Torch Song

TORCH SONG was initially prod uced by Second Stage Theate r in New CHARACTERS
York in October 2017, an d then in November 2018 at the Helen Hayes

The International Stud
Theater on Broadway by Richie Jackso n, Eric Kuhn & Justin Mikita,
Stephanie P. McClelland, Ken Fakler , David Mirvish, Lassen Blume / ARNOLD
Karmen Boyz Productions, CJC & Priest / Judith Ann.Abrams , Burnt ED
Umber/True Love Productions, Caiola Productions/Torchbearers and
Fugue in a Nursery
Jujamcyn Theaters , and Second Stage Theater. The performance was
directed by Moises Kaufman, with scenic design hy David Zinn, costume ARNO!.O
design hy Clint Ramos, lighti ng design by David Lander , and projection ED
design by John Naron. The production stage manager was Frank LAUREL
Lombardi. The cast was as follows: ALAN
ARNOLD. ... . . .. .. . ..... ..... . .•................. .... Michael Urie Widows and Children First
ED .. .... ..... ... ..... ..... . ...•... .... . ..... .Ward Horton
. . ..... ARNOLD
LAUREL.. .. ... ... . .......... ... .... . ......... Roxanna Hope Radja ED
ALAN ......•. . . . . ............................. MichaelHsu Rosen DAVID
DAVID .......... . ......... .... . ...... .. . . ...... . ... . . Jack DiFalco MA
MRS. BECKOFF . . ..... ... . . . ..... . .. ... . .•.•....... Mercedes Ruehl
ACTONE
(A light bo:rabove the stage announces: )

"THE INTERNATIONALSTUD" June 1974
(An ol.d orange Bakelite radio glows in the
preset.)
(A.figure draped in a long gown enters quietly
and turns up the radio ...)
["I See T'wo Lovers" performed by Helen
Morgan.']
(The figure , ARNOLD , sits down in front of
a makeup tab/,e with lights and mirror. He
fusses quietly. He -isa young man putting on
a dragface. ..)
(As the song ends he dicks off the radio. He
poses .. .)
ARNOLD . Just let me finish emasculating this eye and I'll
be right with you. I think my biggest problem is being
young and beautiful.
(Directly to the audience .) It 's my biggest problem
because I have never been young and beautiful. Oh ,
I've been beautiful . And Lawd knows I've been young.
But never the twain have met. Not so's anyone would
-"A license to produce Torch Sung does not include a performance

license for •1 See Two Lovers.• The publisher and author suggest that
the licensee contact ASCAP or BMI to ascertain the music publisher
and contact such music publisher to license or acquire permission for
performance of the song. If a license or permission is unattainable for
•1 See Two Lovers." the licensee may not use the song in Torch Song but
should create an original composition in a similar style or use a similar
song in the public domain. For further information, please see Music
Use Note on page 3.
7
8 TORCH SONG TORCH SONG 9
notice anyway. A shrink acquaintance of mine believes limitations, accepting them maturely and then, wham
this to be the root of my attraction to a class of men barn, you're writing letters to "Dear Abby" and burning
most clip]omatically described as o]d and ugly. But I black candles at midnight. And you ask yourself, "Wba.'
think he's underestimating my wheedles. See, an ugly happened?"
person who goes after a pretty person gets nothing You wanna know "Wha' happened"? You got just what
but trouble. But a pretty person who goes after an you was asking for. The person who think they's mature
ugly person gets at least cab fare. Now, I ain't sayin' I eno ugh to handle an affair that's hopeless from the
never fell for a handsome face hat. when ~ jeux sont beginning is the same person who keeps the publishers
faits," give me a toad with a pot of gold and I'll give you of Gothic Romances up to their tragic endings in mink.
three meals a day! 'Cause honeys, ain't no toads when So, who's left? I don't know. But there are some. I had
the lights go down. It's either feast or famine. It's the one once. His name was Charlie. He was tall, handsome,
daylight you gotta watch out for. A thing of beauty is a rich, deaf ... Everything you could want in an affair and
joy 'tit sunrise!
more. The deafness was the more. He never yelled at
Now, me, if I really like a guy, I automatically wake me . All his friends was nice and quiet. I even learned
three minutes before him giving me just enough time me some of that sign language.
to unsucker my pucker, reinstate my coif, and repose (Demunstrating.) This means cockroach. And this is
my repose so's his eyes up on waking see only images fuck. And here's my favorite. It means I Love You.
by Jove thus guaranteeing my breakfast if not his real
And I did. But...
phone number.
(Sign language again.) Not enough.
And another hint to all present presently unattached -
Cross any man off your dance card who ... A: Tells you (Suddenly snaps to and returns to dressing.)
al] about his wonderful mother. For those of yis what ain't yet guessed, I am an
B: Tells you all about his wonderful shrinker. entertainer. Or what 's left of one. I go by the name
Or C: Refuses to tell you about his wonderfu1 mother Virginia Ham. Ain't that a kick in the rubber parts? You
or shrinker. should hear some of my former handJes: Kitty Litter,
See, a guy who's got that kind of intimate is in, what I Bertha Venation, Bang Bang LaDesh ... There are easier
call, "a state of confession ." And experience bas sorely things in this life than being a drag queen, but I ain 't
taught me that you can never be more to those guys got no choice. Thy as I may, I just can't walk in flats.
than fodder for their conversation. You know what I want? The International Stud. Not
Not that I got anything against analysis. I don't. I think the bar. The man. I want a stud. A guy who knows what
it's a great way to keep from boring your friends. But he wants and ain't a'scared to go out and get it.
what's good for the bored is death for the bed, if you get A guy who satisfies his every need, but don't mind if
my drift. you get what you want in the bargain. Matter of fact, he
Oh! There's another group you gotta watch your food aims to please.
stamps around - The Hopeless. They break down He'd be happy to be whatever you want him to be 'cause
into three major categories: Married. Just in for the you're happy being what he wants you to be. The more
weekend. And terminally ill. Those affairs are the worst. you put in, the more you get hack. An honest man. The
You go into them with your eyes open, knowing the International Stud . One size fits all.
10 TORCH SO NG TOR CH SON G 11
But I wouldn't want no guy that wanted me like this (Turns away but then tries to sneak a l.ook
here. No. I need him for the rest of the time. For the behind him. He gathers his 0011.rageand turns
other part of me . The part that's not so well protected. around. ..)
Oh , there 's plenty that want me like this. And I take
Look, the name's Ed Reiss. My friends call me Ed. I'm
their admiration gratefully but at a distance. A drag Sagittarius.
queen 's like an oil painting - You gotta stand back from
What's so funny?
it to get the full effecl
Some peop1e like to know that stuff. I don't believe any
(Standing to leave.) of it myself, hut I have done some reading ... See, I like
My how time flies when you 's doin ' all the talking. Who to know what's expected of me.
knows, maybe he's out there tonight, right? You have a beautiful smile. No, really, you do. Can I get
(Making the '1 Love You" sign.) you another beer?
One Lite coming up.
Y' know, in my life I have slept with more men than
are named or numbered in the bible. Old and new (To bartender. ) A Lite, please.
testaments put together. But not once has someone So, what's your name?
said, "Arnold, I love you,8 that I could believe. So I ask Arnold Your friends call you Amie or Arn?
myself, "Do you really care?" And the honest answer is, Arnold Nice to meet you, Arnold. So, you Italian?
"Yes, I care. I care a great deal. But not enough ." Spanish?
( ARNOLD ezi.ts, kaving the radio
on. ..) Jewish! I never wou]d have guessed. Not with those
["Mercy Mercy Me (The Ecol.og;y
)" perfonned dark romantic eyes. So, I don't remember ever seeing
uyMarui.n Gaye.'] you here before. I don 't get in that often. I teach over
in Brooklyn and have to he up and out pretty ear]y, so if
(Pinhal.l machines and a /Jarroom din alrrwst l'm feeling horny this is where I come . I can he in and
drown out the music as ED - handsome, out of the backroom and home within an hour.
charming - steps backward into a spotlight Oh. Well ... I'm off tomorrow, so ... You really do have
and spins around as if he's stepped on beautiful eyes. Are you wearing makeup?
someone'sfoot .)
No. I didn't think so. So, how 's the backroom? Crowded?
ED. I'm sorry. I was just trying to duck that pool cue. Gets Never?
pretty crowded in here on a Saturday. Your foot okay? No. It's just you don 't expect to meet someone in a
Good.
backroom bar who's never been in the backroom . So,
you here alone?
•A license to produce 1brch Song does not include a performance license
for "Mercy Mercy Me (The Ecology )." The publisher and author suggest
How lucky for me. You live alone?
that the licensee oontact ASCAP or BMI to ascertain the musi c publish er Well, look, I have a car. I'd ask you back to my place hut
and contact such music publisher to license or acquire permiss ion for I have a roommate. Straight.
performance of the song. lf a license or permission is unattainable for He's got a thing about gays . It's his place. I sublet.
~Mercy Mercy Me (The Ecology }," the licensee may not use the song in
1brch Song but should create an originaJ composition in a similar style or Oh, well, I date women too. I really live upstate. I own
use a similar song in the public domain. For further information, please a farm about an hour south of Montreal. That's my real
see Music Use No~ on page 3. home.
12 TO RCH SONG TO RCH SONG 13
I spe nd most of my weekends there and then all of the shower could have waited, Murray ... The man with the
summer vacation. You'll love the house. One of those shampoo in the shower could have waited, Murray.
old Victorian farmhouses. Lots of gingerbread and Whatever. I can 't talk now. I gotta keep the line free.
Franklin stoves. My father is helping me restore it.
(Starts to hang up ...)
No. They winter in Florida and then come north to
spend the warmer months with me. Hey, what say we What?
continue this conversation in the car? !just wanted t.o make sure the phon e was working.
Great. By the way, what do you do? Ed. I'm expecting a call from Ed.
I meant for a living. When? Well, it is now Tuesday, eight p.m. Ed's gonna
You can really make a living doing that? cal] sometime after Tuesday, eight p.m.
fve got t.o admit, you're my first. Has anyone ever told Well, of course he's going to cal1,Murray. You think I'd
you you have a very sexy voice? sit by the phone for six days if he wasn't going to call?
You really do. Is it natural or do you have a cold? Murray, when you have been seeing someone for almost
six months , you build a relationship based on trust and
(Gesturingfor Arrwld to lead the way.) mutual respect. Something you and your magic fingers
(Lights up on the radio.) shower massage would not understand. He will call,
["96 Tears"peifurmed by Big Maybelle."] Murray. He knows when he's got a good thing going.
He knows I ain 't like those other cheap tricks he sees.
(The guitar lick plays through the radio
Oh, no , Murray, he will call And when he does ... And
speaker as ARNOLD appears, sitting on a when he does ... And when he does ... The phone's gonna
chair, staring at a silent telephone...) be free!
(As the song resolves, ARNOLDlifts the receiver,
(He slams down the receiver.)
dials quickly, and waits impatiently for
someone to answer.) Oh, ye of little faith.
ARNOLD.Hello, Murray? Call me back. (He picks up the receiver arul.di.als.)
(He sl.ams the receiver down and waits . And ( ED appearsin hi.sapartment , a bottl.eof wine
waits.And,finally, thJ:-phone rings ...) and a corkscrew in hand. He answers the
phone .. .)
Goddammit, Murray, what took you so long? The
showeF-could have waited Murray ...the shampoo in the ED. Hello?
ARNOLD. Hi. Was that you?
ED. Oh, hi. Was what me?
•A license to produce Torch Song does not include a performance license
ARNOLD. Just now on the phone . Was that you trying to
for "96 Tears.• The publi sher and author suggest that the licensee contact
.ASCAP or BMI to ascertain the music publisher and contact such music get me?
publisher to license or acquire permission for performance of the song. ED.Uh ... No.
Ifa license or permission is unattainable for "96 Tea.rs,• the licensee may
ARNOLD.Oh. Then I wonder who it was . See, I just walked
not use th e song in Tm-chSeng but should create an original composition
in a similar style or use a similar song in the public domain. For further in the door this second. You know, I've been out of town
information, please see Music Use Note on page 3 . all week and I just got back and I was fumbling at the
14 TORCH SONG TORCH SO N G 15
door with my bag and the keys when I heard the phone ARNOLD.Ah. And where did you meet him? The Stud?
ringing. So, of course, I dropped the keys. And when I ED. Why do you do this to yourself?
bent over to pick them up I dropped the luggage and ARNOLD.What? l'm asking a question. Can't a person show
one of the latches uncaught and everything fell out all a little interest in another person's life? So?
over the place.
ED. I've really got to go, Arnold. I'll call you. Promise.
So, finally I get the door open and kick everything
ARNOLD. That's what you said last week.
inside, dive at the phone and pick it up just in time to
hear whoever it was hang up. ED. Maybe if you gave me a chance to call ...
ARNOLD. That's all I'm asking you for; a chance. Wby 're you
(Silence.)
treating me like some trick you picked up last night?
So, hi. ED. Let me call you tomorrow ...
ED. I was going t.o call you real soon. I've just been really ARNOLD.What's wrong, Ed? Until last week I could've sworn
busy. things were going great for both of us. What's happening?
ARNOLD. What's the difference? We're talking now, right? ED. Not now, Arnold.
ED. Look, Arnold, I've got a friend coming for dinner and ... ARNOLD.Yes, now!
ARNOLD. That's okay. No problem. I just called 'cause I ED.Arnold, I'm just going to get angry.
thought it was you calling me. So, give me a call when
ARNOLD.Get angry. Just talk to me.
you 're not so busy.
ED. This is not going t.o do any good for either one of us.
ED. I'm sorry._I'll call you t.omorrow.
ARNOLD.Who said you decide what's good and what 's not?
ARNOLD. Sure. GreaL Fine. I understand.
Maybe it's just what we need. Maybe it's what I need.
ED. What do you understand? You never give me a chanre You can 't expect me to just sit around here waiting for
t.o call. Every time I'm just about t.o, there you .are calling you to call.
me . ED. I never asked you to. I told you to go out, have a good
ARNOLD. ESP maybe. Hey, think of all the money I save time, meet other people ...
you on your phone bill. ARNOLD. I can't All right? I'm not built that way.
ED. You're impossible. You know that?
ED. Well, I'm not ready t.o make a commitment.
ARNOLD. Yeah. It's a wonder you put up with me.
ARNOLD.And I'm not asking you to. But ifl have to accept
ED. So ... How was your trip? you going out, then you have t.o accept that I'm not.
ARNOLD. My tri ... Oh, my trip. Smooth. Who's coming over ED. You are crazy.
for dinner. ARNOLD. fm lonely .
ED.A friend. You don't know him. ED. That's not my fault
ARNOLD. How do you know? I know lots of hims. ~Battle
ARNOLD.Wanna bet?
Hymn of the Republic," "O Come Emmanuel" ...
ED. You've got no right to make me feel guilty.
ED. Impossible.
ARNOLD. I happen to be in love with you. That must give
ARNOLD. So, is it an old him or a new him? me some kind of rights. And if it don't give me the right
ED. A new one. t.o see you then at least I got the right to bitch about it.
ED. What do you want me to say? (Pause.)

ARNOLD. I want you to tell me what's going on . I want you So ... How long has this been going on?
to tell me how , in two short weeks, we've gone from
ED.Not long.
being together to whatever the hell you'd call this .
ARNOLD.How 'd you meet her?
ED. You're being very difficult .
ED. My friends, Bob and Janet asked if I was seeing anyone
ARNOLD. Talk to me! Is it your parents coming north? Is because they had this girl they wanted me to meet
that it?
ARNOLD. And what did you say when they asked if you
ED. What if I came over straight from school tomorrow? were seeing anyone?
ARNOLD.No! I want to hear it now. I know what'll happen ED.I said I wasn't Well, I could hardly tell them about you,
if you come over, everything will be great just like it could I?
always is when we're together and we'll never even
ARNOLD.God forbid. What's she like?
mention tonight. No , I want to hear from this side of
ED. Why don't you call me a bastard and hang up?
you .
ED. She's going to be here any minute ... rn come over after ARNOLD.I want to understand . Talk to me.
work. I promise. Okay? ED. Well, she's wonderful.
ARNOLD.Bastard! And what did you tell her about me?
(Silence.)
ED. Nothing.
Hello? Arnold?
ARNOLD.That does seem to be my name. But you told her
ARNOLD. She? _Ed, did you say, she?
you date guys.
ED. Shit.
ED. I didn't think it was important.
ARNOLD.Oh, shit! Thank God. For a minute there I thought
ARNOLD.Of course not
you said, she .
ED. I think there are private things that should remain
ED. I did say she. rmseeing a woman.
private.
ARNOLD.And you called me crazy?
ARNOLD.You don't think that's being just a little dishonest ?
ED. And this is exactly why I didn't want to discuss it on
ED. No. We have a more mature relationship than that
the phone.
ARNOLD.Of course you do. So, when are you taking her to
ARNOLD. You're right. It would make much more sense if
meet the folks?
we discussed it after sex. It is your parents.
ED. This weekend.
ED. It is not '
ARNOLD. I don't believe a word of this. Te11 me again
ARNOLD. Then why all of a sudden like this? they have nothing to do with this sudden burst of
ED. Don 't make believe I never told you about my heterosexuality. Look, Ed , I don't know much about
relationships with women. heterosexuals, but I do know that when a guy takes a
ARNOLD. Sure you told me about your women relations , gal to meet his folks, for the weekend no less, this is
but I thought you meant sisters and aunts and nieces . no longer casual dating. Don't you think you 're being
ED. That's not funny. unfair to her, (not to mention what you 're doing to
ARNOLD. I think it's hysterical.
me)? Doesn't she have the right to know what she's
getting he~lf into?
18 TORCH SONG TOR C H SONG 19
(No response.) ARNOLD. How can sleeping with a woman make you
ARNOLD. What's the matter? Catch your tongue in the comfortable if you know you'd rather be with a man?
closet door? How are you supposed to get respect from anyone if
you won't be yourself? There's no you to respect.
ED. You're really dragging me over the coals.
ED. And where's your self-respect? Huh? I certainly don't
ARNOLD.Why should I be the only one with a barbecued
see any here.
ass? And if I may ask another stupid question: What
am I supposed to do? ARNOLD.You wanna see my self-respect? Here! Here 's my
self-respect.
ED. That's up to you.
ARNOLD.. Not entirely. ( ARNOLD slams the receiver down on its
cradle.)
ED. I want us to go on seeing each other. You may not
believe this, but I really don't want to lose you. (The lights bl.ack out on ED.)
ARNOLD.That's hitting below the belt - Appealing to my (Moment of realization.) I fell right into that one.
Susan Hayward fantasies. Arnold Beck.off- Back Street (Lights dim on ARNOLD as they rise on the
Woman. radio ...)
ED. That's a little over the top even for you.
(Static /,ea,ds to a lnud, unrelenting heavy
ARNOLD.Really? Then take me to meet your parents. metal roar...)
ED. I could if I wanted. They'd understand.
['There He Goes" peiformed by Patsy Cline.']
ARNOLD.And maybe they can explain it to you.
(The music mu:es with bar sounds as lights
ED. Your kindness is appreciated. rise on ARNOLDin the same spot in the bar
ARNOLD. Listen, Mr. Reiss, at this moment I don't think that Ed occupied e.a.rlier.)
kindness is something you should be expecting. l'm (ARNOLDholds a beer can awkwardly.)
sorry. fm sorry I just feel so helpless.
Look, Murray, I am not that lonely! This here 's as far
ED. You helpless?
as I go. My limit in a backroom bar is the front room.
ARNOLD. Dumb huh? I don't understand. I thought we Maybe I should go home, huh? It's just not my kind
were so happy. That we were so special. The way we of thing, ya know? I realize you may find this hard to
made love ...tbe way you cried in my arms ... What are comprehend , you bein ' the way you are, but Murray,
we doing? I am not that way inclined. I mean, I'm that way
ED. I don't know ... I'm confused ... inclined, but fm not that way inclined. Ya know what
ARNOLD.Ed, come over.
ED. I can'L I know what I want . I'm doing what I have to do. *A license to produce TurchSong does not include a performance license
for -rhere He Goes." The publisher and author suggest that the licensee
ARNOLD.We can just talk.
contact ASCAP or BMI to ascertain the music publisher and contact
ED. I'm not like you, Arnold . I don't want to live in a ghetto such music publisher to license or acquire permission for performance of
of gay bars and backrooms scared that someone will the song. If a license or permission is 110attainable for -rhere He Goes,"
find out. I could be fired. I want more. I've got to be the licensee may not use the song in Torch &mg bot should create an
original composition in a sirru1ar style or use a similar song in the public
comfortable with who I am.
domain. For further information, please see Music Use Note on page 3.
20 TORCH SO NG TORCH SONG 21
I mean, Murray? I don't see sex as a spectator sport. I Yes, Murray , it does make a difference.
like that one sneaked kiss on the elevat.or on the way Murray . Murray. He's reaching around front and
t.o a man's apartment. I like the excuses he makes for opening my belt.
the mess the place is in . I like the dainty tour while Murray. Murray. He's opening my zipper.
he's dimming the lights and pouring the drinks. I like Murray. Oh, Murray. What am I supposed t.o do with
never finishing those drinks. Because to me, Murray, the beer can?
a lap in a bed is worth three in a bar. Believe it or not,
Murray, no one marries sluts. No they don't, Murray. (He bends to put the can on the ground when
And it hurts me, Murray, to see this multitude of men he is suddenJ.ypenetrated. )
so starved for affection that they'd have sex in a dirty Oh, Murray!
backroom instead of a bed the way God intended. (At first ARNOLD~ face is twisted in pain
I am not a'scared, Murray. and embarrassment as he sways with th e
Murray, I am not a'scared. humping rhythm of his "partner. n He feds
All right, I'll show you. We'll go back there together. out the rhythm and tries to go with it. He
But I'm telling you now, I ain't doin' nothing. All right? tries to smil,eand look casual abuut it a/L He
All right. Let's go. bounce3 along, unaffected, almost bored. He
looks a.round and then. ..)
(Turns to go and then panics .)
(Conversationally .) You come here a lot?
Quick, hold my hand, Murray, I am a'scared. What if
nobody back there wants me? It's one thing t.o go into (The "partner nhits him on the slwulder. )
a regular bar and not get picked up. That happens all No. I don't have to talk. I mean, it's not part of my
the time to lots of different people for lots of different fantasy or anything like that. Conversation , that is.
reasons but, Murray , to go into a place like that and Though I must admit being prone t.o sweet nothings
get rejected ... Look, I know I got qualities that put me deftly whispered in my ear ...
above and beyond the norm. I got ...
(Hit again. )
A quick mind, sharp wit, a glowing personality. But,
Murray, what ifl don't glow in the dark? But they're not essential t.o my enjoyment of the love-
making experience if you get my drift. You do?
No. I'm all right, Murray. Hey! It's gonna take more
than a couple of dozen half-naked men in a pitch-black (Hit again. )
room t.o scare me off. Let us go. But you'd rather I shut up anyway. Fine. I'm not offended.
(ARN OLD turns around. The lights dim, I realize that it must take a lot of concentration for you
leaving him in the glow of a red spotlight .) t.o keep your concentration in a situation like this so I
won't say another word. Okay? Okay.
(Feeling around in the dark. ) Murray? Where are you?
Murray? Murray? Oh, there you are. (ARNOLD bounces along silently. Looks
Well, it certainly is dark back here. around and then .fumbles for a cigarette. He
(Suddenly freezing up. ) Murray? Murray? Someone's takes one out ..)
got his band on my beinie . Can you see what he looks Cigarette?
like?
(Hit again.) (Lights fade as the music pumps up from the

radio in the dressing room. ..)
ARNOLD.I'll save you one for later. You mind if I? That's
very understanding of you. ["Ca.re/,essLave" perfornwl, by Bessie Smith. ·1
(ARNOLDtakes out a match and tries to light (Light.s oome up on.Arnold's dressing toh/.e.ED
his cigarette, but the humping is throwing enters the room, looks around uncomfortohly.
him off He reaches around and grabs the He sits down in the chair by the mirror and
"partner's" butt to make him stop . He light.s fusses with the makeup there.)
his cigarette and signals the humping to (ARNOLDenters, turns the radio off. EDjumps.)
continue.) Careful. Beauty is addictive.
(He srrwkes,/,oaksaround. ..) ED. (Jumping up.) You scaredme. Hi.
I can't wait to see what you look like. ARNOLD.Hi.
(The "partner" withdraws suddenly. ARNOLD (ARNOLDmuves past ED to the dressing rohle.)
gasps. )
ED. Bet you thought you'd never see me again . The stage
Oh! Finished? Already? You must've been hot to troL manager said it'd be all right for me to wait for you
(Pulling his cl,otltesback on.) here. You don't mind, do you? When I asked for you as
Arnold he didn't know who I meant. You look beautiful.
Listen, before we go, I'd like you to meet this friend of
Really. Lost a little weight ... ?
mine ~ho brought me here tonight. He must be right
around here somewhere. Murray? Murray? (Reaching ouJ..)
Oh, there you are. Murray, I would like you to meet ... . (Stufening .) Please ...
ARNOLD
Y'know, I never did get your name. still angry, huh?
ED. Sorry. I guess you're
(The "partner" has split.) ARNOLD.No, not still angry. This here is brand new. What
Hello? Yoo-hoo. And you wonder what's ,vrong with do you want?
a place like this? You meet a nice guy and you can't ED. I wanted to see you. I've been worried about you. I
even find him 'cause it's so dark. Oh, duh, he's probably wanted to make sure you were all right.
waiting for me out at the bar ... ARNOLD.Five months ago you checked out on me with
What'd'ya mean, he ain't there? I'm sure he really liked a single phone call. You said that you knew what you
me. He made love to me, didn't be? Murray, he did, wanted and I wasn't it. Not a word from you since.
didn't he? What do you want?
(ReaUty seeps in.)
•A license to produce TurchSung does not include a perfonnance license
So, let's go. for •eare1ess Love." The publisher and author S1Jggestthat the licensee
contact ASCAP or BM] to ascertain the music publisher and contact
( ARNOLD turns and the brighter bar lights Sllch music publisher to license or acquire permission for performance
return. H e squints, strikes a careless pose, of the song. If a license or permission is unattainable for "Careless Love,•
and. ..) the licensee may not use the song in Torch Sung but shou ld create an
original composition in a similar style or use a similar song in the public
Well, at least r don't have to cook him breakfast. domain. For further information, please see Music Use Note on page 3.
ED. To see you. (Pause.)

ARNOLD.Done. Get out. At first things were a little strained. She'd bang around
ED. Arnold, please. fd like to talk to you. me all the time wanting us to do everything together.
ARNOLD.No . But I talked to her.
ED.Just listen for a minute. It has nothing to do with us. (Pause.)
ARNOLD. The one nice thing I could say about you was Mid-August my sister came up with her two kids
when you left, you left. and Laurel was great with them. Actually, it was a
ED. I told you I wanted us to be friends. You mean a lot to marvelous experience for both of us . Almost like having
me. a family of our own.
( ED makes the "I Lov e You " sign with his ARNOLD.Sounds wonderful. Pa out in the fields. Ma tendin '
hand. ) to the young 'uns. Grandma and Grandpa swingin ' on
the porch.
ARNOLD. Don 't get cute with me.
ED. It was nice. A good summer. I thought about you a lot
ED.Maybe I shouldn't have come, but as long as the harm 's
up there. You would have liked it.
done can't I talk to you? Just while you dress. It's
ARNOLD.Not really the farm girl type.
important to me.
ED. No. You would have loved it. I worried about you ; how
( ARNOLDpoints behind him. EDwoksaround.
you were getting on.
There is a stool wvered with some clothes. H e
ARNOLD.You could have called and found out.
· pul.l,sit up and sit.s.)
ED. I wanted to. I thought about it. Once, when everyone
ED. So ... How 've you been? was out of the house I even started dialing. I didn 't
ARNOLD. Could we skip the little niceties and get to the want to build up your hopes.
meat. ARNOLD.Oh, Ed , when I think about you there's only one
ED.There is, but ... It 's not the kind of thing you blurt right thing I regret.
out. ED. What's that?
ARNOLD.(Resigned.) So, how are the folks? ARNOLD . That I never beat the shit out of you.
ED.Great. My dad had a little trouble with an ear infection , ED.Maybe I'd better go.
but it cleared up nicely.
ARNOLD.No. Stay. Please. I'm sorry. I was having a little
ARNOL.P.They go back south for the winter? fun. Someone has to. Come back. Sit down.
ED. 1\vo days ago.
(ED does as toui )
ARNOLD. 1\vo? What took you so long?
So ... How 's your sex life?
ED.What?
ED.You're doing it again; asking questions you really don 't
ARNOLD.Ed, forget it. It 's over. You're not coming back.
want the answers to .
ED. I don't want to come back . Really. Things are going
ARNOLD.Maybe I do .
fine with Laurel. We spent a really fantastic summer
ED.Arnold, fm not sure the sex we had was always as good
upstate with my folks. We even used their place in
for me as it was for you . Sometimes I think it got out of
Florida for a week.
control Those last few times, it was like losing mysel£ I ED. No. It's just a dream I had last week. Nothing really. I
remember once, I don't even think I was fully conscious. dreamt I was in my parents' house and I went down to
All I remember was kissing you and then nothing until my father's workshop and got an old rag and a can of
waking up in your arms, my body all wet... turpentine. Then I went to the kitchen and got a plastic
ARNOLD. And that's bad? bag. I t.ook it all up to my bedroom where I soaked the
ED. It's not what I want. rag in turpentine and put it into the plastic bag.
ARNOLD. Funny, it's what I pray for. Then I made myself comfortable in bed, pulJed the
ED. That's fine when you're twenty-five. rm going on thirty-
covers right up to my neck, and put the plastic bag over
five. I have other needs. my face. The funny part was; while I was gathering
the stuff, while I got into bed, while I was blacking out
ARNOLD. Where wouJd you be ifl was a woman?
from the fumes ... I was happy. Laughing up a storm.
ED. What?
The phone woke me in the morning. It was Laurel. I
ARNOLD. If I was a woman, would you even have looked at couJdn't understand what she was saying. Half of me
her? was trying to listen t.o her, half was still in the dream.
ED. I love her, Arnold. I put my hand out t.o steady myself and there, on the
ARNOLD . Like you loved me? pillow, was the plastic bag with the turpentine soaked
ED. Like I couJd never love you. rag.
ARNOLD. Good t.o know.
I couldn 't tell anyone else about it.
(Lang silence betwe,en thon. ) (Taking ARNOLD S hand. )
This is what rve always wanted: You and me together
Sometimes ... Sometimes when I have trouble
ED. (Quietly.)
talking. I think I love you more now than ever.
reaching orgasm I imagine you behind me just about
t.o... ( ARNOLD jumps to his feet and begins
ARNOLD. Stop. She doesn 't know. pummeling ED, who reaches out and pulls
ARNOLD into his chest . They embrace
ED.No .
despemtely.)
ARNOLD. Does she know anything about me at all?
I'm so scared. I need you.
ED. Your name. She found one of the drawings you made.
The one of the tree outside my dining room window. ARNOLD. Okay. Trme out. Everyone back to his corner.
She may know more. ( ED sits
back on his stool ARNOLD sits on his
l saw her looking at the music book you gave me. She chair and, as in the opening poses ...)
didn't say anything, but remember you wrote poems to Wha' happened?
me on half the pages. (To ED.) Better?
(Paw;e.) ED.Yes.
I couldn't, Arnold. It 's not what I want. ARNOLD. Good. Then get out! Do you have any idea of
ARNOLD. What was it you wanted to tell me? Huh? Talk to what the last five months have been like for me? I cried
me. fll understand. on so many shouJders ... rm sure I lost half my friends.
But I always knew you'd be back. But I thought, when
, 28 TORCH SONG TORCH SONG 29
you did. I thought you'd have your shit together. But What is enough?
here you are more fucked up than ever. (Wi.th determinatian.) This is enough.
(Considering.) Have you got your car with you? (Making the sign with his hands.) Enough.
(ED nods.) (Light shift .)
I'll get dressed and meet you out front.
ED. You want me to drive you home?
(Strangely happy.) I'll go get the car.
(ED /,eaves.)
( ARNOLDsnaps to and begins deaning off his
face again. He suddenly stops ... Turns taward
the audience and stud.usas many faces as he
can for answers ...)
ARNOLD. So, what now, huh? If I take him back now,
knowing all I do, maybe I could make it work. With a
little understanding. Maybea shrink?
I could just let him drive me home and then I could
say something like, ''The next time you feel like saying
l Love You t.o someone, say it t.o yourself and see if you
believe it." No. That'd go over his head I think it went
over mine.
Or maybe I'll just leave him waiting out there in the
cold. I could slip out the back and really cross him
out of my life. I'm sure I'd be over him in a few more
months, give or take a few more friends.
I don't know.
'Cause if I do start with him again, who's to say he
won't keep this shit up? Right? I don't know. Maybe
it's what I want. What if he's treating me just the way I
want him to?
What if it's me using him t.o give me that tragic t.orch
singer status I admire so in others? If that's true, then
he's my International Stud. Wouldn't that be a kick in
the rubber parts? I love him.
So what are you going t.o do?
But do I love him enough?
["Fugue in G Minor• l,y J. S. Bach begins LAUREL.All right. Don't be so grouchy.

to play through the Bakelite radio. It is (Cuddling.)
a bra.ss quartet. ·1
pe,fornud IYJJ
Wanna. .. ?
(A huge bed appears upstage.)
ED. Didn 't you say you had some paperwork to finish?
( ED, propped up with pilll>ws and reading a
LAUREL.rmtoo excited.
newspaper , sits regally atop the bed. He lifts
the covers ne:ct to him, inviting ARNOLD in. ) (Sna,tching his pa.per.)
(The light boa:that reads "The International Don't you wanna. .. ?
Stud" flickers and shorts ma .) ED. Can I have my paper?
( ARNOLD walks upstage to meet the bed, LAUREL.You're an old fart, you know that?
climbs an wp, and t.akeshis place beside ED.) (Returning thepaper.)
(The light bo:r:flickersback t,o life:) This is just so civilized. Guests up to our country home
"FUGUEIN A NURSERY"Summer1975 for the weekend. I can 't tell you how excited I am.
ED.We've had guests before .
( ARNOLDslips down under the covers.)
LAUREL.rd hardly compare this to having your sister and
(LAURELsits up from under the covers on the the kids up. Imagine being hostess to your lover's ex
other side of ED.) and his new boyfriend. It 's downright Noel Coward.
(The music resolves.. .) How 's your English accent? I think we should use
English accents all weekend.
[Note: Bits of Bach's "Fugue" can be used
throughout as punctuation or to aid in ED. Would you stop?
separating scenes.from one another.] LAUREL.rmexcited. That's all.
LAUREL.Isn't this civilized? Do you think they have enough ED. This is not the weekend I had planned.
blankets? Maybe I should ... LAUREL.I have no idea what you 're talking abouL
ED. They'll be fine. ED. Alan. That 's what I'm talking about. I should have
LAUREL.But it gets awfully cold in there ...
known Arnold would pull something like this.
ED. Laurel, they'll be fine. LAUREL.Arnold asked if he could bring a friend and I told
him he could ...
ED. You had no right to. This weekend was supposed to be
•A license to produce 1lm:h Song does not include a perl'onnance license
for any copyrighted versions of*Fugue in G Minor" performed by a brass just the three of us.
quartet. The publisher and author suggest that the licensee contact LAUREL.What's the big deal. We've got enough food for
ASCAP or BMI to ascertain the music publisher and contact such music four. I didn't have to open another room or anything.
publisher to license or acquire permission for performance of the song. What was Arnold supposed to do - Watch us toddle off
If a license or permission is unattainable for any copyrighted versions of
Tugue in G Minor" performed by a brass quartet, the licensee may not
to bed while be slept alone?
use the song in Torch.Song but should create an original composition in ED. Did you catch the way he fawned over him at dinner?
a similar style or use a similar song in the public domain. For further He practicaDy cut his steak for him.
information, please see Music Use Note on page 3.
LAUREL.No more than I fawned over you. And I did cut ALAN. About me?
your steak. ARNOLD.If it is, can I go back t.o sleep?
ED. I could have killed you for that. ALAN.Yes.
LAUREL.You're being ridiculous. There are bound to be . All about you.
ARNOLD
compensations on all four of our parts. Little games
ALAN. What about me?
and jealousies are going to pop up. But rmpositive it's
ARNOLD.(Suddenly feeling the bay's presence.) You really
going to be a great weekend.
are awake.
ED. Did you see how he made such a point of running off to
ALAN.That doesn't matter.
bed early? "I'm so tired. All that good food has done me
in." His hands al] over the boy. . Maybe not t.o you.
ARNOLD
LAUREL. Well, if I had something as pretty as that to go to ALAN.Tell me the dream.
bed with, I wouldn't stay up late either . . If you like it, can we ... ?
ARNOLD
ED. You realJy think he's pretty? You don't think he's a little ALAN.No.
young? . Then I'm going back t.o sleep.
ARNOLD
You hear the way their
LAUREL. bed springs were squeaking? ALAN.Then rmgoing t.o see if anyone else is up.
ED. I think I do pretty well in the squeaking department . Give my best to the bisexuals.
ARNOLD
given allowances for wear and tear ... ALAN. Only he 's bisexual. She 's straight.
LAUREL.It's a little early in the race to be making excuses, . Too bad. Mixed marriages never work.
ARNOLD
don't you think? ALAN.Then what were you doing with him?
ED. You want to race? All right, let's race. And may the best ARNOLD.Slumming .
man win!
ALAN.And what are you doing with me?
LAUR .EL.And now, Ladies and Gentlemen, driving a 1968
ARNOLD.Nothing. It's gone!
Serta orthopedic ...
ALAN.It 'll be back.
ED. On your marks ... Set ... Go!
. But it won't be the same .
ARNOLD
( ED pulls the covers over them, which ezposes ALAN.Of course it will.
ALAN on the other side of the bed. He bolts
ARNOLD.Do you ever think before you speak?
upright, a look of panic on his face. )
ALAN.No. Do you?
, (He takes a moment w pl.acehimsdf and then
ARNOLD.Frequently. It helps pass the time while you're
begins to searchfor ARNOLDunder the rovers.
speaking.
He pulls the bl.a:n.ketsoff ARNOLDand speaks
right into his face. . .) A.LAN.Tell me the dream.
ARNOLD.How old are you?
ALAN.Are you asleep?
ALAN.You know how old I am.
ARNOLD.God, you're gorgeous. Now go away.
ARNOLD. Tell me again. I need reassurance. Wby's it still
ALAN. Come on. Wake up.
dark out?
ARNOLD.But I'm having this flawless dream.
ALAN.It's nighttime. Do you mind?
ARNOLD.Of course not. ED. It's not Arnold, it's you.

(Taking ALANinto his arms.) Is that why you called me Arnold?
LAUREL.
What frightened you? ED. I did not.
ALAN. Nothing. I just felt like talking. Did Ed ever have LAURELYou certain1y did. Deep into loving you whispered
bad dreams? in my ear, "I love you, Arnold."
ARNOLD.Everyone does. ED.That's not funny. You shouldn't make up things like that.
ALAN. Get me a dog. Fine. I misheard you. Take it easy.
LAUREL.
ARNOLD.Why? ED. It's that damned kid. This was going to be a perfect
ALAN.I want one. weekend; just the three of us. I thought, seeing you
two together ... I thought I'd be able to put a pericxl on
ARNOLD.I don't give you things.
that whole chapter of my life. But the second he walked
ALAN.Yes, you do. No, you don't. But a dog's not a thing. through the door I knew the period had been there
ARNOLD . I have no money for a dog. long ago and this whole weekend was for nothing.
ALAN.Sometimes they have dogs for adoption in the paper. LAUREL. I'm glad you've made up your mind.
Where's that newspaper? ED. I didn't mean ... I wasn't planning on comparing the
ARNOLD. Under the bed. Is that what you tell the other two of you. Leave it t-0Arnold to bring that kid .
mcxlels at the studio; that I buy you things? LAUREL.He also brought a cake, a lace tablecloth and a
ALAN.No . copy of the Village Voice.Enjoy them all.
ARN'OLD.Don't do that to yourself; treat yourself like a ED. Come here and rll read you the funny pages.
piece of meat. That's what all those leering faggots do, LAUREL. I have my own reading, thank you.
so you don't have to do it to yoursel£
(Back on the other side of the bed, ALANand
ALAN. I don't.
ARNOLDare still cuddling ...)
ARNOLD.You're so much more than that. You're smart and
ARNOLD.This was my room. I mean. we slept together in
ambitious. You don't have to be a mcxlel.
there, but I kept my stuff in here in case any neighbors
ALAN.You don't have to be a drag queen.
or family snooped around.
ARNOLD. Not the same thing at all. A mcxlel IS. A drag ALAN. Did you really love him?
queen ASPIRES.
ARNOLD.I guess .
A~N. Would you stop? Where's the paper?
ALAN. And he loved you.
ARNOLD.(Sln:pping it into his ho:nds.)Here.
ARNOLD.I wouldn't say that.
ALAN.I love you.
ALAN. I would. I see the way he looks at you. Why 'd you
(The covers fly off the other side of the bed, two break up?
exposing ED and LAUREL post-coitus.) ARNOLD . We wanted different things.
LAUREL.I don't believe I've seen you this turned on in ALAN. Like what?
months. lf that's Arnold's effect on you then rm asking ARNOLD.I wanted a husband and he wanted a wife.
him to move in.
ALAN.You ever think of going back?
36 TORCH SONG
TORCH SONG 37
ARNOLD.You can't go back.

ALAN.No wonder they didn't last.
ALAN. Why not?
LAURELThere's possibly more to it than that. Did you
ARNOLD.Because. know that they were still seeing each other when I met
ALAN.Because why? Ed? I didn 't. Friends introduced us. I had just come
ARNOLD.Good thing I was not your mother. I could have th.rough a rather bad relationship with a man who
denied you nothing. I am in awe that she denied you turned out to be bisexual. The bi leaning more toward
as much as she did for you to need to ask for so much the new boyfriend. I was quite a mess. He wasn't the
now. first unavailable man rd dated. My therapist thought I
ALAN. Ssshhh ! I thought I heard someone talking. should take a break and just work on me. But then my
friend Janet said she knew this handsomely available
ARNOLD.Probably Ed talking in his sleep.
teacher named Ed, so .. .l said yes. She set it up. And
ALAN. He talks in his sleep? here we are.
ARNOLD.Talks, screams, kicks, plays with puppets ... ALAN.A real live blind date.
ALAN.You really loved him, huh?
LAUREL. Blind. Right. We'd been going out for more than a
ARNOLD.Again? month before he told me about Arnold. By then it was
ALAN. rmcurious. Why? too late to give up without a fight.
ARNOLD. Why? Why does anyone love anyone? Because Al.AN. A fight?
I did. Because ... I did. Because ... he let me. Now. talk LAURELNot a fight. There was no fight. I just pulled back
dirty to.me. ' enough to let Ed feel his freedom. No commitments.
( LAURELand ALAN appear isolated in the No pressure. Soon he was telling me that he wanted
light.) to end his relationship with Arnold so I suggested he
speak to my therapist and that was that.
LAURELSo, tell me about yourself.
(EDand ARNOLDare now together.)
ALAN. I'm a model. Clothes, toothpaste ... Whatever they
can sell with an All-American puss. ARNOLD.You never told me about a shrink.
. And where'd you grow up?
LAUREL ED. I know how you feel about them. But she 's been very
ALAN.Arnold says I haven't. supportive. Never pushed me toward any decision I
didn't want to make.
You two must be very happy together.
LAUREL.
ARNOLD.So, you're straight now?
ALAN. There are easier things than living with Arnold. He
thinks it's immoral, that it makes him a lesser person to ED.Not now. I always have been.
be with me because I'm good-looking. ARNOLD . And me, and all the others ... ? What were we; a
LAURELCome on ... phase you were going through?
ALA~. Re~ly. ~e'd be much happier if I was his age, his ED.For you, everyone is either gay or in the closet.
stze, his ... s12e. Sometimes I'm not sure if he wants a ARNOLD.I could've kept you.
boyfriend or a bookend. ED.You think so? In all of my time with Laurel I've never
LAUREL.It's good that you have a sense of humor. Ed has cheated on her once. And believe me, our relationship
none. But that's part of his charm. allows for it.
ARNOLD. If your relationship allows for it then it isn 't subscription to National Grographic but they each
cheating. mark an achievement for me.
ED. Are you making a pass at me? ED. Am I on that list?
(They both laugh.) ARNOLD.Listed and checked off.
You don 't love that kid. ED. That 's cheating. You don't have me.
ARNOLD. Says you. What makes you think rmin love with ARNOLD.Don't I?
anyone? ED.No.
ED. Because we've been lying in bed together for over an ARNOLD.I'll be sure to correct my ledger first thing Monday
hour in and out of each other 's arms and you've yet to morning.
make a pass at me. (All four are in focus TWW.)
ARNOLD.That's not love. That's good taste! You and Laurel
LAURELEd? Would you like to help me clear the table?
working on having kids yet?
ARNOLD.I can do that.
ED.No .
. Don 't be silly. You're a guest. Ed, why don't you
LAUREL
ARNOLD. Don't you still want kids?
take Arnold and Alan out to the barn and show them
ED. Laurel thinks we should wait. Why rush? our new canning machine? We've been canning all our
ARNOLD. Do you remember that woman we met at that own vegetables for two years.
party? She arranged for gay couples to take foster kids? ARNOLD. Ed never said a word. But you know how modest
You probably don't remember , you said you wanted a he is. Ed, why don 't you take Alan out and show it to
boy, but you were gay then. him. He's the real can connoisseur in the family. I'll stay
ED. That was just talk. A fantasy. behind and visit. We've yet to have a moment alone to
ARNOLD. Is that what it was? compare notes on you.
ED. Sure. Like having our own island, or airplane ... ED. Just what she's been waiting for.
ARNOLD.Or relationship. LAUREL. Ed!
ED. That was one of the best things about being with you. I ED. (To ALAN.) Why don 't you grab that bottle of brandy.
could fantasize about anything. Let my mind go off as No need for us to rough it.
far as it could , and there you were all caught up with (A sudden shift in lights catches ALAN and
me, making it almost real. ARNOLDa/une, mid-fight.)
ARNOLD.' 'Cause I didn 't know it wasn't. They weren 't
ALAN. Start packing. We're getting out of here tonight .
fantasies to me . Possibilities. None of it impossible. I
ARNOLD. Won1d you stop?
have a ledger where I write things like that down.
ALAN. What was I supposed to do? You deserted me all
And when I get something on the list I put a check-
mark next to it. I must have a dozen pages filled with afternoon.
my possibilities. And you'd be surprised how many ARNOLD.Less than an hour. And I didn 't desert you. We
check-marks there are too. Oh, they're little things were in the kitchen doing dishes. If you were lonely you
like an electric toothbrush or an azalea bush or a should have come in .
ALAN.Oh, I wasn't lonely. Then why'd you come up here?

LAUREL.
(ARNOLD turns away t.oface LAUREL.ALAN . To see how my paint job was holding up. Y'know
ARNOLD
fades int.o the darkness.) I painted this room. Took me days. I was so scared I'd
ARNOLD.Isn't this civilized? Doing the dishes. drip on the "original wide plank oak" floors.
LAUREL.I'm sorry . I'm obviously pushing you to admit
(Looking at his ref/,ectiun in a plate.)
something you 're not ready to face.
Platter, platter on the stack. Does she think I want him ARNOLD.You're pushing all right, but I don 't think you
back?
know toward what. Laurel, are you happy with Ed?
You work fast. I thought we'd kind of waltz around
LAUR.EL. LAUR.EL The happiest I've ever been in my life.
the table a few times first. So, do you?
ARNOLD.Then, what more do you want?
ARNOLD.What do you think?
(Lights aut on them and up on ALAN and
LAUREL.I think you do.
ED as they pass the brandy botde back and
ARNOLD. Really? Why? forth.)
LAURELYou're here, aren't you?
ALAN.To own a disco. I knew this guy, he was a few years
ARNOLD. You asked me to come. older than me, who'd met this older guy who set him
LAURELYou didn't have to. Look, I know you don't love up in business. I figured I could do the same. But when
Alan. I made my entrance into the Big Apple , and believe
ARNOLD.I l5-eephearing that. me, fourteen-year-old gay boys make quite an entrance
LAUREL.How could you when you're still in love with Ed? into any apple, I found that no one was interested in
I know that from the start you cared for Ed more than my business plan. No one was interested in anything
he did for you. much beyond my price tag for the evening. See,people
ARNOLD.He told you that?
with a taste for fourteen-year-olds are used to paying
for it and consider a freebie suspicious if not downright
LAUREL.It's nothing to be ashamed of.
immoral so I became a hustler. I figured I needed the
ARNOLD.Of cow-se not. If it's true that one person always affection more than they needed the money. Now , of
loves more than the other, why not be the one who feels course, things are different, but then ... ? Anyway, the
the most? But that doesn't mean I still feel that way. hustling led to some connections, the connections to
LAUREL.Then why do you call him all the time? I know the modeling, the modeling to ...
about your calls in the afternoon when I'm at work. ED.Arnold.
ARNOLD.He told you I call him? ALAN. No, Arnold was more of a detour. One night I was
LAURELIt's the kind of relationship we have. out drinking with a friend and got more than usually
ARNOLD. Laurel, I don't want you to misunderstand and polluted. Somehow I ended up in a Lower East Side
think I'm calling Ed a liar but...l've never called him. bar that had a drag show .
Yes, we've spoken, but it's always been him calling me. Anyway, I got into a fight with this big guy who threw
He'd call and tell me how happy you two were, all about me down across a table, jumped up onto my chest and
his family (none of whom I've ever met ), and I'd say a put a knife to my neck. Everyone was screaming and
nice little goodbye and that was that. crowding around to watch me get cut when, all of a
~---. -·
- -- - - ~
.
, 42 TORCH SONG TORCH SONG 43
sudden, there was silence. The crowd parted to make (No resistance.)
an aisle and, up through it like Moses parting the Red
I didn't think so.
Sea, came this Amazon woman.
rd never seen anything like her. She was beautiful. Not (ALAN and ED sink back onto the bed as
like pretty beautiful, but like mountain beautiful. She ARNOLDpops up excitedly ...)
put her hand out to the guy, he handed over the knife ARNOLD. I don 't know when to stop. That 's my problem.
and was gone. No words. No nothing. I didn 't come up here to hurt her. I didn 't even come
ED. Did you realize right away that it was a guy? up here to hurt him , (though that would have been all
ALAN. I was too drunk that night to realize I was a guy. I
right). I was so proud of myself up 'til now. I thought I
fell on that discovery the next morning. And we've been was handling myself so maturely. I guess I was saving
together ever since. Now tell me about you. That's why it all up for that.
we're here. (1b the invisible ALAN.) l hope you 're enjoying yourself.
ED. ls it? ALAN. (From under the covers.) l am.
ALAN.Arnold didn 't want to come , but I wasn 't going to let ARNOLD.Good, 'cause it's all your fault. Why couldn't I just
this opportunity to see my competition go by. keep my trap shut? I've always thought of myself as a
ED. fm no competition .
kind person. Not saintly, but generously thoughtful in
a bitchy sort of way. Well , she asked for it. She begged
ALAN.That's what I was thinking. So, tell me about you ? for it. And, boy, did I give it to her. Point after pointless
ED. I'm ~ure Arnold had plenty to say on the subject. point I pointed out that, without a doubt, Ed has no
ALAN. He said you 're a self-centered , insensitive , boring idea that she actually exists. That to him she is simply
fool who wouldn't know love if it wore wings, a diaper , proof of his normality. And she took it. Stood there
and shot heart-shaped arrows at your butt. staring me straight in the eye and listened to every
ED. Meaning himselt7 word ...
ALAN.Meaning himself . Anything you 'd care to add. (Realizing he's still al.one.)
ED. No. That 'll do. And what do you think ? Well, get over here and comfort me! Can 't you see I am
ALAN. I think I'll reserve judgment until I can make a disturbed?
closer inspection. (ALANcrawls over and puts h is arms around
(ED lies down next to ALAN.) ARNOLD.)
ED. Close enough? A.LAN.Why should I if you 're such a rat?
ALAN.Too close for comfort. You asked me to sit in the hay, ARNOLD.Because the innocent must suffer, not the guilty.
not roll in it. This is America. God, you smell good.
ED. It was a two-part question. I think you're very beautiful. ALAN.Better than him?
ALAN. I thought you were reformed. ARNOLD.You know he's jealous of you. Told me so himself.
ED. rm not proposing marriage. ALAN.You shouldn 't have left me alone all afternoon . How
(Gently pulling A.LANcloser.) do you think I felt?
ARNOLD.How'd you feel?
If you want me to stop just say so. Do you?
~--- ...:....~
TORCH SONG TORCH SONG 45
ALAN. I came up h ere to be with you, not him. Let's get out ARNOLD. Shit. Look, Ed, fm really sorry I caused ...
ofbere . ED.No. We didn 't have words or anything. We both thought
( ALAN dives under the covers.ARNOLDi,s alnne we could use a little time alone to think about our
f m- a puzzling TTWTnentand then goes under relationship. I love her very much .
the covers as well.) ARNOLD.Have you tried telling her that?
(Lights shift .) ED. She 's not like you , Arnold. She doesn 't need to be
reassured every hour on the hour.
(LAUREL sits, center of the bed, staring out
into space. ) (ARNOLD bites his tongue. )
(Tel.eph.orre rings .) Will you see her? I'd appreciate it . And one more
(ARNOLD reaches around under the covers
thing ...
until he.finds the receiver...) ARNOLD. Well , speak up. I'm a drag queen not a mind
reader.
ARNOLD. Happy home for the bewildered .
ED. Remember that thing we talked about? Tha t list? I told
ED. Hi. I woke you.
you to erase the check-mark next to my name.
ARNOLD. Oh, hi Listen, I was going to call you later and
ARNOLD. Ed, I just got home. I told you fd ...
thank you for the weekend ...
ED.Don 't. I mean, if you want you can leave the check-
ED. I just wanted to make sure you got home all right.
mark.
ARNOLD. Fine. Drove straight through .
( ED's light fades out and ARNOLD is alone
ED. I really enjoyed having you up here. So did Laurel . We
with LAUREL)
learned a lot about our relationship .
ARNOLD. Holding seminars?
LAURELSo, what'd you say?
ARNOLD.I told him I'd leave the check-mark but erase the
ED. Could you be nice ?
name.
ARNOLD. Sorry. Morning breath.
LAURELYou didn 't.
ED. Is Alan there with you?
ARNOLD. I didn't. But I should have . Sometimes I get the
ARNOLD. No. He dropped me off then drove out to Queens
feeling he's learning. Are you going back to him?
to bring the car back to his mother . Must have spent
LAUREL. How about you and Alan? You're wonderful
the night
together. I'm sure everything will work itself out.
ED. But he's'COming back.
ARNOLD. I didn 't know there was anything that needed
ARNOLD. I guess. What's the difference?
working out.
ED. Curious. That's all.
LAUREL.-what happened between Alan and Ed doesn 't
ARNOLD._Is something wrong? You sound funny which, for bother you at all?
you , IS a stretch.
(Suddenly ED and ALAN are in the pictur e as
ED. I have a favor. Laurel went into the city for a few well. ..)
days. Sh~ n~ed to check on some classes. Anyway, I
thought 1t rmght be nice if you had her over for dinner ED.You blurted it out just like that?
or met her for lunch or something.
LAURELI thought he knew . ARNOLD.Just because I said it's what I want doesn't mean
ALAN.1 tried to tell you. that's what I want. I mean, it's what I want but it doesn't
ARNOLD.Who listens to you? mean I'm ready for it.
Why did you think I left?
LAUREL. ED.You're being ridiculous .
ARNOLD.I thought it was something I said. ARNOLD.Well, there you have it.
ALAN.(To ED.) Are you going to tell Laurel. ALAN.There I have what?
ED.What 1 do is my own business. ARNOLD.(To LAUREL ) It's my fault. I'm lousy in bed. It's true.
ARNOLD.(To LAUREL)You saw them together? I never relax enough. I guess I'm just an old -fashioned
kind of guy; I hardly ever enjoy sex with someone I
LAURELEd told me after you left. I was stripping the beds .
know.
He sat me down and said he had something to discuss.
He said he was sorry. Not that he'd done it, but that and EDmove doser to one another as
(LAUREL
he had to tell me about it. I was dumbstruck. He was ALANcomes to ARNOLD.
)
crying. I didn't know which of us to comfort, so I sat ALAN. She'll stay. They were made for each other.
there. After a while he left the room, I packed my bag LAUREL.I owe him a chance.
and left. It seemed like the right thing to do. There I
ARNOLD.It's wrong.
was packed, at the door, so I left. So, this is the nursery.
It's not at all what rd expected from Ed 's description. I LAUREL.What do I have to lose?
like it though. It's got a coziness ...a warmth. I can feel ARNOLD.It's all wrong.
it. LAURELOtherwise what was it for?
ARNOLD.Thanks. ARNOLD.I can 't tell you how strongly I fee1 that it's wrong.
If this is the nursery , does that make you the nurse?
LAUREL. You were wrong to do what you did. Though I know
ARNOLD.Registered with the A.MA Hurts, huh? why you did. And Ed was wrong to do what he did.
Though I know why he did. And Laurel was wrong to
LAUREL. Like a claw in my stomach. Just once in my life I'd
use what you two did . Though I know why she did. And
like to have an affair go on the rocks after the passion
I was wrong to do everything I did. But I did. I don 't
wears off; when I'm bored with the routine, the sex, the
know. If two wrongs don't make a right, maybe four do.
talk. I'd love to know what it feels like to have the flame
ALAN.Who cares? fve got what I want.
rekindled by jealousy instead of this ...having the rug
pulled out from under me like this. Just once fd like to ARNOLD.You're awful pushy for a kid not old enough to
be standing on sure ground when the blow hits instead pee straight. Come on, ta1k dirty to me.
of crawling around on my hands and knees like a baby. ALAN.Wait. One more thing I want to ask you.
ALAN.All you had to do was ask me. ARNOLD.The answer is yes.
ARNOLD.Ask you what? ALAN.You don't know the question.
ALAN.Not to fool around and I wouldn't have. ARNOLD.Doesn't matter. I'm too tired to argue about
ED.Because I wanted you to feel that you could . anything. So whatever the question, my answer is yes.
LAUREL. Obviously you wanted me to feel that you could. ALAN.Good. I love you, too .
ALAN.It's the kind of relationship you said you want. ARNOLD.Oh, Alan. Why do you have to ...
48 JORCH SONG
ALAN. Shut up! Can't you take ajoke?

("Fugue " roncludes as the lights go to black.)
(The light lxxr sputters and then announces:)
•1NTERMISSION•
ACT TWO
Scene One
(The preset lighting features a spotlight on

the Bakelite radio.)
["Cooking Breakfast for the One I Love"
peiformed by Fanny Brice. ·1
(The light box flickers and sputters and
finally announces: )
-WIDOWSAND CHILDRENFIRST"June1980
(Lights rise on an a/,most conventional
sitcom set of a living room/kitchen. There's
a front door, a door to the bathroom, and a
dourwa.y leading to the bedrooms. The det,ai/,s
that make this apartment unique are the
number of rabbit objects around the room.
There are rabbit pillows, figurines , mugs,
throw rugs ... Even the walls have rabbit-
themed stencilling.)
(As the curtain rises , ED is cooking at the
stove.)
'
"A lioense to produce Torch Song does not include a performance
license for •c.ooking Breakfast for the One I Love.• The publisher and
author suggest that the licensee contact ASCAP or BMI to ascertain the
music publisher and contact such music publisher to license or acquire
permission for performance of the song. If a license or permission is
unattainable for •c.ooking Breakfast for the One I Love, " the licensee may
not use the song in TorchSong but should create an original composition
in a similar style or use a similar song in the public domain . For further
information , please see Music Use Note on page 3.
49
RADIO. It's seven-eighteenin the Big Apple and th.is is Hi ED.Water boils faster.
Tide wishing you a good morning. DAVID. (Cracking the door open.) Everybody ready? Stand
(A radio chorus sings:) back and hang onto your apron strings 'cause here I
"GOODMORNING, GOODMORNING• come.
And now for all you sleepyheads just shaking off the (He enters, m.odel,ing a thru-piece suit.)
nighttime blues, number one on our Hot- Pick chart Well? What'cha think?
and guaranteed to raise the dead, Edward 0. Wilson's
ARNOLD. What's the occasion? Ms. Schnable isn't due 'til
"I Was Born This Way, What's Your Excuse?"'
next week.
ED. (Snappi.ng off the radio.) There's a thought to start the
DAVID.But your mother's due today. And look, I put some
day.
gook on. You can't even see the black eye.
DAVID. (Offstage .) Arnold? You got anything I can put on
ARNOLD. When I think of that kid hitting you ...
my eye?
DAVID. I can take care of myself.
ED. He's in the bedroom.
DAVID. (Offstage.) What?
ARNOLD. I see.
ED.How'd you get into a fight?
ED. Arnold's still in the bedroom .
DAVID. He said something I didn't like so I slugged him.
DAVID.(Offstage.) Never mind. I found something.
ED.So how did you end up with the black eye?
ED. Arnold? You up? Breakfast is on the table.
DAVID. I never said I slugged him first.
DAVID. (Offstage.) What?
ARNOLD.Meet my son the champ.
ED. I was talking to Arnold.
DAVID.That's me; Champ David.
(A sudden e:r:plosionfrom the stove as the ARNOLD.Just stay away from that kid today. I got no money
lid pops off a pot. ARNOLD, in bathrobe and for another suit.
bunny slippers, rushes in. . .)
(ARNOLD exits to the bathroom as DAVIDsits
ARNOLD. What the hell ... ?
down for bre,akfast. ED brings him a plateful..)
ED. Coffee's ready.
DAVID. What died in he.re?
ARNOLD. Oh, you're making breakfast. Aren't you an angel.
Smells terrible. ED.I cooked it myself Is there a problem?
DAVID.From me? You kidding? You know me, always ready
ED. My s~cialty:Eggs, onions and kippered herring en
for a gastronomic adventure. Looks wonderful. Could
casserole.
you pass the salt? How'd you sleep?
ARNOLD.Shame I'm on a diet.
ED. That couch and I are not speaking.
ED. Since when?
DAVID. It 's your fourth night. You'll get used to it. Could
ARNOLD. Since I heard your specialty. And David is ...? you pass the pepper? I slept on it for weeks until my
ED. In the throne room. room was ready. The secret is to embrace the lumps.
ARNOLD.Hurry up, Sugar-Puss, you'll be late for school. ED.I should be able to find a place by the weekend.
(Looking around the kitchen.) DAVID.Hey, no rush. Can I have the ketchup? It's great
Since when do you make coffee in a pressure cooker? having you hen;. Could you pass the mustard?
ED. Something wrong with the food? ED.Fine. fll come over ... I'll call first... Fine. See you then.
DAVID.Not at all. Very tasty. Could you pass the mayo? DAVID.She gave you a hard time, huh?
(Ojf ED's glare.) Hold the mayo. Oh, I forgot, your wife (Pinche,d by ARNOLD.
)
called.
Ow . Child abuse!
ED. When?
ARNOLD.Ed, do you think Laurel will let you stay at your
DAVID. Middle of the night. I tried to wake you but...
place Wednesday? We've got our inspection from Child
Anyway, I told her you'd call back in the morning.
Welfare and fve got enough to explain without you on
ED. What time was that?
the couch.
DAVID. Must've been around two. You sure are a heavy
sleeper. The phone rang like five ti.mes.
rm
ED. good enough for your mother but not David's social
worker?
ED. I'd better call her. Help yourself to seconds. There 's ARNOLD.Did I ever say you were good enough for anyone?
plenty.
DAVID.You look good enough for me.
DAVID.And I was worried.
ARNOLD.David!
What were you doing up so late?
ED.
ED.You don 't want her to meet me because you don't want
DAVID.Answering the phone. to have to explain our relationship .
(ED talks on the phone as ARNOLDre-enters.) ARNOLD.We have no relationship.
ED. Laurel? What's up? ...And that couldn't have waited ED.(Teasing him. ) You don't have to hide me. I promise
until morning? not to tell her rm a married man .
ARNOLD. Hey, Champ, remember to bring your report card ARNOLD.As if.
back. It's by the door. I signed it. ED.I think I make a convincing homosexual.
DAVID.What day is Ms. Schnable coming? DAVID.You can make this convincing homosexual .
ARNOLD. Every third Thursday for three more months and ARNOLD.David! And if she thought you were gay she'd
then you 're all mine. never believe you slept on the couch.
DAVID.And the checks stop. ED.I could show her the scars.
ARNOLD. I didn't take you in for the money. ARNOLD.I could show you the door.
DAVID. You're the first. DAVID. I could show you a good time.
ARNOLD, Whos on the phone? ARNOLD & ED. David!
DAVID. Ed. DAVID.Well, I'd love to sit around and chit-<:hat with you
ARNOLD. I thought I recognired the voice. grown-up types but we straight-C students pride
ED. Laurel, I wish you wouldn't... Not on the phone. ourselves on our punctuality.
ARNOLD. Don't you hate a one-sided conversation? ARNOLD . Brush your teeth .
DAVID.There 's another kind? DAVID.Ma!
ED. Oh, for God's sake. Are you crying? ARNOLD. Don't Ma me. March. And don't call me Ma in
ARNOLD.Animal
front of my mother.
54 TORC H SO N G
TORC H SO N G 55
( DAVIDe.:r:its
to the bathroom as ED laughs.) . You wouldn't leave me unprotected
ARNOLD at a time ~.e
ARNOLD. Having a good time, Hazel? this would you? Of course you would. But you amt
ED. You do act like his mother. go~ My mother isn't going to feature the idea of me
becoming a father and your professional opinion as a
ARNOLD. Not at all. I act like my mother and I can't make it
tenured educator will prove invaluable.
stop. Honestly, how can one person be mother -father-
friend -confessor all rolled into one? ED. She'll say fm prejudiced.
ED. You're doing great. Best mother-father-friend-confessor ARNOLD . She'll say a lot of things. You'll learn not ~ listen.
fve ever seen. My mother's all right basically. We've always enJoyed a
healthy mother/son relationship . I told her I was gay
ARNOLD. (Tasting the food.) Y'know, this stuff smells awful
but it tastes much worse. when I was thirteen.
ED. You knew when you were thirtee n ?•
( ARNOLDstarts washing up the kitchen.)
ARNOLD.When I was thirteen I knew everything.
if rd never
ED. You ever wonder what things wouJd be like (Calling out.) David, hurry. You'll be late.
met Laurel? You think we might have stayed together, DAVID. (Offstage.) Don't rush an artist.
maybe even have had David?
ARNOLD . What was I saying?
ARNOLD. Did I meet Alan?
ED. Something about your mother.
ED. If I didn't meet Laurel you wouldn't have met Alan.
ARNOLD . My mother: The Sylvia Sidney of Brig_hton Beach.
ARNOLD. Oh, so you're in charge?
We always talked, well , until my father died. Then , I
ED. No. Ye:ili. Well, that's not what I'm asking. I mean , don't know, something happened . She cl~ed up.
didn't you ever wonder? She refused to talk about it or how she was copmg. But
ARNOLD. I guess. When Alan died I thought about a lot of Alan had just moved in, so giving me ~vice kept her
things . busy. Anyway, she retired, moved to Flonda. ..
ED. And? And then when Alan died I was expected to observe
ARNOLD. Ed, fve got enough trouble with the "what nows• the same vow of silence she'd taken about my father . So
without starting in on the "what ifs." our long-distance calls became longer distance calls. I
think we might have been very happy together.
ED. I
never even told her how Alan was killed. She assumed
it was a car accident and I didn't bother correcting her.
ARNOLD. Or it cou1d have been me that you just walked out
on agai~. ED. And now you don't know how to tell her about David.
ED. I didn't just walk out on Laurel. And I didn't just walk
. I told her about David. But she assumed he was
ARNOLD
out on you . People do make mistakes . my roommate ... .
ARNOLD. I gotta write that down. ED. And you didn't bother correcting her . How bad could rt
possibly be?
ED. And sometimes they are even forgiven for them.
ARNOLD . Stick around, kid.
ARNOLD. fII forgive you if you put away the bedding on the
couch. DAVID. (Re-entering, showing off his teeth.) Will these
impress Granny?
ED. Maybe I shouJd find a hotel. You and your mother need
some time alone. (Telephone_rings.)
ARNOLD. Granny? Granny, David?

What now?
DAVID.
DAVID.(Answering the phone.) Sister Arnold's House of ARNOLD.I don 't get no kiss goodbye?
Hope. You pay, we pray. Brother David speaking.
(DAVIDl.aughs and comes back to gi.veARNOLD
ARNOLD . (Grabbing the receiver away.) Give me that.
a wann hug and kiss.)
Hello? ...Oh, hi. Murray.
DAVID. My work here is done. Later, lovebirds. Goodbye. Love you.
DAVID.
ARNOLD. (To DAVID.) Have you got a comb? A handkerchief7

ARNOLD.Me too.
DAVID.Have a nice day, Ed. You too ...Ma!
(DAVID produces both.)
And don't forget your report card.
(And he's gone.)
ED.Men kissing .
(DAVIDwaves the report card but then sees...)
ARNOLD. Aren't you going to work?
What the hell is this?
DAVID.
ED.BrooklynDay. My school's closed.
ARNOLD .. Hang on, Murray.
ARNOLD.Perfect. You can stay here and protect me from my
DAVID . (Reading from the card.) 'Tm proud of his mother.
improvement and am sure he'll do even better next ED. I'm going to run out for the paper. Maybe I can get a
year."
lead on an apartment.
ARNOLD. It asked for a parent's comment. I had to write ARNOLD.Just to the comer and right back.
something.
ED.Stop. Your mother is going to see you and David and be
DAVID. No, you didn't!
happy for the both of you.
(DAVIDstorms off to the bedroom. ) ARNOLD. I'm doing good with him , right?
ARNOLD . Murray, can I call you back when I get my little ED.You've taken a punk kid who 's spent the last three Y~
men off to work? ... David, hang up that extension ... on the streets and in juvenile court and tu~~ hi~
No, you can't have a divorce. Hang up . into a home-living , school-going, fun-loving kid m six
( ARNOLD hangs up the phone and stares at months . Yes. I think you're doing great with him.
ED.) ARNOLD . Who asked you? Go. And come back!
All right, what did I do wrong now? ED.(Out the door.) I won't be long.
ED. Kids like to brag that they forged their parents' (ED~ gone. ARNOLD suddenly panics ...)
signahlres. If there's a sensible comment like that, then ARNOLD.Ed! Ed! ED!!!!
everyone will know it's the real thing. (Calling out the door.) Bring me something.
ARNOLD . If you're trying to make me feel old ...
(Starts closing the door, but then. ..)
DAVID.(Stonning.from the bedroom to the front door.) I'm
Candy!
getting out of here before you think of something else.
ARNOLD. Where are your schoolbooks? (Tel,ephom rings. He goes to answer it. )
DAVID. In school. Hello? ...Oh, sorry, Murray. No, just the everyday trials
ARNOLD . Hey! Aren't you forgetting something? and tribulations of the highborn. What's with you?
58 TORCH SONG TORC H SONG 59
( ED bursts through the door in a panic.) ARNOLD. Good compared to the last time you saw me.
ED. Arno ld! She's here! MA. The last time I saw you was at your friend's funeral.
ARNOLD. What? You're supposed to look lousy at funerals, it shows
ED. She's here. Headed up the stairs . respect. You could stand a shave.
ARNOLD. Can't be. It's too early . ARNOLD. I just got up. Coffee?
ED. There's a woman in the hallway checking all of the MA. Maybe a glass of tea. And a can of Lysol. What am I
apartment numbers. smelling?
ARNOLD. What'd she look like? ARNOLD.Ed cooked breakfast.
ED. (Miming .) This tall, this wide , carrying a suitcase and MA. So we know he's not the cook. What interesting
a bag of oranges. wallpaper.
ARNOLD. Mayday, Murray , fl) call you back! ARNOLD. It's not wallpaper. I stencilled the design .
MA. Next time use wallpaper. It covers a multitude of sins.
( ARNOLD slams down the phone and begi.ns
Looks nice en ough, though why you'd give up that
spi.nning around the room.)
lovely apartment in Brooklyn to move to Manhattan ...
ED. Calm down.
ARNOLD. The other place had one bedroom and we needed
ARNOLD. She can't see the place looking like this. She'll two.
walk through the door and head straight for the MA. I thought your roommate 's name was David.
vacuum cleaner.
ARNOLD. It is.
(MAappears in the doorway. ) MA.Three men, two bedrooms ... I'll have my tea first.
MA.I might change my shoes first. ARNOLD.Ed's transitory. The sofa's a convertible. Honey?
ARNOLD. Ma! Hi! Come on in. MA. Lemon. I brought my own Sweet'N Low from the
MA. Hello. You must be David. plane. You don't get much light here.
ED. No. fm Ed. ARNOLD. We get what they call indirect semi -shade. It's
MA. How do you do? I'm the mother. goodfor the plants.
ARNOLD. I really didn't expect you this early. MA. So's manure. How do you find the roaches?
MA. Obviously. AR.NOLD. I turn on the lights.
ED. (Easi7!g his way to the door. ) Well, I've got to be off. MA. Arnold, when a man's with his friends he makes wife
Lovely meeting you, Mrs. Beckoff. I'll be back. Someday. jokes. When he's with his wife he makes mother jokes .
When he's with his mothe r he lets he r make the jokes.
(Out.)
You speak to your brother?
MA. Nice-lookingboy. Who is he? ARNOLD. He was over for dinner last week.
ARNOLD. That's Ed ... MA. He brought a girl?
MA. That's enough for now. Let me sit. That bus ride from ARNOLD. Andrea.
the airport. .. I had to stand the whole way. Let me look MA. He's still seeing her? Any talk of marriage?
at you . How do you feel? You look good.
ARNOLD. You'll see ~m tomorrow, you'll ask yourself.
60 TORCH SONG
TORCH SONG 61
MA. And be accused of meddling?

ARNOLD.He's spending a few nights on my couch. What 's
(ARNOLD comes to the sofa with a tea servi ce the magi/la?
all shaped like rablnts. ) MA. No magilla. But you'd think he 'd stay by friends that
ARNOLD. Ma, you getting shorter? have more in common. Y'know, someone he met after
MA. No . rmsitting down . the marriage.
ARNOLD. Why don't we sit in the parlor? ARNOLD.Maybe he needed to get away from all that.
So, who's this Ed?
MA. MA. You mean he 's still ...
ARNOLD. A friend. (Makes a "gay" motion with her hand.)
MA. A friend friend or a euphemism friend? ARNOLD.Ma!
ARNOLD. He used to be a euphemism, now he's just a friend. MA. What? You don 't ask, you don't know. People change.
So, are you seeing anyone? AR.NOLD. No they don't.
MA. Bite your tongue. The only ones who ask me out are old MA. What? You think it's so impossible? Believe me,
men. And the last thing I need is to become nursemaid someday you might meet a nice girl...
to some a1ta leaker. ARNOLD. Maaaa. ..
ARNOLD. You don 't meet anyone your own age? MA. fm just saying , you never know. Look at your friend
MA. In Miami Beach? Didn 't you used to have a friend Ed.
named Ed who got married? ARNOLD.He's separated.
ARNOLD. Look at that gorgeous tan you've got. MA. Separated. Not divorced. You never know.
MA. He was a teacher. The girl was too , no? I remembe r ARNOLD.Believe me, Ma, I know.
thinking, "Now theres a man with his head on straight. " MA. God doesn 't know. My son knows. What's the matter
So, what's he doing cooking your breakfast? with you? Don't you want children?
ARNOLD. You don 't cook for your friends?
ARNOLD. Not the kind you mean.
MA. Not breakfast.
MA. The kind I mean have arms, legs, a mother , father and
ARNOLD. He and his wife are separated. He's staying here chicken pox. How many kinds are there? Arnold, you
until he can find a place of his own. and your brother are the last of the Beckoffs. Don't you
MA.Separated? How come? feel you have a duty to continue the family name?
ARNOLD. I don't know. ARNOLD. Not particularly. Anyway , I'm sure my brother
'
MA. Arnold, the man 's staying with you. He must have said will have lots of little Beckoffs running around.
something. You're involved? MA.And what ifhe only has girls?
ARNOLD. No! ARNOLD.I know a surgeon.
MA.Arnold? MA. I don 't get you.
ARNOLD.Ma! ARNOLD.How about the weather?
MA. You must admit, it sounds a little queer. A man leaves MA. I'm g)ad you reminded me. Your mother. If I didn't
his wife and moves in with his old friend. .. have my head screwed on ... I brought a couple things
from Miami. Look ...
(She offers him a tin of coo/ci,es.) (A quiet nwment onstage. The fon~ do_or
MA.I baked you some cookies. Fresh from the sunshiny cracks open. DAVIDsticks hi.s head in. Finding
state. the room empty, he enters. He spats the bag of
ARNOLD. David will love these.
oranges.)
MA. I didn't know what to bring. I hadn't seen the place. DAVID.Ah! She has arriven. But where are she?
Go know what you need. (Listens at the bathroom door.)
ARNOLD. Oh, you didn't see. Look what I'm making. We've got a live one ...
Beautiful, huh?
(ARNOLD sings in the shower.)
(He proudly holds up the 4fghan throwfrom
Wrong one.
the back of the couch. MAg-reetsit with afaint
nod.) (DAVID sneaks along the hallway and
di.sappears. A moment of silence , then a
MA. I'm telling you.
shriek. DAVID runs out of the hall pursued by
ARNOLD. I made this one for out here. I'm going to make MA swinging her purse. )
one for my bedroom next.
MA. Nice. MA. A burglar! Arnold, a burglar!
DAVlD.I'm not a burglar.
ARNOLD. Pretty colors, huh?
MA. Then what are you - some kind of Peeping T?m wh~
MA. Fairy nice.
ts his kicks watching middle-aged women stnp beds.
ARNOLD. (Winded.) Maybe you should go unpack while I
DAVID.What would a Peeping Tom be d omg
ge · m
· a su it?.
shower. You can put your things in my room. I got your
bag. MA.How should I know? Maybe you've got a wedding aft.er.
MA. Go. I can manage. (ARNOLD pops out of the bathroom , dripping
ARNOLD. It's the bedroom on the right. Oh, I didn 't have
in a towel. ..)
time to strip the bed ... ARNOLD.David ...
MA. Take your shower. I can do it. MA. This is your roommate?
ARNOLD. There's fresh linen in the closet. DAVID.Charmed, I'm sure.
MA.Go. MA. Oh, Arnold, you know that long talk we were going to
ARNOLD. All right. And then we can sit and have a nice have? It just got longer.
long talk. ARNOLD.David, why aren't you in school?
(He slips into the bathroom. MA takes her DAVID. I had a double period of gym but I forgot my
suitcase and headsfm- the bedroom.) uniform. But I told Mr. Kelly about your ~other
coming and he said I could come home until after
MA. Oy. I'm an old woman who's lived Jong enough to know lunch. Wasn't that nice of him? Oh, but you gotta call
there 's nothing nice about a long talk
and tell them I wasn't lying.
64 TORCH SONG
TORCH SONG 65
ARNOLD.So... Ma. .. This is David

don't you think you're a little young to be out in the
MA. You're dripping on the floor. world all alone?
ARNOLD. Hey, I've got an idea Why don't you go finish DAVID.No. But the judge did, so here I am.
unpacking? ru go finish my shower. And David can set ARNOLD.(Sticking his head out.) Everything all right out
the table for lunch.
here?
. It's like nine o'clock.
DAVID
MA.Fine dear. Keep drying.
ARNOLD. (Snapping orders.) When I tel1 you to do
something I don't want... ( ARNOLD wi.thdraws.)
. You like the place? We cleaned all week for you.
DAVID
(Catches MA staring.)
Sorry I didn't get back in time to see your face when you
Well, why don't I finish drying off. got here .
MA. You do that. MA. Believe me, that face could not compare to this one.
ARNOLD.So, you'll unpack, right? And you'll set the table, DAVID.(Cailing out.) Arnold, come on. You gotta call the
right? And I'll ... school!
MA.Dry up. MA.Does he make all of your excuses at school?
ARNOLD.Right. DAVID . Sure. Who else?
(ARNOLDducks back into the bathroom.) MA. Who else indeed. How about I call the school for you
. Would you like a drink?
DAVID and you can go change your clothes.
MA. Maybe iater. I'm sorry I hit you . DAVID.But I wore this special for you.
MA. I've seen it. It's cute. Now put it away.
DAVID.No ~eat. I usually charge, but seeing how you're
family ... DAVID . No, but...
MA. You've got quite a little sense of humor. Would you like MA.March.
to sit down? DAVID . Now I see where Arnold gets his technique.
DAVID. Sure. MA. Cute kid.
MA. Tell me, David. You go to school? (Calling to him.) David? Where do you keep the phone
. (Eyeing the cookies.) Yeah. You make these?
DAVID numbers?
MA. Help yourself.So, you're in college? DAVID. (Offstage.) In the phone book.
DAVID.High school. MA.A little too cute. Arnold, Arnold, what have you gotten
yourself into? Here it is, right on top. Must get used a
MA. High school. How nice. Senior?
lot. David? What name shall I give them?
DAVID.Fresh.man.
DAVID.(Offstage.) What?
MA. That's very sweet. Tell me , David, just how old are you?
MA. Who shall I say is being excused? Your last name.
DAVID.Sixteen ... In two months. Something wrong?
DAVID. (Rea.P'J)W,ring.) Beckoff, of course.
MA. Not at all. Sixteen. In two months. You have your
MA. Now that's a coincidence. Have you and Arnold
whole life ahead of you , while mine is flashing before
compared notes to see if there's any family relation?
my eyes. David, it's none of my business, of course, but
66 TORC H SONG TORCH SONG 67
DAVID. I'm his son. What more relation could there be? Scene Two
( ARNOLD steps out of the bathroom.)
MA. You're his what? (Later thaJ aftenwoTL)
DAVID. His son. (The room is deserwl..)
back into the bathroom. )
( ARNOLD steps ( ED lets himself in with his key .)
Would you like that drink now? ED. Hello? Anybody here?
(Blackout .) A.RNOLD. (Exploding aut of the bulroom. ) Where the hell
have you been?
ED. Picking up the paper.
ARNOLD. For nine hours?
ED. Why? Did something happen?
ARNOLD. Happen? Happen? What could pos.sibly happen?
My mother walked through the door and within three
minutes insulted the plane ride , the bus ride , the
apartment, Manhattan, my hygiene , Afghan , stencilling
and cockroaches. Oh, and she accused me of breaking
up your marriage. Okay. So far, so good . So, I go off to
take a shower and who makes a surprise appearance
but the Patron Saint of'Ihtants himself, Champ David.
My mother gets one gander at him and she 's all, "So
whose little boy are you?" giving the long-awaited cue
to my little angel lamb to turncoat 'round and point his
every available finger at me .
ED. Oops.
ARNOLD. Oops? Ed, did you say, Oops? No , Ed. Oops
is when you fall down an elevato r shaft. Oops is
mistakenly skinny-dipping with piranha. Oops is when
you accidentally douche with Drano . No, Ed, this was
no Oops. This was a (Strangled scream.)
E.D. Cut the dramatics. What happened?
ARNOLD. Nothing happened .
ED. Nothing?
ARNOLD. As in , not a thing . David went to his room. My
moth er went to my room . And I locked myself in the
bathroom making toilet paper flowers and flushing
them down the drain. For two hours I flowered and
flushed, flowered and flushed . When I finally ran out of around the kitchen and finds a bowl of
paper I came out to find the place deserted. potatoes.)
ED. WeJI, as the old saying goes, "Leave them alone and
MA. So, what're we making? What do you want to do with
they'll come home ..."
these?
ARNOLD . ... Dragging a noose behind them. Come help me
with dinner. ARNOLD. I was just going to bake them. But if you ...
MA.You want my latkes?
ED.A quick trip to the men's room first ...
ARNOLD. I'd love your Jatkes.
( ARNOLD fetches a plunger from the broom
MA.Then you'll get my latkes. You have Matzoh Meal?
doset and hands it to ED.)
ARNOLD . I'll get it.
ARNOLD . You'd better take this with you. A thousand sheets MA. He has Matzoh Meal. Did I bring him up right?
really do last longer.
(DAVID re-enters, talcing a book to the couch
(The front door opens and in walk MA and to re,ad.)
DAVID merrily.)
ARNOLD. You need eggs?
MA. Arnold, we're home.
MA.And an onion.
ARNOLD. You two were together?
ED. (To DAVID.) Are you doing homework?
DAVID. I took your mother to school with me.
DAVID. No. I'm just reading something for school.
ED. (Slipping into the bathroom.) And you were worried.
MA. Arnold's father used to love my latkes. But his favorite
ARNOW . What? Me worry?
was my potato soup. You remember, Arnold?
DAVID. So, what's for dinner? ARNOLD. I remember, Mama.
MA. You need help? Give me an apron and put me to work. MA. It wasn't soup like you'd think. All it was was a
ARNOLD. No. You're a guest. Ed's going to help. boiled potato with a bi,ssel salt and pepper and cream.
MA. I wondered what the plunger was for. My feet are Arnold used to cal] it, Daddy's Potato Water. We were
screaming for my slippers. Depression babies. You understand? You carry t?at
(She goes off toward the bedrooms.) through your life. The tastes, the smells ... They bnng
back a cozy feeling of a time you don't quite remember.
DAVID. Remember you promised to teach me to chess. You know what I'm talking?
MA. After you do your homework. ED. I think so.
DAVID. Homework? She kidding? Arnold? We have a chess MA. Good. Because I don't.
set?
(ARNOLD gives her a kiss.)
ARNOLD. Top shelf of your closet.
What's that for?
(DAVIDgoes off.)
ARNOLD. I'm just glad you're here, Mamala.
ED. (Re-entering.) All fixed.
MA. Me too, Tatalah.
ARNOLD. From your mouth ...
ED. (Th DAVID.) I didn't know you could read.
( MA re-enters wearing a pair of bunny DAVID. I just look at the pictures.
slippers that match ARNOLD s. She looks
ED. What is it? ED. Why don't we read it together and I can explain
DAVID.Some garbage for English. (Mi.sprorwunces it.) The anything you don't understand ...
Ballad of Reading Gaol ARNOLD.(To MA.) That was very embarrassing.
ED. That's JAIL. Like J-A-I-L MA. Excuse me. But what you were telling that boy was
DAVID.Who am I supposed to believe; you or the book? very embarrassing.
ARNOLD.(Reciting.) "Yeteach man kills the thing he loves, ARNOLD. I have a responsibility to his education.
By each let this be heard MA. I'm sure the people who placed him here did not have
Some do it with a bitter look that kind of education in mind.
Some with a flattering word. ARNOLD.The people who placed him here had exactly that
The coward does it with a kiss kind of education in mind and I'll thank you not to
The brave man with a sword." interfere.
ED. Very good. MA. I am only suggesting you consider the huge
responsibility you've taken on. You should be setting an
ARNOLD. Oscar Wilde. We had to learn it in high school.
example for the boy.
ED. Some things never change.
ARNOLD.And I'm not?
ARNOLD. But they never told us he was gay. They told you,
MA. Not when you talk like that you're not. Arnold, you
right?
want to live the way you want to live, that's your
DAVID.I think I would have remembered that. business. Just wait until the boy's gone. What's a few
ARNOLD.·You're kidding. That's the whole reason he was more months?
sent to jail. ARNOLD.What's a few more months?
MA Arnold, could you help me with something here. MA. What? He's with you on a nine-month program, yes?
ARNOLD. Just a second. Yeah, sure. Ten years earlier It's already been six months.
Parliament passed laws against being homosexual and ARNOLD.And what do you think happens then?
Wilde had this young lover ...
MA. He leaves.
MA. Arnold, I need a hand.
DAVID . No, you misunderstood ...
ED. Anything I could help with?
(ED nudges him ho.rd.)
MA No, thank you.
Ow. This is getting serious.
, His name was Lord Alfred. And he
ARNOLD had this real
stick-in-the-mud father who chased them all around ARNOLD.Ma, I don't know what David told you but, after
the city. Once he even sent a note to Wilde's hotel the trial period, if the Court says I can, I will legally
calling him a sodomite. adopt David. And believe me, if I have anything to say
about it, he's not leaving.
MA. Oh, for God's sake, Arnold. Could you change the
subject? (MA tries to say something but is frustrated,
angry, and confused. She sin.ms down her
(The roomfre.eze.s up for a beat.)
apron and stonns off to the bedroom.)
ARNOLD.rll finish later.
(Door sl.am.)
(ARNOLDjoins MA in the ki.tchen.)
ARNOLD.THAT was an Oops. MA. Yoo want I should do a Bubble Dance?

(To DAVID.) What did you say to her? ARNOLD.I need a drink.
DAVID. Nothin'.
MA. Arnold, you've done a lot of crazy things in your life,
ARNOLD. WeU, you certainly got a way without words. but this ... ?
Okay, wish me luck. ARNOLD. It's not a crazy thing. It's a wonderful thing I'm
DAVID.You going in there? very proud of.
ARNOLD. I'm talcing suggestions. MA. If you were so proud how come you were too ashamed
ED. And don't forget to write. to tell your mother? Everything else you tell me. You
DAVID. Just remember, we're right in the next room ...so shove your sex life down my throat like aspirin every
talk loud. hour on the hour. But six months he's been here and
ARNOLD. Here goes everything .
not a word.
ARNOLD.You're not the easiest person in the world to talk
( ARNOLD e:xits. A door opens and closes. A to.
beat. ED and DAVID rush to the hallway.)
MA. What did I say? Do I tell you how to run your life?
ED. You hear anything? No. I learned long ago that no matter what I said you
DAVID. He waited too long. They're gonna need time to rev and your brother were going to do just as you pleased
up again. Let's eat. You want a sandwich? anyway. So, I wouldn't say a word. On purpose ! You
( ED tries listening in the hall) want to know why you didn't tell me? I'll tell you why.
Because you knew it was wrong.
ED. Could you not holler like that? What was it you told
AR.NOLD. It's not wrong.
her?
MA. Then why?
DAVID. What's the difference? Adults only hear what they
want. ARNOLD.I don't know.
MA.You would if you listened.
(Door sl.am.)
ARNOLD. Ma, this isn't something we decided to do
We're about t.o get a bullet in. overnight.
( MA marches into the room and faces a wall. MA. Who we?
ARNOLDis close behind,.fuming.) ARNOLD.Alan and I.
Anyon~ care to repose and repast? MA. The two of you were doing this together? Now I've
ED. (Grabb-ing DAVID.) Come, Kissinger. I'll teach you to heard everything.
play chess. ARNOLD. That's what I love about you. You're so open-
DAVID. My sandwich ... minded.
ED. You'll concentrate better on an empty stomach. MA. All right. So, Alan's not here. Why's the boy?
(ED and DAVIDgo out toward the bro.rooms.) ARNOLD. Because with everything else I forgot about the
application. Then, one day, the phone rang. They had
ARNOLD. So, is this it? We gonna just stare into space in David for us. I told them about Alan but they said I
silence?
could pro~ly take David anyway ...
74 TORCH SONG TORC H SONG 75
MA. And you said, "Send him on over." "I" instead of"we." And you're going to compare that to
ARNOLD. Not at first. But then I thought about it and said you? How dare you?
yes. I was just so tired of widowing. ARNOLD. You're right, Ma. How dare I. I couldn't possibly
MA. Wida-whating? know how it feels to shove someone's clothes in a trash
ARNOLD. Widowing. It's a word of Murray's. bag an d watc h garbage men take them away. Or what
MA. And a nice one at that What's it supposed to mean? it feels like to forget and set his place at the table. How
about the food that rots in the refrigerator because you
ARNOLD. You know.
forgot how to shop for one? How dare I? Right, Ma?
MA. I don 't know.
How dare I?
ARNOLD. Widowing. Feeling sorry for yourself. Cursing
(They both are hollering over ane arwther
every time you pass a couple walking hand in hand.
now ...)
Watching tear-jerkers on 1V knowing they could only
cheer you up. Christ, of everything going on here I ARNOLD. MA.
never thought that would be the thing I had to explain. Listen, Ma, you had it easy. May God strike me dead,
MA. How should I know about whatchamacallit? Did you You have all those years whatever I did to my
ever say a word to me? to remember. I have five. mother to deserve a child
ARNOLD. I didn' t think I had to. It's only been three years You had your children and speaking to me this way.
since Daddy died . friends to comfort you. I The disrespect! I only
had me. My friends didn't pray that one day you
MA. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Are you trying to compare
want to hear about it. have a child and that he'll
my marriage with you and Alan? Your father and I
They said, "What are you open up a mouth to you
were married for thirty-five years, had two children
griping about? At least you like the one you opened
and a wonderful life together . You have the nerve to
had a lover." And you... to me. How dare you talk
compare yourself to that?
You lost your husband to me this way?
ARNOLD. rm talking about the loss.
in a nice clean hospital. I
MA. What loss did you have? You fooled around with some lost mine out there. They
boy. Where do you come to compare that to a marriage killed him out there on the
of thirty-five years? street. Twenty-three years
ARNOLD. You think it doesn't? old, laying dead on the
MA. Come on, Arno ld. You're not talking to one of your pals. street. ..
ARNOLD. I lost someone I loved very much. ( ARNOLDS words penetrat;e MAS hearing and
MA. So, you felt bad . Maybe you cried a little. What would she stops as he rails on.)
you know about what I went through? Thirty-five years ARNOLD. ... His head bashed in by a bunch of kids with
I lived with tha t man. He got sick, I brought him to the baseball bats . Killed by children. Children taught by
hospital and you know what they gave me back? I gave peop le like you. 'Cause everybody knows that queers
them a man, they gave me a paper bag with his watch, don 't matter. Queers don't love. And those that do get
wallet and wedding ring . It too k me two mo nths until what they d~e!
I could get into my bed alone. A year to learn to say
( MAjlu,s to the be,droom. Door slams.)
(ARNOLD catches his breath. He sits.) MA. (Offstage.) I'm glad you're sorry.
DAVID. (Sticking his head into the room.) Wanna keep it ARNOLD. Could you please come out here? We can't talk
down out there? There are people trying to concentrate. like this.
ARNOLD. Sorry. MA. (In the doorway.) You don 't want to talk. You want to
fight. But I don't fight with my children. In your life
DAVID. Round one over?
did you ever hear your father and I fight? No. And do
ARNOLD. I didn't mean to say any of that. It all came
you know why? I'll tell you why. Because my whole
pouring out. I felt like I was fighting for my life.
childhood I listened to fights. My father fought with
DAVID.A duel to the death over little old me. my mother, my mother fought with me. .. When I got
(Cuddling .) married I told your father, "Jack, I will talk but I will
I think you're wonderful. not fight." And did you ever hear us fight? NO! And
now you know why.
(ED enters.)
ARNOLD. Would you like to sit down?
ARNOLD. Here comes your Tanta Edwina. MA. (Tentatively comes to couch.) I'm sitting. And don't
ED. All quiet on the west side front? holler at me. People say things they don't mean when
ARNOLD. We're reloading. they holler and you've already said quite enough.
DAVID. Does this mean she 's not going to make us dinner? ARNOLD.We won't talk about Alan. On1y David.
ARNOLD. Why don't you two go out and get something. MA. So, talk.
ED. How about you? ARNOLD. Well, why don't you tell me what you already
ARNOLD. Not hungry.
know and we can go on from there.
ED. Let me stay. Maybe we can all talk together. MA. I don't know anything.
ARNOLD. You spent the day with him. He must have said
ARNOLD.Go .
something.
DAVID. Put a candle in the window when it 's clear to come
home. We'll wait on the bench. MA. He's an orphan.
ARNOLD. He's not an orphan.
ED. What'll it be? Pizza?
MA. He said he was an orphan.
DAV1D.You paying?
ARNOLD. He's not an orphan. They took him away from bis
ED. Sure .
parents ...
DAVID. Then I know a cozy little bistro ...
MA. So he's a liar.
( ED and DAV1Dare gone.)
ARNOLD. He's not a liar.
( ARNOLDsteels himself and. ..) MA. Arnold, Arnold ... What do you know from raising a
ARNOLD. Round Two. Yoo-boo. It 's safe to come out now. child?
David and Ed have gone out and we have the whole ARNOLD. What's to know? Whenever there's a problem I
place to fight in. simply imagine what you would do, and do the opposite.
MA. (Offstage.) Enjoy yourself. I'm going to bed. MA. So that's your idea of discussing? To insult me and
ARNOLD. Ma, I'm sorry I lost my temper. spit on yo:!..trfather's grave? Arnold, darling, you live
your life the way you wanL I put my fist in my mouth, obsessed with it. You're not happy unless everyone is
I don't say a word. But think about that boy. He likes talking about iL I don't know why you don 't just wear a
you. He told me he loves you. He sees you living like big sign and get it over with.
this ... Don 't you think it,s going to affect him?
ARNOLD.Try to imagine the world the other way around.
ARNOLD.Ma ... David is gay. Imagine that every book, every magazine, every 1V show
MA. But he's only been here six months. and movie told you that you should be homosexual. But
ARNOLD.He came that way. you know you're not. And you know that for you this is
MA. No one comes that way. right...
ARNOLD.What an opening! MA. Stop already. You're talking crazy.
MA. By you everything is a joke. ARNOLD. You want to know what's crazy? After all these
years I'm still trying to justify my life.
ARNOLD. The who le reason David was placed with me is
so he could grow up with a positive attitude about his MA. You call this a life? This is a sickness . But it's what
homosexuality . you've chosen for yourself.
MA. That's iL I'm finished. The world has gone completely
ARNOLD.Ma, fm gay. I don 't know why. But that's what I
insane and I'm heading south for the summer. am. For as far back as I can remember. Back before I
knew it was even different...
ARNOLD.You make it very difficult to have an intelligent
MA. You haven 't heard a word I've said.
conversation.
MA. You want an intelligent conversation? Do what I do - ARNOLD.(E.xpl.oding.) I know you'd rather I was straight,
Talk to yourself! Arnold, you want to live like this? Gay but fm noL Would you also rather I had lied to you? I
ge.zri,ntehhai. I don't care anymore. You're not going to have friends who'd never dream of telling their parents.
put me in my grave like you did your father. Instead they cut their parents out of their lives and
they wonder, "Why? Why is my child so distant? " Is
ARNOLD.Now I killed my father?
that what you'd rathe r?
MA. No! He was thrilled to have a fairy for a son. What
MA. It doesn't have to be our every conversation.
do you think, you walk into a room and say, "Hi Dad,
ARNOLD . You want to be part of my life? I'm not editing out
I'm queer," and that's that? You think that's what we
the things you don't like.
brought you into the world for? Believe me, if I'd known
I wouldn't have bothered. God should tear out my MA. Can we end this conversation?
tongue, I should talk to my child this way. Arnold, you're ARNOLD. No! There 's one more thing you'd better
my son : a good person, a sensitive person with a heart, understand. I have taught myself to sew, cook, fix
kennohorrah, like your father. And I try to love you for plumbing, do taxes ... I can even pat myself on the back
thaL But you won't let me. You've got to throw me in when necessary.
the gutter and rub my face in this. You have not spoken All so I don't have to ask anyone for anything. There is
a sentence since I got here without the word Gay in it. nothing I need from anyone except for love and respect.
ARNOLD.Because it's who I am. And anyone who can't give me those two things has no
MA. (Pointing toward the bedroom. ) If that were all you place in my life. You are my mother. I love you. I do .
could leave it in there where it belongs. No. You're But if you can 't respect me then you have no business
being here.
80 TORC H SONG TORC H SONG 81
MA. You 're throwing me out? Scene Three

ARNOLD. I'm trying t.o t.ell...
MA. Throwing me out. Isn't that nice. Listen, Mist.er, you (A park bench. N'ight.)
get one mother in this world. Only one. Wait . Just you
( EDand DAVIDenter,justfinishing hot dngs.)
wait.
DAVID. How's your hot dog, big spender? Teach you to
( MA heads off to the bedroom, leaving forget your wallet.
ARNOLD.)
ED. Come on. I've got t.o walk this off.
(Blackout.)
DAVID.We're supposed t.o wait here.
(Painting. ) Our window's right there. This is the bench.
This is where it happened. Arnold never brung you
here?
ED.No.
DAVID.They were walking back toward the street, Alan
and the other guy, when the kids jumped them here.
You can see, nowhere to run . There 's still a stain on the
sidewalk. Well, that's what Arnold says.
ED. He showed you this?
DAVID. Day I moved in. I figured he was trying to scare
me from going in the park at night. Figured he was
being overprotective, y'know? But I think it's more. No
candle in the window yet.
ED. They've got a lot of yelling t.o catch up on.
DAVID. So, what'd Laurel want with you?
ED. Nothing.
DAVID. Sure.
ED. Really. It was nothing.
DAVID. You don't have t.o t.ell me. It's not like we're friends
or nothing. What am I to you?
ED. She asked if I was thinking of coming back.
DAVID. That's an easy one. No.
ED. I didn 't say that.
DAVID . You won't go back.
ED. Can we change the subject?
DAVID. Sure. Now that you and Laurel are washed up, you
gonna sleep around? Just don't put it off too long or
you'll wind up like Arnold. He works, eats, sleeps and DAVID.That was a lousy thing to do. He wanted to help.
sticks his nose in my business. That ain't healthy. ARNOLD. I don't need his help. I'm sorry I didn't tell her
ED. You say that like you mean iL about you, but it's not because I'm ashamed.
DAVID. Who knows more about sex and its effect on mental DAVID.And?
health than me? Got any idea how many couches ARNOLD. I asked her to leave.
they've laid me out on? Psychiatrically speaking. DAVID.You're good at thaL
ED. Knowing and doing are two different things. You're ARNOLD. But whatever happens between my mother and
only fifteen. me has nothing to do with us.
DAVID. Someone raised the age of puberty to twenty-one? DAVID. Don't kid yourself. You're just like her.
Kids have sex. Arnold doesn'L Got any suggestions? ARNOLD. You wouldn't say that if you heard what went on
ED. None that I'm willing to discuss with a child. up there.
DAVID. I'm not telling you to propose marriage, though I'd DAVID.I know what goes on with mothers. You're my fourth.
be proud to call you Daddy. I'm simply suggesting you You think it's different because we're both gay, but it's
could both use a little tension-easing nookie. Sex is noL
very therapeutic. ARNOLD.You're wrong about that.
ED. So, you 've said. DAVID. What would you do if I came home with a girl and
DAVID.What do you say? told you I was straight?
( ARNOLD enters, carrying lwt dogs like a ARNOLD. If you were happy, I'd be happy.
foyir,er
bouquet. He imitates Hepburn in Stage DAVID.RighL You wouldn't worry where you went wrong?
Door .) ARNOLD. Not if you were sure it's what you wanted.
A.RNOLO. Hello , Mother. Hello, Dad. The Calla lilies are in DAVID. Then why do you treat Ed like he's lying? The guy
bloom again. Such a strange flower . Suitable for any keeps trying to tell you how he feels and you call him a
occasion. I carried them on my wedding day and now I closet case.
place them here in memory of something that has die ... ARNOLD. See? You don 't know what you're talking abouL
(Catches himself.) I'd be perfectly happy to believe Ed if just once he
thought about the person he was with instead of what
I will never learn when to stop. I brought dinner. I
sex that person was .
found your wallet upstairs.
DAVID.You ever meet someone and not know what sex they
ED. Thanks ~How'd round two go?
were?
ARNOLD. When I left we both knew who won. Now only
ARNOLD.That 's not what I mean. ..
Robert Browning does. Ed, would you mind if I spoke
DAVID.Shut up and let me finish. I stay with you because I
to David alone?
want to. I like living with you. I even like the way you
ED. Sure.
mother me. You make me feel like I've got a home and
DAVID. Stay. I want witnesses. a bunch of other mushy crap we don 't need to get into
ED. I'll see you upstairs. here. But you can be a real shithead. I'm telling you
(ED lm.ves.) now - I'~ gone if you try to use me as an excuse for
TORCH SONG TORC .. SONG 85
sitting home alone or picking a fight with Ed or your Scene Four

mother. You do what you gotta do. I ain 't judgin '. But
don 't blame anybody but yourself, if you get my drift. (Back in the apartment. Almost dawn. )
You get my drift? (Lights are out. ED is asleep on the open
(Off ARNOLD's nod. ) l come down too heavy? sofa bed. Ma's suitcase sits at the front door.
(ARNOLDshakes his hood. ) ARNOLDcomesquietl.y through the frontdoor,
Still want me to stay? weaving a bit. He heads straight for the booze
and a glass.)
(Off arwther rwd .) All right. Now we're dancin '.
ED. (Waking .) Huh? What?
ARNOLD.I ever tell you I think you 're swell?
ARNOLD. It's me. Go to sleep.
DAVID.I got school tomorrow.
ED. What time is it?
ARNOLD. Go on up . I need an airing.
ARNOLD. Five something. Go to sleep.
. Want company?
DAVID
ED. Wanna talk? You just got ho m e? She said she's leaving.
(ARNOLDshakes his head. )
ARNOLD. I tri pped over h er bag on my way in.
Okay . See you late r.
ED. She didn 't want to stay the night but she couldn 't get
ARNOLD. David? You're not, are you? a flight out 'ti.I morni ng. Sh e was going to spend the
. What?
DAVID night in the airport. I got her calmed down a little .
ARNOLD. StJ:aight. ARNOLD . Go to sleep .
( DAVIDlaughs as he walks away .) ED. Stop telling me to go to sleep.
Watch how you cross the street. Stupid kid. ARNOLD . Fme. Go to bell . Want a drink?
ED. White wine.
(Lights fade to black.)
(Real.wing.)
Nothing, thanks. I saw Laurel today. She told me she's
pregnan t. She's not.
But she said she was to see if fd come back if she was.
I guess I wou ld've. I don 't know. She said she could be
if I came back.
' (Considers .)
She thinks we're sleeping together. Funny, Laurel and
your mothe r thinking the same thing. Maybe they
know something we don't?
(ARNOLDlaughs and sits on the edge of the
bed.)
What's so funny?
ARNOLD. Seems like every time I turn around here we are: ED. If I made a pass at you now would you let me? It was
Arnold and Ed in bed together. David's idea. I told him f d consider iL
ED. Talking. ARNOLD. What a pal .
ARNOLD. Talking. Me with a lump in my throat. You with a ED. I didn't mean it that way.
foot in your mouth. ARNOLD. You never do.
ED. What'd I say? ED. This isn't exactly what I wanL
ARNOLD. You think I listen? ARNOLD. I think the wedding might have given you away.
(Ojf ED's sad e:rpression.) Pay me no mind. I'm drunk. ED. I didn 't want that either. I mean, I did. But. ..
ED. Look, I know I'm not the most sensitive person in the ARNOLD. I've got some catalogs around here somewhere.
world ... You flip through them. When you see what it is you
ARNOLD. Ed, take a note: never fish for compliments in want, give a primal scream and I'll get it for your
polluted waters . birthday.
ED. Are you really drunk? Don't think I've ever seen you ED. You're not being fair.
drunk. Why'd you get drunk? ARNOLD . I'm upset, uptight and up to my nipples in
ARNOLD. (Knocking on ED's head.) Hello? Anybody home? Southern ComforL I'm sorry.
ED. Care to talk about it? ED. I want another chance with you.
ARNOLD. Sure. Why should the neighbors have all the fun? (Hal.ding ARNOLD dawn.from escaping.)
(Lies back onto ED's l.ap.) Wait. Think about it. It makes sense. We know each
I had a plan. I thought if I got good and looped rd get other so well. We know what to expect from each
all sentimental and ask my mother to stay. Worked, other ... Laurel and I together ... It wasn't enough.
too, until I saw her sitting in there on the edge of the Obviously or I wouldn 't be here with you in bed ...
bed, fully dressed, her Merry Martyr stare burning ARNOLD. Talking.
holes through the door. She thinks I hate her. I know ED. Talking. But here. These couple of days ,vith you and
the way her mind works and she thinks I hate her and David ... They've been the closest thing to whatever it is
everything she stands for. And I don't, for the life of I wanL I feel wonderful here.
me, know how to tell her that what I want more than ARNOLD. ''I don't care if the kid ain't mine. I want to be the
anything is to have exactly the life she did. father of your baby."
ED. David said you haven't gone out at all since Alan died. ED. I know you're upset about your mother.
ARNOLD. Let's talk about you. ARNOLD. That's not it.
ED. I can understand not wanting to at first. But you could ED. Is it still too soon after Alan?
just go out for a couple of drinks, maybe a quick trip to ARNOLD. God ...
the backroom. ED. I'm asking you to think about it. That's all. Just think.
ARNOLD. You may find this hard to understand but I want
ARNOLD. How thick could you possibly be? Don't you
more out of life than meeting a pretty face and sitting know that since you called it's all I've thought about?
down on it.
88 TORC H SONG TORCH SONG 89
Last week you walked through that door and ever ARNOLD . That's not it.
since I've been playing dutiful wife and mother to ED. You know I'd never do anything to hurt David.
your understanding if distant daddy, and David's been ARNOLD . I know that.
having the time of his life playing baby.
ED. What is it Arnold?
ED. It's been wonderful
ARNOLD. (From way duum deep.) fm not Laurel.
ARN O LD. It's a joke. Three grown men playing house.
ED. I'm counting on that. Are you crying?
ED. I love Laurel. Okay, that sounds strange considering
ARNOLD . Go home, Ed. You've got a really nice wife who'd
th e circumstances , but my feelings for her are genuine
do anything for you . She can give you a borne, a two-
and just as strong now as the day we got married . But
car garage , a child of your own ... The whole shebang
what we have is a friendship not a marriage .
double-dipped in chocolate and government approved .
ARN O LD. That's more than most people get. Go home . I've got nothing like that here.
ED . Arnold , I'm forty . It 's time for me to stop jerking ED. Your mother did some job on you. Hello? Anybody
around. I want more than a marriage that's at best home? You're going t.o make me say it, aren 't you?
purposeless, unfulfilling but perfe~tly co~fortable . ARNOLD . I don 't want you t.o say anything .
Whatever you think about us, you cant descnbe us that
ED. I'll say it. I'm not ashamed. Embarrassed maybe but
way.
not ashamed . But I'll be damned if I'm going t.o say it
ARN O LD. Not the perfect part anyway.
t.o your back .
ED . Could you stop making cracks?
( ED grabs ARNO LD and pi ns him to the bed. ..)
ARNOL D. Ed. .. You think you could bring your friends here?
You ready to introduce me to your folks as your lover, ED. Are you ready?
and to David as our son? Honey, I just threw my mother ARNO LD . You're going to wake my mother.
- my mother - out of my house and all she wanted to ED. Let her hear . I hope they 're both listening . Might as
do was not talk about it. You think I'm going to ask less well let everyone know ... Arnold Beck.off, I love...
from you? ( DAVID enters, interrupting .)
ED. Isn 't it time to find out?
DAVI D. What's going on in here? Something interesting , I
A RN O LD. I don't know. I don 't even know what this is
hope .
supposed to be. I can 't look it up in a book or read
ARNOLD . Why are you up? And dres.5ed?
some Reader'sDigest article that's going to tell me. All I
know is, whatever this is, it's not a gra.de-B imitation of DAVID . My alarm went off ten minutes ago. So, is this a
a heterosexual marriage. I thought Alan and David and closed marriage or can anyone jump in?
I were going to find out together ... ( DAVID dives into bed between the two. His
ED. How about you me and David find out? bl.ackeye is now visibl.e.)
ARNOLD . I can't . ARNOLD . And baby makes three. Any news from the war
ED. You scared I'm going to walk out again ? I can 't front?
guarantee anything ... DAVID. I heard shuffling .
ARNOLD. I'd better prepare for the grand exit. Give me a DAVID. Nope.
boost, I think my battery's dead. ARNOLD. Go see if she needs some help .
(DAVIDpushes ARNOLDto an upright position.) ( DAVID starts off to the bedroom.)
Please, no one get up. DAVID. "Into the jaws of death, Into the mouth of Hell."
( ARNOLDexits to the bathroom.) (A moment of peace and then MA appears,
DAVID. So? dragging DAVIDbehind her.)
ED. Struck out. He said no. MA. Arnold, did you see this eye? Come. Let me put ice on
DAVID. So what? Arnold always says no first and then it.
thinks about it. Watch. DAVID. I'm all right.
(Calling out.) Arnold? Want breakfast? ARNOLD. Ma, he's had it for two days. He covered it with
ARNOLD. (Offstage.) No, thanks. makeup yesterday for you.
DAVID. Five - four - three - two ... DAVID. I'm okay. Really. But thanks.
ARNOLD. (Offstage.) David? Maybe I'll have a egg. ( ED re-enters .)
DAVID. Most contrary person I know. ED. Come on, Champ. I'll take you out for breakfast.
ED. We'd better get dressed . DAVI D. (Suddenly has an idea.) Great. Just gotta do
DAVID. I am dressed . something first.
ED. (Heading off.) Then start coffee. (DAVID goes off to the bedroom. ED approaches
DAVID. Sure thing. As soon as l care. MA.)
( DAVIDswitches on the radio ...) ED. It was a pleasure meeting you, Mrs. Beck.off.
RADIO . ...Plaza 6-6654 with your requests. It's six fifty-four MA. The pleasure was mine . I hope you and your wife
and I'm here with you, dedicated to the one you love. come to your senses . Couples should learn to live with
And now an oldie by request from Beulah to Robert conflict. After all, a problem is never as permanent as
and Michael. Guess that gal can't make up her mind. a solution.
All right, Beulah, here it is ... ED. Thank you.
ARNOLD. (Coming .from the bathroom.) What are you (Calling out.) David?
listening to? (ARNOLD signals ED to join him off on the
DAVID. Want me to change it? side.)
ARNOLD. No. I ever tell you about the time Alan dedicated ARNOLD. Ed ... What we were talking about before ... I don't
a song to me on the radio? Of course they got it wrong, know. We can talk.
"'ToArnold from Ellen." Still, it was very romantic.
ED. That's all fm asking. Good. Good.
DAVID. Is you r mother staying for breakfast?
DAVID. (Re-entering with a grin. ) All done. Let's go.
ARNOLD. Ask her. She shown her face yet?
MA. You take care of that eye. ARNOLD. So you could have said what? Told me he 's better
DAVID. Thanks. off dead?
(To ED.) Remember your wallet this time? What's wrong MA. Or maybe I could have comforted you. Told you what
with you? You look like somebody kicked you in the to expect. But you cheated me out of your life and then
head blamed me for not being there.
( ED pushes DAVIDout the cuxn-. They are go,ru:, (She turns and goes to the cuxn-.She -picksup
but 1Wt before ED /.ets out a wud, celdn-atory her suitcase and then stops ...)
"Yahoo!") (Back still to ARNOLD. )
ARNOLD. He likes the wallpaper in the hall. Covers a About this Ed You love him?
multitude of sins. ARNOLD. I don't know. I think so.
MA. I shouJd be going myself. MA. Like you loved Alan?
A.RNOLD. Ma, you can stay ...
ARNOLD. No. They're very different. Anyway, it's easier to
MA . With your brother? No. I'll call him from home and love someone who's dead They make so few mistakes .
tell him I changed my plans. Mama, I miss him.
ARNOLD . fm going to tell him what happened
(MA puts down the suitcase and takes a small
MA. What else do you want to do to me, Arnold? What? step toward her son.)
You want to tum my son against me? Go ahead You
MA. Give yourself time . It gets better. But, Arnold, it doesn 't
want me to leave? fm leaving. You want me to change?
ever go away. You can work longer hours, adopt a son ,
I'm too old I can't. I can't, I can 't, I can't. So, you do
fight with me ... Whatever. It'll still be there . But that's
what you have to do , and I'll do what I have to do,
all right. It becomes a part of you like wearing a ring
and I hope you're satisfied. Believe me, if I had ever
or pair of glasses. You get used to it. And it's good. It's
opened a mouth to my mother like you did to me you'd
good because it makes sure you don't forget. You don 't
be talking to a woman with a size-six wedgie sticking
want to forget him, do you? So, it's good.
out of her forehead But I didn 't raise my children like
that. I wanted to earn their respect. Not because I beat (Teleplume ri.ngs.)
it into them. Go know! Go. Answer it. It might be something with that son of
ARNOLD. We're going to start all over again? yours.
MA. Yes! Because you can't put all the blame on me. It's not (They e,:x:changea krwwing gl.ance. ARNOLD
fair. You think I didn't know about you, Arnold? Believe answers theplwne. )
me, I knew. I knew and I said, no. I hoped ... What's the
ARNOLD . Hello? ... Oh , hi, Murray ... What? The radio is
difference? I knew and I turned my back. But I wasn't
on ... All right. I'm turning.
the only one. There were things you should have told
me. You opened a mouth to me about Alan. How was I (He hangs up the phone and goes to the
supposed to know? radio.)
It's Murray. Somethings on the radio. I don't know.
94 TORCH SONG
( ARNOLD turns up the radio and listens.)

RADIO . ... No. I just checked with my produce r who took
the call. I had it righ t. So, here it is, a dedication from
David to Arno ld with all his love.
["I Will Never Turn My Back on Youn by Big
Maybelle. "]
( ARNOLD stares at the radio. MA slips qui.etly
out the door with her suitcase.)
ARNOLD. You hear that, Ma? Stup id kid. Ma, you ...
(ARNOLDturns and sees the room is empty. He
runs to the bedroom. He checks the bathroom.
He runs out the .front dour.No M a.)
(He shuts the door behind him and takes in
the empty room.)
(Picking up a photo of Alan, he takes it to
the sofa and sits. He finds David's book there
and, of course, Ed's wal1.etis rig ht on the side.
And then he sees the tin ofcooki.esfrom Ma.)
(He gathers all of these things into his chest
dearly.)
(The music builds.)
(The ligh ts fade.)
.
End of Play
"A license to prod uce Torch.Song does not include a performance

license for •1 Will Never Turn My Back on You.• The publisher and
author suggest that the licensee oonta.ct ASCAP or BMl to ascertain the
music publisher and contact such music publisher to license or acq uire
permission for performance of the song. Ha license or permission is
unattainable for •1 Will Never Turn My Back on You," the licensee may
not use the song in Torch Sang but should create an original composition
in a similar style or use a similar song in the public domain. For further
information, please see Music Use Note on page 3.

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TORCH SONG was initially prod uced by Second Stage Theate r in New CHARACTERS

York in October 2017, an d then in November 2018 at the Helen Hayes

(A light bo:rabove the stage announces: )

-"A license to produce Torch Sung does not include a performance

ED. What do you want me to say? (Pause.)

(Hit again.) (Lights fade as the music pumps up from the

ED. To see you. (Pause.)

["Fugue in G Minor• l,y J. S. Bach begins LAUREL.All right. Don't be so grouchy.

ARNOLD.Of course not. ED. It's not Arnold, it's you.

ARNOLD.You can't go back.

ALAN.Oh, I wasn't lonely. Then why'd you come up here?

ALAN. Shut up! Can't you take ajoke?

(The preset lighting features a spotlight on

ARNOLD. Granny? Granny, David?

ARNOLD. (To DAVID.) Have you got a comb? A handkerchief7

MA. And be accused of meddling?

ARNOLD.So... Ma. .. This is David

ARNOLD.THAT was an Oops. MA. Yoo want I should do a Bubble Dance?

MA. You 're throwing me out? Scene Three

sitting home alone or picking a fight with Ed or your Scene Four

( ARNOLD turns up the radio and listens.)

"A license to prod uce Torch.Song does not include a performance

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