurants I keep hearing about online?” You might be the heart of what becomes a great community.

My friend ran a cookbook club for a bit. People made recipes from the same book and shared it at a potluck. You could test/rate one of the many Celiac-friendly books out there with your new MeetUp people.

I do hope you can separate the singleness from the celiac, even if those experiences feel tethered. You don’t like being the only single person in the group. You also don’t like having to work around celiac. But you don’t have to deal with those issues at the same time. You might find a great significant other who’s patient about this kind of thing.

I’m from a family of people with complicated gastrointestinal issues, so I get it. Maybe you can find someone like me – a person who doesn’t have celiac but is used to companions who have to be very careful with their bodies.

Also, please seek out more single friends. They don’t have to be gluten-free, just good companions who are ready to go out and explore.

Keep me posted. I’d love to know if/how you find more connections.

– Meredith

Readers? Can you talk about dating with a chronic illness? How can the LW separate the experience of being single from the celiac? Have you ever started a MeetUp? Ideas?

What’s been on your mind about relationships? Ask your own question. Use the anonymous form or email [email protected].

Image of a gluten-free burrata pizza and at Nebo in Boston. (Aram Boghosian for The Boston Globe)

Dating

Featured Comment

I wish you luck in finding both a “community” that can support your emotional needs regarding your disease, as well as providing you a place to meet prospective dating partners. However, it’s still possible that your challenges in either of those areas will not be solved by any particular “community”. So don’t put all your hopes and aspirations into the “community” being the answer to all your problems.

Perhaps find such a community first to get the emotional support, and then go searching for a potential partner.

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