aaaand action! exclam. Cecil B deMille-style announcement made before loudly breaking wind. Also and in local news; attention all shipping; let off some steam, Bennett; listen, I think I hear a horseshoe bat etc.
acorn antique n. A small piece of knobbly woodwork that has seen better days and may no longer be of much practical use. May have a few age-related marks and show severe patination, worm damage, and foxing.
bachelor’s bostik n. Organic adhesive used on magazine pages and computer keyboards. Also sement, jazz glue, Aphrodite’s evostick, prick stick, man mastic, glunk, grotspangle.
bag of pennies euph. A faecal motion. ‘I’d give it a few minutes if I was you, love. I’ve just dropped a bag of pennies in there.’ ‘Right you are, Bamber.’
bingo baps n. Shrivelled, pendulous socktits that hang down to an old biddy’s waist. Knee shooters, nan-chukas, toe polishers, basset hounds’ ears, beaver tails, Gandhi’s flip-flops, stalactits.
BOB/bob acronym. Cabin crew slang for the most attractive passenger on an aeroplane. Best On Board.
boiler maintenance euph. The flowers, Ferrero Rochers and repeated apologies needed to keep one’s bag for life operating efficiently.
bombs away! exclam. A humorous exclamation after dropping one’s payload into the lavatory.
bowel towels n. Shit tickets. ‘Mam! Can you throw us up some bowel towels?’
boxing day jobby, denser than a sim. Descriptive of someone fuckwitted. Also thick as a bull’s dick/ghurka’s foreskin/Welshman’s cock/brickie’s wrist
