More money brings more problems for Vijaya Mallya

Hey there, Dr. D

I have a bunch of things. Long list. Ready?

Wait… let me have a sip before we start. That's better.

Now then. First, this business of the airline's employees running to the media with sob stories about not being paid salaries. I lost Rs 5,000 crore of my own in that venture, dammit! Who's paying me? But do you ever hear me whining about it (other than to you at this point)? It's a business, not a marriage. It failed. Move on, people! Don't be clinging to me forever. Get a life.

That flight crew was chosen by me personally – especially the girls. How could they ever do this? Ingrates!

By the way, as I type this I notice that my Vertu doesn't have diamonds on the keys. What's up with that? And they cal l this junk luxury?

The second thing bothering me, and this is also topical, is this business of buying Yuvi for the team. A mistake, I admit. I know, I know. I shouldn't have had a few before that auction. But I bid Rs14 crore for that fellow? I was shocked to read it in the papers. Gosh, the memory alone drives a man to drink. Which reminds me – another swig. Mmm.

Right then, what do we have next? Yes. My son Sid is off. “Dad, I want to be an actor in Hollywood.” He says he doesn't want to be me. What? What? What the heck is wrong with him? Everyone wants to be me! Who leaves an empire to become understudy to Raj Koothrapalli? And who in their right mind would let go of Deepika? There's something warped in all of this.

Meanwhile... wait a minute. I can't find the yacht because the parking bay wasn't available. Is there any justice in this world, doc? All right, there it is.

Meanwhile, Sahara Shri is in the slammer and the sponsorship of the damn racing team is under threat. How could the fellow misplace Rs 20,000 crore? It stuns even me. Shocking! This definitely calls for another couple of sips. Aah, that hit the spot.

My dad once said to me – there's no business like slow business. But the hell with that, doc. I'm going to power on.

Thank God I'm in Monaco today. I hate the thought of going to Sharjah and Abu Dhabi in this weather, but I'll have to take one for the team, eh?

I'm going to finish this drink for now. You give it a thought. VJM

Dear VJM,

The problem is your profile. There is a disconnect between how the world perceives your image and how you perceive it. Let's change that.

Every time you feel the urge to buy another Aston Martin or Sardinian villa or Aston Villa, think of how it will be played in the papers the next morning. If that's difficult, train yourself to avoid these urges for buying more baubles, expensive players and fancy holidays. The best tactic is to hum a song.

If I may put it in a tune you are familiar with: Ooh la la la – Lay low.